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My thoughts on being a plus-size mom to be (Anonymous)

July 18, 2008

I have been overweight my whole entire life. I always joke that the “thinnest” Ive ever been was at birth – 6 lbs. Funny, but true. At one point, I got up over 400 lbs. Then I made a decision that changed my life completely. I had lap-band weight loss surgery in Dec. 2005. The surgery has been amazing… I would have never been able to lose weight like I have without it. Ive had no complications and would definitely reccomend it to anyone that is seriously obese. However, it comes with its own set of rules and guidelines, you have to work hard and youre definitely not taking “the easy way out”, like some people say the surgery is. If you thought dieting was hard, this is just as hard, if not harder, even. Because of the lap band surgery I lost over 100 lbs., reaching my first goal of getting below 300 lbs. In Jan. 2008, my period didnt show up on time and on a whim I took a pregnancy test. I couldnt believe it, TWO LINES! I was pregnant. So many doctors for so long had told me that I would NEVER be able to get pregnant being so morbidly obese. I had basically thought I would never be a mom… that it would take me years and years to lose the weight I needed to be considered “healthy”. Id been sexually active for years – and Ill admit, sometimes ‘careful’ and sometimes not, and never gotten pregnant. I didnt think I could. But something must of changed, because here we were… pregnant. My dream had finally become true. I am now 7 months pregnant, expecting a baby boy in mid September. I have only gained about 15 lbs. throughout my pregnancy (11 in one month, unfortunately – right as I hit my 3rd trimester.) Ive had no complications with my lap band with my pregnancy… and have actually had few complications with the pregnancy as a whole; heartburn, constipation, acid reflux and being tired all the time, as most pregnant women tend to be. However, I have come to notice that my pregnancy is very different than that of all my friends. Sure, we have the same common complaints, but at the same time they are still very different than me. I look at them and envy them sometimes… wishing I could just be “normal”. I have wanted this baby for so very long, I want the full-on experience; all the aches and pains… the water break in the checkout line at Walmart… I want to feel the pain of the contractions (just til the epidural kicks in! Im not THAT crazy!) I just want it… all. I am still so amazed that my body is doing this… that Im finally pregnant… that Im getting what Ive always wanted. So really and truly I dont have much to complain about. And I try not to compare myself to my friends, and girls I see at the doctor’s office, random girls I pass at the grocery store. But at the same time, its gets to me sometimes. See… they are all on the thinner side and you can see their bodies changing shape, see them gaining weight, obviously tell they are pregnant. They get measured when they go to the doctor… they complain about stretchmarks and clothes that dont fit. (ha! the story of my life!!!) They get to wear cute little shirts that accentuate their bumps. People are constantly asking them about their pregnancy and touching their bellies. But with me… well… My baby is nestled down inside a slighty more tubby tummy, so I still just look fat and like Im gaining weight again… Its hard to find his heartbeat sometimes because of my “extra padding”, so everytime I go to the doctors its like playing marco/polo to try and find it… Ive had 4-5 sonograms to make sure everything is going well, since its hard to see/tell from the outside. I have another sonogram July 10th to check on his size, since you cant really tell manually because I am bigger… I dont have the “baby bump” that everyone is always talking about… its more like a “baby mountain”, actually… Cute “plus-size maternity” clothes are basically non-existant… so Ive spent much of my pregnancy in sweatpants, how charming… The stretchmarks I have are a result of too much ice cream years ago – not from my growing son… Jose, my mom and I are the only ones that have felt him move – as its so faint sometimes, since I carry the extra weight around him… People cant really tell Im pregnant just by looking at me… so I dont get that random conversation in the baby department at Target… This has driven me to tears at time… because I am so happy and bursting with joy that I want to just shout from the rooftops, “IM PREGNANT!” I want to tell everyone my secret!!! I want to see other preggo’s and other mom’s out and about and share that soft smile with each other… its like belonging to a super secret club, wheres MY membership!? I want random strangers to come up and rub my belly!!! (Ok maybe not so much on that last one, but still!!!) But then I remember that Im HAPPY. Im HEALTHY. My son is growing right on track, doing all the things he is supposed to be doing, developing the way he should… and Im PREGNANT, despite the odds. And its then that I realize that Im being petty and foolish and that things could be much worse. I suck it up and realize this…. those that know me, are close to me, and love me – know that Im expecting. They know Im so happy to finally be a mommy. They are the ones that matter. The playful kicks I feel from my son are a reminder that I am never alone… it doesnt matter if anyone else feels them or not. His daddy loves me unconditionally, doesnt care what size I am, and rubs my belly every night before bed. When I start thinking about all these things, I feel a little better about being a “plus-size mom”… and so Ive come up with this; Its nice to know that my body, overweight as it is, is still doing exactly what its supposed to… providing a warm safe haven for my little one to grow in… My breasts might be on the saggy side, and covered in long-faded stretch marks, but they will work just the same, to feed and nourish my son. My fleshy arms will cushion him, hold him as he sleeps, and provide endless hugs thoughout his lifetime. My flabby thighs will provide a place for him to lay on, a lap to sit on, a knee to bounce him on. I know that may be a “larger-scale” mom, but I am a MOM, none-the-less… and Ive come to understand that no matter the size of your body, it is the size of your love for your child that really and truly matters most.



