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My thoughts on being a plus-size mom to be (Anonymous)

I have been overweight my whole entire life. I always joke that the “thinnest” Ive ever been was at birth – 6 lbs. Funny, but true. At one point, I got up over 400 lbs. Then I made a decision that changed my life completely. I had lap-band weight loss surgery in Dec. 2005. The surgery has been amazing… I would have never been able to lose weight like I have without it. Ive had no complications and would definitely reccomend it to anyone that is seriously obese. However, it comes with its own set of rules and guidelines, you have to work hard and youre definitely not taking “the easy way out”, like some people say the surgery is. If you thought dieting was hard, this is just as hard, if not harder, even. Because of the lap band surgery I lost over 100 lbs., reaching my first goal of getting below 300 lbs. In Jan. 2008, my period didnt show up on time and on a whim I took a pregnancy test. I couldnt believe it, TWO LINES! I was pregnant. So many doctors for so long had told me that I would NEVER be able to get pregnant being so morbidly obese. I had basically thought I would never be a mom… that it would take me years and years to lose the weight I needed to be considered “healthy”. Id been sexually active for years – and Ill admit, sometimes ‘careful’ and sometimes not, and never gotten pregnant. I didnt think I could. But something must of changed, because here we were… pregnant. My dream had finally become true. I am now 7 months pregnant, expecting a baby boy in mid September. I have only gained about 15 lbs. throughout my pregnancy (11 in one month, unfortunately – right as I hit my 3rd trimester.) Ive had no complications with my lap band with my pregnancy… and have actually had few complications with the pregnancy as a whole; heartburn, constipation, acid reflux and being tired all the time, as most pregnant women tend to be. However, I have come to notice that my pregnancy is very different than that of all my friends. Sure, we have the same common complaints, but at the same time they are still very different than me. I look at them and envy them sometimes… wishing I could just be “normal”. I have wanted this baby for so very long, I want the full-on experience; all the aches and pains… the water break in the checkout line at Walmart… I want to feel the pain of the contractions (just til the epidural kicks in! Im not THAT crazy!) I just want it… all. I am still so amazed that my body is doing this… that Im finally pregnant… that Im getting what Ive always wanted. So really and truly I dont have much to complain about. And I try not to compare myself to my friends, and girls I see at the doctor’s office, random girls I pass at the grocery store. But at the same time, its gets to me sometimes. See… they are all on the thinner side and you can see their bodies changing shape, see them gaining weight, obviously tell they are pregnant. They get measured when they go to the doctor… they complain about stretchmarks and clothes that dont fit. (ha! the story of my life!!!) They get to wear cute little shirts that accentuate their bumps. People are constantly asking them about their pregnancy and touching their bellies. But with me… well… My baby is nestled down inside a slighty more tubby tummy, so I still just look fat and like Im gaining weight again… Its hard to find his heartbeat sometimes because of my “extra padding”, so everytime I go to the doctors its like playing marco/polo to try and find it… Ive had 4-5 sonograms to make sure everything is going well, since its hard to see/tell from the outside. I have another sonogram July 10th to check on his size, since you cant really tell manually because I am bigger… I dont have the “baby bump” that everyone is always talking about… its more like a “baby mountain”, actually… Cute “plus-size maternity” clothes are basically non-existant… so Ive spent much of my pregnancy in sweatpants, how charming… The stretchmarks I have are a result of too much ice cream years ago – not from my growing son… Jose, my mom and I are the only ones that have felt him move – as its so faint sometimes, since I carry the extra weight around him… People cant really tell Im pregnant just by looking at me… so I dont get that random conversation in the baby department at Target… This has driven me to tears at time… because I am so happy and bursting with joy that I want to just shout from the rooftops, “IM PREGNANT!” I want to tell everyone my secret!!! I want to see other preggo’s and other mom’s out and about and share that soft smile with each other… its like belonging to a super secret club, wheres MY membership!? I want random strangers to come up and rub my belly!!! (Ok maybe not so much on that last one, but still!!!) But then I remember that Im HAPPY. Im HEALTHY. My son is growing right on track, doing all the things he is supposed to be doing, developing the way he should… and Im PREGNANT, despite the odds. And its then that I realize that Im being petty and foolish and that things could be much worse. I suck it up and realize this…. those that know me, are close to me, and love me – know that Im expecting. They know Im so happy to finally be a mommy. They are the ones that matter. The playful kicks I feel from my son are a reminder that I am never alone… it doesnt matter if anyone else feels them or not. His daddy loves me unconditionally, doesnt care what size I am, and rubs my belly every night before bed. When I start thinking about all these things, I feel a little better about being a “plus-size mom”… and so Ive come up with this; Its nice to know that my body, overweight as it is, is still doing exactly what its supposed to… providing a warm safe haven for my little one to grow in… My breasts might be on the saggy side, and covered in long-faded stretch marks, but they will work just the same, to feed and nourish my son. My fleshy arms will cushion him, hold him as he sleeps, and provide endless hugs thoughout his lifetime. My flabby thighs will provide a place for him to lay on, a lap to sit on, a knee to bounce him on. I know that may be a “larger-scale” mom, but I am a MOM, none-the-less… and Ive come to understand that no matter the size of your body, it is the size of your love for your child that really and truly matters most.

