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Same Weight, Different Body (Anonymous)

August 26, 2011

-Age 24, 1 child
-5 months PP

My pregnancy was awful. Since college, I’ve been a pretty healthy person at 5’1 and 145 but I’ve slowly crept up in weight from 120-145 but I feel comfortable at 135. Well, when I graduated from college last year, I discovered that I was pregnant–my boyfriend whom had already talked marriage with and I had only been dating a few months. Well, we got married and I went crazy because of hormones and the first year of marriage and gained a good 40 lbs even though I only probably needed to gain 25. I was crying all the time and yelling at my husband. My midwife said I was hypertensive and chose to induce me almost a week after my due day. The birth was fine and really great, no complications, and I felt very good about everything and I delivered a wonderfully healthy little boy at 7 lbs. 6 oz and I fell in love. We fell in love. And we were all happy.

Now, my self esteem is ruining everything. I knew my husband thought I was heavy when we first started dating and I tried to lose weight and then baby came and that stopped.Now I exercise regularly and eat healthy (when I feel like eating. I force myself to eat sometimes because I am breastfeeding and my little guy needs it). I’m now 142 after 5 months but this isn’t what my body looked like before! I have stretch marks all on my stomach, up and down my thighs and on my breasts. I don’t feel very attractive even though my husband insists he finds me very attractive, more so now than ever (it’s because of the boobs–I had none before my son) yet he hasn’t seen me naked since my first trimester. My insecurities were further exacerbated when I happened to come across some rather suggestive pictures of his long time friend (whom he has had a MAJOR crush on for almost a decade) in his stash of naked ladies. I was sick when i found them. She’s very slim lady and I think he’d love me more if I was slimmer. Now in my head there’s a constant competition over who is more attractive. Intellectually, I know my husband adores me, loves my body, and our life together and he just likes this girl because her personality has made him find her attractive but emotionally, I feel otherwise. I think if I didn’t have stretch marks, longer legs, and a smaller nose he’d love me more and I get so depressed because I’m not that I just don’t eat and stay in bed. I worry further that after I stop breastfeeding and I lose these amazing Ds that he won’t want to have sex with me or find it satisfying because I’ll go back to having my small scant B cup when he’s a man who loves his boobies big.

Some day I’ll feel better about everything, but right now I have other important items that should be on my mind other than feeling miserable and needing to exact revenge on this girl who doesn’t even know I hate her. I know I”m beautiful but some days it’s harder to believe it.

The pictures are me 5 months PP. Note the awful stretch marks.

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26 Responses to “Same Weight, Different Body (Anonymous)”

  1. shannon Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 7:37 am

    I think you look amazing! I am 25 and have had 2 kids. If those stretch marks are “awful”, I would hate to know what you think of mine! That is NOTHING :) You look beautiful. I had a B cup before my kids too. I nursed my youngest for 22 months (he is almost 2.5 years now)…I have kept my C cup. I had a DD/D while nursing and my boobs stayed bigger. They are saggy though (but that is what bras are for!). Just saying that your boobs may stay bigger…either way your husband will love you. Make him get rid or his “naked girl stash”…he is married and has a kid now…and a BEAUTIFUL wife.

  2. Natalie Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 7:57 am

    ….Your stretch marks don’t look “awful” at all. They’re barely visible…give it a few more months and they’ll be gone.

  3. amber Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 8:09 am

    please go look at my post – blessed and tortured there are 3 ( ILL SHOW YA STRETCH MARKS!), you look stunning! lovely cuves full breasts and your ‘stretch marks’ babe your only 5 months pp…. THEY DO FADE… i have them TERRIBLY but they have faded. and tanning actually helps you feel better about their appearance ( BUT DONT DO IT TILL THEY FADE!) screw those pics of that girl, you hold so much more importance in his life than those pictures.

