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Sad Moments (Anon)

December 2, 2011

Previous post here.

Hello SOAM I nvr thought id be writing soi soon, but I’ve been having some real sad moments the past few weeks, where I’ve come real close to giving up hope, with thoughts of me never regaining the confidence I once had. I’m 2 months post partum and felt better when I was 3 weeks. Some persons who see me, knowing I recently gave birth can only comment on how fat I’ve gotten. That really hurts. And even when others tell me I don’t look like I had a baby just 2 months ago, the “u look so fat” remarks are what settle.

Right now I’m at my boyfriends house, and without thought, I’m living part of a nightmare I had when I just found the stretch marks on my belly. Where I couldn’t find my self undressing in front of him any more, I’m sure he notices, We don’t live together, its a long distance relationship, so seeing each other doesn’t happen often. This visit is the first in a long while, and I’m not very excited. I just want to go home. Home, where I can be alone, and be sad by myself. Where I don’t have to worry about killing his vibe for me. Where I can look in the mirror and criticize my body.

Having a baby changes everything. I never thought it’d change so much. Never knew such a happy event could make me feel so down. I can’t help but feel extremely sad when I see the way my body went to a whole new dimension right before my eyes. It is still too early to give up hope. But some days that is exactly what I feel like doing. I evn gained weight and inches :-( . My breast are now sagging. One is way bigger than the other, I’m no longer sexually appealing.

Because of all that, I’m slowly loosing my libido. The last time we had sex was in April, at that time I was still very sexy. Now that I’ve delivered a 8lb 4oz baby, and my body gone, no doubt, my hole is bigger and he’ll hate it. He’s a man. How much longer can he go without sex? Will he enjoy it the way he did? I’m nervous. I’m sad.

Being a mother is great, knowing my baby is being nourished from the one breast tht he loves, makes me happy. Knowing tht my now ugly belly kept him safe gives me closure, n makes me know it’s like this for a beautiful reason. But at times I can’t help but feel sad.

Over the weeks, since I’m a mom, I notice that all young moms aim is to look like what they used to. I think its sad how we allow society and celebrities to dictate what we look like wen we hv kids. And hv us worried, and stressed out.

Its as if we are slaves to beauty, when true beauty comes from within, from us bearing our children. I’m greatly affected by my changed body, and there isn’t much tht I could have done differently, I would not have done anything differently. Nothing’s more important than having a healthy baby.

I’ll start exercising soon, I’m afraid I’ll get sick if I over exert my body. And then I won’t be there for my baby. So far my bf doesn’t seemed bothered by the way I look. He still assures me tht I’ll soon look the way I used to. Embracing my mommy bod, cellulite, stretch marks fat, not being able to wear a mini skirt cuz of stretch marks on my calves and thighs, not being able to wear a bikini anymore isn’t easy and I know I’ll nevr look the way I used to but I have the hope of coming close.

Ps thanks for ur encouraging coments in my previous post – Sad but not giving up hope.

1st 2 pics: me in April
3rd pic: pre preggo breasts
4th pic: breasts now
5th & 6th: belly n boobs
7th pic: me sitting down
8th pic: me in clothes
9th pic: me n my hunny bun
10th & 11th pic: thigh stretch marks
12 & 13 pic: calf stretch marks

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26 Responses to “Sad Moments (Anon)”

  1. Jami Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:07 am

    I think you’re being VERY hard on yourself. From the pictures I don’t see a significant difference from prepregnancy to post pregnancy. And if there is, so what!? Men and women have been making babies and dealing with the aftermath forever and ever. Many many men have had satisfying sex with mothers and I’m sure you and your Mister will be no exception. Please take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.

  2. Alexis Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:49 am

    You have a lovely, youthful body. You don’t see that you have a lot of muscle tone still and really, that can make a huge difference when it comes to slimming down after a baby. But none of that will probably resonate with you because you are in such distress. Reach out! Talk to women in your life. Think about talking to a psychologist who can hell you reign in your feelings. You sound so overwhelmed and from what you’ve written it’s totally reasonable for you to be overwhelmed! But as mom’s we have the difficult responsibility to take care of ourselves so we can care for our children so focus on finding a calmness, then you can work on your body. In trying to get your body back there are going to be ups and downs… You need to be ok with yourself before you begin that difficult endeavor. And hold your son as much as possible, get a carrier. The more he attached to your body, the less youll be able to look at yourself in the mirror and pick out your flaws!

