The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother

« | Home | »

Hating My Post-Baby Body (Anonymous)

November 10, 2009

I was always in great shape. I used to have visible abs, perky boobs, and a pretty shape. I got pregnant at 18 by my high school sweetheart, and had my daughter at 19. I put on 85 lbs with my first pregnancy. I suffered from terrible ppd and for a long time was depressed about how I looked, but didn’t really care. I was in a terrible relationship and hated my life. 2 years later, I was still 40 lbs from my pre weight, up 7 pant sizes, but finally able to start getting my life back. I decided to leave my relationship and get a better start on my life. Unfortunately I found out I was pregnant again. This time on my own, I gained little extra weight, and combined with excessive blood loss due to a difficult delivery, I left the hospital at 30 lbs over my initial prepregnancy weight, down 10 from when I got pregnant. Now, 2 and a half years later, I am 15 lbs from my pre weight. I wear a size 3, but I am still in agony over how I look. Due to the large weight gain in my first, I have strech marks EVERYWHERE and they are terrible. On my thighs, some are 3-4 in long and an inch wide. I have them on my arms, boobs, starting 4 in above my belly button all the way down to the backs of my knees and my calves. I hate my belly, my breasts, everything. I was married 2 years ago, and I have become jelous, possesive, and incredibly loathing of myself and anyone my husband might find more attractive than I. Some days I think its not so bad, but other I want to lie in bed and cry over what has become of my previously great body. I used to be a happy, confidant, independent person, but now I’m shy, insecure, and needy. I hate what I have become, and am hoping things are going to get better.

Age 23
Pregnancies: 2
Ages 4 and 2

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

15 Responses to “Hating My Post-Baby Body (Anonymous)”

  1. Chel Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am

    Don’t get so down on yourself. You are super skinny and look great. You should be happy that you’re still so thin. I would love to look like you do now. A size 3 is so small!

  2. Catherine S Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:43 am

    You really do look great!! Nothing wrong with the way you look at all:) I have to say though, that you can’t wait and hope for things to get better, you have to make them get better. Being proactive about working on your mental and emotional health is the only thing that will create positive change. If you need help doing this, get it, and keep working at it. Your family and your husband need you to be strong.

  3. dee Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    i totally get when you say jealous of anyone your husband finds attractive, Iam the same way…after having my 2nd kid i became that way too..but it doesnt help that look at other women when your right there with them…idk…i know that mine hasnt gotten any better, i have even thought of leaving too cause when im not around him i feel a bit better….short of surgery there isnt much you can do physically…but at least you have 2 wonder kids and im sure eventually when you are not depressed you will find a way to improve how you feel…hopefully.

  4. tamara Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    Hey i know what ur going through!! I was very confident in the way i used to look before..could pretty much have any guy i wanted and now god forbid my and my bf would split up i doubt i will be able to find anyone..sure the initial attraction will be there but its whats under the clothes that is a terrible sight…i too could cry every day at what my body has become..i mean its one thing to have a mommy tummy and stretch marks but to have stretch marks from the top of my boobs all the way down to the bottom of my knees makes mwe crazy..i always say how the best part of my body is my feet lol..pretty much the only thing that is not scarred or stretched out…but anyhow i know exactly what ur going through..im not ging to sugar coat it…u will have ur good das but ur bad days over rule the good days…i still crry at least once a week from what my body had become..but for now i focus on what it has given me my beautiful baby boy and try not to comapare myself or look at other women just makes it worse..but in the end we are all beautiful in our own ways…im on here too if u wanted to check out my post its UPDATE 3 months after Pilates~Tamara..take care! hope to hear from u!!!

  5. Liz Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    we look a lot alike, i don’t see many stretch marks in your pictures…but i know how you feel, i am very insecure, i think my baby’s father made me feel that way a lot worse than i do now that he is gone though

  6. Brittany Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Your belly looks just like mine and that’s nice to see. In fact, your breasts look like mine too, you’re just thinner. I too got stretch marks everywhere with my too kids. I have come to LOVE my body. I started eating a lot better and exercising more and I can see results. I know exactly what you mean because you are my body-double. You’ll come to feel better about your body if you work to improve it (if you want to, I think you look great! But it’s nice to have control over your body and to be able to change it if you aren’t happy with it) you will start to feel respect for it. Give yourself some time to get used to your new Mother-Goddess body. Give your body a little break, it has worked hard.
    (((HUG)))

  7. Milk Chocolate Midwife Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    Sounds like you may still be in a bit of a depressed state. You should talk to a health professional about how you are feeling. In addition to that, you should also begin doing something for yourself to help make you feel stronger, more confident about yourself as a person. It could be anything from taking a dance class to learning how to knit. For me, it was exercising. Feeling physically strong helps me to love my body more. Remember, you are more than a physical body. Love the body you’re in, but love the person in that body more.

  8. terri c Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    Can you talk to a doctor or counselor about your feelings? It would be a shame for depression to rob you of closeness to your man and comfort in your own skin. You really do have a lovely body though my saying so won’t make any difference to you; but you might need some help coming out of the depressed feelings.

