-Age 24, 1 child
-5 months PP
My pregnancy was awful. Since college, I’ve been a pretty healthy person at 5’1 and 145 but I’ve slowly crept up in weight from 120-145 but I feel comfortable at 135. Well, when I graduated from college last year, I discovered that I was pregnant–my boyfriend whom had already talked marriage with and I had only been dating a few months. Well, we got married and I went crazy because of hormones and the first year of marriage and gained a good 40 lbs even though I only probably needed to gain 25. I was crying all the time and yelling at my husband. My midwife said I was hypertensive and chose to induce me almost a week after my due day. The birth was fine and really great, no complications, and I felt very good about everything and I delivered a wonderfully healthy little boy at 7 lbs. 6 oz and I fell in love. We fell in love. And we were all happy.
Now, my self esteem is ruining everything. I knew my husband thought I was heavy when we first started dating and I tried to lose weight and then baby came and that stopped.Now I exercise regularly and eat healthy (when I feel like eating. I force myself to eat sometimes because I am breastfeeding and my little guy needs it). I’m now 142 after 5 months but this isn’t what my body looked like before! I have stretch marks all on my stomach, up and down my thighs and on my breasts. I don’t feel very attractive even though my husband insists he finds me very attractive, more so now than ever (it’s because of the boobs–I had none before my son) yet he hasn’t seen me naked since my first trimester. My insecurities were further exacerbated when I happened to come across some rather suggestive pictures of his long time friend (whom he has had a MAJOR crush on for almost a decade) in his stash of naked ladies. I was sick when i found them. She’s very slim lady and I think he’d love me more if I was slimmer. Now in my head there’s a constant competition over who is more attractive. Intellectually, I know my husband adores me, loves my body, and our life together and he just likes this girl because her personality has made him find her attractive but emotionally, I feel otherwise. I think if I didn’t have stretch marks, longer legs, and a smaller nose he’d love me more and I get so depressed because I’m not that I just don’t eat and stay in bed. I worry further that after I stop breastfeeding and I lose these amazing Ds that he won’t want to have sex with me or find it satisfying because I’ll go back to having my small scant B cup when he’s a man who loves his boobies big.
Some day I’ll feel better about everything, but right now I have other important items that should be on my mind other than feeling miserable and needing to exact revenge on this girl who doesn’t even know I hate her. I know I”m beautiful but some days it’s harder to believe it.
The pictures are me 5 months PP. Note the awful stretch marks.