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64 Responses to “My thoughts on being a plus-size mom to be (Anonymous)”

  1. McBeth Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    Right on!

    I am and was a plus sized mom when I was pregnant 19 years ago. Felt very much the way you’ve described here, too.

    I’m really really proud of you for taking care of *your* body, *your* health. Not only is that reassuring to me that there are people having lap-bands who are taking the surgical process seriously, but I also believe it bodes well for your future health that you’re doing all the right stuff, right now.

    I’ll look forward to updates of how the birth and early motherhood experiences are for you when your child is born. Congratulations again, and keep on keepin’ on sister. : )

  2. Kristen Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    Thank you from the bottom of another plus-sized pregnant heart!

  3. Anna Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    I loved your post, so much it has brought me to tears. Thank you for reminding us other plus -sized mamma’s out there, that our love for our children is just as strong and beautiful as the other women’s (who’s arms don’t jiggle while waving!)

  4. Gabby Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    I loved reading your post. I weigh 300 lbs and would absolutely love to get the lap band surgery! Your post makes me want it even more.

    When I got pregnant, like you I was ecstatic but worried because I am so overweight. I didn’t think it was healthy, but I definitely knew I wanted to be pregnant.

    I felt the same way you feel about people noticing and commenting. I wanted to announce it, too, and found myself coming up with reasons to tell people, just so I could have the experience of gushing with a total stranger. My weight is carried mostly in my stomach, so if I pooch it out enough I look 8 months pregnant when I’m not. Oddly enough, I didn’t gain one pound until I was nine months, and all told I only gained ten pounds, which means I mostly just gained a baby! For the first time in my life, all I wanted was healthy food, so I guess I was actually losing weight. I never needed maternity clothes, and let me tell you, it’s an extremely odd feeling to be nine months pregnant and wearing your normal clothes. Saved many bucks though!

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in wanting people to notice…I actually started holding my belly in public so people knew! Sad. But you just want to share the excitement so much!

    Gabby
    gabby_atkinson@yahoo.com

  5. Becky1 Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 8:25 pm

    Congratulations! I can tell there’s a baby in there.

    That’s so funny that you mention water breaking in the checkout line at Walmart, that actually happened to my coworker with her second child. She decided to grab some last minute baby needs before work that day and surprise!

  6. Milk Mama Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    Eloquently written!!! Congratulations! Thank you for writing!

  7. danielle Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 11:15 pm

    One of the most heartfelt entries I have read. I am reading this on my phone and cannot see your pictures at this time but it is not necessary for me to know how beautiful you truly are. Your words have touchd me and- even though I may have been one of the “normal” pregnant girls- have described much of the joy that I felt when pregnant. I may not know what it is like to have a hidden bump but I send you a wink and welcome you to the wonderful world of motherhood.

  8. Shealene Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 12:25 am

    I don’t think that it’s petty that you feel that way at all!!! If it makes you feel any better when strangers looked at me and saw that I was pregnant, they gave me that, “SHE’S TOO YOUNG” look…like they’re all mad and thought I was just a disgrace, no “OH LOOK HOW CUTE!” or anything like that. Haha. But I was 21 when I got pregnant, so I looked about 13 carrying a baby. Anyways, you’re an amazing woman and the fact that you LOVE being pregnant, it’s just a great thing to hear, because I hear A LOT of females walking around and hating the fact that they have to be so uncomfortable. But you, you take all the good with the bad and you love every moment of it. So, I definately think you have a membership! Congradulations!!!

