Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Hi there! I’m 30 years old and the mother of two (3yr-old son, 10month-old daughter). I can’t remember a time when I didn’t struggle with my weight. I’ll spare you the details of a my childhood and report that puberty helped. I lost what I then called “baby fat,” grew into my medium build, 5’6” body, and stayed at a reasonable weight, fluctuating between 140 and 150 pounds.

When I got pregnant with my first I swore I wouldn’t gain more than the average 30 pounds. Moreover, I wasn’t going to get stretch marks and applied every type of lotion imaginable to my expanding belly. You’re smiling because you know the whole lot of nothing that did for me. As my son grew, the more my belly looked like a freshly chopped tree trunk with stretch marks expanding outward in perfect circles.

Right before my son was born I tipped the scales at 201 pounds. He was 9 lbs, 7 oz, and I lost 20 pounds within the first month. The extra weight hung around for well over a year. I had just got back down to the nice weight of 147lbs when I got pregnant again.

Unfortunately I don’t have any belly pictures of baby #2. My son stretched me out so well that I didn’t get any new marks with my daughter, but my breasts swelled after the third month. I gained 50 pounds the second time around and my daughter weighed 9 lbs 5oz at birth (I make ’em big). Again, the weight did not want to come off. By the time my daughter was 5 months I weighed 168 pounds, and the scale refused to budge. Not only that, but walking around with inflated breasts for 6 months and then deciding not to breast feed meant that my boobs shrunk from ample Ds to no longer perky Bs.

I love, love, love my children but I was seriously hating my body. Luckily, I resumed an active schedule and went back to school. The stress of school combined with caring for two kids meant some weight loss. Later, a personal hardship melted twenty pounds in a few months, but I still missed the firm, smooth skin of my youth. I missed my once perfect belly button. I wasn’t too happy with the sagging boobs either. Then I found Shape of a Mother and was blown away. Not only wasn’t I alone struggling with body after baby, but I realized our post-baby bodies are beautiful. We’re mothers, there are no beings on earth tougher than us. Why did I look at what happened to my body with such a disapproving eye? I earned those marks. I earned those scars (the kind you don’t want to see). Thank you for creating this forum and thank you to all the amazing women who’ve posted their stories and photos. Rock on moms!

Here I am today: 138 pounds and 10 months after baby #2. I’m taking things one day at a time. Who cares about having a perfect body anymore? Not me! (I’m happy if I have time to brush my hair.) I’m happy with the body that bore two really great kids.

I’m so excited to discover I was linked from Hathor the Cow Goddess! I’ve always loved these cartoons. Go check it out!

(P.S. sorry there have not been any entries today, I have not been able to upload pictures, or even access the site, at all today. If I don’t get to it tonight, look for more in the morning!)

I found this site 2 weeks ago, and since then Ive been in awe of the women who have chosen to tell their stories and show us their pictures. Im honored to be included in this site, along with you amazing women!

My husband I were married in 2003 and immediately started trying to conceive, never guessing that we would have problems. After 18 months of heartbreaking infertility, we finally conceived our daughter with the help of Clomid. Emma Grace was conceived 2 days before my 25th birthday, and born 3 days before my husbands 25th birthday, and she was the best birthday present either of us have ever received.

As soon as we found out we were pregnant I knew that I wanted to have a med free, natural labor and delivery and we chose a wonderful midwife named Nina who was supportive of our plans. My husband and I studied Hypnobirthing at home and practiced the relaxation techniques nightly and looked forward to using them during my labor and delivery.

On the eve of my due date we went to the hospital and I was induced. I labored med free for 7 hours, using Hypnobirthing and having a wonderful labor experience. Unbeknownst to me, my daughters heart rate was dropping steadily with each contraction and it soon became clear that we needed to get her out. I was prepped for a C-section and at a little past 2am our daughter Emma was born. As I heard her cry for the first time my tears started flowing as well (the first tears of our labor and delivery experience for both Mommy and Baby!). I kept looking up at the surgical curtain, waiting to see her beautiful face, but the doctor just whisked her away to the warmer without showing her to me. Ive always regretted that I was the last person in the room to see the little miracle that grew within me.

