A Lost Son, A Blessed Son, A Missed Son (Andrea)

I got married in July the 19th [On my 22th birthday] 2000, to my husband Patrik. In January next year I found out I was pregnant, with twin boys, the whole pregnancy went well and October the 12th Anton and Isac were born. I found it realy great being a mom and I loved it. Just before the boys were about to turn two I found out that I was expecting triplets, I was quite chocked but happy of course. And a few days after my husbands birthday the triplets were born natrually, two girls an one boy, in the 22th of April. Hannah, Jocelyn and Zack was they named to. When the triplets had turned two we had settled in in a new home and everything. Just an ordinary day I took Zack with me to go shopping, but on the way there some truck smashed the side of the car were Zack was sitting. I woke up on the hospital were I worked and was told that my son did´nt make it, he had internal dameges and died after a few hours. It took my breath out of me, how could that be possible, we was just going to the mall and now he was dead. I accused myself badly and almost get depressed, I thought things like ”Why could´nt I save him, and me who is supposed to be a doctor. Why should I survive when he did´nt”. It almost got so far that I almost tried to take my own life, but then I thought that I got four other kids who need me and I can´t just not leave them. I started to slowly recover, both my mind and my body. I had broken an arm, a leg, three ribs and one hip, it took me about six month to recover. The way back to the ordinary life was hard, it seamed like they knew something had happend and they cried almost 24/7. The girls had lost their triplet and were now just twins. I tried to be strong for their sake and in front of them I did´nt crie but when they all slept I took it out on my husband, who had to be strong to keep something together. It went to the better, I was´nt that sad all the time, and enjoyed my other kids progress. But I felt guilty for not showing that I missed him but I understnad later on that he wanted us to enjoy life even if he could´nt be there and share it with us, even if he just was two years old. A few months after our loss I found out I was pregnant again and it came as a chock when I found out that it was multiples, as much as five. I did´nt want five more kids, but I had not the heart to kill them an they were born 27th June. Two girls and three boys. Jessica, Adrian, Theresa, Lucas and Jesper. I was able to enjoy life again even if the sorrow was clambing by my heart. I even wrote a story decated to Zack. You will always be there with us in our hearts… [Sorry for my bad english]

Current age: 31 this year
Pregnancies and births: Three, ten children born
Age of children: Anton and Isac 8 years in October. Hannah and Jocelyn [Zack] 6 years. Jessica, Adrian, Theresa, Lucas and Jesper 3 years in June.