  9. gypsyfly Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 3:50 am

    That was really beautiful! You are so right…being a mom is much much more than the physical…and you have all the right stuff.

  10. Dawn Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 10:28 am

    Beautiful story.

    Thanks for sharing.

  11. Sarah Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    thank you for sharing your wonderful story. being a mother is about love, not size!

  12. Di Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    Wonderful story! I am also a plus sized mom ,trying to get pregnant for the second time,and it does cross my mind from time to time that I may not look the same as the other mommies to be,but that is who I am,and for the most part,I accept it. I think that you are right on when you say that no matter the size of your body,it is the size of the love for your child that matters most! Beautiful belly shot-it is very similar to my own. Congratulations to you!

    Di

  13. Melanie Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 9:49 pm

    I, too, am a plus size. My heaviest was 340 or so… my scale stopped at 300, I had to weigh at the Grange. I have had three gorgeous little boys and I know the feelings you wrote about, wanting to be cute and round, not easily finding the heartbeat, having to wear whatever fits without discomfort instead of the more trendy styles.
    I was so touched by your words, I felt all over again the way I did 5 years ago with my first. You’re RIGHT. You have a healthy, perfect son and no matter what our looks on the outside, its the love and caring a mother has that makes her beautiful to her child. You are a beautiful mom.

  14. Kat Says:
    July 19th, 2008 at 10:20 pm

    I am bawling reading your post, as I have felt many of those same things. The last 5-6 sentences or so are so beautiful, I am just sitting hear bawling. Thank you for posting!

  15. Ramona Says:
    July 20th, 2008 at 12:18 am

    It is so wonderful what you have written about your feelings and your views. I love to read your text and I am a bit disappointed that my English is not better (I have not understood every single word). Your text is full of joy and love!! I am feeling very happy for you! My congratulations! I wish I had the same feelings like you do. I am 32 years old and now I am getting to want to give birth but I do doubt because my partner (we are almost 9 years together) does not seem to really want it. Greetings from Germany!

  16. Anna Says:
    July 20th, 2008 at 12:33 am

    Your post moved me to tears,you write so well.
    I’m happy for you that you will have a baby soon even if them doctors said you wouldnt. It’s the greatest gift of life.
    Good luck and live well!

  17. Ann Says:
    July 20th, 2008 at 7:35 am

    CONGRATULATIONS!! All the best to you, your little boy and all your family. How wonderful for you all!

  18. Dee Says:
    July 20th, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I just found out i’m pregnant for the first time and am so stressed out because I, too, am plus sized. I see pregnant women everywhere I go now and I am completely jealous of their cute little bumps and know I will never have that. But if at the end of this I have a happy healthy baby I will be grateful. Thank you again.

  19. Tiffanie Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    Beautifully & truthfully written. Thank you so much for sharing. I, too, am plus sized and am now the proud mama of a 7 month old. I felt much the way you do, especially about wanting people to notice my expanding baby belly. About a month before I was due, I was at the grocery store talking with a checker who wished me well on my upcoming journey of birthing. An acquaintance overheard our conversation and asked where I was going. When I said I was going to be having a baby he looked obviously surprised. I was 8 months pregnant! I was heartbroken.

    Now, at 7 months postpartum, I can hardly remember any of those disappointments as I am so preoccupied with the love and joy that comes with mothering.

    Congratulations and much luck to you on your own journey. We are so infinitely blessed.

  20. Shannon Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    Congratulations on being a mommy. I love to hear about women who want a baby so badly and suprise! Your story is wonderful. Not petty in the least. The bump of motherhood is a coveted prize. But feeling your baby move within you is even better.

    Good luck!
    Shannon

  21. Mom on the Run Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Ugghh…I hate the word plus size or shopping in the Women’s Department. You are right maternity clothes shopping is a nightmare. I made the mistake of buying a flowing, tent-type floral maternity dress…well let’s just say it was a mou-mou on me. Yuck. I wore it once while pregnant with my first child…then never again.

    I have a large chest as well, so I did not immediately appear pregnant. On the plus side…no pun intended…after I gave birth I was never asked if I was still pregnant. This is a big thing for me…I have friends who are regular sized who have been devastated to be asked if they are pregnant when they have already given birth.

    Keep up the good work. Once you hold the baby it will all be worth it.

