Aged 33. 1 beautiful six year old boy. 1 plus size single mum.
What a fantastic website, have just taken a look and I love that women are taking the chance to say ‘hello, this is what real women look like’ and having their joy and pain witnessed.
Some women come through pregnancy and childbirth without any scars or wounds at all, but I wasn’t one of them. I was already vastly overweight and not in a place where I liked anything about my body, when I found out that I was pregnant. My partner had left me before I even found out I was pregnant, so was entering into motherhood totally alone. During childbirth I lost a lot of blood, and had to have a transfusion, and my son was delivered by ventouse, and I sustained a third degree tear. My body was already wrecked before pregnancy so I had no loss to grieve over.
Becoming a mum 6 years ago has changed my life, I knew that to give my son the best of me, I had to go on a journey of healing. I had counselling and therapy, to try and get to the bottom of some of my issues that keep in enslaved to food, and I am currently training to be a counsellor. I have been in long term therapy for a couple of years now and I am loving it. I am loving the journey, and I am loving the person that I am becoming, and I am learning to love me.
The added weight gained by pregnancy means that I am now about 10 stone overweight, I have stretch marks and saggy boobs, and marks under my breasts where skin rubs on skin, it is by no means pleasant. I would not be able to post a photo on here at the moment. It’s a step too far – but soon I hope I’m on my way.
I have been single since I found out I was pregnant, and that is working out great for me, I am learning for the first time what it means to be a woman, and what it means to be in a relationship with myself.
Two final things. I found great comfort and humour in the book ‘how to be a woman’ by Caitlin Moran, we are not alone in our body issues.
And lastly I wept when I read this piece of writing which I share with you in the hope that you too might print it out and enter into a vow with yourself every day.
I am a woman reclaiming my body…. (author unknown)
My body, at last, I claim you! I live here! I am not some discarnate spirit using just any vehicle to get around.
I live in the full, round, soft, juicy, wet, strong, agile, capable, spirit filled, nurturing, graceful, flowing, comforting,
lovely smooth, dancing, singing, playing, working, praying body of a woman!
For so many years I rejected my body because it isn’t perfect according to the standards of my culture.
I have been unfaithful to it, letting others opinions turn me against it, allowing others to use it without love, without tenderness.
Because I myself rejected my body, I didn’t protect it, didn’t demand that it be treated like the precious gift that it is.
My body, the temple of my soul, deserves better from me.
I reclaim this body. I re-claim these eyes and their vision; this mouth and its words; these arms and legs and their hugging and dancing.
I re-claim these breasts and their magnificent fullness; I re-claim these wide, round hips and strong fleshy thighs and their walking on earth.
I re-claim this vagina and all its secret folds and this womb and its bleeding. I re-claim all of my body parts, named and unnamed.
This body is a miracle; it is the first gift of the Creator to me – my birthday present.
I take this body to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to honor, love, and cherish until death do us part. I am a woman reclaiming my body!
I hope I will be back to post my photo soon.
What a lovely poem. Thankyou for sharing it. You sound like you are coping with the difficulties you have come through so well. I admire your strength. Best wishes to you.