Numbers of pregnancies and births: 3, births 1
Child’s Age: 4
I spent my youth and 20’s overweight and hating my body. I was a size 18. During a bad break up I gained an additional 15 pounds and for the first time it looked like size 18 would be too small. I decided to try to loose enough weight to get back into my clothes. After I started loosing I kept going and went from 220 pounds to 130. I still hated my body.
I got married (and I hated the way I looked in my wedding dress). I got pregnant and felt huge (and then I realized that even in my 9th month I still weighed less than I had while overweight). I had my beautiful baby girl and felt pure joy. She would be raised to love herself. She would grow up knowing that she was beautiful. I was thrilled with everything about her, but I hated my post pregnancy body. I wanted to lose the weight. Most of it came off, but the last 10 pounds. I hated my body, I hated those 10 pounds. As a working mom I found less and less time for me. Those 10 pounds stayed and added 5 more friends. I hated my body. My mommy friends and I would both complain about how we needed to do something because we were “too chubby”. Yesterday morning my daughter woke up with an upset stomach. Her tummy was slightly bloated from gas. She rubbed her tummy and asked me “Mommy is this chubby?”
I thought I had been so careful. I thought I had only talked about my body when she couldn’t hear. I thought, I thought, I thought….All my thoughts about teaching my daughter to love herself and her body no matter what and I realized that I can’t do that unless I stop hating my body.