Overcoming PPD & Learning to Accept My Body (Anonymous)

Number of pregnancies: 4, number of live births: 2, age of children: 9 & 18 months

I would like to start out by saying thank you for your website. What an absolute blessing it was for me to happen across it. I am 28 years old and a proud mom to a 9 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. I have a “big boned” body which basically means I don’t look the weight that I am. I currently weigh 220 lbs, size 16 jeans and size 42 DD bra.

With that said, I got married and pregnant at the age of 18 when I weighed 140 lbs and when I gave birth at the age of 19 I weighed 180 lbs. I divorced his father when he was the age my daughter is now. His father does not care to be in his life and after being a single mother for 2 years I met the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. At the beginning of the relationship I weighed 160 lbs. About a year into the relationship I was up to 180 lbs and it is around this time he began to see other women. Although I knew of his affairs I desperately wanted a child with him as well as a dad for my son. I became pregnant twice. Both ended in miscarriages at around 12-15 weeks. After the miscarriages he began to treat me horribly. He broke me down mentally and I hated myself. About 5 years into the relationship I broke it off. Once again I was a single mom. I worked hard to lose weight and got down to 160 lbs.. I joined a local church and began to build my relationship with the Lord. About 2 months after I joined the church I began dating a man who was also a member. He was 21, I was 26 and we found out we were expecting a child after 4 months of dating. He was extremely excited as well as his family. We were soon engaged. He was by my side throughout the entire pregnancy. I weighed 250 lbs when I gave birth and our daughter weighed 10 lbs 4 oz. He was the first one to hold our daughter and he was the first person to change her diaper. He is a wonderful father to our daughter and to my son. I am just getting over PPD and it has been very hard. He has been through it all with me and he loves my body no matter how big or small I am but for me it has been very difficult. Right after I had my son I bounced back to 140 lbs, was tone, fit and had teenager boobs still. But I was 19, this time I was 26. I am now 220 lbs and have never been this big in my life. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror I teared up. I hated the way I look which in turn made me feel terrible which in turn made me unpleasant for my family to be around me. I want to lose weight but I am a stay at home mom running after a VERY active 18 month old toddler so working out is at the bottom of my “to do” list. So I am coming to terms with my looks and now when I see my reflection in the full length mirror when I get out of the shower I smile because I know that my body is a temple and has housed 4 miracles, two who are angels and two who are running around in the living room laughing and playing. My fiance loves me like no one ever has and I am learning, from him, how to love myself.

I hope my stories and pictures can help someone the way that others have helped me. We are ALL beautiful no matter what our skin looks like…our children are worth every bump, stretch mark, flap and sag our body has endured.

Pic #1: 7 months pregnant with baby #2
Pic #2: 9 months pregnant with baby #2
Pic #3: 18 months pp from baby #2 (side)
Pic #4: 18 months pp from baby #2 stretch marks
Pic #5: 18 months pp from baby #2