  22. Apryl Says:
    August 1st, 2008 at 11:39 am

    I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and I am plus size. Last week my boyfriend and I went to buy some maternity pants for me and it was honestly one of worst feelings in world! I am use to pants not fitting,but its like ITS ELASTIC! But I feel the same way you do about everything! Not being able to tell.. I have only gain 7 lbs so far thank goodness.. But its hard you know! Its hard being larger! Thank you for sharing your story because all my friends are skinny and they look adorable preggo but me, I just look larger.. It kinda sucks!
    But thank you. :)
    Good Luck with everything :)

  23. Taina Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 5:09 am

    Your story is beautiful. I wish you luck as a new mommy! Enjoy your time!

  24. katie Says:
    August 6th, 2008 at 12:29 am

    CONGRATULATIONS!!
    I completely understand what you mean. When I was pregnant I wanted my belly to be prominent, 24/7. Like i was wearing a neon sign that says “IM HAVING A BABY!” But Dont worry, when your carrying around your lovely newborn, it will be your big neon sign saying “I’m a MOMMY!”

  25. Polly Says:
    August 8th, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    I wanted to give you a big hug. I was 320 lbs when I gave birth to my first son. I completely felt the way you described.

  26. Jessica Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    That was beautiful! My heart melted for you, and i wish i could be there to walk up and rub your belly!

  27. Melody Says:
    August 20th, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    I’m there right behind you at 15 weeks. Lost 100 lbs in 2003. I’m proud of that effort. I’m finally pregnant now and due in February 09, and, even though my partner and I can tell I’m showing, no one else can. My belly just looks a little less flabby and a little more full– like I’m gaining my weight back. I wonder how pregnant I will have to be before someone who doesnt’ see me naked can actually tell.

  28. Constance Says:
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:43 am

    Congrats to you! Your story brought me into tears. I am 22 years old and I have PCOS. I have irregular periods and I have been thinking for a long time that I will never get pregnant and the doctors have told me that if I dont loose weight that I will have to take clomed. I am hopefully getting the lap band at the end of this year and hope to have a succesful story like you. You have gave me hope and I really thank you for sharing your story. :)

  29. CJ Says:
    September 5th, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    I can’t describe the feelings I had by reading your story. I’m not a mom yet, but everything you and other’s commented resignated with my thoughts and concerns. I’m also a plus size women and 6 years ago, I was told I had PCOS. No formal diagnoses [they say it too costly and unless I want to get pregnant right now I should wait]. I remember looking up PCOS on the web and crying my heart out after seeing posting after posting of women’s struggles to become pregnant. I’m still worried about not being able to get pregnant, especially since my weight has increased in the past years to over 250 lbs. Now that I’m 26 and think about motherhood in my near future. Your story has given me hope.

    I also think about lap-band surgery and just loosing weight in general. Your story motivated me to love myself in whatever body I am but also a real reminder of the importance of losing weight in order to become healthier and increase my chances of becoming a mother when the time comes.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Congratulations on becoming a mother!

  30. HJ Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    The last part of your post when you were describing the ways your body enabled you to love your son was *absolutely beautiful.* Seriously, you brought tears to my eyes.

  31. Allison Says:
    September 28th, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    I didn’t read the other responses, but I am sure that I am not the first to tell you that your post was absolutely beautiful, and I sit here, bawling my eyes out! I had twins last year and I haven’t been able to lose weight. I am incredibly hard on myself and was actually a little pissed at this site because, I feel, it has become a competition of how “cute” these girls are after birth – which completely negates the original purpose of this site!! But I read your post and, WOW. I feel so much better. About everything. You have given me a great perspective that I had lost…. Thank you sooo much!

  32. Kate Says:
    October 7th, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    It was good to read your story. I am also plus sized and due in 10 weeks, and it is frustration that no one who doesn’t know I’m pregnant can seem to tell. I have PCOS like others mentioned here (needed fertility treatments to get pregnant) and at my heaviest weighed 285, but dropped to 250 easily before pregnancy just being on Metformin (I strongly recommend women with PCOS do research on this and talk to their doctors, for it has dramatically helped me). I dropped 20 more lbs during pregnancy from staying on the Met and not having much of an appetite and I’ve only gained 5 lbs back more recently. I’ve always been very pear/hourglass shaped, carrying my weight in the upper legs and butt, with a pretty flat waist. Now with a baby belly it looks like I’m rounding out and just am more fat, and I’m carrying small anyway so the belly isn’t even that big. It is so frustrating when people, upon learning I’m pregnant, say that I don’t look it or that I “look good” for being this pregnant. I’d like just one stranger to comment or ask a question.

