First pregnancy/birth: 1 year pp
Thats what my 5 year old nephew says about my belly button. It bothered me immensely the first time he said it, then the more I thought of it a little chuckle escaped.. how many people can say it looks like their button is frowning? That short sentence pretty much sums up my whole postpartum journey thus far; denial, anger, mortification, acceptance, appreciation, and enjoyment! If you asked me a year ago if I ever thought I’d enjoy my body again I’d have given you a very quick and convincing, “NO!” I was very depressed about my body, I compared myself with every single female I saw, childless or mother; and in my eyes they all looked better than me. Every time someone complimented me or told me I was looking great I was sure they were lying, there’s no way I could look great.
Over this past year I have changed a lot, but its more my attitude than my body. My breasts are shrunken and saggy, yet I cherish the memories they give me.. my son kneading and tugging on them as he nurses and in those moments I’m the only thing in the world he cares about. The right side of my belly has far more stretchmarks than the left, and every time I look down I remember having his back pushed up tight on that side of me for the entire pregnancy. The stretchmarks from the top of my breasts to my calves remind me how strong my body is and I marvel in the fact that I was privileged enough to grow another human being inside me and it never ceases to amaze me how a body can morph to accommodate that baby. I don’t think my body is better or worse than any other mom out there, we each have our own stories and our bodies illustrate that individuality. What fun would it be if we all fit the same mold??
I finally started working out around the new year, before that I had felt hopeless. It’s helped boost my confidence, energy and moods so much! I’ve lost 55 of the 60lbs I gained during my pregnancy so far. I hope to lose 5 or so more and continue to get in better shape. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this site for helping me see what really matters, I firmly believe I would still loathe my body had I not found SOAM.
Picture 1: 1 yr pp full body shot
Picture 2: 1 yr pp close up of the “frowny face” button and strechmarks
Picture 3: 1 yr pp side
Pitcure 4: Levi 1 yr old!