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Take 3: Getting There (Anonymous)

September 23, 2010

Previous entries here and here.

1 Pregancy & 1 birth
9 months postpartum

I’ve purposely left it till today to do this post; I’m exactly 9 months post-partum. Don’t they all tell you, it takes you 9 months to put it on and 9 months to lose it??!!! Well I’ve lost it all, in fact I’m even slimmer than before I had my beautiful little boy, but I’m not what you’d exactly call ‘back to normal’, if there is such thing as ‘normal’?? I refer to myself as slimmer than before, but slightly wobbly round the edges :-) I can actually smile about this now (well ish). I’m coming to terms (again I say ‘ish’) with my ‘new’ body!!

Since I last posted I was just about 5 months postpartum, which when I look back now, my body had barely had a chance to even begin to recover and I was so down on myself when I should have been really really enjoying those first few precious months with my baby. Which I will never get back again. My more positive attitude comes from the lovely and positive comments that I got from all the ladies that visit this site and also the fact that I decided to stop moaning and get my ass in to gear n do something about it!!

I actually (n can’t believe I’m going to say this) quite like my derrière!! All the ladies that commented on my post, commented on it and it really did make me re-think my attitude to my behind!! Yes, it’s not small and its not perfectly round (one cheeks higher than the other now, don’t know why) but it’s womanly and sexy!! I however, can’t say the same for the rest of my body!! My belly is still covered in horrid stretch marks!! But it is getting flatter, well when I stand up, but when I sit down I get this awful apron!! N my breasts are soooo saggy. This really does bother me, so much so that I’m actually contemplating a boob job! But by the time I’ve saved I may have come round and maybe even love my new droopies!!

The one thing that I’m really really struggling with is still being naked in front of my partner. It’s been 9 months and I STILL haven’t undressed in front of my partner or had sex with him unless the lights are dimmed/off or candles are lit! I’m just so afraid that he’ll see what I see and just think ‘my god’! I feel sorry for him, I really do. I am not what he originally signed up for and that’s what makes me feel this way. I’m not that person anymore that he first got with. He tells me I’m gorgeous, but he hasn’t actually seen ‘ME’, unless it’s in a darkened room, so how can he say this!! N when we do it, I’m just so self-conscious all the time. It’s awful, so awful. I wouldn’t wish this self-loathing on anyone! We want more kids, but I’m scared of what I will look like and I’m also scared that if we were to have a girl I’d pass my body image issues on to my little girl! I need to sort myself out, I’ve actually thought about counselling, but don’t think I could sit moaning to someone about my figure for an hour, it just seems so painful for the person that would have to listen to me rant on!!

Plus side – I’m getting there, I’m exercising and eating well (well sometimes, I can’t help myself from eating takeaway pizza’s) and have developed a healthy approach to my weight loss. I’m doing sit-ups and hoping that in time my tummy will tone and my stretch marks will fade. We’re planning a family beach holiday for us next year and I’m determined to rock a bikini, not a one piece, but a little two piece bikini! Stretch marks and all.

I’m still loving this site and the fact that it brings strength to so many people who need it. Anyone that hasn’t yet posted, but is thinking about it, shouldn’t definitely do it.

My pictures – me 9 months to this day and my little boy!!

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6 Responses to “Take 3: Getting There (Anonymous)”

  1. Bryana Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Hot damn, girl, you are HOT!
    You could rock a bikini now, let alone a year from now!
    Now, as for the stretch marks, I promise they will fade. It takes time, but they do fade away into silvery little marks. And the “apron” as many of us call it, will be there forever and it usually takes surgery to fix it. It is loose skin, and loose skin does not become toned or go away. It *may* get slightly tighter, but for the most part it will be there forever, unfortunately!
    I understand what you mean about passing body issues onto your daughter, if you were to have a girl, I felt the same way. When I found out I was having a daughter during my second pregnancy, I was scared and afraid that she would learn to loath her body as well. It was that day, the day they told me I was having a girl, that I began to re-teach myself to love my body, flaws and all. When I think negative thoughts, or ask “do you think I should lose a couple pounds?” I instantly think of my baby girl, my beautiful baby girl. The thoughts stop.
    Good luck tho, and show your partner your body, because I bet he would be one proud man! :)

  2. KatieM Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 11:10 am

    You look awesome, you’ve got great proportions!
    I’ve got a little pooch when I sit down too, but what has helped my abs the most are planks ( push-up position w elbows on the floor ~ hold for 30s-1min)

  3. andrea Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    You look amazing. Your butt looks more toned then the previous entries. I am 7 weeks postpartumn and I have to keep reminding myself that 9 months on 9 months off. Keep up the good work. It took 2 yrs for me to get my tummy back but I worked at it.

  4. Mrs. Petunia Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Wow, you look so good! What a difference a few months make. Except for a few stretchies, I seriously don’t see much difference between the before baby and now pictures (except maybe you were tanner then). I actually think you look even better from behind :) I would totally let your partner see you naked. It’s not fair to keep all those goodies under wraps! As for the counseling you mentioned, if you just keep feeling lousy over your figure, I would highly recommend it. The weird thing that I’ve discovered about therapy is that you go in thinking you’re gonna talk about one thing and, before you know it, all this other stuff ends up coming out. And, by some strange therapy magic, the other stuff actually ends up being relevant to the original issue that brought you in and, well, you manage to feel better without going on and on and on about the same thing for an hour (in your case your figure). Anyway, hope all goes well for you and you can actually SEE how truly hot you are!

  5. Chelsey Says:
    September 25th, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    You have a lovely bum :)

  6. Breeder Says:
    September 27th, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Sweet lady I feel sorry for your husband too, sorry that he is missing out on seeing all of that. You are beautiful. Every single one of those stretch marks is a message your sweet little boy sent to you from inside the womb, each one is a reminder of how important you are, a mark to commemorate the hard work you did to get him here whole and happy. I’m going to guess that your husband signed up for a life with the woman he loves, the mother of his child, his partner. I’ll bet that he loves every single inch of you and appreciates that you are gorgeous. Love yourself, you’re amazing.

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