Closure and Acceptance (Melissa)

Previous post here.

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies: 1
Number of Births: 1
PP: 8 months today

I have been keeping up with the readings here, and honestly I do not know what I would have done without this website. Reading your stories, seeing real pictures, have been an eye opener, and an equalizer in all senses of the word. Thank you for this site.

First I have to say to all you women beginning with PP, things will get better. I had a c-sectionwasn’t able to breastfeed and had borderline PPD. My relationship fell apart, my family suffered, I was miserable.

All it took was for me to stand in front of the mirror and accept things that I could not change. I have the “pouchy tummy” the “ungodly” stretchmarks, and some extra weight, but I have accepted it as a work in progress. My body kinda droops now, but I kinda laugh at myself and poke at it thinking that “eventually” I’ll work it off.

However I put on my bathing suit today, got in pool, did some laps and felt oodles better. I remember last summer not being able to get into the swimming pool because I was pregnant and my daughter didn’t like the feeling. I laughed at myself, told myself how out of shape I was and got out.

Then it hit me. I really don’t care anymore. I have accepted that this body brought a gorgeous, beautiful little girl into the world, and all she is going to see is mommy. She won’t see the imperfections, she won’t see the fat. She will see a person that will do anything for her, and keep her safe.

This is what really matters. Not weight, not stretchmarks, not tummy tucks… the love of a child. I know I will have my ups and downs with my body image, but really who doesn’t? I stumbled across a site yesterday that was pro-anorexia. Women on this site were tearing apart celebrities bodies like Hayden Pantierre and Emma Watson saying they were fat and could stand to lose 15 pounds. I was sick.

But I then I thought I was no better than those girls who were skinny mourning a slight skin bulge: I was complaining about something that I could not fix over night. Something that needed to be accepted and if I wanted to change it it would take time. I was chasing the image of my “highschool” figure… one forever captured in photographs.

I may not be that fit girl anymore… but I am a woman. I have done what that girl never could: I brought life to my daughter. And nothing anyone could offer could make me regret having my daughter.

Today marks the 8 month PP, and I know it is customary to post pictures of ourselves, whichever stage of grieving or acceptance we are in. Well I’m not going too. However, I will share with you the love of my life, and why I have come to accept, embrace and love the body that brought her forth: I probably will not post anymore either, but I will read and provide comments and such. Thank you for this site, and sharing with me.

Picture 1: Scarlett Mozell :)
Picture 2: Scarlett and I performing at local Renaissance Faire. Yep we’re in a guild : )