A few weeks after we got home I began to experience symptoms of depression, and breastfeeding became a nightmare. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, and nursing my daughter made me cry in pain, yet we struggled through the pain (and mastitis with a 102 degree fever) and continue to breastfeed today. I struggled (and continue to struggle) with disappointment about having to have a c-section, and spun into a severe depression that lasted for almost 8 months. I finally took steps to get better (Im taking Zoloft and am seeing a therapist) and am feeling better than I have in years! Im now able to cope with my feelings of loss and disappointment, as well as the feelings of inadequacy I had after my daughter was born.

I have finally come to terms with the fact that a lot of my depression revolved around my feeling like less of a woman due to the problems I had getting pregnant, giving birth, and breastfeeding. Although absolutely false, for awhile I believed that I was inferior to those who could get pregnant so easily and have a natural, vaginal birth, and those to whom breastfeeding came so easily. Its been difficult for me to accept my body when it seems like my body has failed me numerous times in doing the things that are supposed to come naturally to women. However, I have never been uncomfortable with the physical changes that have occurred from carrying my sweet baby girl. When I was pregnant I adored my curves and even did a belly cast of my 8 ? month pregnant tummy, and I wore clothing to accentuate my round belly. I gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy and lost it all by 2 months PP. The weight seems to be distributed differently now, though, and my belly is not as firm as it once was, but I have no problems with that. I do, however, have a lot of stretch marks that literally popped up overnight during my 8th and 9th months of pregnancy (and up until then I thought Id get away without having any!). I was uncomfortable with them for a long while, but I never hated them the way I hated my incision scar from the c-section. In my mind, the scar was a reminder of all the ways I failed, and its only been in the last 2 or 3 months that Ive learned to accept the scar as a battle wound of all the things I went through to have my daughter.

My stretch marks and my scar are tattoos eternally marking my passage into motherhood, and I am proud of them. They remind me that I have carried a child within me, and that I survived a traumatizing event and the depression afterwards. Most of all, these marks upon my belly serve to remind me that my body has overcome a lot of physical and emotional changes, and that there is no way I have failed in any capacity. My sweet Emma is living proof of my achievements, and Im so proud that I have brought this wonderful being into existence

Here is my belly, approximately 5 months pregnant. I often played Enyas May It Be to my daughter in the womb, because her Daddy called her his little promise. (The lyrics are A promise lives within you now, and Emma truly was our little promise!

Here I am, 8 months pregnant, loving my belly!

My husband kissing his girls. He loved my growing belly and couldnt keep his hands and lips! off of it!

8 months pp, my belly complete with stretch marks and a scar, which I wear proudly!

THE SHAPE OF A MOTHER NOT CARRYING HER OWN CHILD

As I read all these beautiful posts I cannot help but feel a tad envious of all the wonderful shapes and sizes that your bodies have taken to on your journies to motherhood. Allow me to explain:

My body is irrevocably broken. It will not do what is the most natural and fundamental things of being a woman; that would be conceiving and carrying a child.

For as long as my memory will allow I dreamed of being a mother. We have endured endless years of emotional, physical and financial ravage to attain this dream. We did six cycles of inseminations and 8 full cycles of IVF and countless tests and bloodwork to be told there was no definitive diagnosis. I am an anomaly. No know cause. What? We were continually faced with disappointment and losses. I am and continue to be angry with own body for its failure. Perhaps that will never go away. I am learning to live with it.

The darkest day was when my doctor summoned up the courage to tell me that I would not be carrying my own children. Imagine for a second hearing that. What would you say, what would you do? I was crushed. I woke many nights knowing that I would never feel life moving inside my womb. That I would never share that intimate experience with my husband. I longed for him to be able to place his hands on my swelling belly to feel our child coming to life. To watch my body change, stretch and grow as it nutured the life within. I wanted to be able to tell my children what it was like when they were “in Mommy’s tummy”. The world became a painful place as it seemed that everywhere I looked EVERYONE was pregnant.

I had to make some real changes in my thinking because I did not want to live within my own skin as a bitter, jealous, hurt person. The tide began to turn. I turned to my family and friends for support rather than keeping all these awful feeling bottled up.

I have learned as I age that women are very resilient and strong. My admiration for all of you who endure pregnancy and motherhood is endless. I have come to appreciate the wisdom and joy of my girlfriends, mothers or not.

Then a miracle happened.

