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Struggling With the Changes (Anonymous)

April 17, 2012

I found this website in a moment of weakness I was having with myself over issues with my body and I decided that since reading everyone’s stories and seeing their pictures that I couldn’t resist posting my own photos/story to maybe help someone else. I am 20 and actually planned a pregnancy (with my boyfriend of 5 years) due to the worry of infertility with age from issues with my reproductive organs. Anyways, I was very excited. I weighed 159 pounds (the most of my whole life) when I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t have a single stretch mark until I was 8 months and 2 weeks pregnant and then it seemed I got one with every breath I took. I was ALL belly which I thought was a good thing. My pregnancy was very rough on me, I lost over 20 pounds within the first 5 months from being so sick, then I finally gained some weight and kept gaining. I got pre-eclampsia at 38 weeks and was put in the hospital. I never progressed even with early labor and being induced therefore I had to have a cesarean (which I so DESPERATELY did not want!) It was very hard on me, it traumatized me but I had my baby, whom I love with all of my heart. My child never breastfed correctly so I pumped for four months and my milk literally dried up over night (yet another unexpected disappointment.) Anyways, I weighed 172 pounds the day I had my child, then while pumping I got down to 139, and now I am back up to 160! I don’t understand! I got on Nuvaring and it seems to be the best birth control of my life (the others gave me clots, gain weight, etc.) I’m not sure if the ring, stress, or negative body image is making me gain weight but I need help. I am struggling so much with my body image. I feel 6 months pregnant. My legs and arms need toning of course, but my breasts seem deflated and my belly just seems like a large (LARGE) unattractive lump that hangs over my jeans! I am sure that the way I look at myself doesn’t exactly turn my boyfriend on – which causes issues also. I just feel like I’ve never been satisfied with my body even when I weighed 100 pounds and I’ve never had a flat stomach but I am young. I want to be able to take my child swimming (which means me in a bikini – not happening.) I am not crazy about the stretch marks but I at least try to feel okay knowing that I got them from carrying my amazing child – yet the flabby jiggling belly is just wrecking me. I am just ashamed.

The first picture is 37 weeks pregnant.
The second picture is frontal stretch marks 8 months PP.
The third picture is my belly from the side, also 8 months PP.

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13 Responses to “Struggling With the Changes (Anonymous)”

  1. Dee Says:
    April 17th, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Exercise! You look perfect now, but if you’re unhappy with yourself then you should try to change it. I found that when I started exercising regularly I felt better about myself before I could even see any results because I was doing something for myself. It also helps with stress and to get rid of negative energy. Try to stay positive and hang in there! :)

  2. tmomny Says:
    April 17th, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Its thr nuvaring if you read the package it will tell you the side effects is weight gain but stress could contribute to it too just excercise or sign up for some kind of ctivities :pole dance classes(that comes in handy for the bf and its a good workout)zumba and eat right and the weight will juat fall off but not without discipline and dedication stick to it and you will get results….goodluck and you dont look bad at all

  3. Jan Says:
    April 17th, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    I lay in bed sometimes and touch my stretchmarks on my tummy… and then that leads to remembering when my daughter was still in there. I touch the part where I could feel her little bum, and on my belly button where her little elbow used to slide back and forth. Then I’m reminded of how wonderful and amazing the mother’s body is, and some extra pudge or rolls don’t seem so bad.

    Also… it has only been eight months. I’m now 18 months PP and finally my body seems to be done it’s changing. Those stretch marks fade over the years but not right away. If you can, exercise a bit but if there’s not the time for that, try to incorporate more fresh, whole foods into your diet and cut out things that your body doesn’t really use. I cannot stress how important it is to drink plenty of water too.

    You are so beautiful, your skin is a gorgeous tone and your scar is very even and low. Post again in 6-12 months and I bet there will be even more changes. Your birth control could be causing the unwanted weight gain so why not considering looking into natural birth control paired with condoms? That’s knowing your cycle and avoiding sex while you’re ovulating. Thanks for sharing your story.