in Belly, First Pregnancy, Infertility, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Submissions

66 comments… add one

  • Leslie Saturday, September 19, 2009, 7:24 pm

    You inspired me with your story. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and have found out that due to male fertility problems we will have to do IVF(invetro) in order to have a baby. I have been so stressed out about my weight and trying to lose some before we try IVF in March of 2010. I am 36 yrs and weigh 278 lbs. I have been over weight all my life and I have felt so lost lately and was worried if I would even be able to carry a baby and it comforts me to know that it IS possible. I will continue on my quest to lose weight in the next 6 months, but now maybe I can take some pressure off myself and relax a bit. I never even thought of the things you brought up, I guess I want to get pregnant so bad that I have not thought past that point. One day at a time for us and lots of prayers.

  • Tara Tuesday, November 17, 2009, 9:06 pm

    I am so glad I read your story. When I found out I was pregnantI was slender but gained a ton of weight during the pregnancy! And I was worried about being pregnant again with the same things you listed. I feel a lot better after reading your story. Look at your body as a miricle and the life its creating. Your body is going to give you the best gift ever.

    Congrats! I hope everything goes well!

  • Carrie Thursday, December 17, 2009, 9:22 pm

    This was such a beautiful post. I am currently just over 300 lbs and recently married. Last year i was finally diagnosed with PCOS after years of irregular periods. My doctor prescribed Metformin in hopes of regulating my cycles and to help me lose weight, unfortunately, it has not been very effective. I too have seriously thought of getting Lap-Band surgery done, but my insurance does not cover weight loss surgery and I can’t afford to pay for it. I will be 30 next year and my husband and I are talking seriously about starting a family soon. I have been terrified for years that I will not be able to become pregnant, and in the chance that i do, i have had all the thoughts of not having a “normal” pregnancy- with the baby bump, the cute clothes, the belly rubbing, the doting friends and co-workers. Instead I dread the shifty glances of unapproving skinny women. I am terrified that my body will not hold out and i’ll have complications. When i read your post, i cried, i wept, i bawled- because someone else was feeling what i am so worried about. I so hope that i am able to be as strong as you, and to remember that my body is a beautiful vessel for a miracle to grow inside of. I know that I have a difficult journey ahead, and i hope i can find as much grace as you have. Thank you for touching my heart with your story!!

  • Kelaiah Lynn Saturday, December 26, 2009, 11:11 pm

    Thanks Mamma for posting. I am currently 270 pounds, I was approved for the lapband but awaiting pregnancy confirmation for baby #4, so the surgery may have to be put on hold. You look great!

  • Melissa Friday, January 8, 2010, 10:09 pm

    i don’t know you but… i just love you to death! i also am morbidly obese at around 325 lbs. and i’m trying to get pregnant, going the clomid route. just this morning i was picturing in my head all the intimate baby bump photography i’ve seen, with daddy kissing the belly and both parents spooning in the grass with their hands on the bare bare belly, and all that jazz…. and i’m thinking, i’ll never be able to have those. because it will just look like a man and his fat wife rubbing her blubbery belly. but like you, i then realize that when i manage to get pregnant, it will be enough that my husband rubs and kisses my belly in private… knowing what we have created together… and the joy that we’ll soon be adding to our lives. thanks for an awesome blog and for saying the things i was thinking but couldn’t put out there…

  • Mary Beth Monday, January 18, 2010, 9:28 pm

    I can TOTALLY relate. When I was 4 days OVERDUE with my daughter I waddled into Babies R Us and bought two cases of newborn diapers, nursing pads, Lansinoh cream, and other assorted last minute grabs. The cashier asked me, “Are these for a shower?” I looked down at what I considered to be a big old pregnant belly and said, “No, I’m having my daughter tomorrow and I needed some last minute things.” To make matters worse, I was wearing a maternity shirt. I too was 300 lbs when I got pregnant the first time. Unfortunately, I lost that baby and tried for 10 months to get pregnant all the while eating myself further and further into depression. It wasn’t until I went on a diet and lost about 30 lbs, 300 again being the magic number, that I got pregnant with my now 3 year old daughter. Once again, back on the diet to loose about 30 lbs to try for number 2 soon!