  9. Amy Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 2:40 am

    Hi- something about your post just really got to me, I feel like i gained too much weight in my pregnancy as well and i obsess about my stomach. My pre-baby body was perfect (so modest!) so i can relate to how it must be for you- i think in some ways it’s harder if what you had before was perfect because then even any little deviation from that is seen as a fault. I don’t know if you want advice, but try to remember that even though your body has changed your current body is lovely too and it has been good to you, you can walk, run, talk, eat, give birth etc all the stuff we take for granted. I take it your husband married you after you had already had your first baby, so he obviously finds you attractive! Sometimes i think my problem is exacerbated because i am a stay at home mum and have lots of time to obsess about my tummy in my head- maybe if you’re the same you could take up an activity that involves you having to focus constantly on it while you’re doing it so that you can have a break from your thoughts? Re: your husband, try to act confident again even if you don’t feel it- he thinks you’re attractive, you just need to see your beauty for yourself.

  10. H Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 2:53 am

    Hi, I understand how you feel, I am going through the same thing myself. Some days are better than others.
    Your husband married you for who you are, both as a person ans physically.
    It’s natural for men to look at the female form, but I suggest maybe buying some sexy lingare and showing him that he has something at home that is just as good, if not better!
    You are nice and slim, and I really like the third photograph!

  11. Kit Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Your post made me so sad. You’re twenty three, you have two lovely babies and a husband and yet you sound so down and unhappy. I think everyone (and especially young, twenty three year olds…) should be leaping about in happiness with tons of energy enjoying life and having babies young. It makes me sad that you’re missing the chance to be happy in your twenties. I hate the thought of you feeling this sad so young.

    I see from the photographs that pregnancy has left its mark on you but I can honestly say I think you look fantastic. Yes, you’ve got some creping around your tummy and you say you’ve got awful stretchmarks (I can’t see them in the photo so I can’t comment on these) BUT I see ab lines either side of your tummy which is really encouraging. I really think that you could improve your stomach area with some tailored exercises. I really rate pilates (it helped my post-twin stomach get back to pretty much how it was pre-birth, barring a slight softness around my tummy button). I combine it with running, which seems to work for me but isn’t the thing or practical for everyone. Have you tried exercising post babies? It’s hard to find the time with two small children (I know) but home exercise videos are an option if you can’t get out or get childcare, etc.

    I’m not advocating exercise as the magic cure-all or even necessary because I actually think you look pretty fantastic to my eye. But I do think it matters to you that you’ve ‘lost’ what you had and so I can see that improving your appearance might give you a huge boost in your self confidence and self image. Others have also mentioned maybe talking through with someone professional about how you feel so I don’t know if that’s an option.

    Don’t hate what you look like. You have a really beautiful body. You have ab lines, a waist, really lovely and even breasts. It’s not what it was but that’s not final and finite – you can change that if you feel it would make you happier and I really feel that your body would respond well to exercise. What is important is that you learn to love yourself again and ‘forgive’ your body for changing in this way. At the end of it all, it has done an amazing job in bringing two babies into the world.

  12. Rhyanna Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    I too, have stretch marks from behind my knees to my breasts. I got all the marks when I was pregnant with my first son. I was upset, but I could just cover it up. With the second, the skin on my stomach stretched. I too, cried every day. I spent hours in front of mirror, comparing it daily, I was obsessed.
    Then, I lost the weight (55 pounds!) and my stomach got better. I told myself as long as I could wear what I used to I’d be happy. I decided that who cares what I look like naked, I will hot in clothes!
    And honestly, you look awesome! First, I’d kill for your boobs, they look great! And your profile shot, well your tummy doesn’t look saggy at all!
    Honestly, go out, buy some new clothes that make you feel great about yourself. And once you lose the last few pounds that you want too, it feels great to reach that goal.

  13. B.C. Says:
    November 13th, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    I found a wonderful quote that helps me, I hope it helps you … “You haven’t a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” C.S. Lewis. Your body bears the rememberence of bringing new souls into the world. You are blessed and beautiful.

  14. shell Says:
    November 14th, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    I have a belly just like yours, and I used to have the “perfect” tummy too, I understand the feelings you have. Its actually nice to see that someone else out there has a belly like mine. And looking at yours, it doesn’t look bad, which makes me wonder how much i exaggerate about my own.

  15. Melissa Says:
    June 27th, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Hi, this is actually so comforting to me. A little background: I used to be 100lbs. heavier than now. I have had 2 children. I have had immense back complications making it very difficult for me to strengthen my abdominals and I have felt so hopeless and so alone. I’ve read so many articles from women saying that they just see it as a price for their beautiful kids, well I start to resent ever having children and I don’t enjoy them as a consequence . Honey, your stomach looks amazingly better than what my body has become. I somehow thought that losing all that weight I would have a smooth looking body. Instead, I have a skin overhand that falls out of my underwear, and another flap over my belly button. I feel hideous and refuse to show my stomach to my husband or anyone else if I’m standing up. I have been my own worst enemy and really thought I was the only one and that there was no help available. I can’t afford a 5K surgery, but I think I have decided that I’m going to be more pro-active about getting whatever help I can and just talking to a professional, getting it out in the open so I don’t feel so alone. Thanks for posting and I hope you will do the same. Our husbands and children need us to, but more importantly, we need it.

Comments


Support This Site