News

For those leaving comments, leave support only please. Anything negative will be removed.

(Still having trouble posting pics. Dangit.)

Bear with me as Blogger is being a butt and not letting me post photos for some reason. Hopefully later this afternoon, it won’t be feeling so glitchy and I can get to work on the many submissions I have waiting to be posted.

I updated the “Participation” page again with a request for an image hosting site that allows nudity.

Once again I must say that I am floored by the response to this site. Yesterday there were over 2,000 seperate hits!! I am overwhelmed with emotion every time I read someone’s “story” and I get a little teary whenever I read a message by someone who feels relieved to know she isn’t alone. It’s funny, because the more bodies I see, the more I find them truly beautiful – not beautiful just because they are the marks of motherhood – but beautiful in and of themselves. What diversity! And it makes me wonder, can we change the world? Maybe just a little bit at least.

Keep ’em coming!

Meredith O’Brien interviewed me the other day via e-mail and posted it here in her Club Mom blog. Read it here and click on over to her blog to say hello!

Q&A with Shape of a Mother Creator
I had the pleasure of corresponding via e-mail with the creator of the new web site, Shape of a Mother, which solicits women to submit their pregnant and postpartum photos. Some are snapshots of women sans clothing, so be forewarned if you’re at work. Others are images of women in semi-dressed poses.

What they all have in common is that no one on the site is a perfect, airbrushed celeb. The images are real. And the collection of these images is very powerful.

Bonnie, a married mom of a 4- and a 1-year-old from Southern California, started Shape of a Mother after having been a blogger for five years. She was kind enough to answer questions from the Parenting Pop Culture blogger (that’s me). Here’s an excerpt from our virtual conversation:

Parenting Pop Culture (PPC): What does your spouse think about the creation of this web site? Your family and friends?

Bonnie, creator of Shape of a Mother (married 5 1/2 years): [My husband] is very supportive of the site, but in all honesty, it’s not one of his passions. The web site is still really new — a week old — so I actually hadn’t gotten around to telling many people yet. Those who do know are incredibly supportive and thrilled about it.

PPC: Was there a specific incident that prompted you to take the plunge and just do it, create the web site?

Bonnie: I originally had the idea back in March I think, but sat on it for awhile until last week. There was a “discussion” on a local moms board where a woman made some comment about overweight people on the beach needing to cover up. It offended me to hear someone speak like that and it lit the fire under my bum to get this site up and running already.

PPC: When you had your children, were you surprised by how your own body changed? How so? What were wome of the biggest changes?

Bonnie: To a degree, yes. I had resigned myself to stretchmarks at an early age since puberty had created many on my thighs and breasts, but I had no idea the degree to which I’d get them. Not only am I a “zebra belly” but my calves and upper arms also grew stripes during my first pregnancy. The worst shock was the extra flap of skin I have now that didn’t go away no matter how much weight I lost.

PPC: How did you feel about those changes in your body?

Bonnie: I hated them. I was overweight before getting pregnant and ended up at 225 pounds after my daughter was born, so I thought I did it to myself. I thought it was my fault for that extra skin because I was overweight. I blamed myself. Now I know better. I’m sure being overweight didn’t help things, and I wish I hadn’t been for many reasons, but I see now that it might not have made any difference at all. I’m not okay with my body by any means, in fact it’s a lot easier to see other women’s pictures than my own, but I know I’m not alone and I try to remember than I’m more than just skin.

PPC: What messages do you think the American popular culture sends to pregnant and postpartum women regarding their bodies?

Bonnie: That we are all smooth and firm, and anything else is shameful.

PPC: What’s the impact of the celeb moms who appear on magazine covers scantily clothed, nary a slip of loose skin or stretchmark in sight, on regular moms?

Bonnie: I think we compare ourselves to these women and expect to be like them when we don’t know the whole story. We don’t know what camera angles or air brushing made them look better. We don’t know what kind of rigid training and scant diets they might be on in the pressure to look skinny right away again. I remember reading a quote from Gwyneth Paltrow (I don’t follow celeb stuff too much, but this stuck out to me) that she said she was more concerned with nursing her baby than losing weight to have the perfect body again right away. I really admired that. Of course the kicker there is that she LOOKS GREAT and whoever was pressuring her to lose weight is exactly the person who is hurting all these women.

