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Young Mother of One (Anonymous)

July 25, 2012

I got pregnant at 19, after being with my Husband for 2 months (this was before we got married). I was very depressed my first tri because I wasn’t ready to have a child, especially with someone I hardly knew. I came around in my second tri, after feeling a fetus move inside of you it’s just so magical you can’t help but fall in love. When I was 5 months pregnant my husband and I got married, a month before he left for basic training in the Army. I’m 5’1″ and I have an extremely short torso, so I always looked a month or two more pregnant than I was, everyone would joke that I was carrying twins. My daughter’s due date came and went, and a week after she was due I was induced (pitocin will forever be my enemy). My OB suggested an epidural at only 2cm (after they broke my water), which I knew you weren’t supposed to do until 4cm, but I thought she would know best and 20 hours later, after screaming and puking and crying, still stuck at 6cm, I had to get an emergency cesarean. The cesarean was the last thing I wanted, but after 27 hours of labor, it was a relief. My husband couldn’t be there, so I had my mom, step-mom, and cousin there for support.

Once I heard her cry, I began balling and she looked just like her daddy. She was 8lb, 7oz, 21 inches long. I had to spend 4 days in the hospital, I will never forget the awful recovery of a C-section. I struggled with breastfeeding and the pain of the incision, as well as realizing I had to take care of a little person 24/7! I never realized what my mother did for me until I had a child of my own….being a mom is the hardest job on the planet!!! My husband didn’t come home until she was 3 months old, and honestly I thought it would be more magical than it was. He held her, and she cried. He assumed it was because of him but she was just hungry….He wasn’t as excited to see her as I had imagined…He told me when he came home he would be the only one taking care of her for weeks, but that never happened. Being a single, married mother….that’s something that really kills me.

We now live on base, and I still do everything. I found out he was cheating on me not 2 months after moving here, thousands of miles away from my family and friends…but I’m still with him, and I’m trying to make it work. We are in marital counseling and he knows if he messes up again I’m leaving him for good. He is very supportive though, he loves my body and tells me I’m beautiful and that it was for a good purpose. I’ve been struggling with my body image a lot, I feel like a flabby old woman. I thought my body was awful before pregnancy, and now I would give anything to have it back. It’s hard to accept myself, I know it was for a good purpose, to bring my healthy baby girl into this world…but I struggle with it everyday. After what my husband did, with those younger girls who haven’t had children….it makes me so insecure. The women I know that have had children look great and it’s really discouraging. I really want to accept my body, but I believe it will take a long time. I can’t wear any of my clothes without looking awful, I can’t wear jeans or my tummy makes a little shelf, my tummy is deflated and saggy, and my boobs look the same. Hopefully I will find the light and come back posting that I have learned to love my body, and I really hope I do.

Age – 20
4.5 months postpartum

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12 Responses to “Young Mother of One (Anonymous)”

  1. Joelle Says:
    July 25th, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Sounds like we both have been in each others shoes… My husband is a marine, cheated on me in our marriage, and was barely there after our daughter was born even though he was home. He barely helped me, I was doing everything on my own. He went away to rehab because his drinking was one reason why he was unfaithful and then he was restricted to the barracks. So, needless to say, I know how you’re feeling. Being far away from home with a man who cheated on you and you have a child with them, it’s the hardest thing on earth while juggling to be a mother… I seriously wish you the best of luck. I’m 5″1′ too haha so I laughed when people said you looked as though you were expecting twins because I got the same thing! You’ve got a beautiful body, your boobs are hot looking. So be proud of the body you have :) and you keep your foot firm to the ground, don’t let him hurt you again and if he does, you leave like you promised yourself. I promised myself the same thing. I’m an A cup and my husband cheated on me with women much bigger in the chest and did not have stretch marks… We know it’s the guys problem… But I get why you feel the way you do. However, you really do have an amazing body.

