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Feeling Destroyed (Anonymous)

January 6, 2010

second pregnancy
first child
4 and a half months post partum
26 yrs old.

to start off , i love my daughter with everything that i have.. she makes me smile and laugh and feel complete.. she is the reason i get up in the morning these days..
now.. she is my second pregnancy but first to term. about 3 months before i got pregnant with her i had to terminate my first pregnancy due to major complication.. not being over that and getting pregnant again so soon took a toll on me emotionally… my husband was shocked and well kind of supportive.. i was excited.. but scared a i didn want to have to go through that kind of loss again.. lucky for all of us this pregnancy went better… i got horrible morning sickness and couldnt eat.. about the third month in my appitite came back and i started to enjoy eating again.. the first actual meal i finished was with my husbands family. i asked for seconds and my father in law oinked at me and called me a pig and told me to keep eating… wow i felt beyond humiliated.. time went on and i started to show.. thinking that that was a one time comment i tried to let it go.. iwas visiting with my hubby his father again.. the first thing he said to me was wow your getting fat… you would think that beingas i am his grand daughters mom he would have some respect.. these sorts of things continued.. my relationship is far from perfect and people say i should leave but i dont know if im willing to give up on my family.. my husband has said some harsh things as well.. like how long to you plan on carrying your baby weight around and when i started to balloon due to sever water retention told me that he thought stretch marks were discusting.. i know i sound like i am rambling but there are so many hurtful feelings i need to get out i cant make them make sense.. so fast forward, i get home from the hospital.. my daughter being 11 days late induced, with 22 hours hard labour forcepts and epesiotomy… it was rough and i felt it.. now pre pregnancy i was 115 pounds in the best shape of my life… i ended up 190 stretchmarks from knees to boobs .. the first words out of my father in laws mouth were holy tits and something about being fat.when i breastfeed he asks if its an all you can eat buffet.. hi this is after spending 3 days in the hospital.. thanks … after a teary first week i was feeling awesome i was happy, to tired to care about my body and loving my daughter more than anything.,… things started to go down hill from there.. i continued to bleed very heavily and my epesiotomy got very infected.. i got really sick.. i had no help either… i tried my damndest to cope … now at around a month and a half post partum my epesiotmy burst again and still bleeding and feeling like a fat ass, i was blessed with getting diagnosed with herpes simplex 1 from my husband. funny i thought you were supposed to be faithful to the woman carrying your child.. ppd hit with the force of a mack truck.. i wanted to die, i felt ruined and dirty and discusting.. my wieght wasnt going down, my body was scared, my boobs saggy celulite everywhere and that wonderful gift to top it.. now if there was support or anything less than emotional or verbal abuse, i couldnt find it.. i cried all day everyday.. couldnt take care of my kid and was an all around mess.. life .. love family wasnt supposed to be like this.. i wasnt supposed to feel like this… its now 4 and a half months pp.. i cant shop for clothes wihout getting depressed and crying.. i am stuck a t 150 with back fat huge saggy boobs, stretch marks everywhere and hsv1… my husband looks at women and picutes of perfect women and tells me how hot and sexy they are.. i cry and he doesnt get it.. he tells me he is with me not my stretch marks.. he gets mad when i tell him i feel ruined.. i hate sex now and i used to enjoy that closeness… i wont let him tough my body and cringe at the thought of it… i have never in my life felt like such a discusting piece of crap.. (by the way his fave term for me is a stupid piece of shit).. i know i should leave and find love for myself again.. but who wpuld love someone who is soo deeply scared and has hsv1… i am in couceling trying to fix my emotional self and i go to the gym but i dont know what to do anymore.. i am do sorry for the nonesence written, but i needed to get it out .. i feel so alone and un loveable..