    Happily, besides these frustrations, things are going great and I’ve not encountered sizism in my fertility doctor, ob, or family doctor. I’m excited to bring the little guy into the world soon and glad my body has served him well.

  33. Ari Says:
    October 12th, 2008 at 4:10 am

    Wow, reading your post was truly an inspiration. I am plus sized, 19, and pregnant and it saddens me when people are surprised to learn that I am 6 months pregnant. I have had people look at me funny when I didn’t offer my seat on the bus to a woman carrying bags or an older man with a cane and I just wanna scream “hello, I’m pregnant, exhausted, and nauseas and need to sit down unless you want me puking on everyone!” lol and I am yet to have someone ask me how far along I am or try to rub my belly. But you know what, those extra ultrasound scans that I get because my fat hides the baby’s heartbeat, or saving money on not buying maternity clothes, and getting a job because the manager didn’t realize I was pregnant are all totally worth the hidden bump… Plus, my boyfriend absolutely loves me and can’t wait for our son to be born to complete our lil family. My son is healthy, is active, and is measuring where he should so you know what, I will look like an extra chubby mami with pride because I know that my body is doing what it’s supposed to be doing and doing it without the complications many unfortunate women suffer with. After he’s born, who knows, maybe I’ll lose weight and look great[er] and have a family all my skinny friends with their bad boy boyfriends will be jealous of hehe

  34. Eve Says:
    October 14th, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    What a beautiful story, had tears in my eyes. And let me tell you that I can most definitely tell that you’re pregnant in that pic (well I’m sure you’ve had your boy by now!) Don’t be disheartened by not being so obviously showing that you’re pregnant. You created and sustained life within you for 9 months, and that is the most important thing of all.

  35. Jami Says:
    November 8th, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    I am a plus-sized woman too. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of months so far. I admit that I have the same worries that you have had. I worry that people won’t awknoledge that I’m pregnant, that I won’t feel the kicks as well, and that I won’t get the full-on pregnant experience. However in the end, you will ge the same result- a beautiful baby.

  36. Jackie Says:
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:28 am

    I have been plus size for both my pregnancies. I weigh around 320-330. I tend to LOSE weight when pregnant! I finally bought a T-shirt that says “I’M NOT FAT…..I’M PREGNANT!!!! (and fat)”
    I love it…gets people talking. We are trying for our third.

  37. Amy Says:
    December 5th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    I too am overweight and pregnant. I actually had the lap band surgery to in 2006 and lost about 120 lbs. I am now 16 weeks and I just want people to notice. I know it probably won’t happen for a while but I have had the exact same emotions. I wish other people could tell and have the random pregnancy conversations with me. But then, I have to remind myself that this is a miracle and just be happy that it happened (I had to have one of my ovaries removed due to PCOS). I never thought I would be pregnant so I just need to be thankful and not worry about the other things like random conversations.

  38. Bekah plus-sized mama Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:05 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I don’t feel so alone in the world anymore. I’m pregnant with my 3rd baby and I have PCOS. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I am now 270lbs and 6 months pregnant. I so feel the same about plus-sized maternity clothes. I have found that my husbands shirts are so comfy. He’s 6’5″ and 250lbs so they are quite loose. Thanks for sharing your story. I teared up, so nice to know there are real people in the world.
    Congrats of the baby, God Bless!

    Bekah

  39. someone Says:
    December 25th, 2008 at 8:09 pm

    I’m not a mom or even expecting, but for the longest time I’ve wanted a child to call my own and I look forward to the day that I become a mother. I’m obese as well, last time I checked I was 280lbs. It’s reasuring to think that maybe one day I’ll have a child, obese or not. I can fully understand where your coming from. Us big girls don’t get to wear the cute clothing or have the cute bump that sticks out like a basketball. But in the end it’s not the pregnancy that counts, it’s the health and happiness of the little one we bring into the world :)

  40. JEN Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    That was beautiful! I wish I read that when I was preg. w/ my son 2 yrs ago. I was/am plus size, you couldnt tell I was expecting, and I was sad about that. I wish I had your outlook, it is wonderul. Congrats to you =)

  41. Nicole Says:
    January 13th, 2009 at 8:15 am

    Thank you for your beautiful words. I was/am plus sized and am the proud mother of two children. When I had my second child I weighed 289 pounds. No one could tell I was pregnant which made me sad but in the end it was the baby that made it all worth it!
    I have been thinking about having another child but I keep saying “gotta lose 40 pounds first”. After reading all these great comments by other women like me I think I might just go ahead and try.
    Thank you!

