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I Just Don’t Feel Good Anymore (Tawnya)

November 16, 2011

Age: 20
Number of births: 1
Age of child: 1 year

My name is Tawnya, I just turned 20 and I’m a mother of a beautiful 1 yr old girl. I was 120lbs before I got pregnant, I was in a size 3. I gained 80lbs during my pregnancy. I’m just struggling with the way my body looks now (I’ve only lost 30lbs), I have stretchmarks everywhere and I just found out that I’m pregnant again. My family told me not to worry that I was young and my body would bounce back into shape, so I waited and waited nothing happened. I feel so ashamed of my body now and it seems like no one understands at all. Some of my friends had babies too and they didn’t get horrible looking stretch marks or gained a bunch of weight, no they were back in their pre-pregnant clothes just weeks after having their children. My boyfriend doesn’t understand either he tries to but in the end he has no clue about how I feel. I try to fix myself up, do my hair, dress nice but I still feel repulsive. I was starting to feel a little better about myself when I was loosing weight, but when I found out I was pregnant again it devastated me. I feel like I’m never going to feel good about myself again and the way I feel about my looks is taking a toll on my relationship. I love being a mom don’t get me wrong but I hate what the process of becoming one did to my body. I just feel so alone in everything I’m going through. This is the first time I can actually freely express myself and I hope someone out there knows what I’m going through and can give me some advice.

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6 Responses to “I Just Don’t Feel Good Anymore (Tawnya)”

  1. Maria Says:
    November 16th, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Hi there, I totally understad what you’re saying, and I can relate completelly.
    I have two girls 17 months apart one from each other. I was pretty thin when I got pregnant with my first, gained tons of weight and when everthing was just starting to bounce back BANG pregnant, more weight, depression, feeling of being impossible to bond with my second baby due to the hate I had fo may body.
    It’s still hard, but three years later I got these issues on my own hands, and I am working on solving my selfsteem issues. I am loosing weight (slowly but loosing) and trying to be fit again.
    Do not despair. You can do it, you can be the owner of your body again, it takes time (lots of) and full time sacrifices but you CAN do it.
    Best of luck with your pregnancy!!

  2. Stacy Says:
    November 16th, 2011 at 10:07 am

    As a teenager mother and now mother of six, I can relate. I gained 80 pounds with my first daughter and my body was stretched out like a ballon. I felt disgusting for years. But then I started taking really good care of myself during pregnancy, gained a Lot less weight and generally felt healthy. I did yoga, walked, ate whole food. Before I got pregnant this last time I weighed 132 pounds. Previously I had hung around 180 pounds. My stomach still looks like a cat mutilated me, but I wear a bikini anyway and usually get smiles and compliments. Be proud of the accomplishments you have already made and the ones to come… And do not compare yourself to anyone ever. You are you and that is enough.

  3. Kelly Says:
    November 28th, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Oh man, do I feel your pain! I had my daughter when I was just 19 years old and I’ve had stretch marks all over my stomach ever since…and I’ve hated them with a passion. I felt horrible and ugly and no matter what my boyfriend said to me, it didn’t matter. I didn’t feel sexy and nothing he said or did was going to make me feel sexy.

    What really sucks is that you are the only person who can make you feel beautiful and sexy…and yet we are surrounded by images of women who look so unbelievable it seems we are forced to believe that we are less than they are because … they’ve been airbrushed to perfection.

    I’m 48 now, but the daughter that I had when I was 19 is 28 and has 3 children of their own…not one stretch mark! She looks like she’s never had one baby, much less three! I’m glad that she has never had to wrestle with the body insecurities I did.

    There are no easy answers or solutions to how you feel about yourself. You are the one who is in control of what you see when you look in the mirror. But, know that you are not alone and what you feel is not abnormal. It will be a journey to find your happy place again, but you have to want to find it – without a body morphing miracle – but with what you really have. When you truly love yourself, your stretch marks won’t matter as much. Oh, you’ll still see them, and wish they weren’t there from time to time, but you will remind yourself that they are just scars, like any other scar, and it’s not cancer…and you will live to see your beautiful daughter grow up and share memories of her wonderful childhood with you.

    In the meantime, surround yourself with people who do understand your feelings and what you are going through. They will help you come to terms with your new body, just don’t expect it to happen over night.

    Hugs to you and your beautiful daughter…and your new little life growing inside you. Concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy and baby for right now. You will only be pregnant with this precious baby once, embrace it because once it is over, you can’t go back.

    I promise, in time, you will feel better emotionally.

  4. Anniebear Says:
    November 28th, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    Hi Tawnya,

    Please don’t feel bad. There will be PLeNTy of time to get back to your former self. It’s taken me three (and a half babies, so far ;), to appreciate this amazing “gift” I’ve been given to be able to create a human being inside my body. I was 120 pounds and a size 3 too, before this fourth pregnancy, and BOY you should see the reactions people give me now when they see my belly. At only 24 weeks along I get “wow! Are you having that baby any day now?” or “geesh, you’re just so BIG”. I live with this criticism constantly, and with my fourth, (third boy), I just shrug it off now. yes, I have 9 lb. babies. Who cares, but me! I am confident to know that yes, I will lose this weight–it’ll take me 18 months, bc my body also holds onto every single pound during my year of breastfeeding–but by golly, this is my last time to enjoy this experience. I will be back in my cute jeans again. It will take hard work, but I’m not stressing. I’ve done it three times already, I can do it again. YOU WILL TOO! Tell your boyfriend to take a chill pill, and get over it. He’s not the one carrying this human being. tell him to relish your curves, or he can get lost. ;) good luck, my friend. Be strong, and remember YOU are amazing no matter your size.

  5. Sarah Says:
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:42 am

    I am a 22 year old woman who just had baby number two, about four months ago, and my first baby just 18 months before that. During my fist pregnancy I gained 40 lbs and only wound up losing 30 of it by the time I became pregnant with my second. but with my second pregnancy i didnt gain as much weight and now that the baby is out I am loosing the weight a bit easier this time around, just by breastfeeding and being more active with a toddler to look after. I look better now 4 months postpartum with baby number two than I looked 9 mos pp with my first! it takes time and work..but we can get our bodies back!

  6. john Says:
    December 31st, 2011 at 10:53 am

    its sad that in western world we are bombarded with all this crap about being thin. in other countries thus is not much of an issue. feel proud of all your body changes why because you are able to do something special you are able to make another person. if it wasn;t for mothers there wouldnt be a human race. my girl has atripes around her belly like a tiger from having our kids but they dont look ugly to me because she got them from making our kids

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