2 pregnancies, 1 birth
I am incredibly grateful to be the mother of a wonderful three year old son. Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had and it takes toll on your physical body and your mind. My body is full of scars and loose skin and if you had asked me over a year ago to eradicate every inch of it I would have told you yes – in a heart beat!
Something changed a year ago, actually my whole life changed, I experience a miscarriage. It changed my whole world and the way I look at it. I became quite sad, friends disappeared, I made people feel terribly uncomfortable – no one knew what to say to me. After some time, I wanted to talk about it, but had little in terms of an audience. I started to blog regularly and turned to online groups and support. Over time I learned there was something to learn from this.
The miscarriage was incredibly difficult but it was a gift, a grand lesson to me in just learning to trust, believe and relax into life. It was a gift because it gave me new eyes. I could see that I just wanted to skip over the difficult parts of my life; I wanted to rush through pregnancy, rush through my sons temper tantrums, and rush through those people who seemed to hurt. Those things that I was trying to rush through were sometimes difficult but they helped define and help me to appreciate the good things. I used to think it was all about balance, you needed the good with the bad but now I think it’s about how you look at it. Just because something good happens to you doesn’t mean something bad needs to happen to you, those bad experiences help you realize just how awesome those good things in your life are; when you realize that you just see the good, its like a voice shouting out to you. You want the good things in life to shout to you, so the bad things don’t seem so loud.
Through my loss I learned that it wasn’t the right time for me, and my darling little one waits for a ship to sail on into this world full of love and support when the time is right. This is what I believe; it’s what I have come to know as true. It doesn’t mean I did anything to bring on a miscarriage or it was my fault, it just means it wasn’t the right time and I do believe there will be a right time.
This is just my experience, it just applies just to me, and your story is unique, just for you. If my story can help you feel happy or provide some calm in your storm that makes me happy because I was once in the midst of a terrible storm and I found comfort in those who could speak about the raging waves. I think it’s incredibly important for all of us to continue to share our stories and experiences. Don’t forget or pretend everything is perfect, because it isn’t – no one is, and that’s what makes us beautiful women. This human experience is imperfect, that’s the point, and we should celebrate our imperfections because they are beautiful. So tell your story, don’t forget it or hide it, it is beautiful celebration of life.