    Best of luck beautiful lady!

  3. jackie Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:13 am

    i know how you feel hun i got stretchmarks on my legs during growth spurt but after pregnancy weightloss i got TONS on my calves.. inner thighs knees outer thighs a bit and on my butt…
    i hate it i have WAY more than you i wish my inner thigh stretch marks looked that minimal… i would so wear shorts with just that much.. honestly your beautiful love yourself

  4. Yvonne Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:52 am

    You are beautiful! There is nothing about your body to be ashamed of!

  5. Anna Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:00 am

    We are so much more critical of ourselves then others are of us. I look at you and think wow, her body resembles mine, those could be my boobs! But it looks so much better on her then it does me! Anyway I think you look fine! Pregnancy does change your body, but your breasts arent saggy and your tummy looks firm, and your baby is so cute! Heres to hoping we can accept ourselves just the way we are :)

  6. Natalie Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Myeia,

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT! You should never be ashamed of your body because you carried a beautiful baby and without you, he could not exist. Don’t let that subconscious feeling get to you. You are wonderful! Don’t be depressed! You don’t look fat at all!

  7. Nicole Says:
    December 3rd, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Don’t worry! You look great! I felt amazing 6 weeks after I had my baby. I had lost all the baby weight plus 10lbs. Slowly, I started to gain it back and ended up putting those 10 lbs back on. I was so mad at myself for letting this happen, but I decided to take it into my own hands and started going to the gym or even taking walks with my little one and here I am 16 months after giving birth 10 lbs lighter again! You can do it!

  8. mrspetunia Says:
    December 3rd, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I already see a big difference between your previous post’s pictures and these. You look really good and so beautiful in that yellow dress! As for working out, start slowly and just work your way up. If you really want that firm/toned look (though you already look well muscled and lean), I would maybe try lifting weights. I don’t know if they have a bodypump class where you are, but I have really been able to see and feel a huge difference in my level of fitness after starting that routine. I hope you feel better, you clearly deserve it!

  9. Bella Says:
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:52 am

    Remember u need some extra fat when breastfeeding your child. I think you look fantastic, hon! If your boyfriend don`t love your body anymore, it has n o t h i n g to do with your body. Everybody change in some degree, when getting a child. It`s nornal
    Big hug!

  10. Maria Says:
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:20 am

    Don’t get me wrong, but to me it seems that your after pregnancy belly looks even flatter than pre-pregnancy. Especially on the pic 6, it looks almost perfectly flat! And your boobs look the same size, too. You sound depressed, and because of that, it seems to you that your body now looks worse than before. When I was depressed, too, I seemed to myself fat and unattractive, and when I look at pictures of myself taken at that time, now I can see I was not fat at all! The stretch marks will fade away with time, don’t worry about them! Your boyfriend now should enjoy the baby and give you time to get back to yourself. That’s what is happening to my husband: he is so fascinated with our newborn daughter that he does not even seem to care about sex – he even said he does not mind having sex only for the purpose of making children! :-D And your baby boy must be a lot of joy, he is adorable! (looks strong, too :) )

    You are a lovely woman – you just need some support to help you overcome your depression. And your body is great, honestly!

  11. Maria Says:
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:21 am

    …if the first two photos were you pre-pregnancy…

  12. MJ Says:
    December 5th, 2011 at 8:20 am

    girl you look hot i just had #3 in may my stretch marks are all over arms boobs tummy hip butt thighs calves every where ive got a mommy “apron” on tummy huge saggy boobs and all mushy parts all over tummy thighs butt im currently 20lbs over my pre pre pre preggo weight lol!! ive lost 40lbs since baby #3 has been born even tho only gained 10lbs this time i was still carrying extra from 2nd pregnancy lol!! what im saying is you look amazing yur baby is gorgeous!!

