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Old Before My Time (Anonymous)

February 5, 2013

Age 33 yrs
4 children
breastfed
all c-sections

My youngest is 10 months old, I had my first child 14 yrs ago at 21 yrs old. I usually avoid looking in the mirror when naked My stomach hangs and I have tried many exercises it will never be the same which is disappointing. Whats worst, my breasts are deflated and feel soft. My nipples are also stretched and very long. I know this is not attractive and has hindered my sex life. Taking off my shirt just makes me want to cringe. As well, this affects how I feel in my clothes especially since cleavage shirts are the in thing. I even went for a bra fitting recently and the sales lady I know said “why didn’t you stop breastfeeding?” I always wanted to wear a bikini which I feel I missed out on but, instead I recently got a sexy one piece from pinup girlclothing.com. I wore it swimming…no excitement from my bf…. all I could think is: “If I were wearing a bikini you wouldn’t be able to take your eyes off of me”. Well, retired that! I feel old and deflated however, I am at a decent weight which is good. My man claims he has no problem with my bod but I have caught him looking at porn specifically, of large chested women which blew my self esteem out the window and made me not believe him when he does compliment. I also get angry at the Drs. who kept giving a c-sections not telling the physical repercussions on the body. I am also angered by society there is no way, in my opinion, a man would buy a magazine with a bunch of women with sagging breasts and stretch marks although this is reality albeit a harsh one. I love my children and am thankful for them. Just don’t know how to get some self confidence back….

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22 Responses to “Old Before My Time (Anonymous)”

  1. Michele Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 6:50 am

    When I look at your body, I honestly don’t see what you see. I see that you have a small waistline and could use some cardio and oblique exercises. I believe if you tone up some in your midsection, you will really love the results. Honestly, you look nice to me and if you want to make it firmer and look better to you, than maybe try exercising. The comment about men buying a magazine with stretch marks, saggy breasts may be true, because men are very visual, but your breasts look very nice to me and they are not sagging, they are hanging naturally which to me beats implants any day, but that is just my opinion. You sound really down on yourself and also as if you are not getting the response from your man that you are looking for. Men love confidence and when we are down on ourselves, well they can sense that. If you decide to start working out, in a few weeks watch that confidence change as you notice little changes about yourself. I know that I have done a 360 and my baby is only three mths because I see great results in six weeks time and I just chart the areas I want to focus on more as I go. You can do it. I bet that one piece was adorable, I am going to check out that website to see what I can find. GOD bless you. You will get there.

  2. Melissa Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 11:20 am

    You look awesome! Some men look at porn, but that shouldn’t reflect on the way you feel about yourself. Porn is just a movie with bad acting. You should feel proud of the way you look and I honestly can’t believe you have had 4 children. You really do look incredible!

  3. AM Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Hey! You look like ME! You look great!!

  4. Candace Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    You look just like me & I am 35. No C-Section, but 3 kids. 1st at 20, then 24 & 27. My B/f likes bigger breasts too, but thinks mine are great the way they are because of the shape. Your’s look the same as mine. I’m so sorry your boyfriend isn’t understanding & porn has nothing to do with you, that is his own addiction. Mine does tell me I would look better if I tighten up a bit & my sex life is the same as yours from lack of confidence, even though he tells me I am still beautiful. Your picture just made me feel so much better about myself. I thought I looked much worse than I did, but your pic is almost like looking in a mirror, but knowing it’s not yourself gives you a different perspective. We are all harder on ourselves. You look amazing & thank you for sharing. This is my first comment on anyone because I never felt like the others.

  5. Anon Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    Seriously? While I can totally relate to every single word you said, I would trade you for your body in a split second!!! You look AMAZING!!! What you described about yourself is completely untrue – you just FEEL that way. What you describe is MY body 110%! Does your stomach hang to the point of rubbing against your pubic bone, like mine? (and I’ve only had 2 c-sections). My breasts come down about three inches lower than yours and are full but flat, shaped like ciabatta loaves…lol. I have hips on my hips and belly rolls that never existed, AND I have diastasis rectii which means my stomach muscles have stretched apart and my organs are pushing through, which means I now have a permanent belly pooch btwn my breasts and my belly button, which I *never* had before. I weigh less than when I conceived my kids and yet I am 2 sizes larger because of the shape my body has displaced to from carrying and birthing them. Am I happy? Hell no. I feel cheated in a way. I was always a larger woman who was totally self confident. But now it’s almost impossible to find that person again. But make no mistake that the image you have of your body isn’t physically accurate at all. You look incredible to me and I say you should strut around in a low cut blouse if you want because you’ve “got it”, mama <3

