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Summer Lovin’ (Kayla)

August 3, 2011

Previous posts here and here.

My daughter will be 3 months old on the 4th of July. That is coming way too fast for me. I really thought 6 weeks after birth I would be back to pre-pregnancy…Seems like every girl I know bounces right back. I lost 35 pounds in the hospital after I had her. I still am weighing 12 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. I know they say “9 months to gain, 9 months to lose” but I always thought I would be different. I am disappointed in myself for not working out. She is sleeping all night now! From 9pm-6am but she keeps me so busy during the day and isn’t a napper. So, we are always playing and doing things during the day. Then by the time the evening comes I am beat. I really need to find the strength in me to start working out again. I used to be in pretty good shape.

I try to tell myself that none of that matters. My wonderful husband loves me and thinks I am beautiful and my daughter will always look up to me just like I looked up to my mom and still do today. I want her to grow up knowing that all women are beautiful and that I am not ashamed of my body. My stretch marks are the marks of my love for her and my husband. I gave up my youthful looking body to give her life and to give my husband a daughter. We are a family now and my body is what made that happen.

I was so afraid when I became pregnant that I was going to end up with stretch marks on my stomach. I rubbed myself down with every kind of stretch mark cream that exists in hopes of keeping them away. I checked my stomach and had my husband look where I couldn’t see to make sure I hadn’t developed them yet. I was clear of stretch marks by the time I went into the hospital to be induced! Yay, I was so happy! J Right after I gave birth to her though, and I was in the post partum room, I got up to take a shower and SURPRISE. These lovely little marks had appeared under my belly button. I cried and cried to my husband and he told me I was crazy. He said they weren’t that bad and that I got off really lucky. Everyone told me that. I wouldn’t believe them for anything. I thought it was the end of the world. A few weeks after my daughter’s birth, I just decided not to care anymore. Why was I so hung up on it anyway? My daughter was growing up right before my eyes and my husband was dying for my affection and I was just too distracted to notice!

Well, enough of that. I am done feeling sorry for myself or being down about the way my body looks. I am a woman! I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! I am more in love with my husband than I ever have been. Our relationship is better than ever, so obviously my body is not an issue for him. Why is it for me? The stupid media tries to convince me to be skinny right after birth. Sorry, but I am not one of those women that go in for a scheduled C-section and gets a tummy tuck right after. I am not “too posh to push”. I gave birth to my daughter naturally and nobody can take that empowering experience from me. Every woman that has been through pregnancy and birth (c-section or not) should be very proud of themselves because that is a great accomplishment and one of the hardest things on the human body. So, obviously we aren’t going to come out of it mark free! We are going to have marks and scars because our bodies were put through hell.

My daughter is my world. I never want to let her see my insecurities about my body. So, I am starting today. Before she is old enough to be aware of me covering myself up, I am stopping. I am getting out in the sun and wearing a bikini. That’s right, I said bikini. I am going to say to the world, (Or just everyone at the pool) “Hey, this is the shape of a mother, and if you don’t like it, that is YOUR problem, because I am beautiful.” I encourage all of you to do the same, for yourselves, your partners, and your children. We can change the way the world sees mothers, we just have to stop hiding.

Picture 1- Me just got back from the pool
Picture 2- Kiss it society!
Picture 3- Me and my beautiful daughter
Picture 4- The loves of my life :)

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9 Responses to “Summer Lovin’ (Kayla)”

  1. shannon Says:
    August 3rd, 2011 at 7:59 am

    You have absolutely nothing to be self conscious about anyway! You could pass for not even having kids (lots of women have stretch marks from puberty!). Congrats on your new confidence :)

  2. kat Says:
    August 3rd, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Um… You do have a Hollywood body! You look amazing! Congrats :)

  3. Liz Says:
    August 3rd, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    you look fabulous! seriously!

  4. Dee Says:
    August 4th, 2011 at 12:17 am

    The same thing happened to me with my stretch marks! I couldn’t see one until after I got home from the hospital. Mine aren’t all that bad either, though. I think you look fabulous. I was also worried about summer time this year around, but I’ve been rockin’ a bikini all season. And I didn’t get back to my pre pregnancy weight until 5 1/2 months postpartum. I hung onto those extra 10 lbs for a while, too, but then it just dropped. Congrats on your family. :)

  5. Jen Says:
    August 4th, 2011 at 11:04 am

    You look great, definitely could pass for not having a baby. Great attitude, thanks for the post.

  6. Colleen Says:
    August 4th, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    A few weeks ago I went to the beach for the first time in two years and I totally wore a two-piece. I dislike my chubby thighs but I refuse to wear some ugly suit just to cover them up. I saw a lady in a smokin’ bikini who had the faint puckers of pregnancy skin and stretch marks on her belly and I wanted to give her a high five! If every woman in the world had your attitude then a lot fewer women would beat themselves up all the time.

    You have one lucky little girl :)

  7. chris Says:
    August 5th, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Kayla,

    If I could I would take your last paragraph and make it into billboard PSA that would go across the nation!!! Positive message for moms, women, and most important young ladies!!!

    Thank you for having the courage to stand up against the “main stream” image. ALL of the moms on SOAM are the main stream. I hope your man knows how luck he is!!! You are ROCK’N in BODY & SPIRIT!!

    You TOTALLY have the “CARPE DIEM!!!” mindset. Now, Give Nothing Back!!!

    Blessings to You, your daughter, and husband!

  8. rachel Says:
    August 6th, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    Woww you look so good! By the looks of it you got few stretch marks and can totally rock the bikini! :) I’m really jealous. Enjoy summer and you’re adorable babes.

  9. Rosie Says:
    August 8th, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    You are inspiring. Your body is lovely. Though you can’t see them very much in these pictures, I can see in your last post that you have some beautiful stretchmarks and I love that you show them off. I show off mine too and my twin skin. It takes courage but hey, if we don’t, who will? And wearing a bikini feels so much nicer, feeling the water and the sun on your skin!

    While I echo Chris’ praises I do find his comment unfair. There are many strong and inspiring women on SOAM. There are also many who are dealing with major body changes or major self esteem issues or both. In many therapies or counselling techniques having your feeling validated is an important step in healing. I can see many women use SOAM for that purpose…its part of the process. I think it takes a lot of courage to face and be honest about the unpleasant feelings we have towards ourselves and our bodies. Hopefully the journey continues on from there towards self love. I can see from your posts Kayla that it did. I wish that for all women – we deserve it! We also deserve to be respected wherever we are on that journey, whether we have reached the final destination or not.

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