  4. Colleen Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Think about it…he’s had a “major crush” on this girl for how many years but it’s YOU he was talking about marrying after just a few months. A crush is just that…a crush. And obviously she’s tried to tempt him with suggestive pictures and he STILL CHOSE YOU. If anything she should hate you because you won!

    I don’t see how you could consider yourself not slim, I think you look just lovely–and at only 5 months post-partum! If you are brave enough to bare your body for us, I challenge you to do it for your husband. I guarantee you his jaw will drop, and in a good way. You’re one hot mama!

    One final note about nursing boobs…I was a 34D when I started dating my husband, 32F when I got pregnant, and a 34H when I was nursing (yes, H. Ridiculous, right?). Throughout my 13 months of breastfeeding I repeatedly asked him if he’d still like them when they were empty and saggy and he said of course he would. And given by how many times a day he grabs at them, I’d say that’s definitely true! (Due to birth control changes I’m now a 34G). Men may like breasts for themselves, but they especially like them if they’re attached to a beautiful woman whom they love, who has given them children, and who loves them in return. He fell in love with you as a B cup and he’ll still love you if/when they go back to that size. Obviously he’s in it for more than your boobs, I promise!

  5. Colleen Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Oh I forgot something! If you’re okay with him having a naked girl stash, that’s awesome. I know my husband watches porn and I’m fine with that because I just don’t have the sex drive to match his. But if pictures of people he actually KNOWS make you uncomfortable, please speak up. Tell him you’re okay with anonymous pictures but not ones of people you know face-to-face. Or you’re not okay with it at all, whatever the truth is. He should respect your wishes on the matter if you tell him how much those pictures hurt you. Or take some sexy pictures of yourself to start building a new stash! ;)

  6. Shelly Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Looking great!

  7. Kyssta Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Im barly 9 weeks PP and hunn you have an absolutly BEAUTIFUL body!!! Dont ever let yourself or someone elce tell yuo different!!

  8. Sarah P. Says:
    August 26th, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    I think you’re underestimating your husband here. Men love sex. They love their wives’ bodies. They don’t care about a couple of teeny little stretch marks. I’m sure that you hiding your (amazingly sexy) body from him is more harmful to your marriage than actually revealing it to him! Stare at your body for a few minutes each morning after or before your shower in the mirror. Become acquainted with it. There is no such thing as a perfect body, but I am fairly certain that yours comes pretty darn near any woman’s (or man’s) ideal. You look hot, simply put. And if you were to stop breastfeeding, yes your breasts would shrink a bit, but they won’t go down to AAs or anything like that. Have confidence in yourself! :)

  9. Ashley Says:
    August 27th, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Wow, I don’t think your husband is lying when he says he’s still attracted to you! Your stretchmarks really aren’t that bad, and like others said, they’ll fade more with time. You look very slim! You carry the weight VERY well for your height! I’m a little over 5’9″ and weigh 146 right now and look about the same as your picture (but worse stretchmarks)!

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your body won’t drive your husband away, but he might get tired of the unreasonably low self esteem!

  10. me Says:
    August 27th, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    you have little stretchmarks and great boobies girly, be happy! you should make him get rid of the stash of naked women photos he has, why does he have that anyways a married man should not have such things…”a man who has lustd after a woman has already commited adultery in his heart” he is wrong to have that stuff now…oh i know women think they are “insecure” if we dont allow it, yeah society (men) made that one up, dont put up with it!

  11. Skye Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:01 am

    You look amazing, PERIOD. That you’re only 5 months post-partum means you look ridiculously fantastic! Your body is still adjusting to it’s new after-baby self – everything will just keep getting better once you hit the 6 month post-partum mark. If you look this great now, you’ll be back to “normal” by a year pp. In fact, I found I looked BETTER after my babies than before – the wider hips flattened out my tummy significantly.