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46 Responses to “Feeling Destroyed (Anonymous)”

  1. Sarah Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Nobody has the right to make you feel worthless. Tell yourself that until you believe it. You are a woman! You are BEAUTIFUL! You are deserving of respect and love! Tell yourself that! Once YOU believe it, then NOBODY can walk all over you like this. You are just as deserving of all of the good things in life as any other woman in the world. You are NOT ruined. You should seek after happiness, my friend. Seek hard. Seek fast. Only then will you find it. And you are never alone. There’s a God who loves you. There are women here on this site who will tell you the same thing: you are worthwhile. You are beautiful. You are perfect the way you are. And NOBODY has the right to tell you you’re not good enough, ugly, fat, etc. NOBODY! You’re beautiful, attractive, smart, and a good mother. My own sister was married to a man who told her these things… that she was fat, ugly, stupid… he looked at pictures of women, cheated on her… she felt like she couldn’t leave him… who would want a woman with four kids and no education? It eventually escalated from mental and verbal abuse to physical abuse–IN FRONT OF HER CHILDREN. If he is willing to humiliate you and let his father humiliate you… what else will he be willing to do? You deserve to be treated with respect. Don’t let it escalate past verbal and mental abuse. You are worth being treated as a human being and you deserve happiness and true love.

    (By the way, stress will make you retain or gain weight.)

  2. Sarah Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    PS: My sister is now divorced from that abusive jerk and is dating a very sweet man… she’s in love! :)

  3. shai Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with all of that, no one should have to go through what you are. I am a single mom (stretchmarked and still carrying a little baby weight) I left my husband a year ago now and I’ve recently found an amazing man who loves me for who i am. You and your baby deserve better, you know you do. If you ever feel like you need some support or just someone to vent/talk to my email is infinite33@hotmail.com.

  4. Kerry Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I am 100% positive you do not look as bad as you say you do, but when people tear you down as badly as the people in your life have, those who are supposed to support and love you, it does a hard number on you! Our bodies can surprise us and disappoint us after we birth our amazing babies, but think about all we go through! Your husband, like so many other men (and women) out there see the “perfect” women in magazines, tv and pornos and assumes he is the only one with a “tainted” and imperfect wife. How sad it is. All men should be made to look at bodies like ones on this site, so they will be able to love and respect their wife and her unique body. Not every man shares your husbands shallow opinions either, remember that. There are 3 parts to every woman, and each part should be admired equally.. mind, body and soul. I’m glad to hear you are in counseling. That’s steps in the right direction! I pray you are able to work things out within yourself and come to not only accept yourself but love yourself. And don’t be so hard on yourself for your body at 4 months pp! You will change so much over the course of a year! Give it some time mama and don’t add another stress to your life. :)

    Much love!

  5. cm Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Congrats on your baby girl, You have been through emotional hell, but you have to be strong for your daughter and you have to do whats best for both of u!! nobody can tell u what to do.

    you will get stonger as time goes on and you will lose the weight when your ready, eat well and exercise when you feel up 2 it dont put pressure on yourself.

    i hope the coucelling goes well and you enjoy your daughter you deserve happiness, i believe what comes around goes around, things will get better. take care

  6. Cricket Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Sweetie, there are options, your hubby needs to go to counseling with you, or you just need to leave. And its easiest while the baby is little. your child does not need to grow up listening to that crap from your hubby or his family. You are beautiful! Tell yourself that everyday, look at what a wonderful thing your body brought into this world!!!

  7. Anna Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    This is the first time ever I have written on a blog, forum , website or anywhere ever but your story was compelling. You need to leave that so called husband of yours and stand up for yourself and your daughter, You deserve to be happy and loved. You are much more than your body weight, stretchmarks and appearance. You are a person who has interests in life, smart, loving and more than all a MOTHER. Until I had my son I never knew the full extent of importance for my body and myself as a person, now I know I’am more than a beautiful face or body. We create a living human being a task in no comparison to any other.
    Your father-in-law is so disgusting to make such comments and be disrespectful to his son’s wife, mother to his granddaughter. So is your husband to abuse you emotionally and to let his dad do the same. Your daughter does not deserve to be around them and get influenced by it all. Its good that you are taking counselling, do go to the gym not just to lose weight but to make yourself healthy both in mind and heart for yourself and for your daughter.
    Love is what we feel for our children – selfless and an uncontrollable feeling which will not change no matter what they are or where they are and you will come across a man who loves you the same. Family is great to have when it is filled with people like that not with petty people who drool over strangers and make the mother of his child suffer.I read somewhere “you let others put you down because thats what you believe you are” ,this has always stayed with me. Start believing in yourself and what you are and everything else will follow. I pray that you get the courage to stand up for yourself and realise the true potential of YOU and your LIFE.