  42. Dana Says:
    January 14th, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Kudos for your courage to post such a heartfelt and wonderful message. I am 40, and in my 13th week, with an EDD of July 2009. I currently weigh 358 pounds. I relate to not having the “baby bump” and choices for maternity wear. Luckily there are clothing stores such as Avenue, Roamans, and Lane Bryant to help. Thank you and many blessings to you and your family.

  43. helena Says:
    February 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    you story is so inspiring. :] i am so happy for you. i hope everything goes well for you. :] you’re beautiful, and you’re going to be a great mother.

    congratulations. :]

  44. SJ Says:
    March 18th, 2009 at 12:29 am

    What a sweet story. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you have an easy delivery. I am sure you will be a great mum. Try not to let other pregnant ladies get you down. Every single lady will have a few niggles that she is unhappy about bodywise. But whats important is that you get a healthy happy baby at the end. Early on, I had a cute belly and was glowing. I got all the compliments and loved it. But in my third trimester I got so so huge and swollen it got embarrassing when people would stop me and ask when it was due thinking it was soon and were shocked when they found out I had another 3 months to go! Some women swore it was twins eventhough I reassured them it was just one baby. And men would side step to give me a wide berth. You could see the look of horror on their faces as I was just huge! Saying this, its something i can laugh about now as I have a beautiful baby boy who loves cuddling up with his mummy, blubber and all.

  45. Elisa Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    hi, i’m not a mum, not even a mum-to-be. i just wanted to comment on this to let you know your story has touched me. the way you wrote about how your body is still going to be that of a loving mother to your baby… that was really beautiful. so good luck! :)

  46. Kayla Says:
    April 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    I just wanted to say thank you for writing that story. I am plus size and have been TTC for 8 months now. ive been so consumed in the thought that im going to look so horrendous when im pregnant that its almost overshadowed the fact that i will be bringing another life into the world. Your story has really made me change my mind about my body. Its a miracle in itself that my body is able to nourish and grow another human being, who cares what it looks like on the outside.

    Thank you for that :) I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you have a healthy baby boy.

  47. Vanessa Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    I am a mom of a 3 and 1/2 year old. I weighed 185 lbs when I was 3 months pregnant and I was able to hide the fact that I was pregnant until I was 8 months. Some days I wanted to tell every single person that I met that I was going to have a baby, but instead I treated it as my own little secret that I got to hide from all of the strangers around me!! All of my important family and friends knew that I was sooooo excited to become a mommy!! But it was exciting to tell my co-workers that I was going on mat leave at 8 months and that I was pregnant. (They had no clue b/c I had worked as hard as them the whole time!!!)… I just wanted to say congrats and that sometimes secrets can be fun ;) Only one person asked me if I was pregnant my entire pregnany… I have a ton of friends that are preggers and they all have their own complaints about pregnancy and the changes that occur. I think it is a natural part of pregnancy and part of becoming a mother. I hope that all goes well and just remember that your feelings are natural and to allow yourself to feel them!!

  48. Linkety links « blue milk Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 1:24 am

    [...] Exclusion from the pregnancy club – the eye-opening experiences of pregnancy as a fat woman at Shape of a Mother. [...]

  49. Andrea Says:
    June 1st, 2009 at 10:42 am

    That was very beautifully written! I, too, am a plus sized mom. I was with my daughter & am once again with this little princess. I feel soo many of the same emotions you spoke of. Maybe next go round I can be part of that secret mommy club I would like to belong to just once!!!

  50. Karen Says:
    July 7th, 2009 at 7:57 am

    I was pregnant at the same time as a friend who was stick thin and we went for pedicures together at a beauty school. One of the young students asked another student, “Is the other one pregnant too or just fat?” My friend heard the conversation and was shocked and told me about the comment. I hollered back, “I’m both!”

    I was fat & happy–pregnant with my 2nd of 3 kids. I would get crabby at times though when I would walk into a fancy maternity store planning to splurge on a nicer outfit to be told that my size was not carried. One time I walked out and loudly exclaimed to my husband, “They don’t think fat chicks have sex!”

