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Shoot for the Moon (Analisa)

January 31, 2012

Before I start I just want to say that in all the years I’ve read through “your” stories and seen “your” photos I’ve yet to see an ugly body. I believe our perception of our own body image is the only true “ugly” thing I’ve seen…including my own.

My name is Analisa. I am 29 years old. I’ve been married for almost 14 years, had 6 kids and since June, 2011, divorced.

I really don’t remember how it felt to have a nice teenage body. I had my first son at 15 years old. I gained about 50 lbs with him.
When he was four months old I became pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t realize how much pregnancy had taken a toll on my body, till my then 17 year old husband asked me,” Didn’t your boobs used to look like this?” while he held up one side of my chest. One day he took my son’s etch-a-sketch and drew a picture of a woman with boobs that like those ladies in Africa on National Geographic. He showed it to me while laughing his head off saying it was me. I can’t tell you how bad that hurt my feelings. That started my total disgust and loathing of my body.

As days past I became extremely self-conscious and would no longer allow him to see me without my bra on. To this day the only time I take off my bra is to shower. I don’t want to see them any longer than I have too.

I realize my body went through a lot to bring my beautiful children into this world, but, it doesn’t make sense to me to now not take care of the damage. You get cavities you go to the dentist and get them filled. I believe this is the same kind of thing. I can no longer accept the body I have. I want to do something about it.

I’m a bit on the skinny side but at the same time I’m not fit. I’m what some people would call “skinny fat”. I look okay in my clothes, but outside of them is a whole other story. I would actually like to gain some weight by toning up..I have no butt. :( I’m not sure if exercise will do anything for the loose skin on my stomach but I’m willing to try. I am going to try building up my chest muscles before I decide whether or not to get implants. I don’t care if they are small as long as they just look normal.

I decided that 2012 is going to be my year to turn this around. I started a blog type website called “The Jillian Challenge”(Jillian as in “Jillian Michaels” ) to keep track of my progress and also maybe inspire other moms out there that are feeling the same way to get in shape.

This is an excerpt off my site’s home page:

When I look in the mirror I see a misshapen old woman, thinking, “this can’t possibly be my body!”. I’m tired of feeling disgusting..I want to get in shape to the best of my ability. I know we’ve all heard that quote…
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” ~Brian Littrell

That’s why I chose Jillian Michaels to be the body image I aspire to. You can’t possibly aim higher than that. If I could get anywhere close to how her body looks it would be amazing. I am starting a 6 month challenge to get my body to look as close to her’s as possible. I will be following her diet advice, doing her workout DVDs and using her equipment.

In the first belly pic you can see I have a small hernia above my belly button caused by pregnancy. It will have to be surgically fixed.

Well, we will see what happens.. :) Good luck to all you Mom’s in this new year!

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16 Responses to “Shoot for the Moon (Analisa)”

  1. amber Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 6:51 am

    You’re beautiful

  2. jackie spencer Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 8:12 am

    your crazy ladyy you look soo good!! your not fat at all! and you got no stretch marks? lucky i got a millionn… you look great please stop putting ur self down!

  3. JN Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 8:16 am

    I can’t believe looking at these photos you’ve had 6 kids!

    You look incredible :) Honestly, many women who don’t have kids don’t look this good.

    I also have insecurities about my breasts since having kids, and I would also consider myself ‘skinnyfat’, but you honestly look incredible.

    Your ex-husband sounds like an immature jerk. You’re much better off without him. I’d like to see what he looks like! Less that supermodel quality, I’m sure.

    You should be proud, hun! You’re stunning and have grown six beautiful little lives inside your tummy.

    You look spectacular, never let any man tell you otherwise!

  4. tiffanie Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 10:55 am

    is this a joke? 6 kids?? you look like a runway model! good luck on your journey to self acceptance, you are gorgeous :)

  5. Catherine S Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Whaaaaa? I’m totally confused as to why you would want to look like Jillian watsherface… You are feminine and lovely. I get wanting to be stronger and fit, but in your shoes, I wouldn’t change a thing.

  6. Mary V Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    you have 6 children?!?!?!?! I would have guessed one or maybe two, holy crap! You have a rockin body!!! I know what you mean about being in shape vs being skinny, but we are our own worst critic, you really look slim and beautiful to me :)

  7. Anna Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    You look amazing!!! Exercise is great for your body no matter the type and for you emotional health. Makes you feel good about yourself :) I am 11 weeks pregnant with my second child and scared to death what its going to do to my body!! My first baby I lost all the weight and then some, however i lost my butt and my breast fell too, and I can do nothing to fix those and I’m afraid it will only get worse.

  8. katie Says:
    January 31st, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    uh wow you have had 6 kids!? You look like a VS model!!

  9. Medusa Says:
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I agree with all the commentors saying here that you look great. I’m younger than you with 0 kids and your body looks far better than mine ever did.

    However, I don’t like the way you say that our own perception of beauty is ugly, then turn around say that being compared to those “ladies in African on national geographic” is something horrible. Does your definition of beauty only extend to the Eurocentric ideal that I thought the whole point of this website was to destroy?

  10. alexis Says:
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Enjoy Jillian! I think her enthusiasm is contagious :) I am sure you will love the progress you make in getting stronger and building endurance.

  11. Rose Says:
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Can you really not see how beautiful you are?

  12. Gary Austin Says:
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:53 am

    From a man’s view, their right, he was a loser! You are a lot like my wife in that she has a low view of her self. But like her, you look great! A lot of times it seems that a lady actually makes herself look worse when she feels that she does not look good. Understand that we (men) are more likely to be attracted to ladies who smile and are proud of who they are. You are attractive and can be proud of youself!!!
    Gary – a loving husband

  13. Stacy M Says:
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    You are hands down gorgeous, it looks like you had zero kids! i know what skinny fat is and that is not you!

  14. L Says:
    February 3rd, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    What are u talking about girl you look more like Jillian then I ever will. Lol.you look beautiful I have small boobs but they got real big breast feeding. Now they are back to B cup. Just be happy- congrats on your awesome family and I can’t tell you had one kid. Keep up the good work mama! That guys in your past forget that loser!

  15. nicole Says:
    February 4th, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    I started reading, then jumped to the pics. I thought at first those were your after pictures, the one you are showing after you reached your goals. Then I read the whole story. 6 kids, and this is your before-working-out pictures ? You are so beautiful. This is the body I am aiming for. I only had one kid, a year ago through c section, and my god i am fat and ugly.

  16. mar Says:
    February 8th, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    I’m so sorry your former partner made you feel bad about an part of your body. You’re beautiful, and even though you’ve got a top on, it doesn’t even look like you’ve got an “unnatractive” breast fall. We’re absolutely our own critics, and lady; you’re absolutely beautiful! Inside and out! :)

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