  8. Bethie Boo Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    okay, so heres the deal I have had a similar experience, unsuportive, stupid husband, (who I divorced but not after having 2 children). Your never going to feel better with this creep, he will continue to make you feel bad and once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. You are depressed and you have rough days ahead of you but once you decide to make some life changes stick with them do not falter stay on course and you will get better, life will get better and you owe it to yourself and your daughter to get the heck out of dodge. With time and exercise you will notice improvement. I have had 3 kids and my 1st (a daughter as well) gave me strech marks everywere I went from being a size 10 to a 14. It may not seem like much but my stomach hung. It took a year to get better and nothing will make the strech marks go away but I did find meet another man who loved me for me. The same is out there for every woman but you have to be okay with yourself first. Get away from that man, he does not love you, he thinks of you as an object and he will treat you that way, imagine what he will do to your daughter. Good Luck Stay Strong and every mother is beautiful.

  9. me Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    why would you husband say that in front of you, I mean about the pictures of “hot” women, otherwise known as photoshopped women…that is completely disrespectful of him to do that, you had his child…you arent gonna look like a no kid 26 year old body…

    oh i just hope you leave, that man is gonna ruin you and it will be too late…leave now while your young!!!

  10. Christina Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    I sympathize with your situation. No woman deserves to be treated the way that you have. You should feel blessed to have brought a precious soul into this world. I know that the road to feel piece of mind is a rocky one to travel. I also have hsv 1 and I got it from my husband before we were married. It was a rough time believe me, and I hated him for awhile. You have to go through the process and grieve and that is natural. I commend your initiative on going to counseling, and keep up the gym work! It will help improve your self image, and keep away depression better than anything the doctor will prescribe. You are still a person worthy of love and respect. Just try to believe that. In time, all things will come together as long as you get out of bed every morning and try.

  11. scs Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    I’m so sorry u r dealing with that. I pray u find the strength to leave ur husband because as long as u r with him….he and his family will continue to put u down reguardless of whether u r thin or not.

    be stronge for that little girl.

  12. kat Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    That hurts me so deeply that you feel that way about yourself and your husband and father in law would say such horrible things. herpes 1 is just cold sores and 1 in 4 adults have it, its not that big of a deal. They also have meds you can take to prevent the breakouts and prevent spreading it. I am happy that youre going to counseling and the gym. You need to get out of your situation and be happy as a single mom. It is possible and your daughter will thank you. She shouldn’t grow up being used to a man talking to a woman like that. You ARE lovable and im sure your body does not look as bad as you think it does. Take it from someone who put on 70 lbs, stretchmarks from boobs to ankles and still gets hit on in a bikini and weighs 155. You are a sexy, smart, strong , BEAUTIFUL mom! Show your daughter that you love her enough to get her out of that situation too. GOOD men are not afraid of women with babies. You have the advantage of being able to filter out all the a$$holes who think that stretchmarks are “disgusting” which by the way they are NOT. I hope this helps, keep your chin up.GOD BLESS!

  13. Allison Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Wow, your father-in-law sounds abusive. You do not need to take that kind of harassment. You are beautiful and please, please stay away from him.

  14. Michele Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Your husband is being emotionally abusive to you and you sound incredibly depressed to me. NO ONE should be called a “stupid piece of shit” by their partner–completely unacceptable. Please get help immediately! And yes, plenty of men will love you even if you have herpes, really! You are worthy of love and need to take care of yourself, because no one can take care of you better than YOU!!
    If the counseling you are in isn’t helping, find another therapist! The longer you stay in this situation the longer you will suffer. This asshole does not deserve you, he deserves someone just like him who will treat him like shit.

