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7 Months PP & HATING Myself! (Sarah)

July 3, 2012

Age: 21
7 months PP
1 pregnancy

Pre-pregnancy weight: 150
Current weight: About 190

Let me start off by saying that I’ve never liked my body! Before I got pregnant I weighed 150 lbs. About a year before I was pregnant I weighed around 180 and after working as housekeeping I lost 30 lbs. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared for my body! My family has a curse, I swear!, and once us women get pregnant we seem to grow larger and larger by the years. During my pregnancy I got A LOT of stretch marks, which are still bad today. I look like I was attacked by a bear! Anyway, a little over a month before my due date I found out my blood pressure was going up. I ended up going into labor 3 weeks before my due date. The problem was preeclampsia It made since the more I got about it! I gained 10 lbs in 1 week! I remember almost crying when the doctor told me that! I stayed within the 25 lb limit during my pregnancy up until that point. Well, I ended up gaining 60 lbs when I went into labor. After the preeclampsia was gone I did lose 20 lbs the first month my daughter was born because I was so busy and tired that I had no urge to eat. Once I got use to the no sleeping I got my appetite back – which was the worst thing that could have happened!

My husband works nights and he works 7 nights straight, so it’s just me and the baby most of the time. I’m a stay at home mom so it’s very lonely! So lonely that I got bad PP depression, which made me eat away my feelings. At that point I realized how much I did not like myself! I was disgusted at looking in the mirror or putting on clothes! 4 months PP and my depression seemed to go down a lot and I stopped eating when I was bored and lonely. I lost 5 lbs Not a huge deal but it showed I was making progress! Now here I am 7 months PP and I don’t know if my depression has came back but I noticed I eat when I’m bored again! I can not break this cycle! I am soon getting my CNA and I am so excited because I know it will help me get my butt back into shape!

I wouldn’t be so hateful towards myself but I’d had several friends who have babies and they barely gained any baby weight and they lost it within 3 months. I also feel like I’ve let my husband down by not controlling myself and getting so big. Summer’s here and all I want to do is take my little girl swimming for the first time, but I’m terrified of what I’m going to wear and I’m going to be paranoid that people are staring at me. I have to find clothing that covers my stretch marks on my stomach and thighs, which is hard!

I want to learn to love myself. I hate being naked and I hate when my husband sees me naked! I’m in constant fear of my husband leaving me for a better looking women, who is real thin and has no stretch marks, that it stupidly makes me eat even more. He calls me sexy and beautiful everyday but I shrug it off. I don’t believe him. Does anyone else have this problem? How can I ignore all these thoughts in my head? I want to actually feel beautiful. I feel like I went through an amazing journey being pregnant and giving birth that I should have something to show for it besides a huge pouch!

The 3 belly photos are from now. Pregnant belly is of course during pregnancy lol & the one with the pink shirt is my pre-pregnancy weight.

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12 Responses to “7 Months PP & HATING Myself! (Sarah)”

  1. Melody Says:
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Your husband tells you that you are sexy and beautiful because you ARE! Men don’t say those things unless they mean it and feel it. He says it because that is what he sees when he looks at you. The stretch marks will fade with time and your belly is very normal. I know, because I’ve got the same one, lol! When I look at these photos, I see a woman with great skin and curves in all the right places! I find that confidence it all about finding the right clothes. Get yourself a bathing suit that you feel good in and don’t put on any stock in the ones you try on that don’t work. In terms of the weight loss, give it a little more time, our metabolism does some crazy things after having a baby, especially if you are BFing. I think you are beautiful, I hope one day you can see what I see when you look in the mirror

  2. muzicbox9 Says:
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Hey girl! Good luck with getting your CNA. Once you start doing that, it will probably change your perspective a little. You’ll be out and about more and your spirits will probably naturally lift. I know what you mean about the stretchmarks too. But after years of trial and error with many products – none of which worked, I found that Maderma Stretchmark Therapy is pretty good if you want to look into it. Nothing ever gets rid of stretchmarks … but Maderma smooths them out somehow and makes them seem less noticeable. It takes away some of the discoloration. Just an idea. Don’t sweat it though either way. It looks like you have a pretty amazing life and a bright future. Go get em!

  3. Jan Says:
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    You do have something to show for it, your daughter. Your body will never be what you want it to be if you keep hating it. Try standing naked in front of a mirror, as hard as it may be, and THANK your body for carrying and nourishing a precious child. Those stretch marks and extra bits of skin are there because your body was a home for your baby! Say positive affirmations in the mirror often, such as, “I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am healthy. I am sexy.” And soon that lying voice in your head that makes you believe you are gross and worthless will GO AWAY! You are so beautiful, as is every mother out there. It’s time to quit the self loathing and love ourselves as we are… you’re not going to improve your body by hating it or finding it gross.

  4. krystal Says:
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Hi!

