I started college in the fall of 2007 where I met my wonderful fiance and my life was going really great. I started dating him in August of 2007 and became pregnant in September. I panicked and sought out to my roommates to figure out what to do. One of them suggested to take vitamin c every hour because it supposedly caused a woman to miscarry. I was so very desperate and so unprepared that I decided to do it. I ended up losing the baby and I never told anyone else besides those girls about that experience. I was devastated, but quickly got back to doing well in school and trying my best to abstain from sex. I was hurting so much inside that it made me physically ill thinking about what I had done. I didn’t understand why on earth I would do something like that to an innocent being. It proved to be one of the many challenges that semester. I ended up getting mono, and my boyfriend broke up with me which was more than I could handle. About two weeks later, we got back together and everything seemed fine. Our relationship had a pretty rocky start and by february 2008, I was pregnant again. I was thinking of the horrible decision I had made before and I promised myself not to ever do something like that again. I decided to keep my baby and my fiance stood by my side every step of the way. It was not easy, but I was determined to get through it. I had a huge support system from my family, my fiance, and my fiance’s family. I was 140lbs when I got pregnant and the day before I had my daughter I was 187. I had never weighed that much in my entire life. I missed being 140lbs because that was the time when I felt amazing about myself! I want that back so badly!
I was due November 14, 2008 with my daughter, but had her October 9th due to complications with toxemia. My b/p was 160/110 and the protein level of my urine reached 7,000 from 1,200 three days prior. I couldn’t believe it! I was 34weeks 6days when she was born. She weighed 4lbs 13ounces and was 18in long. She was in the NICU for 13 days before I got to bring her home. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I spent every day in the hospital with her and held her for as long as I could. I didn’t even get to see her until 2 days postpartum. I cried when I was discharged and I could not bring my little baby home with me.
I think back to my miscarriage and while I feel the deepest regret for what I had done, I can’t help but feel thankful too that if I had gone through with the first pregnancy, then I would not have my beautiful baby girl.
She is now a healthy 2 month old. She is the most amazing person in the world and I love her so much.
Funny story about her name…I LOVE Jon and Kate Plus 8, and I was so drugged up(heavy meds after a c-section lol!!) when the birth recorder came by to get her name that I named my daughter after 2 of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s kids…Madelyn Alexis Faith.
Well, Madelyn was picked out waaay before I saw the show so that is okay :)
I do not have any belly pictures on this computer, but I do have some pre-pregnancy pictures, hospital pictures, and some pictures of Madelyn!