  4. amber H Says:
    April 19th, 2012 at 6:30 am

    exercise! you will get there – you look great – check my posts i looked the same

    blessed and tortured

  5. Hayley Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Your pregnancy sounds a lot like my first pregnancy. Weighed about 160 when I got pregnant, was sick a lot, got up to about 205 by the end and was induced because I had pre-eclampsia and it all ended with an emergancy c-section which then got infected and had to be reopened to heal from the inside out. No matter how much I work on my abs, there is extra skin there hanging over my scar….. The important thing is to remember that an entire person was created in our bodies. An ENTIRE person!! We shared our bodies with them and they grew so fast and big in 9 short months. And our bodies held them that whole time! No matter what happens, we will always be mothers. Motherhood is much deeper and more important than how our bodies look after birth…. And honestly, what’s more attractive: a skinny woman with a poor attitude or a woman with some extra weight with a great attitude? Haha, I’m speaking to myself here too….. And don’t forget Hollywood has a BUSTED defintion of beauty. Sure, I could weigh 120 if I had trainers, nutriotionists, nannys, maids and time off every day to put in hours of exercise, but I spend it raising my kids instead! I wouldn’t want it any other way. :-)

  6. Gretchen Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 6:38 am

    My dear, just wear a one piece and have fun splashing around with your baby in the pool!

  7. Alli Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Sit ups , walking and cycling will do it. Good luck x

  8. Nikki Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Your a lioness that has earned her stripes.
    I had stretch marks big time on my breasts and my son is now 9 months and the stretch marks have all but gone. By breasts certainly arent as perky as they used to be but there are push up bras for that. =P
    Try not to get so down on yourself and look at what you have accomplished with your beautiful bubba.

  9. Sarah Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 4:34 am

    You are only young, your weight will go down in a year or after. Trust me, it will, just as soon as you have accepted it, you’ll see a change. Just revel in the things you DO like about yourself-ie, your legs, boos, hari, and flaunt those features. :) If you were thin b4, u will be again.

  10. Jessica Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    You sound so much like me! I got one stretch mark finally at 6 months pregnant.. Then nothing again until about 8 and a half and then starting getting them overnight and finally people started noticing I was pregnant. I went two weeks overdue and was induced. I’m only 3 and half months PP but your body looks so much like mine!! And I am having a hard time accepting it but every stretch mark reminds me how strong I was to carry my daughter and I’m hoping to start working out more when my husband gets home from deployment and we can do it together. Just keep that vision in your mind of you in a bikini and work for it and in no time you will be splashing in that pool with your kiddo. :)
    You look amazing and don’t ever let anyone tell you different ;)

  11. Rebekah Says:
    May 3rd, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    My husband and I choose condoms over contraception. I refuse birth control and the nasty side effects it wreaks on my body. Im still trying to talk him into the man procedre. I think your body looks like it just needs some toning. It looks good and very fixable naturally. I rotate between yoga and Pilates. It targets all my muscles and gives me long lean lines. I use Netflix, and they hav tons of videos, 9 bucks a month, no worries at people starring at me or feeling uncomfortable, I sweat in my own living room.

  12. krisy Says:
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    i have the same problem my daughter is 3 today and right after i had her i was skinny as a rail now im back to weighing 160 and i look 5 months pregnant nothing i do makes my stomach go away and thats the only place it is. its hard and round as if i was pregnant but after 3 years youd think if it would be gone or something. i dont get it ive tried dieting and ive tried exercising walking everything i can think of i dont get it. and i have tried to have another baby for the past 6 months and i feel like i just cant have another one which is very upsetting because i love kids and i really want more:(

  13. kate Says:
    May 15th, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    rebekah, there is new non surgical procedures for us girls who do not want anymore children I had the ESSURE procedure done after my second son was born (or the adiana inserts) they are hormone free they insert them into your tubes vaginally and permaneant scar tissue grow over them when placed in your tubes. it is a 45 minute procure and local anasthetic to numb cervix (because it felt like a 45 minute pap smear) they go in with a camera to find the opening of your tubes and put the inserts into to the opening of your tubes. The advantage is no incisions and cuts and you only have to take a half day off work. If you don’t want anymore kids and he does not want the surgery you go get these procedures done because major surgery is no longer an excuse for us girls. I have seen many women as well who did not want anymore kids and their husbands were pushing for more find solace and relief that they can be fixed with only a couple of hour off from their job.

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