1 Pregancy & 1 birth
9 months postpartum
I’ve purposely left it till today to do this post; I’m exactly 9 months post-partum. Don’t they all tell you, it takes you 9 months to put it on and 9 months to lose it??!!! Well I’ve lost it all, in fact I’m even slimmer than before I had my beautiful little boy, but I’m not what you’d exactly call ‘back to normal’, if there is such thing as ‘normal’?? I refer to myself as slimmer than before, but slightly wobbly round the edges :-) I can actually smile about this now (well ish). I’m coming to terms (again I say ‘ish’) with my ‘new’ body!!
Since I last posted I was just about 5 months postpartum, which when I look back now, my body had barely had a chance to even begin to recover and I was so down on myself when I should have been really really enjoying those first few precious months with my baby. Which I will never get back again. My more positive attitude comes from the lovely and positive comments that I got from all the ladies that visit this site and also the fact that I decided to stop moaning and get my ass in to gear n do something about it!!
I actually (n can’t believe I’m going to say this) quite like my derrière!! All the ladies that commented on my post, commented on it and it really did make me re-think my attitude to my behind!! Yes, it’s not small and its not perfectly round (one cheeks higher than the other now, don’t know why) but it’s womanly and sexy!! I however, can’t say the same for the rest of my body!! My belly is still covered in horrid stretch marks!! But it is getting flatter, well when I stand up, but when I sit down I get this awful apron!! N my breasts are soooo saggy. This really does bother me, so much so that I’m actually contemplating a boob job! But by the time I’ve saved I may have come round and maybe even love my new droopies!!
The one thing that I’m really really struggling with is still being naked in front of my partner. It’s been 9 months and I STILL haven’t undressed in front of my partner or had sex with him unless the lights are dimmed/off or candles are lit! I’m just so afraid that he’ll see what I see and just think ‘my god’! I feel sorry for him, I really do. I am not what he originally signed up for and that’s what makes me feel this way. I’m not that person anymore that he first got with. He tells me I’m gorgeous, but he hasn’t actually seen ‘ME’, unless it’s in a darkened room, so how can he say this!! N when we do it, I’m just so self-conscious all the time. It’s awful, so awful. I wouldn’t wish this self-loathing on anyone! We want more kids, but I’m scared of what I will look like and I’m also scared that if we were to have a girl I’d pass my body image issues on to my little girl! I need to sort myself out, I’ve actually thought about counselling, but don’t think I could sit moaning to someone about my figure for an hour, it just seems so painful for the person that would have to listen to me rant on!!
Plus side – I’m getting there, I’m exercising and eating well (well sometimes, I can’t help myself from eating takeaway pizza’s) and have developed a healthy approach to my weight loss. I’m doing sit-ups and hoping that in time my tummy will tone and my stretch marks will fade. We’re planning a family beach holiday for us next year and I’m determined to rock a bikini, not a one piece, but a little two piece bikini! Stretch marks and all.
I’m still loving this site and the fact that it brings strength to so many people who need it. Anyone that hasn’t yet posted, but is thinking about it, shouldn’t definitely do it.
My pictures – me 9 months to this day and my little boy!!