  13. Mimi Says:
    December 5th, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    You look amazing girll! Your curves are hot! Your skin bounced back beautifully and your stretch marks are irrelevant. Being sexy is all about confidence, not about how you look. The skinniest to the largest women can be sexy because it is a confidence and a feeling. Put on a sexy pair of heels, show off your sexy new cleavage, and work it. If sex was not enjoyable after a baby then people would not have baby number 2, 3 and 4 lol. Also sex is more than just plesure it is about getting as close as you possibly to the one you love and if you love them then you would not care how they look anyway. You are focusing so much on vanity that you can not see the bigger picture.

    My advice is to keep your weight up while breast feeding, this will also help prevent sagging skin. Slowly loose weight while toning at the same time. Get some bleaching creme, maybe Ambi, and apply it to your belly to lighten your darkened skin. You can also do the same for your stretch marks because lucy you got dark ones on your thighs and legs that can be lightened.

    God bless and remember that you are more than your body. Stop watching MTV, bet, reading secular magazines and focus on God and the blessing that He has given you.;)

  14. Sarah P. Says:
    December 5th, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    1. You have an insanely cute body and your baby is still a BABY. Your body has a lot of healing to do and you already look amazing!

    2. The vagina is a very flexible and stretchable muscle. After you give birth, it shrinks back and sex feels the same to a man as before baby. So I wouldn’t worry about that. ;)

  15. marz Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 12:42 am

    OMG!! My boobs looked eactly the same as yours did before AND after! I also got stretch marks on my calves >:P The ones on my stomach were not very bad, and they really do fade quite a bit (I also got a tattoo over the worst of them, lol)
    I’ll be honest, I was 145 at 5’7″ when I met my husband. I had a roller-coaster ride up and down between that and 175 for a few years and was about 150 when I got pregnant, gave birth at 195, got down to 159 PP, and now (for some reason) I’m back to 168-170….
    Feel free to be your own worst critic– cuz we ALL do it, no matter what anyone says– but I think we all need to realize that men really suck at noticing weight gain. My husband says he barely notices a 10-15lb difference in me, which kinda freaks me out cuz then I think I have to lose a crap load in order to look skinny to him…. but still.
    And who the EFF is telling you that you got fat??!??! Seriously. Shin kick em in the face, cuz you are hot. They must be jealous or else they don’t realize pregnancy does change the distribution of your body….if it’s the first one, walk tall, sister. If it’s the second, simply wait patiently until they get knocked up and then say “i told you so.”

  16. michelle Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Anyone who says you are fat is an idiot… You have a beautiful body that many women would kill for…

  17. Sammabamma Says:
    December 9th, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    I’m 16 months post-partum, never lost the 40 lbs I gained, and my T-Rex claw marks all over my stomach have only slightly faded. My nipples seem bigger…the list goes on. But I’d never change it for the world. I am a product of child birth…the most amazing gift ever! I think you still look stunning!!! I hope you find the confidence you deserve

  18. myeia Says:
    December 10th, 2011 at 10:15 am

    the first 2 pics i was 4 months pregnant. i kno im hard on myself, but the feelings im having wont allow me to think any better. im feeling a bit better now tho, after all your encouragement. thanks alot

  19. Kate Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 7:40 am

    I think you look wonderful! And I am sure your boyfriend feels the same.

    I am 35 weeks pregnant and very afraid of giving birth, and also the changes it will “cause” my body. But most of all I am afraid of what my boyfriend will think of my body and our sexlife after giving birth. Maybe it’s time for us to just relax, and let nature do what it’s supposed to.

    PS: your baby boy is soo beautiful! Like an angel :)

  20. DLH Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    You look really, really beautiful. But I worry that Maria is right in saying that you sound depressed. You seem to be caught in a very negative spiral of thoughts and I really, really hope you go to someone to talk to about this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body – but if you are depressed, then it is very hard for you to recognise this. (I have suffered from depression and battle with the negative thinking it brings – ‘I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m useless’ – even though I recognise in the stretches of time when I’m free from depression that these things are untrue). If you carry on feeling so bad about your (gorgeous!) body, do please try to get help from a doctor or counsellor.

  21. DLH Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    (I hope that didn’t seem patronising! I just hate to recognise in people similar problems to those that I have had and, to my great fortune, been helped out of.)

  22. claudia Says:
    December 27th, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    Your son is so cute! I’m 20 and my stomach flaps over my pelvis..my tits are saggier than my mother in law’s. …you look amazing!