  15. Judith Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Reading this (as a mature mum with kids in their 20s) my heart felt for you and I was going to say to you that some counselling would help. However I see you are getting that. Your husband clearly has followed his father in how he talks to women. You have to not let him see he is getting to you. Do you have any friends or your own family. You need love around you – people who care WHO you are not what you look like. Your body will recover in time – but a woman is not mature until she has born a child – now you are a real woman and can be proud of your achievement. I suggest you start going for long walks with your baby, build up the time, it will do both of you good and will help you bond by talking to her and help you get fitter and toned. It is very early days yet, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Once you gain confidence and some self esteem you will hopefully decide if your husband is worth staying with – maybe he should go to counselling with you. Perhaps he runs you down as a way of making himself feel good – he might be feeling neglected or lacking confidence as a parent and a mate. Please submit again and let us all know how you are – and I am sure if you posted some pictures we will all see that your body is nowhere near as bad as you think it is. Be patient and things will come right. Lots of love to you.

  16. Michelle Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    You are not alone. smile :-) everyday and know that God loves you and your daughter loves you. ignore the comments (those men are just possessed by demons) but keep yourself and your daughter safe and make sure she never hears such evil things (children as like sponges and you only want her to absorb what is good).

    If you want to email me
    meshellzzz@gmail.com

    :-)

  17. lisa Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    OMG! leave him right away! he is no good for you and i have serious doubts he is any good for your daughter. you are worth so much more than what he is giving you. do not let him make you feel like you are a piece of crap. HE is the piece of crap. no one deserves to be treated like that but certainly not the person he is supposed to love and respect above all others. good for you getting couseling. you are superwoman and don’t forget it!!!

  18. Mina Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    I am so glad you are seeing a counselor. I sincerely hope that the counselor is helping you realize that absolutely NONE of this is your fault. Not the complications, and certainly not the abuse you are suffering…NONE of it is your fault. I wish I knew more to offer you…I hope your counselor is someone you feel comfortable enough to be totally honest with…so he or she can help you get out of this situation and into one where you can be a happy mom to your child. Good luck and please keep us posted.

  19. Jasmine Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    Darlin’ it sounds like your man and his father have a problem, not you! Stretchmarks and weight gain are often times a result of carrying a child and if they can’t appreciate all that your body went through then that is terribly sad on their end. I would definitely suggest counseling, but for your husband.

  20. Jasmine Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Also, as I read in more detail even with hsv1 you CAN find a good man who will accept and love you for who you are, I have a friend who has it as well and got married to a man who saw past that. I would definitely think about being with a man who will respect you and treat you with kindness. I wish I could give you a hug right now, you are a loveable person who deserves to be treated right. Best of luck.

  21. Colleen Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    1. Leave your husband. He is an emotionally abusive, obviously cheating piece of shit and no woman deserves that. You are better off alone than where you are now.

    2. Plenty of men out there are attracted to a woman’s–and a mother’s–body. The stretch marks will fade over time, and you WILL lose the weight. It took you 9 months to put it on, wait at least 9 months to start being upset that it’s still there. You didn’t say how tall you are but 150 isn’t very heavy. I’m 155 and I think I look pretty good (I posted several months ago under “coming to grips with a cesarean”). Lots of men–the kind that you WANT to be with–think women who have given birth are sexier than ever. Try to see if you can find one of those. And with proper protection–and some forthrightness about your condition–the herpes won’t be an issue (my sister has herpes, and no man has ever turned her down because of it). I think that a body that has created LIFE is more perfect than any airbrushed, plastic surgery-d teenage-esque body out there.

