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Can’t accept the huge change to my body. (Anonymous)

July 18, 2012

I’m 21 years old and my beautiful son is 8 months old. He’s my first. Before I got pregnant I weighed 118-120 lbs. and now I weigh 140 lbs. When I was pregnant the last time i weighed myself was about a week before I gave birth and I was 154 lbs. and about a week after my son was born I got down to 132. I thought wow this is great i’ll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight in no time! But I had to stop breast feeding at about 3 months because I wasn’t producing enough for my little toad! Now i’m back up to 140 or more I guess i’ve been too afraid to weigh myself the past month or so. I went from a small C to a DD while I was breast feeding and now i’m back down to a small C and my breasts are covered in stretch marks and so saggy I feel like an old woman at 21. My stomach doesn’t have bad stretch marks just some under my belly button but i’m still very self conscious about them and I think I look like i’m still pregnant. I hate wearing anything but hanes t-shirts because I feel like someone’s going to ask me when i’m due. I have family that makes fun of my stomach which I know they don’t mean it to be mean but it kills me inside everytime anyone says anything. My husband loves me more than anything and doesn’t care what I look like and I know that but he hasn’t told me i’m beautiful since I was first pregnant which makes me feel so much worse. Today was the first day i’ve let him see me completely naked since I was breast feeding. He told me “You don’t look that bad.” I know he didn’t mean it the way it sounds but my heart dropped to the ground when he said that. I’ve tried excercising but I have something wrong with my hips and if I do anything physical I can barely walk the next day because i’m in so much pain. This started when I was in my second trimester and I would literally have to crawl to the bathroom in the middle of the night to pee because I was in so much pain. The doctor told me it was just my hips moving to prepare for child birth but its been 8 months since my son was born and the pain is still there so I don’t know what to do. It seems like everytime I go to the doctor for anything they look at me and see that yes i’m skinny besides my stomach and i’m young so whatever pain i’m feeling is nothing serious. Well I think if I can barely walk because of dibilitating hip pain something is wrong regardless of my age and physique!! But anyway that’s not why i’m posting on here. I just want to know that i’m not alone and that someone else is going through what I am because I see girls the same age as me or even older looking like they’ve never had kids walking around in bikinis with no stretch marks and beautiful bodies and I feel like a fat freak. And yes I know people are a lot worse off than me but i’m not used to this feeling I have always loved my body and felt very lucky because I come from a family that has a lot of over weight people and i’ve always been so thankful to be able to look like I do but now that I look like this I just feel horrible and feel like everyone is comparing me to how I used to look and thinking i’m fat. I also feel like my husband isn’t attracted to me anymore even though he says he is. Well i’ll stop babbling now and I look forward to your comments! <3

1st picture- my husband and I at our first prom together
2nd picture- 4 weeks pregnant
3rd picture- 31 weeks pregnant
4th-7th picture- me today 8 months postpartum

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18 Responses to “Can’t accept the huge change to my body. (Anonymous)”

  1. Katrina Says:
    July 18th, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    First I can tell you that you’re definitely not alone on the way you feel about your body. (you can read my story “my insecurity about my body turns me into the hulk). I felt unattractive to my husband too, to the point where I barely had sex with him because I felt that ugly. Now I feel better about myself because I realized that it’s not always about the way I feel, but how my husband feels about me. Sometimes we just gotta put our personal feeling about ourselves aside, and appreciate that the person who loves you most thinks you’re beautiful.

  2. Jaami Robinson Says:
    July 18th, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I’m glad you posted this and want to assure you that you are not alone!
    I am also 21 and have an almost 8 month old son, so reading what you wrote sounded so similar to what I battle everyday with my body. This is the first time I’ve come across a post that relates to me, and I read this site weekly. I included my full name so if you’d like to, and have Facebook, you’re welcome to add me or message me if you’d like to know someone who battles with the same things you do.
    The hardest part about the change of my body isn’t the weight, it’s the fact that the weight only remains in my belly. I didn’t expect to be exactly what I was pre-pregnancy but I also hoped I wouldn’t remain looking like i was when I was 5 months pregnant.