A girlfriend, who shared in the pain of my trevails, offered to carry a child for us. She was young, had two successful and uneventful preganancies. This friend of mine was adopted at birth by a wonderful family and her life was full. She felt that by carrying this child it would be her way to “give-back” for all of her good luck. Her husband and children were fully supportive of her decision. After the shock of her offer wore off, we made the decision to try it.

I waited in angst to see if it would work. We transferred my eggs and my husbands sperm into my friend rather than into my doomed uterus. The first try gave us a chemical pregnancy. My heartbreak continued. I was beginning to tell myself that I was being sent a strong message that I was not worthy of or meant to be a mother. We tried again. This time it worked. I lived every single day waiting for the other shoe to drop. I worried endlessly because someone else was now carrying my heart in their body. I had no control. It is still very diffcult to put into words all of the varying emotions. I wanted to be velcroed to her back but I took great caution not to interfere to much. She had to have her life.

We found out that we were to be blessed with twins and later that it would be twin girls. My heart swelled as my belly should have. I watched my friends belly grow to enormous proportions. What an extraordinary thing to watch an elbow protrude or hiccups bounce. I felt and still feel the most intense gratitude to her for a gift that could never be repaid but I still wrestled with the raw emotion of jealousy that these children were not within me.

Our babies arrived, healthy and safe. They are everything I hoped and dreamed of. My bitterness toward my own body has morphed into an intense and powerful love for these two innocent little children.

I am proud to be part of this sorority called motherhood albeit taking a winding path to get there.

What a beautiful site. Thank you to all the ladies who bared their souls and photos. Thank you for letting me share my journey.

thank you so much for this site! i have been trying to find time to add my pics and and story for weeks!

i am mom of 2, a girl and boy. when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter i had just lost 25 pounds. i was worried about gaining all the weight back and of course i did plus another 25. at 29/30 i was put on bed rest and medication for preterm labor. my stretch marks didn’t show until i was about 35 weeks along. i was a little upset but i knew they coming and i was happy that she stuck in there long enough to give me them. i ended up being induced 10 days late :)

this is the day before i was induced with my daughter.

miss j was born by urgent c-section on 4/1/02. she was stuck and just too big to be born vaginally. i tried to breastfeed but it just didn’t happen. i was depressed because of the c and not being able to nurse. i told my husband that i didn’t want anymore kids because my body didn’t know what to do. i couldn’t birth or feed a child and i didn’t want to go through all the medication and bed rest i had to with the first.

when j turned a year i started thinking she needed a brother or sister. maybe the second time around would be different. i went off the pill 4 months later and got pregnant right away. i lost that baby a week after i got my positive. about 5 or 6 months after that i got pregnant again. i started spotting at 6 weeks and knew i was loosing the baby. the spotting stopped but 4 weeks later my daughter and i were in an accident. i went to see my ob and he did an ultrasound and there was a perfect little baby heartbeat and all. i was told to rest as much as possible and if there was any problems to call.

5 weeks after that at 15 weeks the contractions started. i had an ultrasound and the baby was fine. the contractions never stopped and i was eventually put on modified bed rest and medication again. i gained weight slow this time and ended up gaining 25 lbs.

miss j and i at 36-37 weeks

at 37 weeks i started having contractions and was told i was in early labor. my dr. was on vacation and i had a c-section scheduled for when she was back. the dr. on duty sent me home because i wasn’t dilating, i was at a 2. the next day i was still having contractions and went in. he agreed to do my c but he wanted me to wait until i was 38 weeks unless my water broke or i began progressing more. i went 4 days after that with contractions but no progress. the day i went in for my c they hooked me up and the nurse asked me how long i had been having contractions and i told her about a week. she checked me and i was still at a 2. i never progressed! i guess my body just doesn’t know how to have a baby.

the day i delivered my son i weighed 198.5 just like my daughter. i had a few new stretch marks on my thighs and by my belly button. i was much bigger with him then i was her.

the day i delivered m

breast feeding came natural this time around and he just weaned 2 months ago.

i lost all the weight i gained in 2 weeks. 22 months later my tummy is still squishy and soft. the extra skin is a little tighter but it’s still there. my tummy has housed and cared for 3 babies. 1 i never got a chance to hold but i still love that baby just as much as the other 2. my scars and stretch marks have faded but i look at them and i see gifts from my children.

now that i have written a book thank you again for this site! it’s awesome to read everyone story and see the pics here.

thanks!