    3. Leave your husband. I know I said this already but it’s important! He’s not going to change his ways because he learned how to be an ass from his father. If not for you, leave him for your daughter. Imagine what it would be like to grow up with a father who has absolutely no respect for women. Do you want her to learn that she’s worthless? Again, better to have a single mother than to live with that sort of abuse.

    Keep your chin up, sweetie! Things will get better, I promise! Just please, please, PLEASE get out of your relationship now!

  22. stella Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    Wow..I hope so badly that you can realize that you are worth so much more than this asshole of husband yours tells you (and ofc. your father in law). Your story really touched me and I am drying my tears as I write this, but it just takes time to regain that self confidence again. You have to work on yourself and look your self in the mirror and say to yourself that you deserve to be happy!

    I hope with all my heart that you will feel better about yourself and know that you are amazing woman. Thank you for telling your story I wish you all the best :*

    P.S : Sorry about the misspellings, english is not my mother tongue

  23. B.C. Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    First, Congratulations on you baby! I’m so glad you’re in counseling!!! You need to be surrounded by positive, loving people. That is a need, not just a want. I hope your counselor will help direct you to other people, maybe support groups that will encourage you.
    I’m sorry for the way you have been treated by your husband and father in law. They are very abusive people. Their immaturity and rudeness is appalling!!!
    You are absolutely worth loving. You and your precious daughter deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and loved unconditionally.

  24. Amy Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    You’re story made me so sad. Your husband is so mean. I wish you all the luck in the world with your future xx

  25. Bryana Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    Your husband is the one that should feel this way. Not to say your feelings are not valid, because they are 100% valid. But you are not the one that was unfaithful, you are the one that brought a beautiful child into this world. I know what it is like to look in the mirror and feel as though you are walking around in the “ugliest body around” but trust me, I am sure you are beautiful, inside and out. I wish I could say something to help you overcome this massive weight on your shoulders, but I know I can’t.
    But I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that you get over this mountain you are facing. Look into your babies eyes and believe that she is all the matters.

  26. Amy Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 5:12 am

    Oh my goodness!! please continue to seek help and get the support you need, don’t give up- maybe if you reread what you wrote you will ask yourself- “what would i tell my daughter if she was saying this story to me? would i tell her to do it alone? would i tell her to stay with that husband and that in law family?” you are a great mother, please get domestic violence assistance…

  27. Liz Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 5:52 am

    i am so sorry for what you are going through. i was in a similar situation, and i have to tell you the first thing you need to do is leave that selfish jerk! you will not be able to feel good about yourself as long as he is around. and it’s not good for your daughter growing up seeing a man treat her mother that way, would you want a man to treat her that way? please just get yourself out of that situation before it gets worse, then you can start working on whatever you feel you need to. i just know it doesn’t matter how smart or skinny or beautiful you are, he wants to make you feel bad about yourself because HE is insecure! it’s his way of controlling you. i wish you the best of luck, you can get through this!!

  28. Ashley Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 6:49 am

    You need to see your doctor. Post partum depression is serious and it sounds like you have it really bad. I have been on depression meds for years now, I can tell you how much they help! They arent a cure all, but they help level out your emotions so you can move forward. You also need better support than what you have…are there any close friends or family you could talk to? Maybe a new mommy’s support group? You are beautiful, and dont let anyone bring you down! You have nurtured and carried life inside you, you have given birth to an amazing being, you are wonderful! Plus you are only 4 months pp. It gets better! I promise! Hang in there, momma! (((hugs))

  29. shannon Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 8:49 am

    First of all…I was also at 150 when I was only 4 months pp…then I started to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred…and got to 135 in just 2 months (it is only a 20 minute work out too!). I am sure you look better than you think you do. As for your husband…you should leave. I know, easier said than done, but he clearly is hurting you. If he talks to you (his wife/mother of his child) like that, then he isn’t truly in love with you…he is not worth it. I don’t even know you, but I know you can do way better than that! Also…another man WILL love you…you just have to find the right one. Try to just enjoy your time with your daughter…and get her away from her verbally abusive daughter. Do it for not just you, but her!