    My body was also good to me and did what it needed to do. Every bump and curve made sense. My body helped create 3 kids. 2 of them were born without the interruption that “pain relief” created with my first birth. I’d love to hear the rest of your story (or the rest so far).

  51. eleanor Says:
    September 10th, 2009 at 6:56 am

    as a concerned 22 year old, worried about stretch marks and slightly droopy breasts i found your writing to be very inspirational.

    children don’t look to us for flat tummies and sculpted arms; they want the comfort of our warm nourishing presence. the endless hugs phrase made me misty eyed. thank you for sharing.

  52. Leslie Says:
    September 19th, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    You inspired me with your story. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and have found out that due to male fertility problems we will have to do IVF(invetro) in order to have a baby. I have been so stressed out about my weight and trying to lose some before we try IVF in March of 2010. I am 36 yrs and weigh 278 lbs. I have been over weight all my life and I have felt so lost lately and was worried if I would even be able to carry a baby and it comforts me to know that it IS possible. I will continue on my quest to lose weight in the next 6 months, but now maybe I can take some pressure off myself and relax a bit. I never even thought of the things you brought up, I guess I want to get pregnant so bad that I have not thought past that point. One day at a time for us and lots of prayers.

  53. Tara Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    I am so glad I read your story. When I found out I was pregnantI was slender but gained a ton of weight during the pregnancy! And I was worried about being pregnant again with the same things you listed. I feel a lot better after reading your story. Look at your body as a miricle and the life its creating. Your body is going to give you the best gift ever.

    Congrats! I hope everything goes well!

  54. Carrie Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    This was such a beautiful post. I am currently just over 300 lbs and recently married. Last year i was finally diagnosed with PCOS after years of irregular periods. My doctor prescribed Metformin in hopes of regulating my cycles and to help me lose weight, unfortunately, it has not been very effective. I too have seriously thought of getting Lap-Band surgery done, but my insurance does not cover weight loss surgery and I can’t afford to pay for it. I will be 30 next year and my husband and I are talking seriously about starting a family soon. I have been terrified for years that I will not be able to become pregnant, and in the chance that i do, i have had all the thoughts of not having a “normal” pregnancy- with the baby bump, the cute clothes, the belly rubbing, the doting friends and co-workers. Instead I dread the shifty glances of unapproving skinny women. I am terrified that my body will not hold out and i’ll have complications. When i read your post, i cried, i wept, i bawled- because someone else was feeling what i am so worried about. I so hope that i am able to be as strong as you, and to remember that my body is a beautiful vessel for a miracle to grow inside of. I know that I have a difficult journey ahead, and i hope i can find as much grace as you have. Thank you for touching my heart with your story!!

  55. Kelaiah Lynn Says:
    December 26th, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    Thanks Mamma for posting. I am currently 270 pounds, I was approved for the lapband but awaiting pregnancy confirmation for baby #4, so the surgery may have to be put on hold. You look great!

  56. Melissa Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    i don’t know you but… i just love you to death! i also am morbidly obese at around 325 lbs. and i’m trying to get pregnant, going the clomid route. just this morning i was picturing in my head all the intimate baby bump photography i’ve seen, with daddy kissing the belly and both parents spooning in the grass with their hands on the bare bare belly, and all that jazz…. and i’m thinking, i’ll never be able to have those. because it will just look like a man and his fat wife rubbing her blubbery belly. but like you, i then realize that when i manage to get pregnant, it will be enough that my husband rubs and kisses my belly in private… knowing what we have created together… and the joy that we’ll soon be adding to our lives. thanks for an awesome blog and for saying the things i was thinking but couldn’t put out there…

  57. Mary Beth Says:
    January 18th, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    I can TOTALLY relate. When I was 4 days OVERDUE with my daughter I waddled into Babies R Us and bought two cases of newborn diapers, nursing pads, Lansinoh cream, and other assorted last minute grabs. The cashier asked me, “Are these for a shower?” I looked down at what I considered to be a big old pregnant belly and said, “No, I’m having my daughter tomorrow and I needed some last minute things.” To make matters worse, I was wearing a maternity shirt. I too was 300 lbs when I got pregnant the first time. Unfortunately, I lost that baby and tried for 10 months to get pregnant all the while eating myself further and further into depression. It wasn’t until I went on a diet and lost about 30 lbs, 300 again being the magic number, that I got pregnant with my now 3 year old daughter. Once again, back on the diet to loose about 30 lbs to try for number 2 soon!

