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Unlovely: Round Three (Mir)

May 10, 2012

Previous post here.

Age: 29
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Children: 4-years-old & 1-year-old

I last posted here in August 2009. A lot has happened–that’s how it tends to go in life. I lost a lot of weight but the saggy/baggy tummy I had never went away no matter how more fit and thin I got. In the spring of 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. It was awful. For some reason, my sense of self–especially my body concept was really affected by that miscarriage. My husband and my relationship was not going well and I was so desperate for someone to tell me that I was beautiful that I got into some things I soon regretted. Thankfully, there is forgiveness and we’ve moved on from that time. But, it still was and is painful. I got pregnant again in the summer of 2010 and my daughter was born in the spring of 2011. It was a much easier pregnancy and birth with a lot less post-partum depression. But, here I am with the same darn saggy/baggy tummy. It doesn’t shatter my world as much as it once did but I really am seriously considering a tummy tuck and breast lift after I’m done breastfeeding my daughter. My husband really wants to have more children but I don’t want to wait to get my body back. So, I am not sure what’s going to happen with that. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so sad about the state of my belly. I’ve been in pilates 3 times a week for the past 6 months and have gotten a lot stronger and healthier but still my stomach shows no difference. Just makes me feel like crying. Sometimes I just feel really unlovely and unlovable. I’m only 29 but my body looks so terrible. I guess I’m just afraid to inherit my mother’s body. She always hated her saggy/baggy tummy–she had a lot more extra weight than I have, though. I don’t want to be old before my time and that’s exactly what my tummy looks like to me.

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2 Responses to “Unlovely: Round Three (Mir)”

  1. Bonnie Says:
    May 18th, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    I had a tummy tuck just ten days ago. I am pleased with the results, or rather, I am pleased with what the results will be once I heal. Right now I am bruised green and grey and have a terrifying looking, Frankenstein cut with black stitches from one hip to the other and up my middle several inches. (I was high waisted, so I have a vertical scar from where he had to cut out and reposition my belly button. Only about a centimeter of it is above my panty line, though.)

    Anyway, I’m not trying to discourage you, but let me tell you something…tummy tucks are one of the most painful surgeries you can have. Not like a cesarean (I had one of those, too) AT ALL – they remove skin, so the incision is under a lot of stretch pressure. I can’t stand up straight yet and probably won’t be able to for another two weeks, at least. This puts loads of pressure on my back and hips – my back and neck hurt worse than anything else right now. It’s hard to walk from my front door to the mailbox and back; I am winded and have to sit down and have a glass of water afterward.

    Also, after the surgery – this is the worst part, I think – you’ll have two (maybe even four, but I think two is the norm) drains coming out of your groin. You are constantly “leaking” fluid from their exit points, and you can’t shower until they are both removed, about 7 to 10 days after surgery. Removal hurts – not horribly, but it’s a really gross, nasty feeling, because the tubes go way up inside of you, almost to your sternum.

    Bottom line – tummy tucks are effective, but they are definitely not a “quick and easy” solution like I used to think they were. Recovery is difficult and slow and painful. Worth it? To me it has been so far. But make sure you are totally emotionally prepared if you decide to go under the knife!!

  2. Mir Says:
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Thank you for sharing your experience, Bonnie. I definitely realize the implications of having a tummy tuck. For me, also, I am afraid I might bleed to much if I had this type of surgery because I have had bleeding problems with both of my births. I never had a c-section and I’ve never had any other type of surgery so I honestly don’t even know what to expect. I’m not afraid of the pain–even the pain of healing as I went through a 43-hour, unaugmented, unmedicated, 100% natural birth with my son and the same 12-hour experience with my daughter. After my son was born I had to have probably 15-20 stitches and I looked like a carwreck “down there”–it was months before I could walk properly again. So, I’m not afraid of the pain. I don’t care about how it looks post-op or even the drains–those don’t even phase me. And as I’ve been considering a tummy tuck seriously for five years I’ve had a lot of time to think and re-think it. The only thing that worries me is some freak accident or reaction to medication or bleeding too much and possibly losing my life. As it goes now, I am still breastfeeding my daughter with no “finish date” in mind at the moment and if I go in for a tummy tuck my breasts are getting done too so I will need to wait until I’ve weaned her completely, at least. So much to think about–but, yes, I don’t think of it as a “quick fix”–I actually think of it as a “last resort.”

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