  3. Stacia Says:
    July 18th, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I feel the same way about my body, my daughter is 13 months old and i still look 5 months pregnant too, i excerised and ate right and nothing was working. I have been asked three times already when i am due. It sucks because it seems to happen when i start to feel a little more confident in myself. Now i just tell myself that your body goes through sooo much when your pregnant and through birthing process that it can take just as long or longer to feel like yourself inside and out. My daughter doesnt care what my body looks like just that i love her, i do my best to be active with her and i try to walk with confidence. One day you will see that beautiful person you are regardless of whats on the outside. Your son will love you no matter what you look like and he will always say is mom is beautiful!

  4. mrspetunia Says:
    July 18th, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    It drives me nuts that many doctors just don’t listen!!! I really am so disenchanted with so much about our medical system. Your hip condition sounds fairly serious and you deserve attention. Perhaps if you have access to funds you can visit a physical therapist or chiropractor? You definitely don’t deserve to live your life in pain. As far as your figure goes, I think you look fantastic! If and when you can exercise, that tiny little belly will probably just disappear. There was a girl in my bodypump class (you can look it up online if interested) who started out with a wee bit of belly but after diligently lifting weights and running it’s totally gone. At any rate, you look really great as is. I was expecting something quite different from your description of yourself. No worries, you’re still a hottie!

  5. Katie B. Says:
    July 18th, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Debilitating pelvic pain is *not* normal, but many allopathic (Western medicine) care providers have no clue what to do about it. I’m pregnant with my third child, and have dealt with Symphysis Pubis Displaysia/Pelvic Girdle Pain with all three now; with my second, I learned I had chiropractic coverage and my chiro literally kept me walking through my pregnancy! I wish I could see my chiro more often than I can presently, but 2 years of steady care has helped me be aware of why body has the structural issues it does, and what I can do about it. A massage therapist, especially one specializing in pregnancy, may also be able to help. I was so relieved when I discovered that I am not the only one who suffers this, and found http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/pubicpain.htm a great store of information. I hope this helps!

  6. Anonymous Says:
    July 18th, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Katrina and Jaami both of you sound so much like me! It’s great to know others are going through the same thing I am!! thanks so much for commenting!! <3

  7. Nan Says:
    July 19th, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Darlin’, you look great. It’s only been eight months. Please *try* not to be so hard on yourself. I have felt the exact same way, believe me. It gets better, it really does. As far as the hip pain is concerned, get yourself to a chiropractor as soon as possible. It sounds as if you are terribly out of alignment (pregnancy and birth tend to do that), or you may have a slipped disc or two in your lower back. I am only saying this because I have/had terrible hip pain with all four of my pregnancies and that is what it was.

  8. leah Says:
    July 19th, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I dont think you lookpregnantt at all, but your back spine does look pushed in, I hAVE the same thing…so it makes my belly stick out..but oh well…honestly I do not think you look pregnant at all.

  9. Joelle Says:
    July 19th, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    When you were describing your body, I thought you were going to have a big belly. I saw your pictures and I was thinking, “she feels insecure?” you look FANTASTIC! Not lying. I have insecurities about my body from my husband cheating on me and I’m trying to accept that it’s not my body or me having an issue, it’s him. So, I understand what it’s like to feel uncomfortable in your own skin and having stretch marks. Your belly looks great. You don’t look fat at all. Go flaunt yourself in a bikini because youve got a hot body to show off.

  10. Anna Says:
    July 19th, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    We’re always harder on ourselves then we are of other people, that said, I looked at you and thought, “what? she only had a baby 8 months ago! she looks fine!” Sadly breasts seem to take alot of abuse throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding. After I weaned my daughter at 2, I seemed to loose all the fatty tissue and it was just loose skin with a nipple. now that i am pregnant again they are nice and full and i know will get fuller after my milk comes in, but I wonder what will be left of them after my next baby!!

  11. Sarah Says:
    July 19th, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    I’m also 8 months postpartum. :) Do you have a separation in your abdominal muscles called diastasis recti? I’d google that. Lay on your back, lift your head off the ground and see if you can feel a separation above your belly button. I got that, too. There are specific exercises you have to do to close that gap. BTW, I think you are beautiful! :)

  12. amber H Says:
    July 20th, 2012 at 10:29 am

    your only 8 m pp- diet and exercise! you look great!!