  30. Ashley Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 10:00 am

    Well to me, your husband and his family sound like the ugly ones not you. What you should be asking yourself is not what man will love you, there are plenty of men who think a woman’s body is sexy just the way God made it, there is someone out there that will treat you how you deserve. The real question is: Who could fall in love with a man who treats women the way your husband treats you? He is going to be the one missing out, not you, he will be the one to die alone and miserable, not you. Also is he the kind of man (and his family) you want poisoning your daughter with low self esteem issues. You DESERVE better for you and your daughter.

  31. Brittany Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 11:44 am

    I am so sorry for all that you have been through and are still going through. You do not deserve to be treated that way by anyone! I’m glad you’re in counseling and I hope it helps you to start feeling better and empower yourself.
    I’m feeling depressed right now but I’m trying to get myself through it by reminding myself that no one can MAKE me feel any emotion without my permission. It’s really hard, but I’m trying to block out the negativity and not let it effect me. We are in charge of ourselves and no one can take that control unless we hand it over. I hope that you can get to a place where you can accept your new body and to handle the problems in your marriage in the way that is best for you. But know that no one deserves to be treated the way your husband treats you. What HE is doing is disgusting. Hang in there. You’re not alone. You are NOT unloveable. Thank you for your story.

  32. Kristen Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    There will be a lot of people that tell you to leave this man. You are in an abusive relationship. Statistics say that regardless of how many people tell you this, that you will probably stay with him. Remember, if you choose this, it is Your Choice.

    If you are staying with him for spiritual reasons, say because you are a Christian, I encourage you to find a Christian counselor. There are biblical reasons that justify divorce and the only way to save your situation would be for both of you to get counseling. Not only do you need counseling for your marriage, but you probably also have depression. I speak from experience. There is relief. A counselor and a doctor can help with this. Take care of this and you will be able to think more clearly. Don’t take care of it and you could feel miserable for a very long time.

    If your husband refuses counsel and continues his abuse, you need to leave. The first step will be in finding help to take that huge step, especially with a child. Family is always first choice, but if that isn’t available, there are battered women’s programs all of the country that assist women like you in not only the emotional decisions but the logistics.
    Don’t stay because you feel helpless. You may feel that way, but you are only helpless for as long as you choose not to ask for help. Ask the right person/group for help.

    Picture your life ten years from now. What do you want it to look like? If it is with your husband, it should be after counseling has helped both of you learn new skills. The worst thing would be for you to be even more battered down by abuse with a daughter about to enter her teen years getting the same abuse from her dad and grandfather.
    I am saying a prayer for you and your family.

  33. FYI Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    HSV1 isn’t as big of a deal as it seems. It’s the same virus that gives people cold sores on their mouths! TONS of people have it. If either of you gets those, it could have gotten transferred to other areas of the body…it doesn’t necessarily mean he was cheating. (he sounds like a jerk either way though)

  34. JustMeAndMyDaughter Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    Your story hit really close to home for me. Currently i am 5 months PP to a beautiful baby girl. On her one month b-day her dad came home from work telling me he was having an affair my whole pregnancy becasue i was getting fat and becasue due to a low laying placenta we could no longer have sex.
    Anyways it was a hard blow, i left him and it was the hardest decion i have ever made. I still hurt ( and cry!!) everyday, but honestly i think and belive its what i had to do nnot only for myself but for my daughter, I hope you find the strength to make it threw this. My thoughts are with you.

  35. Alex Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 2:37 am

    I felt so sad after reading your story as no one deserves to be treated like that. I just wanted to pick up on one thing, I too have HSV 1 but my consultant explained that a large percentage of the population (uk) are carriers but will never have symptoms. I know when I might have contracted it about 13 years ago but had no symptoms until I was pregnant and my immune system was lowered. He also explained that it causes many relationships to end because partners are convinced that it has come about because of infidelity. I am not saying this is not the case in your situation as I don’t know you but my experience may help.
    I am not ashamed of my herpes status and take good care of myself now, my current partner does not see it as a problem and understands that these things happen even to nice people.

