I was always in great shape. I used to have visible abs, perky boobs, and a pretty shape. I got pregnant at 18 by my high school sweetheart, and had my daughter at 19. I put on 85 lbs with my first pregnancy. I suffered from terrible ppd and for a long time was depressed about how I looked, but didn’t really care. I was in a terrible relationship and hated my life. 2 years later, I was still 40 lbs from my pre weight, up 7 pant sizes, but finally able to start getting my life back. I decided to leave my relationship and get a better start on my life. Unfortunately I found out I was pregnant again. This time on my own, I gained little extra weight, and combined with excessive blood loss due to a difficult delivery, I left the hospital at 30 lbs over my initial prepregnancy weight, down 10 from when I got pregnant. Now, 2 and a half years later, I am 15 lbs from my pre weight. I wear a size 3, but I am still in agony over how I look. Due to the large weight gain in my first, I have strech marks EVERYWHERE and they are terrible. On my thighs, some are 3-4 in long and an inch wide. I have them on my arms, boobs, starting 4 in above my belly button all the way down to the backs of my knees and my calves. I hate my belly, my breasts, everything. I was married 2 years ago, and I have become jelous, possesive, and incredibly loathing of myself and anyone my husband might find more attractive than I. Some days I think its not so bad, but other I want to lie in bed and cry over what has become of my previously great body. I used to be a happy, confidant, independent person, but now I’m shy, insecure, and needy. I hate what I have become, and am hoping things are going to get better.
Ages 4 and 2