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Continued Hatred of a “Beautiful Thing” (Anonymous)

July 30, 2010

Age: 19
Number of Pregnancies: 1
Number of Births: 1 amazing baby boy
(Almost) 6 months Postpartum

Let me start out by saying that I am so thankful to have found this website. I no longer feel completely alone in the way I look. Although I do still have my self-confidence issue, I know that others are feeling the same things as I am, and they are BEAUTIFUL women!

I found out I was pregnant just a few months before my eighteenth birthday. It was not a completely unplanned pregnancy, and although I was very shocked, I was overjoyed. Throughout my pregnancy I felt so beautiful despite my growing amounts of stretch marks. I had this beautiful belly and a beautiful baby boy growing inside of me. I truly felt the miracle of life.

On February 8th of 2010 I delivered my happy, healthy baby boy. He weighed 9lbs2oz and was 21.5inches long. It was love at first sight with my new baby. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing with my new body. When I looked down at my “bowl-full-of-jelly” stomach, I felt empty. Not just my stomach, but my self-esteem.

I now was full of stretch marks, and although I had a gorgeous baby to show for it, I hated my body, and I still do. I envy the women who have “come to terms” with their bodies, as they deserve to feel beautiful because they have done the most powerful thing a woman can do!! Giving life and then nourishing that life is amazing beyond words!

I know I should feel that way also, but when I look down at myself, all I see is disgusting stretch marks, a flabby tummy, saggy boobs (although I am still exclusively breastfeeding), and I can’t help but feel awful about it.

I hate this new body, and I hate the way I look. I used to love shopping, now going in to a store just depresses me as I know I will never find anything that will fit me, and now I have to try to hide this flabby tummy, arms, thighs, and hips. Also, being 19, I would love to wear shorts and even ANY swimsuit, but I barely have the confidence to do that.

I am covered in stretch marks from my breasts to my calves (and everywhere in between!), but I think (with help from all of you beautiful women), that I am VERY slowly starting to realize that this new body is not a burden, but the miracle that continues to give my child nourishment and life.

Thank you, ladies! You are all beautiful!!

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12 Responses to “Continued Hatred of a “Beautiful Thing” (Anonymous)”

  1. Bryana Says:
    July 30th, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Give yourself some time. I know everyone says it, but it really is true. Your body went through an incredible change to allow room for your beautiful boy to grow, so don’t expect it to snap back. It will never be “the same”, but it is beautiful, maybe just in a different way.
    I am young, I am 22 and have a 4 1/2 year old and a 13 month old. I think it is much harder for young young young women to accept their new bodies after child birth, mainly because we go from having a child’s body to a womans body in no time at all. We aren’t used to seeing such change in our bodies, but over time, you will accept it, atleast I hope you do, because you deserve to love yourself completely :)

  2. GGB Says:
    July 30th, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I think you have very beautiful skin and boobs. All women need time after giving birth, you know, it’s a process, It’s a powerful experience. Don’t worry about the stretch marks, they will fade. Beauty is not just a flat stomach. Don’t focus on the parts of your body you don’t like. Have a positive attitude and try to concentrate on the most beautiful aspects of your body and life. Good luck and congratulations on your happy, healthy baby boy!!! :)

  3. boom Says:
    July 30th, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    i feel for you, reading your story i had these images creating in my head and when i looked at your pics i was amazed,you seem to think your body is alot worse. u have to give urslef time to heal. but first of all u need to give urself time to enjoy with your little baby and ur family. be happy in life if you cant be happy wat can uj be.x x x x

  4. Amy Says:
    July 30th, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    try and give it time, i know its hard. i found that no ‘one’ product helped with my skin (they all did a bit)- the thing that hepled most was consistent daily walking, a healthy diet, lifting weights and time. i am 2 yrs pp and am still noticing improvements.

  5. Kerry Says:
    July 31st, 2010 at 6:00 am

    I like your pics, you have some really nice curves! As far as the saggy breasts go, they DO get better, I was in tears over my “big saggy boobs” (went from a B to a D) and as they get smaller and less nursed on they slowly work there way back up :) They probably wont be how they were before, but so close you wont even notice. Dont let yourself get caught up in how you look only 6 months pp. I know it seems like a lot of moms already have their bodies back, but there are so many who take a year or even two to get closer to where they were. I am one of the latter. And as far as the stretchmarks go they get so light, and I don’t see any on your breasts at all! (I have them from the tip top of my breasts to halfway down my calves)
    I am so glad to hear that you are beginning to see your body in a new light. You have a huge sisterhood here :) Had it not been for this site I wouldn’t have worn shorts again, let alone a bikini! You really are beautiful. Keep us updated!