    Try not to buy in to being horrible about yourself, be positive about yourself and others will pick up on that and if they don’t or won’t then it is time for you to move on.

    You have done an amazing thing, bringing a baby into the world is no mean feat. Be proud of yourself and what you body has achieved and by looking after your owns needs you will be passing on a positive message to your baby.

  36. Melissa Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 7:42 am

    You are loved. You are worth every happiness in the world. You are amazing, and you are a Mother. Remember that.

  37. Tabi Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Yup, a large percentage of the world’s population carries HSV-1. And It’s often transmitted by non-sexual means (for example, you might catch it as a kid when you grandma gives you a kiss when she happens to have a cold sore). Talk a little bit more to your doctor…hopefully that will help you feel more at peace with the situation…
    I wish you all the best, you definitely deserve it! And get away from that man and his family!! Given what you’ve said in this post, it sounds like that’s the best gift you could give yourself and your daughter!

  38. Tammy Says:
    January 9th, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Congratulations on the birth of your babygirl. My heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone, although I’m sure you feel that way. You are loved and you deserve much more respect. Your husband does not deserve you. He doesn’t realize the sacrifices a mother makes for their children. Know that you are a beautiful mother inside and out. Keep loving that baby girl and make her the focus. If you choose to stay with your husband, please seek counseling together and stay away from that real jerk of a father-in-law. I wish you the best and stay positive!

  39. Nelly Says:
    January 9th, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Congrats on your little girl! I am so sorry that one of the most amazing events of your life is so ruined by your husband and his father. He must have learned those behaviors from his dad, and hence, will probably never change. Realize that both you and your daughter are blessings from God. Get support from your friends and family, talk to your doctor about some post-partum help, and get the heck away from him! True love doesn’t put you down like that. You and that baby girl deserve so much better!!! All the best and God bless!

  40. Al_Pal Says:
    January 11th, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Oh, honey, I just want to reach out and hug you. Please imagine an awesome HUG coming to you through the internet.
    We all deserve to be loved and cared for, and clearly, your father in law is the real pig here. Definitely stay away from him, as much as possible!
    Like others, I hope that you have friends and family you can turn to and stay with, since he brought his son up to be a jerk, too, but if you feel you have no way out, or that you love your husband in spite of the things he’s done in the past, definitely try to get him to go to counseling. He is verbally and emotionally abusing you, probably because he feels badly about himself. Real men don’t put their woman down, instead they say nice things and tell you how wonderful you are!

    Like others have said, many people have HSV, nice people get it too, and someone who cares for you and is ‘meant to be’ with you will not discriminate against you over something that is not your fault.

    Also 150 is not that much, I don’t know how tall you are but I am 5’4″ and about 160 and I, my partner, and many other people think I look pretty great. ;p

    Sending you positivity and love and healing energy, and praying for you to have the emotional strength to leave your husband or at least tell him not to call you bad names.

    Congratulations on having a healthy daughter and may this year bring much healing and happiness to you. Please feel free to come comment on my blog if you want to talk!

  41. Heather Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    This story is really upsetting… after all you have gone through your husband should be on his knees and supportive. giving birth and mothering is the hardest job out there… and its natural for your body to change. I am so sorry for what he is putting you through. I hope for his sake and yours he changes before he loses someone so special such as yourself. if he doesnt change i hope you have the strength to leave him you deserve better and yes you can find it. He sounds like his nicname should be piece of shit, not yours… be strong and you are in my prayers

  42. Jessikah Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Omgosh! I feel for you and your situation. I pray that things get better for you, and I hope you make the right choices for yourself. Congrats on the baby girl, I bet she`s beautiful just like her mother. Every mother is beautiful, and now you are one! Your husband and his father are stupid to not see that! Lets just see THEM have kids and not gain weight! Jeeez. Good luck! ((HUGS)) and love!

