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Stillborn after 2 healthy children… (Danielle)

March 30, 2007

I had previously participated on Shape of a Mother in July of 2006. Please see the link here. I really needed to share my recent pregnancy loss.

After posting those pictures on SOAM, my husband and I found out in August that we were expecting again! We were so excited to be expanding our family. In December at my 20 week sonogram we found out we were expecting a little girl! I was so thrilled to finally be blessed with a little girl after 2 little boys! Three weeks ago on February 12th, I had not felt the baby move all day. I was told to go to L&D to get checked out by my OB. When I was finally hooked up to the fetal monitor, we heard a heartbeat, but it was mine. We lost our precious little girl at 28 weeks 6 days. We were completely shocked and devestated. Tuesday morning she was taken by c-section. There was no joy in that operating room, no anticipation of hearing a little baby’s cry, but pure silence and saddness. We were able to hold our little girl and be with her for a while. Our little angel weighed 2 lbs 15 oz, and we named her Kailen, which means beloved. I left the hospital with a certificate with her birthweight, tiny footprints, little knit hat, blanket and gown she wore while we held her. The day I left the hospital, it hit me, I just gave birth, but I will never get to see my little girl again. It’s heartbreaking. I never thought in a million years that I would bury my own child. I’m still dealing with our loss everyday and dealing with all the emotions of post-pardem too. The day my milk came in was the most difficult. I cried hard that day as my breasts ached. I’m thankful that I did get to carry her for those 7 months. She changed my body forever and added some more strechmarks above my belly button that I will cherish. I will never forget her little marks on me. We will always keep Kailen’s memory alive in our hearts.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story, again.



Updated here and here.

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31 Responses to “Stillborn after 2 healthy children… (Danielle)”

  1. Jennifer Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 10:20 am

    I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  2. Boliath Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 10:33 am

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  3. Colleen Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 11:36 am

    My heart is breaking for you and your family. During my first pregnancy we lost the heartbeat at 13 weeks and I had a D&C. It was devastating. I cannot begin to imagine what it would have been like at 28 weeks. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  4. Maijken Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 11:59 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what it feels like to have something like that happen. But thank you for being brave and strong enough to share your story, and that sweet, yet heartbreaking picture with us. God bless you!

  5. Amber Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this… P & PT for you and your family.

  6. Lori Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 3:21 pm

    Thank you for having the courage to share it. Thanks you for the reminder about what’s really important in life. God Bless you as you heal.

  7. Amy Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Thank you so much for sharing your story and photograph. It really touched me.

    Amy

  8. Wendy Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    I am so sorry. I wish there was more to be said, but again so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

  9. serena meyer Says:
    March 30th, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    Wow, big hugs. :(

  10. Jessica Says:
    March 31st, 2007 at 6:11 am

    I’ve said this before but I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart still aches over it.

  11. Janice McCaskill Says:
    March 31st, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Thank you for sharing your story and photo. I’m so very sorry for your loss :-(

    I also posted pregnancy pictures here last year and gave birth to my third daughter, Abby, at full term last June. She lived only 7 hours and died of “undetermined cause”. I totally understand what that feels like when your milk comes in and your bottom is sore and bleeding, and there is no baby to hold.

    I have written a lot about Abby’s birth and death on my blog if you are interested. It may help you to understand that what you are feeling is normal and healthy as you grief your beloved daughter. You can find entries about her under “memories” or through the tag “Abby” on the right side of the main page.

    I am now expecting again, I’m 28 weeks pregnant, and this baby girl shares Abby’s original due date in June.

    I pray for healing for you and your family as you grieve.

    Janice
    babycatcher33@livejournal

  12. Brittany Says:
    April 1st, 2007 at 7:52 pm

    I am VERY sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to my Mother In Law.. Only she was carrying twins :(

  13. catherine smitko Says:
    April 2nd, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    i hope you and your family are healing…

    love to you…

  14. Miranda Says:
    April 2nd, 2007 at 3:00 pm

    That is so sad. I’m crying at the computer.

  15. Kimber Says:
    April 2nd, 2007 at 7:19 pm

    Im so sorry for your loss. I grieve for all women that go through this. No one should have to endure that kind of pain. My thoughts are with you.

  16. Amy Says:
    April 19th, 2007 at 11:14 pm

    My condolences for your loss of your beautiful little Kailen. May she soar on the wings of an eagle…

  17. Jennifer Says:
    April 28th, 2007 at 12:17 am

    I was looking up information on still births because I lost my baby at 24 weeks after two healthy births, and I am not at ease with the way things played out. I had an amnio done and I never really got answers to exactly why this happened. I need to educate myself on sill births. I wasn’t even aware I could see my child let alone hold him or even bury him. I feel so cheated. I was so in shock for months when this occured.