  • leen bee Tuesday, March 23, 2010, 2:51 am

    First of all.. congratulations.. and thank you for making me feels comfort.. knowing that i’m not the only plus size mom-to-be who want to be notice on my pregnancy.

    sometimes its sad.. when people look at me and seems like they don’t believe that i’m pregnant.. and when my aunty said i dont look pregnant on my 12 weeks..

    but reading your lovely story really inspiring me. i’m not alone.. thank you so much…

  • bianca Monday, October 11, 2010, 2:08 pm

    this post made me cry soooo much!!! I feel exactly as you do. The funny part is, I had my final two appointments for my lap band surgery in August, and found out in July that I was pregnant. Of course I couldn’t believe it!!! I have wanted this for soooo long, and my overweight body just wouldn’t work for me! I had gotten pregnant once before in 2008, but I lost it at 5 weeks. Didn’t even have time to believe I was pregnant, so It didn’t affect me like it should have. I am now 19 wks preg. today and am still in shock! my boyfriend is the only one who can kinda tell, since my last dr. appoint I found out I have lost a total of 9 lbs since I found out I was preg. so also have been lucky in not having to buy clothes, I still fit into mine, although I have days where they’re not as comfortable, and Yes I get the crazy looks on the train when I don’t get up for an older person (just last week as a matter of fact), and on the train there are always announcements about how if you see a pregnant woman you should give up your seat….WILL NEVER HAPPEN FOR ME!! I too am jealous of my skinnier friends who got the whole maternity clothes, “awww, cute belly” comments from strangers. Yes walking through Babies-R-Us rather difficult doing the registry with people looking at you like, you’re not even pregnant! or, hmmmm, it’s a bit early don’t ya think? I am just starting to feel her move more now, and am excited, and have realized that if I don’t show the whole time, and ocntinue to lose weight, that this is a TRUE BLESSING!! lol also because i’m overweight and have gestation diabetes (which I have under control), I get to have U/S every month! so unlike
    “Normal” pregnant women who only get to see their little one’s twice maybe 3 times through out their pregnancy, I have seen mine since I was 6 weeks preg. and get to see her all the way to the end!! :) so yes, I feel super blessed that it has happened the way it has, and like everyone else, hate being obese, especially since it’s not healthy, but am glad that god blessed me at 31 to finally be a mom!!! bless all of you ladies going through the same thing, and thank you for posting this, you have helped me feel even better about this!!!!

  • Kris Sunday, May 1, 2011, 11:22 am

    That brought me to tears. This was so beautifully written. God bless you, your family & your gorgeous body. <3

  • Charlotte Monday, April 23, 2012, 1:43 pm

    This was like reading my life story. I had weightless surgery and was also told I’d never have kids. And I found out in February I am pregnant. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! Very inspiring.

  • Lisa Monday, May 14, 2012, 11:17 pm

    Thank u so much for not making me feel so alone and your story sounds like I’m reading it out of my journal except I did not have money or insurance 2 cover lap band. I went to the gym and worked out as u must have. It was a long journey and lost about a little more then 150 lbs I keep tryin to get pregnant before I lost the weight and never once came close to it till I lost all the weight and really got to know my body…. I tried about 5 times I think I even miscarried once but it was really to early to test so I could not prove I was after the 5 time I wanted to give up and I did. I got so depressed because I 37 and getting older told my self its ether this year or never anyway I went to the store and got a test for the help of it. This time around I was not getting any signs that I was pregnant. I had got a cold but just chocked that up as a cold I almost died when I seen the 2 lines and still I could not even process the information went to the store and got 2 more tests LOL anyway wish we could talk more its nice to have someone that is going through everything u are o.b.t.w. I was @ 230 lbs I have gained 20 lbs and I’m only 16 weeks omg its so hard to deal with this weight again I forgot how hard it is to move

  • Monica Monday, January 14, 2013, 8:27 pm

    Thank you so much for publishing this story! You have no idea how much this helped me! I feel so much better knowing im not the only one feeling this way, I am healthy as well, and I was devastated by the odds my doctor had given me today! This made me feel so much better, I was very happy over my pregnancy until he started throwing the word obese around constantly and told me not to gain any weight at all. But your story made me feel better about myself! Thank you <3

  • amanda Thursday, January 31, 2013, 6:56 pm

    Thank you so much for your story I can identify with everything…it’s nice to know i am not alone. I feel so much better to know their are other vuluptuous mommys to be out their!!!!

  • Tiffany Monday, October 20, 2014, 8:54 pm

    This is such an amazing post, so many of your feelings are my own. You have inspired me to share my story with others so that I can help them like you just helped me. God is Love, Accept your Abundance it is yours to take. Thank you for giving all of us a piece of your soul, It is such a blessing.

  • Kamil Sunday, November 30, 2014, 12:44 pm

    This was AMAZING!!! Im a plus sized first time mom and this truly warmed my heart!

  • Lisa Sunday, December 21, 2014, 11:24 am

    I’m Lisa, 34 years old and currently 339lbs. Just found out that i’m pregnant with baby number 3. I’m excited and petrified at the same time as this is as heavy as ive ever been. I’m terrified of something going wrong during the pregnancy due to the weight amd not being around for my other 2 kids. I’m otherwise very healthy. No bp problems or diabetes etc… but certainly don’t want to gain more weight. I guess i need a bit of comforting-:)

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