    I know that it’s hard to believe since we are our own worst critics but YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Okay, yes you have stretch marks but they will fade with time and they are proof of the life that you brought into this world and nutured for 9 long months. When your husband tells you how beautiful and sexy you are to him, listen and believe it. Good husbands/boyfriends see the beauty in us when all we see is flaws.

    If you want take your little girl swimming, you do it. Yes it will be hard as hell that first time but it will get easier. And when you’re out there just keep thinking, “what do I care what these strangers think?”. You’ll be spending fun quality time with your baby and that will be your main focus.

    I hope things get easier for you. You are a beautiful mom and you should learn to believe it.

    xoxo

  5. mrspetunia Says:
    July 3rd, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Congratulations on getting your CNA! I was one for a year and lost 13 lbs in the first few months on the job because I was on my feet for eight hours straight! Hopefully, it will work that way for you too. Still, I think you look beautiful just the way you are and have nice womanly curves. I can completely relate with the eating when bored. Or just eating bc it’s there. It’s really hard to walk by donuts, ahhhhhh! Anyway, it’s sounds like you are starting to dig your way out of the depression and that is great. I hope that you can continue to feel better about yourself. You deserve it mama!

  6. mammaren Says:
    July 5th, 2012 at 8:58 am

    After the birth of my 2nd son, I weighed 274 lbs. I couldn’t stand the sight of my body. I’ve lost a lot of weight since then, over 100lbs, and I can tell you that it will get easier. But, even now, no matter what I weigh or how my body “looks”, it’s the inside of my heart that I have to pay the most attention to. Your belly will go down, and maybe one day hold another life! You gotta start with loving yourself, at any size or weight, that’s the only way you can start to change. Believe in your beauty, it’s SO REAL! xo

  7. lacie Says:
    July 5th, 2012 at 9:57 am

    The stretchmarks WILL fade over time. I thought mine never would. It wasn’t until over a year PP that I finally started seeing the difference (and my breasts/stomach/hips/thighs/legs were a battlefield after a 78lb gain). I doubt they will ever fade completely (especially considering I am big and pregnant again atm), but they did lighten up considerably. You will find that once you find your way out of the depression, and recognize that you are a strong and beautiful woman, that the ones that are left won’t really matter to you anymore. All of the women I know have them somewhere on their bodies – whether from babies or from changing and growing from little girls to women. Every mark symbolizes that precious princess that your body grew and nourished.

  8. Sarah Says:
    July 8th, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Thank you ladies so much for those kind words! I’m thinking a little differently now about my body after reading from above. I started buying more yogurt and I keep myself busy so I don’t want to eat! I’m still upset about my pouch but once I start working, and have more money, I plan on joining a gym :) I also realized that I am the only one who can change the way I look. Instead of being terrified of people looking at me and being angry at myself, I’m going to work on bettering myself. Like I said, thank you again! No one else I know is dealing with some extra lbs and stretch marks from pregnancy so this is why I posted it :)

  9. MJ Says:
    July 10th, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    When i worked as a cna I lost 20 ish ponds after my dd was born! I’ve since had 2 boys and currently weigh in at 180 I’d like to be 155-160 I’m 5’8 but I decided to buy some new sexy bras and panties and shirts and shorts and started tanning outside in my back yard and I feel wonderful and don’t care what others think any more I love me and that’s all that matters! I think you look wonderful and you are a mom and that’s the best thing In the world!! ;)

  10. CS Says:
    July 13th, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I am almost in the exact same boat! I weighted around 180lbs and dropped 30ilbs housekeeping. About a year later I was pregnant and so worried about my body… I am from the US, but moved to Australia with my Aussie hubby away from all of my family and friends and gained way too much weight. I have stretch marks everywhere and my boobs have nearly doubled I feel! My best friend has had two babies and no stretch marks and is smaller than she was before baby. I am worried about going swimming as well as we live by the beach BUT lucky for us one pieces are back in style!! Here is one I found that I thought you might like to take a look at… it covers the legs as well and is SO cute! http://www.thisnext.com/item/DF72F978/Juicy-Couture-Ruffle-Swimdress
    Good luck with everything and don’t fret! Just enjoy your new little baby and everything will work out.

  11. kc clark Says:
    July 17th, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    i know ur feeling iam almost 7month pp and cant loose the last 30lbs have 4inches of skin that hangs now and i start pre prego at 126 and went to 172 i was on bed rest most of my prego ness and i work out everyday eat right and nothing i lost 21 lbs right brith and gain 10 back then lost 5 and now cant lose anymore

  12. Patricia Says:
    September 17th, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I honor the amount of courage you have to just post this. I feel the exact way you do. I am 6 months PP and I am ashamed to say I’ve lost only about 10-12lbs and the rest just seems to not wanna leave. I feel so ugly and am getting thronw back into my post partum depression. You are a very lucky girl to have your husband tell you that every day. I wish you all the best you are a wonderful and inspiring person thank u

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