  58. leen bee Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 2:51 am

    First of all.. congratulations.. and thank you for making me feels comfort.. knowing that i’m not the only plus size mom-to-be who want to be notice on my pregnancy.

    sometimes its sad.. when people look at me and seems like they don’t believe that i’m pregnant.. and when my aunty said i dont look pregnant on my 12 weeks..

    but reading your lovely story really inspiring me. i’m not alone.. thank you so much…

  59. bianca Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    this post made me cry soooo much!!! I feel exactly as you do. The funny part is, I had my final two appointments for my lap band surgery in August, and found out in July that I was pregnant. Of course I couldn’t believe it!!! I have wanted this for soooo long, and my overweight body just wouldn’t work for me! I had gotten pregnant once before in 2008, but I lost it at 5 weeks. Didn’t even have time to believe I was pregnant, so It didn’t affect me like it should have. I am now 19 wks preg. today and am still in shock! my boyfriend is the only one who can kinda tell, since my last dr. appoint I found out I have lost a total of 9 lbs since I found out I was preg. so also have been lucky in not having to buy clothes, I still fit into mine, although I have days where they’re not as comfortable, and Yes I get the crazy looks on the train when I don’t get up for an older person (just last week as a matter of fact), and on the train there are always announcements about how if you see a pregnant woman you should give up your seat….WILL NEVER HAPPEN FOR ME!! I too am jealous of my skinnier friends who got the whole maternity clothes, “awww, cute belly” comments from strangers. Yes walking through Babies-R-Us rather difficult doing the registry with people looking at you like, you’re not even pregnant! or, hmmmm, it’s a bit early don’t ya think? I am just starting to feel her move more now, and am excited, and have realized that if I don’t show the whole time, and ocntinue to lose weight, that this is a TRUE BLESSING!! lol also because i’m overweight and have gestation diabetes (which I have under control), I get to have U/S every month! so unlike
    “Normal” pregnant women who only get to see their little one’s twice maybe 3 times through out their pregnancy, I have seen mine since I was 6 weeks preg. and get to see her all the way to the end!! :) so yes, I feel super blessed that it has happened the way it has, and like everyone else, hate being obese, especially since it’s not healthy, but am glad that god blessed me at 31 to finally be a mom!!! bless all of you ladies going through the same thing, and thank you for posting this, you have helped me feel even better about this!!!!

  60. Kris Says:
    May 1st, 2011 at 11:22 am

    That brought me to tears. This was so beautifully written. God bless you, your family & your gorgeous body. <3

  61. Charlotte Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    This was like reading my life story. I had weightless surgery and was also told I’d never have kids. And I found out in February I am pregnant. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! Very inspiring.

  62. Lisa Says:
    May 14th, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Thank u so much for not making me feel so alone and your story sounds like I’m reading it out of my journal except I did not have money or insurance 2 cover lap band. I went to the gym and worked out as u must have. It was a long journey and lost about a little more then 150 lbs I keep tryin to get pregnant before I lost the weight and never once came close to it till I lost all the weight and really got to know my body…. I tried about 5 times I think I even miscarried once but it was really to early to test so I could not prove I was after the 5 time I wanted to give up and I did. I got so depressed because I 37 and getting older told my self its ether this year or never anyway I went to the store and got a test for the help of it. This time around I was not getting any signs that I was pregnant. I had got a cold but just chocked that up as a cold I almost died when I seen the 2 lines and still I could not even process the information went to the store and got 2 more tests LOL anyway wish we could talk more its nice to have someone that is going through everything u are o.b.t.w. I was @ 230 lbs I have gained 20 lbs and I’m only 16 weeks omg its so hard to deal with this weight again I forgot how hard it is to move

  63. Monica Says:
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Thank you so much for publishing this story! You have no idea how much this helped me! I feel so much better knowing im not the only one feeling this way, I am healthy as well, and I was devastated by the odds my doctor had given me today! This made me feel so much better, I was very happy over my pregnancy until he started throwing the word obese around constantly and told me not to gain any weight at all. But your story made me feel better about myself! Thank you <3

  64. amanda Says:
    January 31st, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Thank you so much for your story I can identify with everything…it’s nice to know i am not alone. I feel so much better to know their are other vuluptuous mommys to be out their!!!!
    THANKS A MILLION!

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