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This is Your Fault (Anonymous)

I am 22 years old and I have been pregnant once. I have one child,a 16month old son.

The day I found out for sure I was pregnant was one of the hardest days of my life. I was in a bad relationship with a man who was a lot older than me. We had moved in together 3 months before and my life was one big bundle of stress from that point on. I was a full time student that worked full time to support my ex’s drinking and gambling habits and pay our rent. All I could think was my god this is my fault, I am bringing another life into this world with that despicable man. We tried to make it work after I told him I was pregnant but, he started becoming physically abusive. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I moved home and focused on my health and well being, and tried not to let him affect my pregnancy any more than he had. I finished another semester of school and had one semester left until my degree was complete. My pregnancy was pretty uneventful except at the end of my 2nd trimested I began having almost disfiguring stretch marks. I cocoa buttered and used mederma and bio oil and every product I could think of, but nothing stopped the deep purple welts that were coming up all over my body. I then started to gain a ridiculous amount of weight and was experiencing awful constipation. During an appointment with my obstetrician who obviously felt no sympathy for me I began to cry , and expressed feelings of hopelessness about my body, I said how will I ever fix this? She said “This is your fault” she then went on to say if I would be more careful about what I ate maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so heavy. I knew it was coming, I was going to hear those words someday. In the beginning I didn’t realize what a blessing my pregnancy was. It’s been about a year and a half since that appointment, and my life has changed so drastically since then. My labor was an incredible, 43 hours long, with pitocin running the entire time. I did most of it with no pain relief, the last 3 hours I gave in and asked for en epideural because I was scared that they were going to send me in for a cesarean if he wasn’t born soon. 12:19 am I pushed my son out and I will never forget that first moment they sat him on my belly and he just looked up at me. I kissed his little head and I have been madly in love with him ever since. I just graduated from college and I’m studying to take my state boards. I have lost 45 of the 69 pounds (yay for breastfeeding) I’ve gained, but there is one thing I haven’t lost and thats my stretch marks. When my son was about 6 months old I went to my GP for a sinus infection and she asked how long I had been hypothyroid for, I asked her to please repeat the question. My doctor referred me to an excellent endocrinologist who has been incredible. I have been taking Synthroid for almost a year now and I feel like a new women.Sometimes I wonder what my obstetrician would think if I told her I gained that weight because my thyroid was bearly functioning. I look down at my tummy, breasts and thighs in the shower every morning and think oh lord I have some work to do. However I comfort myself by looking at my perfect little boy and my diploma (which is hanging over the mantle) and I think to myself, This is your fault. It is my fault and caused by all of my hard work and sleepless nights that I have my incredbly smart vibrant child and my college degree which will ensure a bright future for us. Remember ladies no matter how bleak the outlook is now, wait a little while things can and do change with an exceptional amount of hardwork.

in Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Thyroid Issues

13 comments… add one

  • tan Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 10:23 am

    im so happy for you! you have accomplised alot including making a miracle :) i am also quite jealous of your boobs :)

  • GGB Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 10:31 am

    Wow!!! It’s not your fault!! Instead, I would say It’s your treasure!!! Congratulations!!! You look great!!!

  • Kerry Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 10:55 am

    You sound like a very smart and strong woman! It takes a lot to leave someone, but you did what was right, good for you! I have a mate and cant imagine going through college full time with a little one, I give you props on that! And last but not least your body does not look like it needs as much work as you think it does. You are slender and have terrific boobs! :)