  23. Nicole Says:
    January 18th, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    You’re being way too hard on yourself. Pregnancy is beautiful, your baby is beautiful, and so are you!! I’m 2 months pp with my 2nd child and I know how you feel about your body. When I got pregnant with my first I was a size 0 and a fit 120 lbs. I had pretty much NO body fat. Now, 7 yrs & another kid later, I struggle to fit into my size 7 jeans, my boobs aren’t perky like they used to be, my stomach if flappy and I have stretchmarks on my boobs, stomach, hips and thighs.
    However, I have two very beautiful girls and feel like I’m the luckiest person ever. I do still get down on myself and depressed sometimes about my body but my husband is amazing and helps make me feel better about myself.

  24. Chelsea Says:
    January 26th, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    You look amazing! I wish i looked this good after my two kids. I have struggled w depression too. I am working on my self esteem. It takes time so give yourself some credit. Do kegel exercises. It helps you regain muscle tone down there. I do them all the time. I was worried about that part too but my fiance says ive gotten ”tighter” lol so the kegels help. Your son is beautiful and you are too. Remind yourself all of the things your body went through to get your beautiful baby here. I hope you can get through these negative feelings and see the beauty in yourself again :)

  25. Trisha Says:
    March 27th, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Wow, your legs look just like mine. I’m actually happy about that, because the stretch marks don’t look bad on you, so maybe they don’t look as bad on me as I feel they do.

    I gave birth to my second child at the end of August. I didn’t have too many stretch marks after the first, just a few on my stomach. I thought that my first child stretched me out so much that I wouldn’t get any new marks, but I was sooooo wrong. My second child gave me stretch marks on my breast, calves, thighs, sides, and stomach. After my first, I only had a few marks below the belly-button. With my second, they go several inches above my belly-button. I am learning to embrace it all. Pregnancy was hard on my body, but my body did not fail me, and it did not fail my child. It does not deserve to be resented just because it did not come out of the battle unscarred. The stretch marks show just how tough I am, which is pretty tough :)

    I think it’s a sick kind of culture that makes a woman shameful of her body after doing such an amazing thing as giving birth. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your body is beautiful :)

  26. Lama Says:
    June 21st, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Hey pretty girl! I hope you already came out of your depression and now can see how great your body is! Indeed, you have no reasons to not love your stomach, least call it “ugly”: it did not get any loose skin – in fact, your belly skin looks super tight! Loose skin is the only enemy of a postpartum belly! Everything else is reversible! Your stretch marks are miniscule – I had to enlarge the picture and look really careful to find them, and with time they will become even more unnoticeable! Yes, your stomach bulks a little forward when you seat – but how can it not to? Mine also bulks forward when I sit, but I know it has reasons to. :) The deepest layer of our stomach muscles that is responsible for pulling the stomach in, get stretched and weakened during the pregnancy, and it takes at least 9 months and even longer for them to come back to shape (with rear exeptions). There is a book by Helen Byrne “Excercise after Pregnancy”, second edition, which introduces special exercises she designed to target those muscles. I bought that book, but never found time to read it, so I cannot speak from my own experience, but the reviews on amazon.com say they work, and the author sounds knowledgeable and logical, she explains why usual crunches don’t help to flatten the stomach: http://befitmom.com/abdominal_reconditioning.html I might sound like I am advertising her, but I just want to share what I found. My mom says just pulling your stomach in and than letting go many-many times in a row every day will help. Probably you already don’t need it. Your stomach is already next to perfect in the picture, and I guess now it is just perfect. But don’t forget, as nursing moms we eat and should eat much more than we used to, so no surprise our stomachs are always bloated! :)

    And your breasts did not get saggy! They got more feminine, in my opinion. They used to look more like those of a teenager, and now they look more like those of a young woman. :) They look the same to me, but I believe that one can become a little bigger than another as it produces more milk. I have that too, and it is nothing to worry – they will even out eventually (maybe only after we wean the babies which I don’t plan to do soon :) ).

    So be happy, don’t worry about your perfect body and enjoy your adorable baby-boy! :) :) And did I mention how pretty you are? For some reason all the women on this site are exceptionally pretty! :) :)

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