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I Rock, Size 00 or Not (Katy)

May 19, 2011

I rock, size 00 or not

I had a special photo shoot done with Gretchen McFarland Photography for a surprise birthday present for the Pilot. Family members may not want to look. I have always been a pretty confident person. I also
don’t have a lot of shame and for the most part could care less how people think of me. I was a ballet dancer & loved being on stage. When I had to quit ballet for a hip injury, I went to running. Running kept me in shape. I was running normally about 8 miles every other day and was planning on running the Marine Corps Marathon in Oct of 08. As soon as I felt better after twisting my knee by stepping on a dog, I found out I was pregnant and stopped running. This August will mark three years since my last run (I wasn’t medically cleared to run after giving birth to the Hoo, due to the same hip problems). I loved my body when running. I had muscles & definition. Abs. Great thighs. My husband loved me too. I like being in shape. Two kids later, yeah, not so much. I am still about 7-10lbs off from where I was pre-pregnancy.

-off subject tangent- Why can’t thin people be bothered by their own fat or unhealthiness? I feel so much like that if you aren’t overweight, you have no right to complain. And yes, thin people never have to go through the ridicule or whatnot that overweight people do. But losing weight should be more about just looking good; it should be about feeling good. Healthy. I have no doubt in my mind that there are some people my height with 20 extra lbs on them that can run a mile faster. I am so not in shape right now! And I hate that. -end rant-

I had ordered what I was going to wear weeks ago. When I tried it on before the shoot, I hated it all. I hated the way I looked. I didn’t like how some pieces cut into my now softer body. I felt like the
bottoms made my hips seem even wider, my butt bigger. I felt fat and unhealthy, far from the usual confident person I am. I wanted to be perfect for Pilot, back down to my size 00, with a rock hard body.
But I wasn’t. I was a tired mom of 2 who hasn’t been able to make it to the gym & who also gave birth just 3 months ago. I was thinking of Heidi Klum, who walked the runway what, 6 weeks after she gave birth?
Where were her hips? Where was her line from ribcage to hips dividing the softness of belly & loose skin from pregnancy? Or are Hollywood moms so above the rest of us that it never happens to them?

It isn’t that. I am a full time mom, in all ways. I don’t have a nanny (or hell, even a husband around) who I can pass the kids off to while I go work out. I don’t have a chef preparing me fresh, healthy meals every day. I am lucky if I can grab a piece of toast & some yogurt for breakfast. I live off sticks of Colby jack cheese, coffee, almond M&Ms, fruit & nuts throughout the day. I don’t have the money to spend on liposuction, spa treatments, and specialty creams…so why am I letting the constant swarm of media shatter my self-confidence? Why, when I am so vastly different from the women we see in media am I paying any attention to them? I am real, not some airbrushed, snipped, plastic, vapid woman on the cover of Star or Vogue. And more importantly, what would my girls think if they saw me like this? I never say anything negative about my appearance around them. I don’t want them to grow up thinking they have to be perfect in their looks, hearing their mother’s moaning over her own perceived imperfections. I want them to have a positive body image and to realize that they are beautiful no matter what size they fit in. The perfection they are swarmed with isn’t real, and I plan to do my best to make sure they know what goes into making the images they see. Real will always be more beautiful. The human body is a work of art. I don’t want them sitting in front of the mirror in their prom dress nearly in tears over the way it is cut, or being ashamed of their nakedness, picking apart their body until there is nothing left to love. Their body is a
gift from God and I want them to appreciate, use, and love every part of them, from the brain in their head down to their toes. I want them to shout proudly, “I love myself, no matter what Barbie/Vogue/gossip
magazines/E! Channel/advertisements tell me I should be!” The mass media has done such an excellent job of telling women that we suck, our bodies are inferior, and we need this weight loss fad, this cream,
this make up, these shoes, these pills, etc to make us this ‘perfect’ shallow shell of what we really are. We need to celebrate our bodies, not berate ourselves for perfection that is really just a false ideal to sell us junk.

I stopped tearing myself apart. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Fuck you media.” I rocked at the height of my running/working out days. I rock now. I walked in there wearing my 5-inch patent leather peep toe pumps with pride. I am a woman. I am a mother. And I am damn smokin’ hot, size 00 or not.

Originally posted here. Photographs here.

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9 Responses to “I Rock, Size 00 or Not (Katy)”

  1. angels mom Says:
    May 19th, 2011 at 8:07 am

    YOU LOOK AMAZING AND I LOVE LOVE UR PICS

  2. Marz Says:
    May 19th, 2011 at 8:31 am

    OMG!! You are amazingly beautiful: your eyes, your face, your lips, and your body as well! You are damn right you’re smokin’! :D
    And BTW, you have a great attitude– many of us will not be able to regain our previous physique down to the last inch and pound, but we can still be confident women!

  3. Dee Says:
    May 19th, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Very beautifully written. When I didn’t see the pictures at first, I was so surprised that you’d post this wonderful story about a photo shoot and then not post the photos, but thankfully I saw the link and WOW! You are gorgeous!

    I second your rant! I stand at 5′ 3″ and the biggest I’ve ever been (besides during pregnancy) is 128 lbs. I was never the fat girl, but I wasn’t healthy either. Now I go on a walk or hit the gym every day and I’ve never felt healthier in my life. Even women who are thin aren’t necessarily healthy.

    Your confidence is amazing and I’m sure your girls will know how beautiful real women are because of you.

  4. amber Says:
    May 19th, 2011 at 10:12 am

    your pictures are AMAZING!!!! HOT MAMA!

  5. terri c Says:
    May 19th, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    You look beautiful! Gorgeous photos!

  6. mrspetunia Says:
    May 19th, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    It’s funny that you rant against those hollywood moms and then take pictures and actually LOOK like one! HA!!! Anyway, thanks for the post. You have a great attitude and your confidence is inspiring!

  7. Lauren Says:
    May 25th, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Love love love your pictures!!And I completely understand your rant – I am pretty thin, but I still get after myself about the 5lbs I have to lose and the muscle I’d like to put on and the extra workout I’d like to fit in each week. People with more weight to lose might tell me to chill out and just be happy where I am, but its my own personal motivation to be the fittest and healthiest *I* can be. Our goals really ought to be personal, not based on where we fit, somewhere between Heidi Klum and our obese neighbor.

  8. Kate Says:
    May 25th, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Wow what an awesome post! What the media has done to the last few generations is terrible and how empowering is it to tell them all to eff off!

  9. L Says:
    June 21st, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    Wow you are Beautiful! !! Your face is captivating your shape is awesome I think fit buff women and hot too a naturally soft woman is awesome too. I was young and athletic once lol Im only 24. But im now healthy and soft mom of two. Enjoy yourself and your life and your body. We all need to be better to ourselves. Your post and photos inspired me.

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