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Underneath My Clothes (Anonymous)

August 1, 2012

I was a 5’3″, 115 pound 23 year old with an hourglass figure when I got pregnant with my son. My teeny tiny (22 inches!) waist and flat tummy were my pride. I diligently slathered all kinds of creams all over my belly from the day I got a positive test. I ate a diet high in fruits, vegetables and whole grains. By 37 weeks along, I was starting to think maybe, just maybe I had escaped stretch marks. Ha! They popped up like crazy in the next 4 weeks.

I vaginally gave birth to a 10 pound, 23.5 inch baby boy 6 days after my due date. The weight came off quickly and I wore my pre pregnancy clothes out of the hospital. Everyone told me how great I looked. Well, that’s because they can’t see under my clothes. What they hide causes me untold amounts of distress. The pooch and skin folds, the love handles, the ugly, hideous stretch marks that cover my formerly beautiful mid-section. When I see myself, I can’t help but cry and feel gross.

I feel terrible about myself. I feel sorry for my husband, who only got to have a sexy wife for a few months (ours was a honeymoon baby). He says he still thinks I’m hot and not to worry about it, but I can’t help it. I’m a little bit heartbroken.

I’m 7 months post partum, now. That means only 2 months left until the whole “9 months on, 9 months off” rule has run out. I wish desperately that I could afford a personal trainer, but I can’t. I tried running for a bit and then an old knee injury from dancing reared it’s ugly head and I can’t do that (or much of any exercise) now. I’d like a 2nd child, but I’m terrified of what further damage would be done to my body, as terrible and vain as that sounds.

The first photo is of me right before getting pregnant. The rest are what I look like now, 7 months after having my son.

People say I look great, but underneath my clothes is where the truth lies. The ugly truth.

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9 Responses to “Underneath My Clothes (Anonymous)”

  1. Erin Says:
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:46 am

    If all the weight came off in the hosipital then you made your goal of “9 months to put on, 9 months to take off!” which by the way is not a rule. It is just a reminder to new moms that it took a long time to put on and for most moms is not going to be gone in 2 months.
    I think you look great by the way. You have lost the weight so now you need to just tone! Don’t feel sorry for yourself, instead work to change what you don’t like. You have a supportive husband and a wonderful son. Be positive and hopeful. I am 10 months pp btw and just lost all the weight.
    Keep looking forward!

  2. Manali Says:
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Oh give it at least a year! I have had 3 kids, my stomach is flat (thank you god!!) and i go tno stretchies…but Im really tall so the baby had lots of room…anyways, you look really great your still small! and I doubt your husband is lying to you, lots of women would love to have your stomach! peace1

  3. Emily Says:
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    There is nothing ugly about your body. Why say such mean things about yourself? They are not true, you need to love yourself, you deserve it.

  4. Jamie Says:
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    I am in the exact same boat as you, had a beautiful stomach before my daughter, lost all the weight plus some and still have a saggy stomach with stretch marks. I noticed tanning really helps the strectch marks I am 5 1/2 months pp and after a couple of weeks of tanning you can only see the strecth marks above the belly button. You do look good though, stay optimistic!

  5. Mom of 4 including twins Says:
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    I think you look great…I would love to trade bodies : )

  6. Kerry Says:
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:32 am

    You look absolutely fantastic! Believe people when they say that.

    My ex husband was not as supportive as yours, constantly pointing out my stretchmarks, lack of full breasts and anything else that didn’t resemble a super model. I, like you, was scared to death of a second pregnancy because of how much havoc was wreaked on my body with my first (it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought, I looked just a little ‘worse’ than you). I had some serious anxiety over it all.

    I found out a month after my sons 2nd birthday that I was pregnant again, SURPRISE! (he had been weaned all of a week when I got pregnant) I was pregnant for 41 weeks with my daughter. Here I am 6 months later looking exactly like I did after my first. I didn’t get a single extra stretchmark, sag or bulge. I know it’s a lot to overcome, but please don’t let your fear of more ‘damage’ keep you from adding to your family.

    You are beautiful ♥

  7. amber H Says:
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    please dont call it ugly- beacuse that would make mine ugly too. we are tummy twins altho im 5’5 and have a 5 year old! – i think you look great!

  8. Pamela Says:
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    First off, you have beautiful boobs..lets get that out in the open. I for one would kill to have your boobs. My pre pregnancy measurements are similar to yours, except I was a tid bit taller and weighed 109 pounds. Its been 5 years, yes 5 years and my stomach still has its stretchmarks. I eat well, and run regularly but it seems as tone as my legs and arms are my belly is saggy. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have my old stomach again, its flat but the skin is loose as my daughter was also a big baby and no amount of creams can prevent genetics. You have to let go of old ideas of what you think your body should look like. I am going to the beach tomorrow and I am wearing a bikini for the first time since I was pregnant, stretch marks and all! There comes a time when you say I don’t care if you like my body or don’t like my body, I bust my butt working out and eating healthy and I need to love me and accept me.

  9. Kayla Says:
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:39 am

    You look amazing! I normally have a athletic build (24 weeks pregnant) and hope that I look as good as you do after. :) Chin up, cuz you look great. <3

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