    Now, as for your husband — I’m all for a porno/girly mag stash. Those women are unreachable, untouchable images on a glossy page. HOWEVER – if his “friend/crush” is sending him suggestive pictures, that’s just not ok. It sounds like it has seriously affected you negatively. Suggestive pictures of a known woman offer real possibilities, and if she’s willingly sending them, she’s probably willing to do more.

    You look amazing and are worthy of love from someone unconditionally – larger, smaller, fatter, thinner, before childbirth or post-partum. You have to love YOU first and foremost, and then demand that same kind of love from others.

  12. Hallie Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:17 am

    i think you look beautiful. i too am 5 months pp and am back to my pre pregnancy weight, even 2lbs lighter. my boobs may be a little bit bigger but the shape of them are not as cute, my belly feels like it has too much skin and i feel like there in no way ill be able to tone. but reality you are very sexy. stretch marks dont matter any more these days. ya we may not have a tight mag body or a perfect tummy but i find you very attractive and i know many others do too. stay positive , do sexy things to keep you feeling sexy. maybe try new things you have not tried yet. let your husband enjoy your sexy body while its young and cute. i hope for great things for you.
    -hallie; mom of 5 month old boy
    21 years old

  13. johanne Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    My very first reaction was WOW..you have an Amazing body!! I am 5 months pp and My boobs are now a C cup, but one is noticbly fuller then the other one. And I wish my belly looked as great as yours. Please let go of any negative feelings you have of yourself. You are in great shape. As for the pictures, he needs to let them go. Your his wife and anything that makes you feel bad and insecure that he could easliy get rid of, should be in the trash and gone.

  14. Marz Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I don’t understand… you ARE slim. Seriously, even if you had B cups, you seem like one hot babe. I went through this very same thing after me and my husband had our son. I was angry all the time, hurt over things that never hurt me before (him looking at porn to something as simple as looking at me). And did you ever think that mye your husband likes your DDs now because it’s something new on you? Men have priorities– they may like big boobs, but maybe a great butt and personality are more important :)
    Anyways, I got over my anger problems after watching an old video of the two of us laughing and goofing off together. And I just looked at him and said, “I haven’t been that happy in a long time, have I?” and he agreed that I’ve changed. The next day I made an appointment to see the doctor. PPD effects everyone differently, for me it made me miserable and angry (as opposed to crying all the time) and I picked fights for no reason– mind you, at the time, it seemed like a totally legit reason. After I got on some medication, I looked back at my behavior in horror.
    So don’t discount yourself. Don’t discount your husband. I’ve been visiting this great site called http://stophatingyourbody.tumblr.com/, and it’s really really helped me. I definitely think it’d help you feel more comfortabel in your own skin, because you are absolutely sexy.

  15. shannon Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Colleen, it is your right to not have a problem with your husband watching porn…but I would like to say 1 thing.

    So what if your sex drive does not match his? You are his wife and the mother of his children. He married you, which should mean he thinks you are the most beautiful women in the world (in his eyes!)…this being said, I do not think it is right for married men to watch/look at porn. It is just another way to degrade women…isn’t that something we should fight for the sake of our daughters?

  16. Shelly Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 6:00 am

    You look great! How many woman have that shape, especially after giving birth?

  17. Lauren Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    You look amazing! You should be confident and keep being healthy in all that you do – you will look just the way you should look. Your husbands wandering eyes are another story – porn is proven to hijack mens brains and make intimacy more difficult for them, not to mention set false standards for what it means to be attractive and have good sex (porn says its a non-committal sport, not an intimate loving expression of a relationship) so at a time when you have a new baby, body issues, new challenges to face with your schedule, and are trying to regain confidence in your relationship – him fantasizing about f***ing other women is really going to set you both back! Please talk to him about that.