stacey

I was 19 when I gave birth to my first son. I ate extremely healthy because of gestational diabetes. I went from 117 lbs. to 139 lbs. and 10 lbs. of that ended up being baby! I was shocked at how much pregnancy then labor & delivery changed my body. I bounced back pretty quickly considering I was still eating healthy and nursing. I had the dreaded jiggly belly pooch for a few months but I made it nearly back to my original weight when surprise, I became pregnant again when the first was only 8 mos. old. A year and a half later I welcomed boy #2. With my second pregnancy, I dealt with GD again but gained the most weight I’d ever been and it took quite a toll on my body as far as stretch marks on my boobs and inner thighs. It was much harder to lose the extra weight this time around. I wanted so badly to become pregnant again so I could blame the weight on pregnancy. I added to my little boy collection 4 years later in 2004 after an uneventful pregnancy (aside from GD) and easiest labor and delivery of the three.

I wanted to share my story because the media doesn’t show what real Mommy tummies look like post-baby. It reminds me daily what my body is NOT. I’m sharing with you, the public because no matter how much working out I do which is 3-5 times a week, my belly is forever marked and changed in shape. I want to see if my friends even recognize my pictures. I’m not the “waif” my friends used to call me. I am saying good-bye to that image and vowing to stop obsessing that what I am now will ever come close to matching that again because now I proudly wear the body, heart and soul of a mother. What is more beautiful than that?

Just days shy of giving birth to my first baby

32 wks. pregnant with third baby

38 wks. pregnant with third baby

Now, 3 boys later- 2 years since my last baby

Hi! I’d like to participate:

What a wonderful beautiful site…..

One of the things I would always tell people when they would ask me what it felt like to ‘be pregnant’ was how weird it was to be so used to looking a certain way for your whole life and then all of a sudden you start swelling and swelling and swelling …..

I’ve always been tall and skinny….and I didn’t want to sound vain when I would describe this weirdness to people but well… it did feel pretty weird to be walking around in a body that just didn’t feel like my body….then after a while you get to a point when you don’t remember what it was like to not be hugely pregnnat…to have to use a crow bar to get out of the car or a pulley system to hoik you out of the bed in the middle of the night to pee.

This is me about 5 months before I became pregnant

(that woman walking behind me as I wave my newly acquired US Citizenship Certificate is all “Skinny Bitch!”)

Me at about 23 weeks while home in Australia visiting my mum…

At this point my weight was still progressing pretty slowly and steadily, however while home I ate a salad Doner Kebab and Red Rooster Chips every other day for lunch…

At 31 weeks back in L.A…. still not looking too bad… could still button up my jeans… but lookin’ a little round of face… and OHMYGOD look at the bazoomba’s….

Hot, Fat, and Pissed Off…a this point I’m 38 weeks and hitting about 205lbs (my pre-pregnancy weight was usually around 135 and I’m 6ft tall).
These Target pants are the only thing that would fit me at this point… I blame my cravings for sour candy, tart flavoured drinks like limeade, Rice Krispies and Mac N Cheese

Looking like some scary Tranny She-Male… this is about 5 days before I gave birth…. look at how my feet are so swollen they’re like sausage’s stuffed into those flats. I totally realised how god-awful I looked and I was about to go out to meet my husbands co-workers….Ugh this picture is painful.

I don’t have any shot’s of me right after giving birth… but I kept a little muffin top for about 5 months… till I started working out at the YMCA in Hollywood… I never got stretch marks – don’t know if this is from all the Shea Butter/Cocoa Butter I lathered on or just random luck… but I have a bit of a sad face belly button now

Me at 8 months post-partum

(full disclosure: I’m totally sucking it in a bit in that last one…)

Every single pregnant woman and mother is a creature of miraculous beauty!

I’ve nursed both of my babies, and while I’ve always forced msyelf to nurse in public anyway (because, much like this site, I feel that the more it’s seen, the more it will be accepted), I have to admit I felt (and feel) somewhat uncomfortable about it. Funny thing is – it has NOTHING to do with showing my boobs. It’s all about the stomach! I know the goal is to be totally comfortable with our bodies, but I also realize that’s just not so easy for everyone; no matter how much this website has made a difference, we still have a long way to go in society and in our own minds. And that’s OK. Every little step, right?