  43. Angela Says:
    February 15th, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    please, leave him right now. dont waste any more of your life unhappy if you do not have to. take care

  44. Laurie Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    You are a strong and beautiful woman – but you need to find some love for yourself right now. You saw the red flags early on with your husband and FIL, and now your husband is full-blown emotionally abusing you. Part of the abuse is convincing you that he’s the best you’ll ever get and no other guy would want you – NOT TRUE!! That’s what he wants you to believe so he can continue bashing you into the ground without any resistance from you. I know this guy – I almost married him myself. He will continue to get worse until you learn to love yourself enough to leave him. I know it seems hard now, but honestly, how much is he really helping with the baby anyway? Get out now – don’t let your daugther be his next emotional victim. She will grow up forever damaged watching her mother being degraded this way.

    Believe me – I wasted nearly 9 years of my life and nearly committed suicide all because of a guy like this. It ended when I learned to love myself and found the love of my life about 1 month later!

  45. Jody Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:31 am

    I’ve been in an abusive realtionship and I can tell you, if the parents behave the way his father does, then that’s how he has learnt to treat women himself and he will not have learnt to respect women or how to love some one properly. Sometimes loving someone is not enough and you just have to walk away, no matter how much it hurts, even if you still love them. Love is often not enough of a reason to stay and to put up with abuse. Respect yourself, love yourself, give to yourself. A man in your life is a bonus, and you are number one in your own life. Give to yourself and then you can give to your baby. Get well and maybe another person will come along to compliment your life later on. I know this, becuase this is my truth. Why is it that we think men are the B all and end all in life?? I bet you are loved in your life. After all your baby loves you unconditionally. She doesn’t care that you have stretch marks. Love comes to you in all shapes and forms. Not just from a man. You have your parents love, friends love, your babies love. I too have Herpes and I too like you thought my life was over, that I was dirty and no one would want me. It is simply not true. Life does go on, you are fine and you will learn to live with it. I have. I am in committed relationship and I have not passed on Herpes to this person and I am not unclean and unloveable because of it. These things happen to us to wake us up and make us learn to love ourselves. Lots and lots of people have Herpes and have all sorts of horrid things happen to them. Honey. Work with the counsellor. Learn to love yourself. Leave that man and go home to your parents if you can and its a safe environment. Use your counsellor to teach you and learn how to love yourself, respect yourself and how to meet men who are loving and respectful. That’s what I did. Bless you and bless your wee baby that is your little miracle.

  46. Kayla Says:
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:36 am

    Hey hun, I am 24 years old and when I was 17 I was raped and given herpes. I had been with 1 man before that. I have spent most of my dating life infected with herpes and I know it is scary at first and natural to think negatively but I hope you come to the realization that it really isn’t as big of a deal as it may seem right now.

    Some people prefer to take a dosage every day to prevent any outbreaks while other take higher doses when they feel an outbreak coming on. I take a higher dose when I feel one, I think since my body has grown used to the infection I haven’t had an outbreak in nearly 2 years.

    Anyways, my point is that I have dated men and told them what I had when the time was right and they are usually a little unnerved at first but they appreciate the honesty. They usually just needs to be informed by someone. Whether that someone is you, the internet or a doctor but people are afraid of what they don’t understand so you need to help them understand.

    I am now in a great relationship with a wonderful man who I am starting a family with. He has herpes too now and told me that he was scared at first but it’s really not that bad, lol! It was a freak accident that he contracted it from me and I take full responsibility because I thought I had a sore spot from cutting myself shaving when it was the beginning of an outbreak.

    The right man will love you even if you have herpes. (Apparently even if you accidentally give it to him too). If you are still nervous about dating there are online sites for people with herpes and other stds, if that makes you more comfortable.

    You DO NOT deserve to be treated as poorly as this man and his father treat you and someone is waiting to meet you somewhere. If you are with him then how will you find that good guy? <3

    Chin up, leave him and stay strong. You will be so much happier and healthier without him and that will make a happier, healthier environment for your baby girl. :)

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