  • Ali Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 12:24 pm

    I found it to be unbelievable what some physicians will say about your body- having received some inappropriate (and inaccurate) comments myself from two different OB groups, during two seperate pregnancies. With my first, my doctor made sure to comment about the stretch marks on my breasts, “those will be with you for LIFE you know” (no kidding?!). With my second, I also got stretchies on my breasts only. This OB never saw them, only my belly, so she said “WOW you are one of the lucky ones that can wear a bikini, good for you! If you just keep yourself hydrated you won’t get any”. Bullsh–. I already had them all over my boobs from both pregnancies and was drinking as much water as humanly possible, using all the creams, hardly gaining any weight, etc. And, also I won’t be wearing a bikini any time soon, because they are near the tops of my breasts and WOULD be exposed by a bikini- but I also don’t care. Why did she have to say these things like it would have been the end of the world if I had stretch marks? And, why is she giving hydration advice, when, nothing has proven that this prevents stretch marks! I am the proof!!! I just found it super dissapointing that these physicians, who are supposed to be professionals and be looking out for your HEALTH and be SUPPORTIVE would say such things! I’m sorry that you experienced something similar, especially when you had an underlying medical condition!!! Congrats to you on your little one & other personal achievements, & thank you for sharing your story!

  • suzanne the shortcake Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 1:52 pm

    i mean this in the nicest way possible:
    wow, you have great cans

  • Lucy Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 4:45 pm

    I have to say i completely agree with Kerry, you seem smart and strong, and you look terrific! congrats on your baby and your diploma, you have earned everything that you have now… thats amazing

  • Mary V Wednesday, June 30, 2010, 7:31 pm

    You look beautiful! I share a similar experience with my thyroid shutting down during my first pregnancy and after I had my daughter I learned more about it and realized I was lucky to have a healthy baby, so congratulations to you too! I feel like my body took the effects of my thyroid so I could have a perfect baby :) And congratulations on graduating, your one smart hot mama!

  • Katie Friday, July 9, 2010, 3:35 pm

    I want to STRANGLE your OB. What an awful thing to say! Look, when your pregnant, NO pound is bad. Your body did what it did because it KNOWS what to do, a whole lot better than your uncouth and unsensitive OB. Trust me, their an idiot, and they should seriously consider changing professions.
    Your absolutely beautiful mama, and we all love you here. <3

  • Sarah Sunday, July 11, 2010, 8:02 pm

    I had the exact same experience with my OB! It was my first pregnancy and I was gaining massive amounts of weight, rapidly. I wept and asked, “What am I doing wrong?” She snapped, “Quit eating so much junk”. I WASN’T eating junk!!! During delivery, another doctor asked why I hadn’t disclosed my heart condition. I said I didn’t have a heart condition and they told me to go to a cardiologist asap. Turns out, I was having heart palpitations and had Hashimotos Thyroiditis – which caused me to gain approximately 20 pounds of water weight, while simultaneously shutting down my metabolism. A simple pill would have fixed the problem, but my OB told me to quit eating junk instead. Because of her, my I went from 110 to 170 and my body is scarred for life. No one in my gene pool, besides me, has a single mark.

  • Katelyn Tuesday, July 13, 2010, 10:28 pm

    You are incredible : )

  • Natalie Sunday, July 18, 2010, 2:05 pm

    Your story is awesome! I know how you feel with the hypothyroidism. I was born without my thyroid. Ive been on Synthroid for 25 years and the dosage is constantly changing. I am 2.5 years PP and I still have alot of trouble losing weight. I was anorexic for 3 years in high school and on the day I delivered my little boy, I weighed 195. I dropped to 177 right after his birth and i havent been able to get below that. Its really hard to lose the weight, especially when its not from eating Junk food. My metabolism disappeared a long time ago and I wish I was 130 again.

    You just have to think to yourself, “was my baby worth all this weight?” YES HE/SHE WAS!

    Be strong and be happy!

  • lxnn Monday, July 26, 2010, 7:45 pm

    yay for strong women! we make the world go round

  • Lisa Tuesday, August 3, 2010, 7:58 pm

    You are an inspiration to other single parents and to your child. I am so glad you shared your story. Yuu have no one to thank but yourself, your hard work and your determination! You are a positive person and what a great attitude to pass onto your son. You must be so proud of yourself. I don’t even know you and I am proud of you! You go girl!

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