Original post here.
children: 5 yrs, 2 yrs
Today I was looking at soam and noticed the NYC newspaper had done a column on Soam I read it and continued on to read the comments.
I cried, I come to this sight when I am feeling low and need to see and hear people I can relate to and then ignorant comments take that comfort away. Those comments just solidify my fears of people thinking I’m gross, I was scared to post pictures in my last entry and now I probably will never post pics of myself in fear that people will see them, laugh and make comments I already get from myself. I wish I was one of those people who could just feel good about themselves and not compare myself to what I used to look like and not care what others think, but I’m not and hearing and seeing those comments is not getting me any closer.
I know what you mean – those types of comments are very disappointing.
I encourage you to choose another article on a different topic (in the same publication) and read the comments. You’ll see that there is a small group of people who enjoy writing incendiary comments in response to articles NO MATTER THE SUBJECT. Choose a heartwarming story and you’ll see rude comments. I hope you can do that and realize that those trolls don’t represent the general population. But it is disappointing.
Mina said it all :) Dont let those people who have nothing else to do but to write negative comments affect you!
Girl don’t let those dummies get you down in the dumps! You really should post pictures! It is liberating and feels good to get feedback from people that visit this site. I visit it regularly and have posted twice already. (My daughter is only 3 months old!) It has helped me alot and you know what? I am going to the lake in my 2 piece this summer! My stretchies and loose skin hanging everywhere for the world to see! We mamas are beautiful in the eyes of our children. We need to show that we are beautiful to others by not being ashamed of our bodies that grew wonderful precious and perfect life. And Mina is right. You will get trolls no matter what story you are reading. Those people are ignorant and don’t deserve your time.
thats horrible! i’m so sorry its made you feel that way. i hope you can see them for the sorrowful people they are. which paper was it in?
I know how you feel. I was hurt and angered by those comments. The thing is, if they knew you in real life, they would never say those things to you.
I call it cyber-balls. Most everyone has them. It’s truly quite sad.
I agree that you need to ignore these people who troll round the internet being nasty. Most people do not feel that way, I wish you could share your pictures, it changed me. How do you feel about the photos of other women you see on here? How do you think they look?
Disappointed,
Mina hits the nail on the head. Unfortunately, there a FEW individuals that live in a dark world and they seem determined to share their dark views of their world. DO NOT LET THEM DIM THE LIGHT!!!
Keep coming back to this site and read the support of those who share a realistic view of the world. Beauty comes in many forms. This site, made up from the stories and support of so many moms, is a good example of beauty in many forms.
Fear and self doubt are things that the few draw on for strength. Fight back with courage, love,determination, tolerance, and with the support like those who post here on SOAM. We ALL are beautiful. Some just take a little longer to that.
What Mina has written is right – some people will post negative comments about anything. I can’t imagine how disappointing their lives must be and how unhappy they must be if all they can ever feel or say is negative. How awful to only ever be able to see the negative in anything. We should pity people who can only feel better about themselves by being cruel about others – their self worth must be non existent.
You sound like you need a lot of support and love and I hope you are getting it. I also want to say that it’s okay to mourn the loss of your old body; it’s okay to feel sad and upset about where pregnancy and birth has taken you. It’s never finite – you can improve and tone and condition can and will come back. We all go on the journey and we all have a struggle (which is why we post on here) but you can and will come out the other side. Can you find the time to do an exercise dvd in the evenings? It’s hard when you’re tired from looking after children all day but it might be a way of getting yourself some ‘me’ time as well as tackling your body issues with something physical. I know from personal experience that just doing something (a dvd, some half-hearted lunges in front of the tv) can make me feel positive. It’s not going to transform me overnight but I’m *doing* something and that feels encouraging and a step in the right direction.
You sound so sad and low in your post and I really feel for you. Please don’t let the comments of cruel sad strangers upset you. They don’t count. Surround yourself with love and people who care about you. And know that the people who post on this website have the kind hearts and soft tummies of mothers and are on the journey with you. It’s the opinions of kind and loving people who want the best for you that matters. Everything else is just irrelevant.
I agree with Mina…Read the comments on SOAM…Read all of the encouragment that everyone has given to each other. There is no judgement here I feel. I posted my pics, which almost gave me an anxiety attack, but I no longer have that fear here. Some people just have no soul/heart and dont care about others…But some of us have been through/are going through what you are, and those of us will be there for you
Like Mina said, there will always be people who want to be jerks and put others down. The only opinion that matters really is your own. Don’t be to hard on yourself. If you have a positive attitude and a great outlook on life, people will see you, and not the weight. Something I am currently learning. :) Good luck to you, and I hope you find the courage to do what you need to do. :)
I totally agree with the top comment and also would like to add that part of the bravery of this sites mission has always seemed to be the willingness to combat that kind of paradigm with a steadfast position that THEY are wrong and WE are right. They can and will say what they want, but they are also cowards spending their days making hurtful comments on the internet. There is something pretty sad, insecure and desperate about someone who trolls like that. (For a real example, I have an Uncle who is a creepy internet troll posting rude things on line – we know this because he does it in the living room of my grandparent’s house out of which he never moved. Believe me, you don’t need to worry what Uncle H is thinking of you.)
My husband said something really interesting this morning. He was getting dressed and I was telling him about how I felt weird when other mom’s would chide me for playing sports and being active while nursing. He said “This all comes from this weird premise women have that regardless of age, ethnicity, genes, life experiences, health, or whatever, you all think there is just one attractive body and you all have to live up to it.” And then wandered away to do something else in his typical ADD fashion ;) My husband is a really typically hot kind of guy and he is most attracted to older, elegant women. He always tells me that Claire Huxtable is his ideal woman. He has never, ever been interested or dated super young, thin, flawless women – even when they throw themselves at him. (I know because we were friends way before we dated and I always thought it was funny that he shot down so many typically hot girls and found these rare, interested women to date).
Anyway, just my two cents.
I just want to say that I just had my daughter in June (6/28/11) and I have gone through alot of emotionial and physical ups and downs during and after her birth. It is hard to let go of what others think of you- and I am in no way perfect (before or after) since having a child.. But I will tell you what you are… You are an amazing human being. You body has done something that few can do! It has given life to a beautiful human being- you are part of a group of women known as MOTHERS. You give life and you hold the world in your hands! This is a gift! A beautiful wonderful gift that not everyone has- and I can tell you- I have cried lots of tears over the loss of 2 pregnancies and over my body- but I have also cried lots of tears over the beauty that is my daughter! She has made me the happiest human being ever… I am not saying its easy, but please know that you are an amazing— wonderful– gift :) I know how hard it is to look in the mirror and see a body that you don’t like or even love- I have had tons of body issues, but just one look at my little girl and I have to let go for her… I hope it gets easier for you me and you!