3 pregnancies. 2 Children. A 7 year old girl and a 5 years old boy. I am 33 years old.
I’m not sure where to start. I love this web site and it has helped me a little to know there are other women who feel the same way I do. I am completely ashamed and hate How my body looks since having children and losing 70lbs. It’s so frustrating to look totally normal with clothes on but underneath I feel I look anything but normal. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and says I look perfect but I still cringe when he touches me or looks at me, not because I don’t love his touch, but because I’m so disgusted with my body. I feel gulity that don’t look better for him and I can’t even do things like wear a bathing suit. I thought with time my feelings would change and I would behind to feel better about it but I only feel much worse. And then I feel guilty because it seems so vain of me to be so worried about How I look when I have my beautiful children, boyfriend, family and health. It’s a never ending cycle. anyway, that’s my story. Thank you for reading and I think you are all so beautiful!
It’s not your fault you feel ‘badly’ about the way you look post baby. We live in a society that only really acknowledges and celebrates one kind of beauty. The post mom body, though the very reason any of us are here,isn’t one that up until very recently has even begun to be celebrated. It’s just the beginning, and we have a long way to go, but there is this whole group of beautiful women, like you and I, who are tired of not ‘feeling’ beautiful because of the sacrifices we made to bring our children into the world. I urge you to check out Jade Beall Photography on FB. Or her The Body Image Project. It’s uplifting, and full of beauty. Just in sharing your stories and your photos you have opened the door for other women to empower themselves!
First of all, your body is actually quite normal. Your body went above and beyond to carry your children and then on top of that lose weight. Every body is a miracle, because of everything it can withstand and guide us through in our lives. Your body is beautiful and honestly, I am 12 years younger than you and your breasts are far higher than mine. It’s not vain to feel sad about your body because like it or not I feel like the way we feel about our body’s appearance makes up a lot of our self-esteem and confidence. Just know that from what you say your boyfriend thinks your beautiful and I’m sure your kids think you’re a wonderful mother. I believe that you will feel better in time, it happened to me. I have my off days but I try to tell myself that my body isn’t like everyone else’s it’s my own, and it looks the way it should because it ISN’T like anyone else’s. Good luck to you:) Nobody is perfect!
I will not negate your feelings or tell you that you should feel good because your body did a good job of carrying children. In my mind, our bodies carrying children and the aftermath it leaves on our bodies are two separate categories.
It is okay to feel bad if that’s what you feel. It is okay to grieve the loss of what your body once was. It really is a grief process (at least it still is for me…my eldest is almost 6 and my youngest is 2). My body completely changed with pregnancy and I did not like that change. It left me with scars and physical and emotional pain. It made me grow up really fast–it affected my sense of self. One day I woke up and looked in the mirror and I felt like someone had taken my body and replaced it with a horrible disfigurement. I still feel like that sometimes.
The best that I’ve been able to do is get busy with living. If you don’t want to wear a bathing suit because it doesn’t feel comfortable, then don’t…only do what you feel good doing. Do the things that make you feel good–whatever that is. It’s really hard but try to believe the best about what those around you think of you even if it doesn’t make any sense to you (i.e. ‘you’re pretty, you’re loved, you’re needed, you’re valuable’)
And I just want to say you have permission to feel however you now feel about your body–you have permission to say it honestly and no one should chide you for being “too vain” or “not being grateful that your body carried a baby”…as I said, totally different issues. Be blessed and you are loved.
você é linda do seu jeito!!!!! parabéns!
We do worry too much about what our bodies look like. They are there to be used and you have done that so well by producing two children you love to have. Next time you are at the beach take a look around you and then go out and buy the bathing suit! We all have things we hate about our bodies, but we need to enjoy them and use them while we have them and not worry too much about what they look like.
I agree we worry too much about what our bodies look like. I hated my body from a young age because I wasn’t good enough, I now have four children, my breasts are deflated and saggy, I have stretch marks, I look much worse compared to my teenage figure but I feel more beautiful now. Your body is beautiful, don’t feel ashamed, you are a person, a mother, a girlfriend, there is only one you and that makes you special. Your boyfriend thinks your perfect, embrace your body and enjoy his touches, I bet he loves how you look and feel and who you are all rolled into one. I think the media has alot to play in portraying the perfect woman but think how much money is made from spot/sag/stretch/wrinkle creams, make up, hair removing/dying, fake tans, beauty treatments and plastic surgery, it’s a buisness made from our insecurties. I often look at women who are in their 60/70’s and wonder how they feel with their bodies? are they past caring? We all age, I decided I didn’t want to spend my life hating my body and comparing myself to others and having the media tell me I should like a certain way, I value myself as a person, I try to be a good mum and wife and friend and that makes me beautiful too. It took along time to learn to love myself, I hope you can find it too. x x x
First off, I don’t know how many guys read or comment here, so I’m hesitant to say anything here. My wife and I have two kids, one 3 years, one 6 months old. Reading the stories here and seeing the photos, I know that she feels a lot in common with you. I love her, and I love how she looks – I know that’s easy for me to say, since the biggest physical change I’ve got is those amazing eye-bags you get after a night with no sleep!
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this, and I’ve come up with something that makes sense to me. I don’t know if it’ll help you, but here it is:
You should feel proud of your body, and the marks you have from bearing your children. They’re scars, yes, but they’re the scars of your sacrifice for your family, and that’s an incredible thing. The fact that they’re stretch marks doesn’t change anything.
If you ever had to give your child a kidney to save their life, you’d be proud of the scar from the operation, even if you didn’t like how it looked, right? What if you saved your kid from a car accident or a fire, and got hurt in the process. You’d be proud, because you’re a hero, and your scars are the proof.
You don’t have to like having scars, but you can definitely be proud of how you got them. In my experience, the best, toughest and wisest people have all got some good scars, and some good stories about how they came about.
I think you look wonderful. All the best!
Thank you everyone. I am really trying to feel better about myself. It’s so hard some days. Today when I was working for some reason it really hit me, how much i hate it and how much it nothers me and I just sat down and cried. Thank goodness I work alone. Lol. I guess I’ll just take it day by day. :)
Ladies!
Ever thought about those Women who desperately wanted to have a Child but Never got pregnant, maybe even despite heavy medical support?
If I was to choose between the “Bad” bodies that you have now after giving birth but with a child, and my body -still looking like 20 alrhough being 40, but nö child…. Decision would Be very easy for me!!!
Nice breasts hun.