  18. mrspetunia Says:
    August 30th, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    It’s interesting that there are so many differing opinions on the porn issue. I don’t feel that I, or anyone, has the right to dictate to you how you should feel and what you should do about his little stash. I know porn used to bother me and now I don’t give a hoot. I think that this change of opinion was simply the result of my realizing that my husband was totally committed to me and wouldn’t actually stray in real life. I know he’s not addicted to it, loves and worships me, and just happens to enjoy a little variety on screen and in his imagination (heck, I do too once in a while :) ). However, without knowing your husband’s relationship with porn and with you, I just don’t feel I can give you informed advice. I do think that it’s bull shit that he has suggestive pictures of a good friend. That’s crossing a major line in my book. Anyway, you look completely hot and have a rocking little figure. I hope that you can really learn to feel that deep inside because it’s totally true.

  19. Luisa Says:
    September 3rd, 2011 at 2:47 am

    Woah, you are wayyy to insecure Lady. Trust me all of it is in your head, your insecurties might mess up everything for you, you have an amazing body! And I bet you have a beautiful face now all you need is the confidence to go along with that body you have! Good Luck Hun :)

  20. the other leslie Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Have you thought about talking to a counselor? I can see from your beautiful photos and from what you said about how much your husband loves and desires you that you aren’t seeing yourself as others see you. Your amazing body is the body of a sex object (just like that stash of naked photos) BUT because you are a mom! and a wife! and a lover! (not just a photo) and everything else you hope and dream about, it is important you see your value. I do have terrible news for you, sometimes husbands don’t love their wives. I truly believe yours does, but my point is it doesn’t change how awesome the woman is in the first place. You can’t control how someone else feels, but you can be good to them, that includes being really honest, even if they don’t like it, and most importantly, GOOD TO YOURSELF! You deserve it, beautiful lady!

  21. Erin Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Your picture is just like looking in the mirror. Our stretchmarks are almost identical. I have two children by c-section and I am now 1 year pp with #2. Just to give you some words of encouragement, the stretchmarks will fade to almost nothing, you will see them if you obsess but for the most part you will forget they are there! I too had some pp issues after having my babies, being 25 and worrying about what my husband truly thought of my body. The I decided, “Who cares,” I would rather spend my day playing with my babies and loving my husband them worrying about one area of my body that only few people see! It’s just not worth the worry. So please enjoy your baby and your husband and just let it all go! It’s very liberating!

  22. Tabitha Says:
    September 16th, 2011 at 11:10 am

    As you posted this on my birthday, and you look amazing, I thought i’d comment, thought I usually just look quietly from the ‘internet sidelines’… you look so lovely. Your breasts are a fantastic shape, you still have an enviable figure, I would love to look just like you. Everyone is right, those marks are exactly the type to fade to almost nothing…they’re alot less noticeable than mine, although I know saying that doesn’t always help, because you want to look YOUR best, not just better than someone else..but you truly look great. I’m 24 and had my first at 21, I found it very hard to deal with y body image afterwards, which wasn’t good before..i’m now preg with number 2 at 24 years old, and hoping I will cope better with this one…

  23. christina Says:
    November 16th, 2011 at 12:14 am

    omg-u are a hot momma stop beatin yourself up!burn that mans girlly stash!u are rockin that body!

  24. L Says:
    November 23rd, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    You look awesome.. I agree my stomach is way worse. From your post I was expecting something way worse. Be happy and enjoy your body and give your husband the gift of seeing you naked. The woman he loves mother of hos child..

  25. momof5 Says:
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    I finally realized that those stretch marks are my battle scars. I told someone once, they are the roadmaps to my heart because my kids put them there. So, remember that.

    p.s. I would love to have your body! I am finally more comfortable with mine, but damn, you are HOT!

  26. Marie Says:
    August 14th, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Im sorry I can’t seem to see what is so wrong with your body except some minor stretchmarks that are going to fade in time. Don’t get caught up in worrying too much, I think your insecurities are dictating what you think your husband thinks and feels, if those pics are making you feel insecure then you need to get him to toss them out in the trash. I don’t feel any married man should have a stash of pics of naked women especially not someone he has a crush on! That’s a big no no!

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