The Long Road (Anonymous)

We waited a long time for our son. I lost three babies in two years, and then simply didn’t get pregnant again. Towards the end of 2006, we contacted an adoption agency, because after seven years it became very clear that we’d never have a baby of our own. Around Christmas (2006), I became very ill. Christmas eve I was especially bad, and could hardly keep anything in. I thought I had a bug, and went to the doctor to get something for my ‘stomach flu’. Five days after New Year, I still didn’t feel any better, in fact I felt worse. I sent my husband to the pharmacy to get me a pregnancy test. Boy, he was upset! He told me I was just getting my hopes up, and he swore high and low that I wasn’t pregnant! So at 11 p.m. I did the test and to our surprise it came back positive. We went to the doctor the very next day, and it was confirmed with a blood test – I was three weeks pregnant. I didn’t want to get excited, because I was deadly afraid I’d lose the baby. I also refused to bond with it, and refused to give it a name. Once we found out we’re having a boy, I still refused to call him by his name, simply saying ‘the baby’ when I talked about him. In my fifth month I got pneumonia and ended up in hospital. I almost lost the baby, but we pulled through, and I distanced myself even further from the pregnancy and my son. A month later they found placenta previa and it stayed type IV througout the pregnancy. It ‘corrected’ to type II later on, and I decided to try regular labor. Around 38 weeks, an ultrasound showed low amniotic fluid and a ripe placenta. We decided to go ahead and do an induction. Apart from 8 hours of hellish labor, nothing happened. So early the next morning, on 10 September 2007, I was rolled into the O.R. to have a c-section. I had trouble bonding with my son after giving birth to him. He was impossibly small, weighing only 2.5kg (or 5 lbs 6 oz). I didn’t feel anything for weeks after his birth and hated myself for it. Maybe two weeks after he was born, it hit me that he was mine and healthy. I was flooded with love so intense that I started crying. It’s been a great ride since then. I breastfeed him exclusively, despite some difficulties in the beginning. All in all he’s a healthy baby, and I will never regret having him. As for my body… well I’ve been very lucky. I don’t have stretch marks and I weigh less now than I did before I had my little guy. I walked out of the hospital looking like I was never pregnant, although I’m a little flabby around the middle and my thighs are definitely a lot chunkier. Unfortunately my breasts weren’t that lucky, I have stretch marks towards the top, and they’re starting to point Southwards. It’s all good though, I kind of like it… and my son’s worth far more!