  2. Manali Says:
    July 25th, 2012 at 11:20 am

    you stomach will go back in due time, give it a year ! and you really dont look bad at all, you could so wear jeans just wear one of those belly bands so they dont rub againt the scar and irritate it :)

  3. Gem Says:
    July 25th, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    I think you look gorgeous! Your baby was a good weight and your body held up! I think you look just beautiful. Keep your chin up :)

  4. Adrian Says:
    July 26th, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Sorry that your husband treated you so badly, but if he has shown proper remorse, I hope you can work things out.
    Honestly, you’re being very hard on yourself in relation to the perfectly normal physical signs of motherhood. The “little shelf” you refer to is just a small curve at the bottom of your belly – perfectly attractive and nothing to worry about.
    Your figure would be commendable even if you hadn’t had a child, so you should be proud of it!

  5. MJ Says:
    July 26th, 2012 at 7:09 am

    I was 18 when I got pg with my oldest 19 when I delivered after a horrible labor like yourself I was blessed to not have a c-section but was not able to have an epidural and that pitocin is the devil… My DH was the same way if baby would cry he would hand her to me I never got to go do things I wanted and our house was being remodeled do to mold so we were living with my parents and twin siblings who were ten so then I was parented ugh it was a long year it rough being young and not getting help…. I hope things work out for you! You look really good too it’s hard getting use to that “new” body hugs!

  6. mm Says:
    July 26th, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I was 15 when I had my daughter I was just under 100lbs. when I delivered I was 186lbs since then my daughter is 8 i have 4 more children including a set of twins. I learned that if you can exercise the sagginess goes away and so you have stretch marks .. wear them proud! its a symbol that your a mother. I will say after #5 I am 8 weeks post partum and I can not loose the weight. I got down 20lbs from having her but still have 20 to loose before im back to pre pregnancy weight! But believe me from experience your stomach wont sag if u exercise and ur stretch marks will lighten give it about a year!

  7. Dani Says:
    July 27th, 2012 at 9:54 am

    You look so great believe me your body will go through a lot of changes the first year after the birth of you baby. Things take time to get back to the way they use to be and your stretch marks will fade. I see a big difference in mine now and yours are on your lower stomach so they are easier to cover up. You may not feel like it now but give it some time and Mamma will start to get her groove back! :)

  8. Cade Says:
    July 27th, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    I’ll take a mother’s beautiful body, ANYTIME, over that of a female who hasn’t borne children. Mother’s are so very beautiful both inside and out……. and you are a very beautiful young mother.

  9. Robert B Wier Says:
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Your biggest problem is not your body.

    Make sure you place yourself in this world in such a way that you will be able to take care of yourself without your husband. Romance is a fairy-tale. Kill those body-beauty related fantasies which would drive you to ruin your relationship with yourself, your fututre, and your daughter’s mother. It’s cool that he’s going to marriage counsiling with you.

  10. andrea Says:
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    I would just like to say thank you, i know exactly what your going through body wise and relationship wise, no one ever tells you what you will go through after having a baby, i have a beautiful little girl and i wouldnt change that for the world, my tummy i can handle its my boobs that i hate. i used to have nice pirky breasts, after having my girl and breastfeeding they look the same as urs and now i dont feel so alone. its a shame that in ur head u dont think they look normal but knowing some one els lookes the same makes it not seem as bad.
    we both need to remember we are beautiful and we have done the most amazing thing in the world xxxx

  11. Michael Says:
    September 14th, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Other than a little pooch, your body looks practically perfect! The pooch can still go away, but you will not believe this, but men would still find it sexy. There is no reason that this couldn’t be gone by this time next year. But even if it never changed, you look great. It’s odd that you hate your boobs,because they women pay loads to get breasts like yours. It’s natural that after pregnancy they look less like that of a young girl and more like that of a woman. This is a good thing. All body change is not bad.

  12. Corinne Says:
    September 18th, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Our tummies are the same & I’m 13 months PP. I’m sorry that your husband cheated. :-(

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