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Overcome with Emotion (Liz)

February 22, 2010

I had a baby boy by c section in July of 2003 and I was overjoyed. I gained 65 pounds with the pregnancy, and lost a small portion of it slowly over 6 years. In February 2009, I wasn’t happy at all with the way I looked and it showed in my marraige. I felt for many years that my husband wasn’t attracted to me. I found out I was pregnant on Valentines Day 2009. I had a very hard pregnancy in which I developed a heart condition as well as preeclampsia. I was bed ridden from 8 weeks on. Needless to say this didn’t do much for my already struggling sex life. Moving foward I delivered a baby boy by c section on September 22nd. He was 5 weeks premature and had health issues. I became very depressed. I have pulled out of the depression some, while talking to my doctor and support from my friends and family…but EVERY time I look in the mirror I cry. I am overcome with emotion about how much I hate my body. I love my baby so much and I would never change anything but how could I be so ugly? I cannot excersize due to the heart condition that has lingered after pregnancy. The stress of a preemie drove me to the fridge…the only comfort I had. My husband tries to be nice but is is clear that he is not attracted to me at all. He has trouble getting in the mood and I can understand why. I have never felt uglier or fatter in my entire life.

I am 29 years old
4 months post partum
2 beautiful baby boys delivered c section one 6 one 4 months

First pic is me 4 months post partum, then my 2 boys, then me before my second pregnancy

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5 Responses to “Overcome with Emotion (Liz)”

  1. Crystal Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 9:14 am

    Your boys are beautiful and so are you. I know how hard it can be to accept your post-partum body – for me, it helped to focus on making healthy lifestyle choices every day. That way, I felt a bit more in control and knew I would eventually start to lose the weight. Can you go walking? If so, aim for 20-30 minutes a day to start. The sun and fresh air help with the ‘down days’. I also stopped drinking beverages with calories – water, herbal tea, sparkling water, etc. – and focus on eating whole, unprocessed foods. I am now 10 months postpartum and the weight is off (still have a bit of a belly though). You can do this, you are already beautiful and time can do wonderful things. :)

  2. Sarah Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 10:51 am

    I’m so sorry that you feel terribly. Please keep your chin up! You are a beautiful woman–remain strong! Your children are just perfect! Worth every minute of struggle. I know what you mean about everything you said. I am still having a struggling sex life at three years postpartum, but more because *I* can’t get in the mood. I think it’s the BC. I wish you all the best!

  3. Stacy Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Hun, you are honestly being WAY too hard on yourself. You look beautiful, and I am sure your husband sees your body this, You low confidence and negative attitude toward yourself is unattractive though. Men do no like to hear women complain about themselves, about how ugly they are. They cannot help but be attracted to confident women, no matter how they look. Do whatever it takes to regain your confidence.

  4. lisa Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    if your husband doesn’t think you are beautiful he is crazy! you have a gorgeous face and it was your body that gave him two handsome sons! i agree with the lady who suggested walking – it can be so good for you and also very relaxing. go by yourself, take your sons, or even invite you husband. it can be great alone time and great family time! i had 23 weeker twins in 2003 and i know the stress you mentioned. when my surviving twin came home from the hospital i took her and my 3 yr old daughter on morning and evening walks with me (even with the baby’s O2 tank!) and we all loved it. good luck to you – don’t forget that you look GREAT!! btw – what do men think THEY would look like if they were the ones who had the babies?? sheesh!!

  5. Bella Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Hun, my heart goes out to you. It`s not easy to have your body changed after pregnancies! I have some of the same emotions too. Recently I`ve realised that it is has been my inner fear to become REALLY fat and unhealthy (like my mother), and in a strange way this aknowledgement has helped me to stop eating to much. I now try to aet more healthy and focus on wellbeing rather than apperance. It all has to do with feeling good about yourself. Big hug from me.

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