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Life Blooms (Anonymous)

January 3, 2008

I never thought I would be on this site because becoming a mother had once seemed an impossibility to me. I was raped my a trusted family member at 14. I lost half of my family because it was too painful and shameful for them. From that point on, my body meant nothing to me but pain. I was tormented by that. I lost all sense of self worth and boundaries for my body and let people continue to use and abuse me. Even though I essentially gave them permission, it was in direct violation to everything I should’ve been, deserved to be. i never knew I deserved better. I clung to my petite figure and self image because i thought all i had to offer was the beauty of my external self. Then everything changed. I met someone who revealed to me the beauty of my inner self. We got married and the longing for a child burned within us. I yearned for such a gift but was holding myself back because of all of my past abuse. I knew that pregnancy would make me confront some very powerful and brutal truths ( I would have to learn to relate to my body in a completely new and intimate way) and I didn’t know if my heart and body could handle it. I prayed for the strength to let the walls come down and we decided to try for a baby. we went through 18 months of uncertainty and were told we may not conceive. It was so very painful and I felt “What good has my body ever been to me?” Then God wove together a chain of incredible events that changed my life forever. I broke down and cried out for help. a couple months later, my husband and I met a couple whom we eerily shared much in common with. they, too, had been trying to conceive a child and were told the odds were stacked against them.. they had been trying for five years. But only four months after our meeting.. we both found out we were expecting. we were six weeks apart and if everything wasn’t miraculous enough.. we would come to find that we were both expecting little girls. nine months later, out of my deepest pain, my body, my spirit and my soul triumphed and I gave birth to my precious baby girl. I am so deeply moved by the sight of my child that sometimes it brings me to tears. even though she is my gift, i have to admit that the body i hid behind for so long.. trying to keep it as my perfect little mask.. i can no longer hide behind. sometimes i feel so vulnerable and disfigured at the sight of my postpartum body. my breasts are no longer smooth but the skin on them puckered and saggy feeling with the grooves of stretch marks spread across them. my butt is covered in stretch marks as are my upper thighs. i cried the first time i saw myself after the birth. my biggest embarassment are my stretch marks. i only gained 35 pounds but i still got them. my greatest comfort is the realization that, as mothers, our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of but celebrated for our womb was a garden where the life of our child bloomed and that is what makes us beautiful.



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17 Responses to “Life Blooms (Anonymous)”

  1. Grace Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 3:33 am

    What a wonderful story. Thanks so much for sharing… it gives me more motivation to be a good example to my 7-month-old baby girl, too. I hope that you continue to teach your daughter to love herself and that her body is special.

  2. avery Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 4:59 am

    No one deserves to go through what you did as a child and I am so happy for you that you have found love and happiness because you DO deserve it!! Love yourself because you are clearly loved. Your baby and your body are both beautiful!

  3. Tammy Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 6:32 am

    Congratulations to you and thank you for sharing your touching story. Having dealt with infertility myself, I fully understand the pain and frustration you went through trying to have a baby. Best of luck to you and your family.

  4. Gina Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 6:44 am

    Wow..your story is very sad,but Im so glad it has a happy ending.
    As for your body now..I think you look amazing! and the shape of the stretch marks on your bottom are actually beautiful! It looks like a tribal tattoo,but yours has so much more meaning ;)
    The stretch marks will fade into silver,and soon you wont even be able to see them..which is actualy quite a pity because as I said,I love the shape! :)
    Your daughter is beautiful and I just hope my body looks like yours does after this pregnancy :) You look fantastic! :)

  5. Melissa Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 7:22 am

    New Mama,
    You look beautiful & your daughter is absolutely adorable. Congratulations on your little cutie!
    I’m so sorry for the pain you experienced in the past & continue to deal with today. What that family member did to you is unforgivable. But you can use that experience & the knowledge you’ve gained to protect your own daughter. You can teach her what to do if confronted with inappropriate behavior. And you can assure her that no matter what, she can count on her mother to always stand by her.
    Peace.
    p.s.- those stretch marks will fade to silver in no time :)

  6. Anonymous Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 8:01 am

    your story is very touching and you look great! our boobs are IDENTICAL!

  7. R Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 8:19 am

    Oh my gosh, your daughter is so CUTE!!!

  8. Helen Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 9:34 am

    I’m so sorry for the abuse you suffered when you were younger. It’s so hard for those of us with physical and sexual abuse in our backgrounds to go through the process of pregnancy and birth, and then, on top of that, to see that tiny precious baby and imagine anyone ever hurting them, but the strength you get on the other side, and of course your beautiful child, makes it all worth it. You are beautiful and so are your daughter and your husband!

  9. Sarah Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    You are beautiful and still have a sexy body to offer your husband–as well as a beautiful spirit and mind! Your daughter is gorgeous! What a wonderful story you have to offer your child. Teach her to love her body and God. Your bottom looks exactly like mine and your belly and breasts as well. I actually prefer my new figure. Beforehand I was petite, skinny as a rail, and flat-chested. You look like a woman now and so do I. We’re hot mamas. ;-)
    Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and thank you so much for sharing your story!

  10. Brendy Says:
    January 5th, 2008 at 6:52 am

    The actual abuse is only the tip of the iceberg isn’t it? The pain and suffering can stay with you forever.

    You look beautiful on the outside and you sound beautiful on the inside.

  11. Christie Says:
    January 11th, 2008 at 12:53 am

    Your story moved me to tears….and thank you for sharing your pretty baby as well!!

  12. Keisha Says:
    January 12th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    Thank you for having the courage to share such a painful ordeal. I thank God that things turned out so much better for you.
    Just remember that you are created in His image and what a beautiful image that is, stretch marks and all.
    Hugs to you and that adorable princess! :)
    ~K.

  13. kasondra Says:
    January 14th, 2008 at 1:18 am

    BEAUTIFUL story and BEAUTIFUL baby!!!

  14. Jenny Saldana Says:
    January 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am

    You are beautiful. Your body is now your trophy. Embrace it and love it more than ever. Congratulations!

  15. Vanessa Says:
    February 9th, 2008 at 10:05 am

    You look great, and I am so sorry for everything you have experienced.
    Be health and love with you!
    Hugs!

  16. mammasweet Says:
    February 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 am

    Oh, you are too hard on yourself. The red will fade. You have a beautiful body. Nice stomach. Cute perky breasts. You look amazing.

  17. Kara Says:
    April 16th, 2008 at 8:22 am

    I have stretch marks in the same spots…all over my thighs and butt, but none on my belly (so weird…) I had my son at 18, and he is almost 13 now. I can assure you that the red does fade…ALOT…but we will always have the reminder. I think you look great!

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