  6. Mollie Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    It makes me really angry when I hear/read about women getting down on themselves because their man looks at porn. I’ve been there, too. But let me assure you that his porn issue is HIS issue, NOT yours! He’d still look at porn even if you felt like you fit whatever criteria you are assuming he is missing out on. And if he blames it on you, then he is severely mistaken.
    What I am hearing over and over in your post is how overwhelmingly insecure you feel, and it breaks my heart. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!! Stop worrying about what other people think. They DO NOT determine your value. You are NOT only as valuable as you are sexy and if ANY person tries to convince you otherwise then he is not worth your time!
    Buy a bathing suit that YOU love on you, not a suit that you think will get a rise out of your boyfriend. Men are attracted to women who are confident in themselves. Love who you are, because whatever your body shape is, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And if there is something you don’t like about your body, do what you can to improve (work out, eat better, exfoliate – whatever) but don’t do it to impress anyone or to try and earn love from anyone. We are all stuck with the bodies we have, for better or for worse, and real love understands that we are more than our bag of flesh.
    I just read Beth Moore’s book “So Long Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us” and it made a phenomenal impact on my outlook on life, myself, and my body. It is a Christian book, and I mention this because I want you to know that I am not trying to peddle anything or push any agenda – I sincerely think that it could help you feel better. I will be praying for you.
    I wish you the best of luck and keep your chin up!

  7. Sam Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    1) Men looking at porn has nothing to do with how their women look. Many women who are attractive by societal standards still get cheated on or their men view porn, because it is a problem w/ those MEN, it’s NOT the women.

    2) Breastfeeding is not the culprit for saggy breasts! Pregnancy, environmental factors (like smoking), diet, and age can & will cause sagging of breasts that never nourish a child. By breastfeeding at least you’ll end up an old lady w/ saggy breast AND a decreased risk of breast cancer, rather than an old lady w/ saggy breasts and a higher risk.

    3) Confidence is sexy! No, you dont look like you used to, but work with what you’ve got. ;)

  8. Sam Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Oh, and that saleswoman is lucky she didnt make an ignorant comment like that to me.

  9. Sarah G Says:
    February 5th, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Soft breasts are attractive. Soft bellies are attractive. They’re feminine, and warm, and pleasant to caress. Prominent nipples are sexy as hell. They may not be what’s plastered in magazines, they may not be what the media *tells* us is attractive, but they are, in fact, attractive. LOTS of people sincerely enjoy the appearance and the feel of a woman who has sexy soft feminine body parts. You are, in fact, beautiful.

    Your body doesn’t look old, either, in my humble opinion. It doesn’t look like a teenager’s body, but what I see in your picture is entirely normal and healthy for a woman your age.

    I agree with previous commenters – when men look at porn, it has nothing to do with the appearance of the women they are with. It’s their issue, and isn’t related to or caused by women’s bodies changing. don’t let his actions cause you shame; it sure as hell isn’t your doing.

    (Hugs) to you also, because while I absolutely believe every word I’ve typed here, I also know how hard it can be to embrace oneself, and to truly be okay with how we look in a society that demands we second guess ourselves. Take heart, and take care of yourself. You deserve to be loved and treated well, and that starts with you. <3

  10. Alecia Says:
    February 9th, 2013 at 4:36 am

    I have three children all C-sections at ages: 22, 25, 31, I love them with all my heart. I am 38 now and would love to tell you otherwise but the sad reality is what you described. I think of my body as disfigured and my love life is pretty much nonexistant.

    My (soon to be ex-)husband pretty much lost interest in me and I tried to make a sacrifice and let him be with a friend it didnt work out so well they are together and we have been putting the divorce off only because of our kids we love them.

    Raising children is great but when i think of my youngest daughter is now at the age where she could be a mother I want to just warn her and tell her not to be.

    Stay strong I know what “old before my time” means maybe we were just not meant to be beautiful forever.

    :)

  11. Cade Says:
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:26 am

    I’m a male, and from my perspective there is nothing more sexy and desirable than a mother. It simply dumbfounds me that so many beautiful women, like yourself, compare themselves to those airbrushed magazine models and Hollywood actresses. You, and those like you, define beauty and elegance my dear !!!

  12. Mommyof4 Says:
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Are you kidding? You’ve had 4 kids??!! You look absolutely amazing and I am jealous- your breasts are lovely and your body is very feminine and beautiful and soft. :)

  13. Ian Says:
    February 18th, 2013 at 11:09 am

    I look at porn. I also love my wife and would do anything for her. I would never consider cheating, and although I have always had my eyes open when meeting other women, I’ve never met anyone who can hold a candle to her.

    Looking at porn and not loving your partner are two totally different issues. Men often have higher libidos then women – that’s just as a result of evolution and the fact that they’re evolved to further their genetics by impregnating as many women as possible. In a society where monogamy is the norm, men look at porn as a substitute for cheating. I know that sounds seedy and sad. But it’s not – it’s just life.

    You’ll probably think I’m horrible, but I’m just genuinely trying to say that if a man looks at porn it is NO reflection on you. It isn’t even “his issue” as people on here are saying. It’s just a fact of life and shouldn’t be taken as him not loving you.

  14. Adrian Says:
    February 20th, 2013 at 6:18 am

    Sorry to hear that your confidence has taken a bashing but I really feel you should be proud of your figure. I don’t think stretch marks make a woman any less attractive – I simply see them as a reminder of her body achieving something miraculous. As for your breasts being “deflated”, that’s certainly not a term I’d use, but if they are, I suppose that makes me (and countless other men) a fan of deflated breasts! And believe me, there’s no shortage of enthusiam for long nipples!