  6. Emily Says:
    July 31st, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Good on you for breastfeeding! I am 21 and still EBF my daughter and often think my breasts look like hefty bags half filled with sand…lol. But it is so worth it! The gift we are giving our children is more valuable than any amount of boob perkiness. I will be happy to buy a super push-up bra when she is weaned though!

    At six months pp I was feeling very similar to you, but believe me, you are still just at the beginning of recovering. It will get better, I promise.

    And you don’t look neaaaarly as bad as you think! As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t use the word bad at all. Womanly and lovely come to mind.

  7. Nikki Says:
    August 1st, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    Hey Mama, I wanted to address your situation on shopping and clothes. I wanted to touch on that because, although I’m much darker than you, we have a very similar body. I have stretch marks everywhere you described, some before kids. It’s taken some time for my own body acceptance, but the BIGGEST and best step you can make for yourself, is learn to dress that body.

    I was disgusted at how I looked in my clothes, until I realized I needed a new wardrobe. Those pre baby clothes are for a time when I was a pre mama. Your body is different now and you have to tailor your style. I learned to pick out clothes and bathing suites that really did my “mom” body justice. Forget bikinis, they make some sexy-a** one pieces and tankinis. They cost more sometimes, but a higher self esteem is worth every penny.

    Accessories make a world of difference! Cheap, but beautiful costume jewelry makes you sparkle so much people won’t notice anything but your flare. You can make yourself look like a million bucks which will in turn change your thinking to a more positive as well. You aren’t doomed to “Mom Jeans” and sweatshirts just because of this! New body, new you. Take a chance at styles you’d never before consider, it just may make you look amazing.
    Good luck, remember, everything takes time and patience!

  8. Ashley Says:
    August 2nd, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    It took me over a year to realize my body was amazing and my body was something to be respected, not felt down on.

    It’ll take time, but you’ll get there. =D

  9. Liz Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 7:45 am

    I just want to say THANKYOU for posting your story & pics :) I am 23 with an 8 month old boy & You are so similar to me. & you look so much like me & have made me realise that i am beautiful too. Thank you so much! I am suffering from bad postnatal depression & ths has really helped me. I love this site, it is brilliant!
    You are beautiful & our babies are worth it. Im struggling too, i hate what i look like now but i know that i need to learn to accept. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

  10. Melissa Says:
    August 11th, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Congratulations on your new baby boy! My heart went out to you when I read your post… I had my daughter in March 2009. She’s almost 17 months now. I remember last summer (I was 3-5 months PP), I wouldn’t wear anything that showed my calves because I was humiliated by the stretch marks I had down to my calves. I would swelter in the hot sun in my long pants. I am happy to tell you that if you look at me today, I have not a single shred of evidence that I ever had stretchies on my legs. I have a couple on my thighs, but I had them before I was pg so I expect them to be there. But I remember feeling ashamed because I felt like the only person to have stretch marks on their inner knees…I thought really?!! Who gets those there?!?! But they have faded & I feel more confident. That’s what I get for feeling smug that at 30 weeks pg, I didn’t have any stretch marks. God has a sense of humor, I guess :) I am still coming to terms with my post pg body & my saggy skin/poochy belly, but it does get better. You will see. Then it will be you offering words of support & experience to someone else before long ;)

  11. Lena Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 8:11 am

    It’s true, they will fade, alot. I did find that excercise, which flattened my tummy, also had the effect of tightening the stretch marks, they look alot better, and the ones I developed on my breasts really faded after stopping breastfeeding (at 13months)You look lovely, and if more improvement is what you are looking for, I think your body and skin will react very well to some kind of excercise (not that you need it- but it does make you feel good about yourself, it certainly improves my mood!) because you don’t really seem to have any loose skin, lucky lady! I so strongly agree with you about finding it very hard to accept the new body if you’re quite young. My little girl is 20months, I am 22 and 23 in a week. If you want someone to speak to write it on here and i’ll post my email. Chin up.

  12. CRR Says:
    January 11th, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    GOOD FOR YOU FOR BREASTFEEDING! Most teen moms do not

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