I had previously participated on Shape of a Mother in July of 2006. Please see the link here. I really needed to share my recent pregnancy loss.
After posting those pictures on SOAM, my husband and I found out in August that we were expecting again! We were so excited to be expanding our family. In December at my 20 week sonogram we found out we were expecting a little girl! I was so thrilled to finally be blessed with a little girl after 2 little boys! Three weeks ago on February 12th, I had not felt the baby move all day. I was told to go to L&D to get checked out by my OB. When I was finally hooked up to the fetal monitor, we heard a heartbeat, but it was mine. We lost our precious little girl at 28 weeks 6 days. We were completely shocked and devestated. Tuesday morning she was taken by c-section. There was no joy in that operating room, no anticipation of hearing a little baby’s cry, but pure silence and saddness. We were able to hold our little girl and be with her for a while. Our little angel weighed 2 lbs 15 oz, and we named her Kailen, which means beloved. I left the hospital with a certificate with her birthweight, tiny footprints, little knit hat, blanket and gown she wore while we held her. The day I left the hospital, it hit me, I just gave birth, but I will never get to see my little girl again. It’s heartbreaking. I never thought in a million years that I would bury my own child. I’m still dealing with our loss everyday and dealing with all the emotions of post-pardem too. The day my milk came in was the most difficult. I cried hard that day as my breasts ached. I’m thankful that I did get to carry her for those 7 months. She changed my body forever and added some more strechmarks above my belly button that I will cherish. I will never forget her little marks on me. We will always keep Kailen’s memory alive in our hearts.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story, again.