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Love/Hate Relationship (Anonymous)

May 5, 2009

I’m now 25 and have always had huge body issues…even when I was thin. I always just hated my shape….my squarish hips and the fact that all my weight sits in my tummy/face while my arms and legs sta skinny. I didn’t like trying to be super thin, but if I wasn’t I just looked pregnant. I was jealous of girls who weighed much more but had this great shape. I’ve always had stretch marks and dimples on my butt for some reason. I tried to follow the advice to find a part you love, and that was my boobs. Not too big or small, perfect color and shape.

So when I got pregnant, my biggest fear was losing them and then having nothing i liked. I envisioned myself with big floppy boobs, saggy belly and covered in stretchmarks. During pregnancy, this site was a way to comfort myself but also to be honest had me crying a few times.

I gained 40lbs…most of it the last 6 weeks….that’s when the stretchmarks showed up on my belly and my legs. After I had my baby girl I was oddly pleased with my body…it had more of that shape I’d always envied…but I was so worried what my hubby would think about the stretchmarks. My belly button had been stretched and seems huge now. I’m still nursing, with a few light marks on them, but they feel so big and floppy I hate doing it sometimes….I’m hoping they’ll return to the right size, but scared of what they’ll look like. I dropped to under my pre-preggo weight within 3 months, but its not the same.

My baby girl is about to be 5 months old, and sometimes I feel better than ever about myself…I recently got a naval piercing to celebrate that. but its a love/hate relationship…I also have days where I still see how so much flop is in my belly and breasts, comparing myself to some model/mom friends i have….and think that people must be thinking i look like an apple on a stick, and my face seems squishier than ever. My husband is deployed, so I often send him pics but will take like 100 and weed it down to 2 that make me look good. I turn at an angle so i don’t look so bulky. I know he would never treat me differently, but sometimes I worry what he’ll secretly be thinking when he gets home…..

The first pic is 32 weeks
The second is 38 weeks
3rd is 3-4 weeks postpartum
4th is two months postpartum
Last two of me are 5 months
very last is my baby girl

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11 Responses to “Love/Hate Relationship (Anonymous)”

  1. Heather Says:
    May 5th, 2009 at 8:40 am

    I love the first photo. It’s gorgeous. You look curvy and womanly in the last photo of you, very sexy!! And your daughter is beautiful.

  2. kay Says:
    May 5th, 2009 at 8:56 am

    ur daughter is a cutie pie!! I LOVE the first pic – I hope you frame it! You look great!

  3. Mary Says:
    May 5th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    You are so curvy and beautiful! And your little girl is sooo cute!

  4. canada Says:
    May 5th, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    Honestly, I think your body looks great! Pictures number 5 and 6 are incredibly sexy and I see nothing wrong, you are hot girl! Plus my goodness is your daughter ever gorgeous! I think you have all the reason to hold your head high because you are looking good ;-)

  5. chris Says:
    May 5th, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    As a former soldier I can tell you that your husband can not wait to be home with you and your daughter. He will say that openly, and silently hope the time clicks faster away. There is no secret… from the first photo he loves you!!!

    A spouse of a someone serving has the hardest job in the military. My mom did it and so too did my wife. Hang in there!!! You look great!!! Your daughter is very cute!!! AND the three of you should be together soon.

    Blessing to your family, my strength to you and your husband.

  6. Nina Says:
    May 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am

    what are you talking about? you’re beautiful!!!

  7. Mike Says:
    May 11th, 2009 at 3:03 am

    You have a very nice figure.

  8. Chris Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    First of all, congatulations on a healthy and gorgous baby! All of your pictures are wonderful. The first picture is really beautiful. The sixth one is gorgeous. the image exudes a very raw sexuality. Not to be weird or anything, but I’ve noticed that when a woman’s belly is more rounded instead of flat, there’s something more sexy/sexual about her figure. That’s what I was picking up on in my comment on the 6th picture.
    I can relate to you about having a love/hate relationship with your body. I’ve battled unhealthy eating and exercise patterns for almost a decade now and as much as I’d like to be a mother one day, the changes motherhood brings scare me. Your pictures are comforting because nothing bad has happened to your body, it’s beautiful. Your abdomen and hips are my favorite part, they’re just so shapely and pretty.

  9. Sari Says:
    June 4th, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    I think that the photo of your husband, kissing the life inside of your beautiful body tells all..Please, love yourself for the Glory that God has given you both…It is worth it, and so are you. Let your child know how beautiful you are, for her sake..I had a mother who never loved her body, and she let me know it. I tell you, it destroyed my sense of female identity. Love yourself for your child if nothing else..

  10. John Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Your body is spectacular!

  11. becky Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    wow your body is sexy!!!!! very sexy. Be very proud and happy with your body

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