Well I will try and keep this as succinct as possible though I do tend to ramble once I get going.
In January 2009 I found out I was pregnant, unplanned and completely unexpected as I was on the contraceptive pill. I was 20, had been with my boyfriend a year (he already has a gorgeous little girl from a previous relationship, now aged 2 years and 6 months) and I had just been accepted to begin a university course in September 2009. Quite obviously I wasn’t ready to be a mum but at the same time I had always said even though I am one hundred percent pro choice that I don’t think I would ever be able to go ahead with a termination no matter what my situation was. To cut the story short, it turns out you can never say never and I did end up having an abortion at 9 weeks pregnant. I will still never be sure if I made the right decision but I am trying day by day not to dwell on that because there is no point stressing on things that can’t be undone. It took me a while to realise this however and about 6 months after the termination (June 2009ish) me and my boyfriend split up. This was mainly because the shame and the guilt that I felt and was keeping to myself was just constantly on the edge and I was pretty much a mess and a complete bitch to be with. I told him I felt like I was the only one that was hurting from all of this, and he didn’t support me and blahblahblah but really I just wasn’t letting him in and I was too wrapped up in my own pain that I couldn’t see his.
Fast forward to September 2009 and we’re back together, thank god, because I realised what a good thing I was messing up and well, we love each other and that’s really all that seems to matter. Fast forward again to January 2010 and tada! I’m pregnant unexpectedly again (this time on the Depo injection). I cried, I’m sure he cried and we both thought about nothing else for a good 2 weeks straight before deciding that this had happened through all the odds, a second time around, and it must be for a reason.
I am now 22 years old and 24 weeks pregnant with the most lively little boy growing inside me and I am absolutely terrified but so excited to meet him. My relationship with my boyfriend is the best it has ever been but I do find myself at least (!!!) once daily irrationally imagining that he is going to up and leave me as soon as the tiniest flea sized stretch mark appears on me. I am 5’1, very petite but with 32dd boobs (which are already up to an E cup, nooo!) and I’ve gone from 105lbs to 123lbs, so not a massive amount but being so tiny I just dont know how much my body is going to be able to handle! I have never liked my body, even though I have no reason, but various events (including the termination) have killed my self esteem and I am really really really trying to not stress and to just enjoy being pregnant because so far I am amazed and already completely in love with this little man that I haven’t met yet. This site and all your stories have made me realise that women are fabulous – look at what we do! – and I hope one day I can be half as inspiring to someone as you all have been to me.
Pictures are literally as of today, officially 24 weeks.
~Your Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 0 births yet!