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The Body I’ve Learned to Live With (Anonymous)

May 15, 2012

I’m 22 years old, I am now 20 months postpartum with my first son and 19 weeks pregnant with my second. I’ve always been on the chubbier side weighing 140lbs at only 5″2,before I got pregnant with my first. I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy and never seemed to be able to get it off. I’ll never forget sitting in the doctors office and seeing a weight chart and finding out I’m no longer categorized as overweight but now stage one obese. I haven’t worn a pair of jeans in over two years. Going up six pant sizes is heartbreaking. Now with my second on the way I can only think about how my body will be after birth. Though I was chubby ore pregnancy with my first, my stomach was “perky” it didnt hang low or go over my pants. Now with the added weight, the stretched out skin and probably the loss of muscles (from a c section) I’ve got a low hanging flap of skin and fat which I try to live with. I fear I’ll never have the body I had…the body I hated once but wish I could have again. I have more then my share of stretch marks but they don’t bother me at all, my cellulite covered butt and thighs dont bother me too much..it’s my stomach that haunts me daily. I’ve learn to laugh and be open with my weight. Im my bothered by blurting out how much I weigh ( like it isn’t obvious) but when I’m alone in a changing room trying on outfits after outfits without finding something flattering, I break down and sob. What upsets me is mothers who are thin complaining about how “fat” they look during pregnancy. If only they felt how I feel today. It all comes down to thinking positive. I have my ups and downs but when I think about the beautiful healthy child I have in my life because of this body, nothing else matters. I have a child now that will love me until I die no matter what I look like,no matter how many stretch marks I have,no matter how low my stomach hangs, no matter how thick my thighs are. What I have is love and that is more important then how others view me.

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6 Responses to “The Body I’ve Learned to Live With (Anonymous)”

  1. txmomof2 Says:
    May 15th, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I understand exactly how you feel. My stomach looks the same as yours. It’s tough…really tough. I often wonder why my stomach didn’t go back after my pregnancies. Guess it’s just lack of elasticity. Just know that you aren’t alone.

  2. Mommy2 Says:
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Wow! Your story sounds exactly like mine! We’re the same height, we’re the same weight before pregnancy, I gained 40lbs too with my first! Now pregnant with my second, I’m 192 now..and I’m only a little bit over 20 weeks! And yes I hate the “I’m fat” girls when clearly they’re not. Because what in gods name does that make me? I also have stretch marks like crazy. On my belly, thighs, butt, and now on the backs of my arms and legs!! I cry too, but like you said its all worth it when you see them smile. Thanks for sharing!

  3. KLC Says:
    May 20th, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I had a lot of luck getting rid of my excess tummy skin and chub, as well as tightening it back up quickly with the post-pregnancy belly belts or gurdles (Spelling?) they hold it in tight and it helped support my back as well. Maybe after this one is born try it. It belped a whole lot.

  4. Rachel Says:
    May 23rd, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    Our precious babies are worth it! I too now covet the pre-pregnancy body that I used to dislike, but I wouldn’t trade my baby for anything! Trying to eat healthy and getting as much exercise as you can manage during this pregnancy will help. Don’t give up! You are absolutely right, your children will honor and love you always for your sacrifice. Thankyou for sharing and best wishes.

  5. Angie Says:
    July 7th, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    I just wanted to tell you, as the others have, that you are not alone in your look or feelings. The photo above, looks exactly like me from the side. I hate shopping for clothes for myself, I hate people asking if I am pregnant. I don’t care how the rest of my body looks, my stomach is the bane of my existence. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and I wouldn’t trade her or what the pregnancy did to my body for anything. But, I am human, I am a woman, and am not secure in my body at all due to my tummy, most of my friends got their tight little bellies right back, I despise shopping with them. I have also sat in the dressing room and cried more often than not in the last few years. Shopping for a bathing suit was pure torture. Thanks for sharing and publicizing your feelings. It helped me know that I am not alone either.

  6. Kathleen Says:
    September 11th, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    this is me too, I’ve had 4 kids and I just turned 40. I have so much back pain that it’s hard to exercise. I eat very healthy, but to change the body I have would be like training for the Olympics. Thank you for being brave and sharing. MY husband finds me beautiful still, after all these years. I just wish my clothes fit me, that is what’s hard…it’s hard to feel beautiful when I can’t wear any of the clothes I like in the store… :( I wear a lot of hoodies and elastic waist pants. I plan to walk on my new treadmill all winter long in hopes that it might tone things up a little and lose some of the weight I gained.

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