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This is Me (Anonymous)

October 17, 2009

I am 26 and I had my son when I was 23. He si almost 3 now and I can;t believe hwo ast time has flown by. H e is the most amazing little person I have have ever known!

My ebtire pregnancy was a huge shock and surprise to both me and my now husband. I had an IUD (you know the one that is supposed to be better than the BC pill for 10 yrs.) So we had been very safe seeing as how we were so young and totally NOT ready for a baby. When I found out I wa pregnant I couldn believe it . It was the last thing I expected. I was totally in denial. You knwo I was at the age of partying so of course I had been drinking and participating in other such non-appropriate activities. My boyfriend’s (then bf now husband) was soo freaked out. We had just moved into a house with a bunch of friends so we were totally not prepared. He decided that I must terminate the pregnancy. I was not willing to do so. Dr. toldme I had to remove IUD or else it would cause problems, so I did that. But by doing so I was risking a 50% chance that I would miscarry so I was told to wait 1 week after removal and then return to ultrasound to see if I was still pregnant.

But anyway the main point of the story is hat my son was 1 in a million and I would never ever give him up for anything in the entire world!! I have had a difficult time dealing with my post-babay body as I have dealt with an eating disorder in the past. I look at myself in the mirror and all I can think is FAT!!! SOOOOO FAT!! It really bothers me and there isnot 1 day that goes by that I don’t put myself down and feel like crap because I am soooo disgusting under my clothes. I t’s terrible because on one hand I am so lucky my son landed in my hands to begin with ut I just can let go of the fact that I look like shit now. not only my stretched out belly but my saggy nasty boobs too. I attacehd my pics of my belly so you can see how gross it is. Thanks for listienin to my story it helps to get it off my chest!!!

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4 Responses to “This is Me (Anonymous)”

  1. Christie Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Honestly, I would not even begin to put you in the category of fat!

    I am so glad you have your one in a million son, perhaps you should start regarding yourself as one in a million for creating and carrying him?

    My advice if you feel a bit down about your shape is to try dressing by style not size. Find out by googling, asking a professional, or trial and error what works with your body not against it.

    The reason I say this is even pre-baby a thick stiff belt like the one you have on in the pics would make my belly bulge over jeans. Whereas jeans with a thicker ‘waistband’ (still not steve erkel style or anything :P ), like in “boyfriend” style jeans would melt 5kgs off me in appearance.

    Hope you don’t find the suggestion offensive, I think you look great. Just wanted to help you love yourself a bit more.

    Goodluck!

  2. Ayr Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    I totally relate to you. I was 21 when I had my son and I hated my body before I had him and it was worse afterward. Even still I can barely look at myself.

    For what it’s worth, I think you look great.

  3. Sara Says:
    October 23rd, 2009 at 8:52 am

    I am glad you were brave enough to share your story here…I wish to share a bit of mine. As an artist, I totally get that we see imperfection and want it different. I recall sharing a closet with my fraternal twin sister who has a sleak and slim build when I got hips jutting out at age 13 complete with stretch marks. I was fit and on swim team and here I was with stretch marks. As a teen all I could do was envision taking a meat saw to carve off my hips in my mind…it was bone! I don’t mean to be gross I just mean what we think and what see can be gross…
    I think that you are on the right track by checking out ways to see more of what is real to help give you perspective against the backdrop of what is presented to us/media etc.
    And I have found I didn’t know what to appreciate until it was threatened, but now that I had a stupid fall and slight injury to my lower back I am happy with my body on days it doesn’t hurt me. I wonder if I could have made a mental list of all that was good about my body if it would have helped counterbalance all the things that I thought were less than perfect. I see in your story that your body is strong enough to outwit an IUD and strong enough to hold unto your son after its removal. I bet there are lots of good things about your body that might aide you if you took inventory…Just hoping you make sure to paint your self image to a broader view too…you made a miracle!

  4. lindsay Says:
    November 18th, 2009 at 8:15 am

    Sara,
    Thank you so much for your comments above! I too have struggled with my body image both before and after my beautiful son but you have inspired me to take this inventory of good and strong things and to not be so narrow in my criticism
    thank you!

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