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“Is she pregnant? …Or just fat?” (Anonymous)

Back in my younger years I had always been pretty chubby, it wasn’t until about 3 or 4 years ago that I lost all the weight, stopped smoking and make it to around 140 lbs. I was not perfect looking by any means, but I did look somewhat fit and healthy overall. I am now currently in my 6th month of pregnancy and am insulted that people constantly make comments about how much I am “letting myself go”, especially at work. People seem to be surprised or taken aback with total disbelief that there’s a baby inside my body. Even my own mother has told me I look fat. She said, “Well you don’t look very big for being six months pregnant. You just look like you eat too much.” I find that this is hurting my self image physically and mentally, and making me want to cry. Cry because I know that my body is changing to support my son, yet I get called fat or over weight and asked, “Baby?! Where are you hiding it?!” I sometimes even get reprimanded by my prenatal nurses about the slightest ounce of weight I put on! I am not a big person (anymore) and I actually eat very healthy and well balanced meals and exercise regularly. What upsets me more is that I love children and would love to have two or even three, but being a first time mother with the experiences I have had so far have turned me off to the idea of having anymore children. It almost seems shameful to be pregnant and gain weight to support the life growing inside my body. I feel that the one size fits all pregnancy plan is not for everyone, because everyone is different. We all carry our children differently and our bodies adapt and support those children differently. Making pregnant women feel ashamed about their bodies or even their pregnancies during a time when it’s okay to put on some weight is not okay. Women should not have to feel badly about themselves when they should be beaming with vitality and joy. /end rant

Below: six weeks (right), six months (left).

in Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions
6 comments… add one
  • Shannon Friday, September 5, 2014, 12:59 pm

    WOW!!! For people to even imply you are gaining too much is crazy to me! You look on the small side (compaired to how my body is when pregnant) in my opinion! Do not let others comments hurt you. You are glowing, and you look beautiful! Congratulations :) I hope your son’s Daddy is being supportive and telling you how beautiful you are!

  • Onyx Friday, September 5, 2014, 2:17 pm

    That’s you at 6 months on the right?! That’s what people are calling “letting yourself go”??? That’s the cutest little belly! People started asking me at 6 months how soon I was having the baby because my belly was so big! You should feel great at this time (and always) about your body. Not just about your physical appearance- which is lovely- , but because of the incredible thing your body is doing. You are MAKING a person and that’s incredible.

  • Stephanie Sunday, September 7, 2014, 6:23 am

    Apparently you are surrounded by cruel people. Only someone who is insecure or cruel would comment on a pregnant woman’s body, and especially yours because you are TINY for 6 months. As long as your precious baby and you are healthy then everyone else needs to hush. When I was pregnant with my first I had to pass the cubicle of a cruel woman every time I went to the bathroom. EVERY single time she would make a comment on how big I was. It was horrible, and since it was my first pregnancy I was a mess. NOT ok. Especially not ok that your mom is saying stuff. Praying you find some awesome friends (real friends) who can support you and love you!

  • Alice Monday, September 8, 2014, 1:44 am

    First off, you look fantastic. I found it really hard when I was pregnant to relax about the ways my body was changing. I still struggle with it now, but honestly it’s no one else’s business but your own and I hate the way people feel entitled to comment on your body just because you’ve got a baby in there. I have to say that reading your post I did wonder whether your mother might not have been trying to say (albeit in a clumsy way), that you look really good for being six months pregnant because you’re not huge? Like, you’ve got such a small, neat bump that if she didn’t know you were pregnant she’d just think you’d gained a few pounds by eating more than usual? You know your mom of course and if she’s given to being critical about your weight (which I think is totally ridiculous BTW as you have NOTHING to worry about on that score), then maybe she did mean it unkindly. It’s just so hard to imagine how she could think that you’re looking “fat” when nothing could be further from the truth!

  • Michelle Tuesday, September 23, 2014, 4:12 pm

    Shame on those people that have nothing to do but put you down to make themselves feel better! You look beautiful, and no one can judge you of looking “a certain way” as everyone’s body changes differently during pregnancy. Next time someone feels it is their place to be negative, thank them for their concern and let them know how healthy both you and your baby are. And you need a new nurse. You are paying for their care and if is not good, find someone else.

  • Sarah Tuesday, October 28, 2014, 10:31 pm

    I experienced something similar when I was pregnant with my son last year. At one point, when I had a cold at 6 months pregnant, my OB eyed me up and down and told me whatever cold medicine I took to make sure it’s sugar free because I’m getting fat. It was frustrating to constantly have my excitement about my first baby be ruined by hateful comments. I grew very resentful that all I wanted to think about was my growing baby, but all people wanted to focus on was ME and my pregnancy weight gain. It’s funny now because I honestly don’t think my son would be as resilient and strong if I had let the nasty comments make me try to control my weight gain more intensely. Also, I’m fine with some of the permanent changes because I don’t want to erase all the evidence of carrying him. I was his HOME. It’s like…I’m not itching to turn his old room into a home office the second he leaves for college. You know what I mean? The point of my rambling is it’s hard, but also important, to figure out how YOU feel about your body and what YOU want to do or not do, what you want to worry or not worry about. Once you decide what YOUR feelings are it’s easier to weed out the bullshizz for what it is…projection and bullying. I think you look beautiful and I think you and your body are doing a wonderful job becoming exactly what your baby needs. The thing is, the pregnancy determines the changes. Your pregnancy will tell your body what it needs to do and your body will do it. So WHATEVER changes your body undergoes while pregnant…they’re the right changes for YOUR pregnancy. Everyone else can just kiss off. It’s not THEIR pregnancy so they have no idea what they’re even talking about.

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