    I’m sorry to hear about your one piece swimsuit experience too, because I think they are often the most elegant form of swimwear and I’m sure you looked great. And the sales lady who said “Why didn’t you stop breeastfeeding” is a disgrace! You deserve a virtual ‘group hug’ from everyone here!

  15. Ray Says:
    February 20th, 2013 at 6:51 am

    Hi There, I must say I agree with the comments from the last post, Im a male, I love my wife who is the mother of my 3 kids, I love her body more since she has had kids than before kids. I find where her nipples have got larger and darker through pregnancy and breast feeding really really sexy.

    I look at porn to, I love the female form, and enjoy it. Has no reflection on my feelings for my wife or my passion for her.

    Contray to what is often thought about men, we are all not lusting after young nubile girls!!

    Especially after becoming a Dad, it dont feel right to me to look at a young woman that way, when Im in my forties. She has to discover for herself with a partner that is on the same journey if you know what I mean. Anyway I digress. You look hot, your nipples are real sexy, and you have a great waistline. Enjoy being a woman and get jiggy with it!. Respect.

  16. rebecca Says:
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    wow your body is rockin!! god bless ! please love those curves!! you have a wonderful body

  17. Paul Says:
    February 24th, 2013 at 4:21 am

    I want to let all the great mother and wife that visit this page that they have accomplished the most amazing thing that they cold ever do, better then the 6 figure salary or expensive home. I am a father of three beautiful kids that are just the best thing and married to a greatful wife who was willing to give up her body, mind and emotions for the last 6 years for me and my children. I understand where you ladies come from but to be honest the best advice I ever give new mothers is to stay away from as many ladies as possible during their pregnancy. I know what your thinking, another crazy male,but when my wife was pregnant I noticed that all her girl friend ever talked about was the negative things of pregnancy and child birth and the effects it has on your body. I am sure that you don’t need to be told about it but rather woman need to support and be positive as there are more important things in life then saggy boobs, stretch mark or no six packs. Having said all this my wife’s mental and emotional stability has turned 180degrees since she started visiting the gym and noticing her body change with hard work her mind has never been more positive and her sex drive has come back stronger then ever and we are having the most amazing sex ever. I know it takes a husband who cares and supports you but I really believe that woman put so much pressure on themselves and it is not needed. My advice is join a gym, with a health body comes a healthy mind and outlook on life. I hope all the woman here understand that they are great and really believe it. It will show in their life with or without a husband. Chins up girls

  18. Jen Says:
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    I have never commented on anything on the web before but I could not help myself…I think your body is beauty-ful! I have had 3 kiddos and my body looks a lot like like yours. I think my belly is a bit pudgier than yours though. :) I don’t have a comment about the porn because I LOVE PORN! LOL! I love beautiful women of all shapes/sizes. We are ALL beautiful in our own way. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. Good luck with your journey of self love. You’ll find it. And when you do, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much of your precious energy hating on yourself. One Love.

  19. Sara Says:
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Your body looks a lot like mine. My midriff is still smooth and firm, but below the navel I don’t look so good. Try the high wasted bikinis! They are super cute and sexy. I rocked one of those last summer, and I felt great in a bathing suit for the first time since I had my son.

  20. Emma Says:
    April 10th, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Hi
    I feel for the blogger in terms of I sympathise with her inability to accept her body and be happy with how she looks.

    I feel this issue goes a lot deeper than “do some abdominal exercises.” I also think you look great, especially after four children. But again, it’s not really about how you look. It’s about how society, and the men in our lives, makes us feel about how we look.

    What I feel this issue really boils down to I believe is the general superficiality of society and the conditioning we have been subjected to. In my humble opinion, we do not lead wholesome, pure hearted, spirtiual lives and we definately do not live in such a society. If we did, your body would be interpreted as being beautiful in it’s naturalness, both by yourself and the man in your life.

    Men hold too much social and material power in our society making women obsess disportionately about how we look and trying to please them with how we look.

    I believe most men are superficial in regards to a woman’s appearance and I find this to be a scary reality if I were ever going to go down the path of having children and knowing I would possibly decrease in attractiveness to both myself and to them. Because of the superficial society we live in, it’s a real possibility.

    The sad thing is that we are not unattractive. We are beautiful. It’s just the media and society that make us feel that way and we almost can’t avoid it.

    This is my two cents worth and I’m not claiming to be right or comprehensive in my views. I do believe it to be a real and common issue. I wish you all the best.

  21. gina Says:
    June 21st, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    YOu look really good, but I totally understand how you feel. I too felt that my doctor never explained to me the post recovery of a c-section. It’s insane to me that nobody talks about the ugly truth that a woman feels after having a baby. To me it’s not being selfish at all. It’s actually being honest and healthy about wanting to talk about our change and self esteem issues.

  22. sara Says:
    November 16th, 2013 at 9:45 am

    you are beautiful and look like you never got pregnant

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