  13. Anonymous Says:
    July 21st, 2012 at 7:21 am

    There is so much in your post that I can relate to. One of which is the pain. I had to (and thankfully I worked for a great institute) work from home the last few weeks of my pregnancy because the pain in my groin area was so excuitiating that I could barely walk. I am not a doctor, but I will let you know what worked for me. I started going to a chiropractor that specialized in prenatal and postnatal patients. The effects were immediate! Your body produces relaxin to allow your ligaments to stretch creating a larger space in your pelvis for the baby to live and eventually pass through. After your baby is born, the bones may not have settled back in the right way and may need adjusted. Again I am not a doctor, I just know I thought I was going to need a wheelchair and seeing my chiropractor (and ESP the message therapist in their office) that my pain subsided. I also had to stop wearing my 4 inch heels.. Hehe

  14. kathleen Says:
    July 21st, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I too was very conscious about the weight I was carrying around my tummy. But I assure you with a proper diet and exercise, you can lose it. I never thought it was possible, but I am smaller now than I was pre pregnancy. If you want some tips, let me know and I can email you directly. You really do look great kiddo! You just had a baby 8 months ago. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You can get your body back to a place where you will be pleased with it. It just requires a little effort and patience.

  15. Anonymous Says:
    July 26th, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    You look amazing! Thank you for writing this, I am pretty sure I know what you are going through as I am experiencing similar feelings right now.

  16. Monica Says:
    July 31st, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    ok…granted I had my children like 20 years ago. I can tell you this…if you want the weight off after pregnancy you have to change your train of thought!!! Seriously, we all go through it because throughout your life you will deal with life changes such as before & after child birth. That means you have to retrain your brain, your thoughts etc. You have to cut your portions down, exercise…no it does not have to be extreme, a good walk is good. While portion controlling you need to cut sugars, soda, ice cream …no sweets. Eventually you can eat this stuff again but it is like weening yourself off from habits to get to where you want to be. Back 20 yrs ago I was 105 lbs and then after pregnancy I was at 150…UGH!! I got down to 135 by the time I got pregnant a year later, then I was at 160 after that. I decided to stick to it and it took me almost a year and I got back down to 110 lbs which I can settle with. No I could not breast feed at all so I thought this would work against me, but it isn’t that …You are no longer pregnant so you need to remote yourself to eating right, not for 2 etc…it’s a do over!!!! Good luck and it will happen (but not over night!!!)

  17. angie Says:
    November 4th, 2012 at 12:00 am

    *sigh. you are definatrly not alone. Im 3 months postpartum. Having a bad frusteraying night and came across your post. Your very blessed as your husband is at least understanding sweety. I have gained no weight. I am the same weight I was prepregnancy at 135 lbs..and i am by no means fat. However my body is now a different shape n i got the nasty hanging stretched out belly and somehow my ass got friggen huge n saggy..and my boobs never lactated so the never got big yet as soon as i gave birth they dropped to my knees anyways. I have huge pockets of fat around my hips. Its almost as if all my fat shifted into area it never was before..i can fit into all.my prepregnancy clothes..but they all look hideous because of my new body type. But I know I just had a baby and that i will get used to my new shape and be able to get some of it under control with exercise. My new body is not whats bothering me. It is my husband that is bothering me. Today he got mad at me because he saw me eat a donut! Then he asks me so how much weight have you gained since baby was born? and i say i havnt gained weight. He forced me to step on the scale!!! i told him no and he said you dont want to get on it cuz uve gained weight. and i said no i dont want to get on it because ur being an asshole. Earlier today i had a zumba class. He was supposed to be home from his workout so i could go. Instead he calls me from the gym and tells me hes meeting a friend for lunch and wont be home. So heres me WTF is your problem? Youre the one unhappy with my body yet youre the one that makes it impossible for me to go to my workout?

  18. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Angie, he’s displaying abusive behavior. The way he is treating you is not normal or acceptable. I suggest looking for a therapist who can help you with this. Hugs.

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