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My Postpartum Body (Courtney)

February 25, 2014

My name is Courtney Bray, I am 20 years old and live in Washington State with my husband and two beautiful girls.
I am a mother of 2.

In my first pregnancy I gained 55 lbs. Stretch marks spread almost all the way up to my breasts. My skin hung and my belly button did as well.

I cried. I cried over and over. I contemplated what I thought was “reconstructive” surgery. I thought my husband wasn’t attracted to me. Every time we passed a skinny attractive woman on the street my heart burned in envy. I dreaded the arrival of summer.

Then I finally lost the weight. I changed my diet entirely and became very passionate about organic food and the fight against Monsanto, the FDA, and USDA. However, despite new passions and a slim body, I hated my stomach. I still cried. Selfishly. Ignoring the immense reward that became of it; my sweet baby.

My second pregnancy came along. This time I felt determined to not gain that crazy amount of weight again. This time, I only gained 35 lbs. I worked out, didn’t limit myself physically, and ate clean. I felt more amazing than I had ever felt in my life. This time I loved being pregnant. I glowed. I didn’t want it to stop.

When I delivered my stomach was flat again after 1 month with the help of wrapping my postpartum tummy. I still have mild diastasis recti though.

This time I cried for a different reason. Staring in the mirror at my stretch marks, I cried. I cried because I loved them. I brushed my fingers over them, pulled at my loose skin a little and smiled. Tears running down my face. I kept on crying, because I finally realized that I love this body so much more than the body I had 3 years ago. This body was the look of true beauty, of work and reward, of suffering and love.

My body is perfectly “ruined”.

022514-courtney-1

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11 Responses to “My Postpartum Body (Courtney)”

  1. Kristi Says:
    February 26th, 2014 at 9:49 am

    You look great!!!(: and your confidence is amazing!(-:

  2. Courtney Says:
    February 26th, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Thank you so much! <3

  3. sadie Says:
    February 26th, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    beautiful

  4. Luna Says:
    February 28th, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    You look amazing and have a great attitude! Life is too short to hate our bodies anyways! I love to see post like this :)

  5. Mariana Says:
    March 1st, 2014 at 5:45 am

    Well said!

  6. Dorcas Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 10:19 am

    You still look Cute!!!!

  7. Courtney Says:
    March 21st, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Thank you! <3

  8. Megan Says:
    April 9th, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    I REALLY needed to read this. Thank you.

  9. Bree Says:
    April 22nd, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    You go girl! You look amazing!

  10. Linda Says:
    May 23rd, 2014 at 11:43 am

    ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡hermosa!!!!!!!!!

  11. Kodi Says:
    June 26th, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    you look great!!!
    keep up the good work. It’s admirable that you have the discipline necessary to eat clean.
    very inspiring story, hopefully someday my own hate for my body will transform into an awe of it’s ‘true beauty’.

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