    I am sorry for your loss and it help to hear other stories.

    Jennifer
    of Novato, California

  18. mamma Says:
    May 10th, 2007 at 7:04 pm

    I am so glad I got to see the beautiful baby thank you so much for sharing. Now I share in your sorrow. I cried for her.

  19. natalie Says:
    June 9th, 2007 at 4:39 pm

    i am so sorry for your loss,i really no how you feel as i went through it myself,i got pregnant with twins 2 lovely little boys i had already had 3 heathly children i had a good pregnancy untill 33 weeks i felt less movement so i went to the hospital they dident moniter me but they scaned me and told me everything was ok and sent me home,i went the next day for a routine check up and was told 1 of my babies had died his name is oliver,i delivered that night because his brother jack had a stroke he was born alive but had a fight on his hands,hes doing fine now he has cerebral palzy but hes strong and im am so lucky to have him and i will always have a reminder of his brother as they was identical i really am sorry for your loss and i hope one day it get easier for you and me.

  20. Diva Says:
    June 10th, 2007 at 5:48 am

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss…hugs to you!!!

  21. Liz Says:
    July 11th, 2007 at 8:11 pm

    I feel your pain completely. I lost a child just 5 days ago at 28 weeks. We will go and bury my sweet little boy tomarrow. I feel so cheated I had a healthy pregnancy until then. 2 years ago I lost a baby at 18 weeks. I have a 7 year old. I feel like I have failed again. I don’t know why my body is failing me. I just keep thinking what I did wrong. All I want is to despertly have a baby with my husband. I want to get pregnant again but don’t want to kill another baby. I am going to a “high risk” doctor in a couple of days. I just want my baby back inside my stomach and to grow healthy!

  22. sharon Says:
    August 14th, 2007 at 3:13 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss, I understand how you feel, we lost our baby 20 weeks last month and the loss is overwhelming still and I think is something i’ll carry with me everyday, its such a lonely time for a woman especially because you blame yourself completely and the doctors are normally quite cold and removed you never get any answers – its important to stay strong and keep it together I am going to try again in a little while but am so scared it might happen again

  23. kate Says:
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby girl on August 12 of last year, at 31 weeks. She was beautiful and perfect, and the autopsy revealed no problems. It is so frustrating and the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Afterward, I really leaned on my first daughter (she was 16 months old at that time), focusing entirely on caring for her so I could even get myself out of bed in the morning.

    Though you will always miss her, the pain will get better with time. God bless you and your family and especially your wee angel.

  24. Isabel Says:
    August 19th, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful baby girl. She is an angel now and Jesus holds her tightly until you see each other again. In my prayers

  25. Melinda Says:
    August 23rd, 2007 at 10:30 pm

    I just lost my baby girl on the 18th at 28 weeks. Same story, lack of movement, went to the hospital to find out she had passed away. I also was induced, gave birth to her only to hold my cold baby girl for 2 hours and go home empty handed. My milk came in yesterday and it is such a cruel experience. In my situation the Dr. is blaming a 10cm fibroid that I have. My feare is after removal how my fertility will be affected. God Bless all of you that have suffered this because I know how horribly unbearable it is. Her name was Myleigh Marie and she was 1 pound 8 ounces.

  26. Laura Says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    I’m Sorry for your loss. I too lost a baby boy July 14th.
    It was the worst thing to ever happen. I too am still suffering from emotional pain.

    I am so desperate to have a baby.

    All I know is I have a beautiful baby angel up there and he will always be in my heart.

  27. V Says:
    October 17th, 2007 at 7:57 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story has made me cry.

    You and your babies are in my prayers.

  28. Kristal Says:
    February 8th, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Kailen is a beautiful angel and I know your family misses her very much. I wish you all the best!

  29. Susy Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    im so sorry for your loss

  30. joyce millar Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 4:47 am

    could you help me after many years I stilll cant come to trrms wjth the lose of my baby son even tho I went on to have three healthy babys

  31. Emily Says:
    April 16th, 2012 at 6:00 am

    A story i can definitely relate to. I lost my little girl in December of 2011.

    The worst day of my life. I had not felt her move for a few days and was told by family members that babies do just slow down towards the end.

    I had fallen down the stairs which had brought on my babies labour a day before i had her in hospital. Both grandmothers were in the room as well as my partners and we all got to see her beautiful face together.

    Letting go is hard, going home with your marks, a deflated belly and no baby is the worst pain you can imagine. I can completely feel your pain and wish you every hope for happiness in the future.

    To our little girls;

    Kailen – 28 weeks
    Sophia – 34 weeks

    All my love to anyone else going through the same heartbreak, my thoughts are with you all

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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