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My Miracle Baby (Anonymous)

January 10, 2009

I started college in the fall of 2007 where I met my wonderful fiance and my life was going really great. I started dating him in August of 2007 and became pregnant in September. I panicked and sought out to my roommates to figure out what to do. One of them suggested to take vitamin c every hour because it supposedly caused a woman to miscarry. I was so very desperate and so unprepared that I decided to do it. I ended up losing the baby and I never told anyone else besides those girls about that experience. I was devastated, but quickly got back to doing well in school and trying my best to abstain from sex. I was hurting so much inside that it made me physically ill thinking about what I had done. I didn’t understand why on earth I would do something like that to an innocent being. It proved to be one of the many challenges that semester. I ended up getting mono, and my boyfriend broke up with me which was more than I could handle. About two weeks later, we got back together and everything seemed fine. Our relationship had a pretty rocky start and by february 2008, I was pregnant again. I was thinking of the horrible decision I had made before and I promised myself not to ever do something like that again. I decided to keep my baby and my fiance stood by my side every step of the way. It was not easy, but I was determined to get through it. I had a huge support system from my family, my fiance, and my fiance’s family. I was 140lbs when I got pregnant and the day before I had my daughter I was 187. I had never weighed that much in my entire life. I missed being 140lbs because that was the time when I felt amazing about myself! I want that back so badly!

I was due November 14, 2008 with my daughter, but had her October 9th due to complications with toxemia. My b/p was 160/110 and the protein level of my urine reached 7,000 from 1,200 three days prior. I couldn’t believe it! I was 34weeks 6days when she was born. She weighed 4lbs 13ounces and was 18in long. She was in the NICU for 13 days before I got to bring her home. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I spent every day in the hospital with her and held her for as long as I could. I didn’t even get to see her until 2 days postpartum. I cried when I was discharged and I could not bring my little baby home with me.

I think back to my miscarriage and while I feel the deepest regret for what I had done, I can’t help but feel thankful too that if I had gone through with the first pregnancy, then I would not have my beautiful baby girl.

She is now a healthy 2 month old. She is the most amazing person in the world and I love her so much.

Funny story about her name…I LOVE Jon and Kate Plus 8, and I was so drugged up(heavy meds after a c-section lol!!) when the birth recorder came by to get her name that I named my daughter after 2 of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s kids…Madelyn Alexis Faith.

Hahaha.
Oops!
Well, Madelyn was picked out waaay before I saw the show so that is okay :)

I do not have any belly pictures on this computer, but I do have some pre-pregnancy pictures, hospital pictures, and some pictures of Madelyn!




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3 Responses to “My Miracle Baby (Anonymous)”

  1. Kristiina Says:
    February 16th, 2009 at 6:54 am

    I think what happened with your first pregnancy helped you see the second pregnancy in a different light and you apprechiate this child so much because of it. I can only imagine how your life and perception of your child would have differed if you had had the first child. I am pro-choice, even though I’ve never made the tough decision and I’m currently 28 weeks pregant. This kind of self-induced miscarriage is quite dangerous though. I am really happy that you managed to get pregnant after that. Don’t beat yourself up about it too much. The only thing you could have done differently would have been to take more time to think about it. In your situation in sept 2007 I doubt you would have really been able to see your child as a miracle. That pregnancy just wasn’t meant to be carried until the end. Yet it served a purpose – your views changed a lot. Now you see the world differently.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing your story and I would say it had a very happy ending – your little girl has a mother who sees her as the miracle she is. :)

  2. Grace Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    So sad that you were greeted with that kind of information when you were in such a fragile emotional state. Other people should think about the life-altering influence they can sometimes have. When I got pregnant, I was thrilled and a bit scared, but I heard some terrible things from some not-so-great friends. Several told me I was ruining my life and should have an abortion. If they only knew how wrong they were! My little girl has only enriched my life. One particularly coarse ex-boyfriend (now ex-friend) said that maybe I should just drink and smoke a lot (now note that I was not even coming to him for advice or saying anything negative about the pregnancy). Can you imagine if someone followed that advice? They could end up having a low-birth weight baby with fetal alcohol syndrome! I wish there were non-judgemental, free pregnancy counselors in every town and city to help counsel women through such tumultuous emotions!

  3. Erin Says:
    September 20th, 2009 at 3:21 am

    I am not a doctor, but I was curious to know if the Vitamin C was true. And from my family physician and a friend who is a OB/GYN, they said that you would have had to take a substantial and by substantial they meant a lot of Vitamin c to induce a miscarriage.

    So although your intentions were to induce they felt that perhaps the stress, the natural occurance of miscarriage of course without evaluating you, was more the factor in a miscarriage.

    I think we all make choices that we later regret but you should also feel empowered by your own voice and learning that you were able to seek help, information and family to help you in your 2nd pregnancy.

    Congratulations on being a Mama!

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