My wonderful friend, Evie, has created a really awesome new product to help with moms who do feel uncomfortable nursing in public. They are really cute, and work really well – go check them out!

This is a comment about my experience. I’m not complaining, really, just adding to the range and variety that have already been posted to this site.

I’m 32, the mother of 2 kids, the youngest of which is 6. I was a stay-at-home mom until the youngest was 2, and I breastfed on demand until the baby decided to stop. I spent about 5 or 6 years in a row pregnant and/or breastfeeding. My experience wasn’t unusual, as far as I can tell – either unusually positive or negative. I had no real complications, no breast infections. I had practically no sex drive during this period. My first baby was demanding and exhausting. I wore loose shirts and no bra while I was nursing, because it was more convenient that way – nothing to fiddle with when the baby was hungry or fussy, and easy to nurse in public. So I put up with wet spots of my shirt, smelling vaguely sour during the infancy periods, when I leaked, and being somewhat frumpy. In the best of times, I didn’t care much about how I looked or dressed, I wore what fit and what was practical. Besides, with a baby in a sling or backpack, I knew I wasn’t the height of fashion anyway!

My breasts varied radically. Sometimes, they were full and engorged, very round and hard, and other times they were quite loose and floppy. It just depended on when I had last nursed, and how much. On average, they were size D during this time. Since weaning, I have worn a bra, and my breasts have gone back to their normal size C. When I’m standing upright, they are not that droopy – I think I have lost much of the extra skin from there. Maybe wearing a bra has helped in that regard.

Right around the time my youngest was losing interest in nursing, I was starting to want my old body back. My weight had settled around 20 pounds above what it had been before I got pregnant the first time, and I was starting to feel quite frumpy. But I didn’t really do much to lose weight until this year, when I got sick from food poisoning and lost 7 pounds without thinking about it! I have about 5 pounds to go to get back to my preferred weight, but I’m not trying very hard anymore because I’m pretty satisfied with how I look and feel. I’m just trying to eat reasonably well and get exercise.

I’m 5’2″, and weighed around 110 before I got pregnant. I weigh about 118 right now. I have a picture of myself at the end of my last pregnancy and it’s painful to look at. My baby was 10 lbs, and 21 inches long. I was huge. I had to move the driver’s seat backwards a notch in order to be able to fit behind the steering wheel, and then stretch to reach the pedals! I think mostly when I look at that picture I remember how uncomfortable it was those last few weeks, and I remember my labor (which was a difficult natural birth, but no stitches required – woo hoo!).

Well, here’s my pictures. The first two are of my belly, with me on my hands and knees. Something that surprised me about being a mother is how long it’s taken for the extra skin on my belly to go away. It has slowly gone away, and the stretch marks have faded a bit. But I think that I’m still carrying extra fat which is why I think I still need to lose another 5 lbs or so. When I eat, my belly is noticeably bigger, especially if I’ve eaten more than one large meal in a row. When I do Pilates, I can see my muscles, and I like the sensation that I’m getting stronger. I didn’t take a picture of my breasts, but in this position, they dangle somewhat loosely and I don’t like the way they look (but my husband likes it, so I guess I can’t complain).

The first picture I took with the camera near my chin. When I’m on my hands and knees, it’s what I see if I look along my torso. I feel really self-conscious about how my belly just dangles like that. The crease in the middle results from (I guess) connective tissue and my belly button attaching my skin to my insides.

The second picture is what I look like from the side. It really isn’t so bad. I don’t have to feel *that* self-conscious around my husband :)

The third picture is me clothed. In the last year or so, I’ve enjoyed dressing more nicely than I have before. Maybe it keeps me from feeling so old, I’m not sure.

I said before that I wanted my old body back. Well, I know I won’t ever really get it back. My hips are wider, but I guess that’s ok since curves are good, right? I think my thighs will always be thicker that I want, and I’m afraid I will always have this belly. I don’t mind the stretch marks at all, and I feel much more comfortable with my body knowing that it helped both my kids be healthy and strong. As I think about it now, I realize that I started the path to understanding and accepting my body way back when I learned how to do NFP (which has been a very effective birth control method for us). Natural childbirth helped a lot, too. It made me feel strong and capable, like I could trust myself. These days, when I say I want to lose weight, it’s not because I want to be thin, it’s mostly because I want to feel healthy and energetic again. It represents freedom and empowerment to me.