PPC: Do you ever talk with fellow moms about the state of their physiques post-children? What kinds of things do you hear?

Bonnie: It inevitably comes up in conversation, but it’s rare to hear anything positive. On top of everything else, there is this idea that if you think you look good, you’re conceited, and no one wants to be that girl, so even if a woman has some pride in her body — perfect or not — she will not likely speak up about it.

PPC: Why is it important to you to have images of stretchmarked bellies with loose skin on a web site?

Bonnie: Because, in every instance when I’ve felt alone in my life, once I have been brave enough to speak up, I find I’m not alone at all. We all box ourselves in these little cubicles of shame, afraid to talk about things, but the fact is, we’re all afraid of the same things. There is always someone who shares your fears with you. And it’s incredibly cathartic to find you are not alone.

PPC: Do you worry that there will be backlash from people who find the images distasteful? What would you say to those people?

Bonnie: Nah. In this world, everybody hates something, so I imagine there will be someone who is uncomfortable with this site. I would say to them, “Look away. Peace.”

I added some stuff to the Participation page you might want to take note of. Bear with me if I need to work out some minor kinks as I get this site into a good routine.

And I want to say THANK YOU to all who have participated by sending in photos and by passing the link along! It’s because of you that this has just boomed in the last couple of days. There have been tons of warm and fuzzy comments from women about this site – take a moment to read them. I’m just so thrilled it’s touched the people it has, I’m walking on a cloud!

If you’d like to link to this website, you can absolutely do so! If you like one of the images below, feel free to swipe it for your own use (directions below), or you can use a simple text link, too. I’d love to see your site, as well, so leave a comment with a link if you like. Thanks!

Directions: Right-click on the image you like and choose “Save picture as”. Once it is saved to your computer, you can upload it to your own webspace or use free hosting somewhere like imageshack.us or photobucket.com. To use it as a link you will need to know a very little amount of HTML which you can learn at Lissa Explains.com

Q. Does the photo have to be nude?
A. Absolutely not! I mention “nude” somewhere merely because most likely the photos we’ll show here are of parts that are generally hidden, but this site is here for you and so you send me whatever you want to show.

Q. Do I have to show my face?
A. Nope! Show whatever you are comfortable with! You may show your face if you choose to, but it won’t make a difference it you cut it out.

Q. What if my body did “snap right back”? Can I still send pictures in?
A. Absolutely! This website is for all women, everywhere, and that includes those sans stripes or loose skin. No airbrushing allowed, though! ;)

Q. How are we protected here at SOAM?
A. I have done as much as I can to keep this a safe haven. I moved from Blogger several months after the inception of the site to offer a direct uploading option here. Before that, images had to be uploaded to imageshack.us or the like. This way, they aren’t floating around out there – they go directly to my files where only I can see them until they get posted. I also screen every comment individually to make sure it is supportive and relevant (and not spam!). At our Flickr group, I check each and every member to ensure they are legit before allowing them access to the group. It’s not perfect – and it IS still the internet – but I do take several steps to make our little spot on the web cozy and secure for all of us here.

Q. Do you post every entry?
A. Generally, yes. I think there has been only one entry I turned down for a reason I can’t remember and one photo I omitted because it seemed too inappropriate for the site. I am not a fan of censorship, and for the most part I will post any relevant and legitimate entry sent to me. This is a place for YOUR voice, not my version of it. :)

Q. Do you edit the entries?
A. No. I post them as they are sent to me. Even if I had time to fix grammar, there are many instances in which I may not know exactly what was meant and I would not begin to guess at another’s thoughts. Occasionally, I will see a simple and obvious typo and will fix it, but for the most part, entries should be proofread before you hit submit.

Q. I submitted my pictures a few days ago, why haven’t I seen them posted yet?
A. I generally have a backlog of about two weeks to get through, so be patient and I will post it as soon as I get to it in the queue – promise!

Who is this person you’re sending your nude photos to? Well, my name is Bonnie. I have been married almost eight years and I am a homeschooling, stay-at-home mother of two young children who are, at the time of writing this, six and three years old. I am a dabbler, interested in learning more about photography, cooking, gardening, knitting and crafting in general. I feel passionately that I want my daughter to grow up with a balanced view of what women should look like. My son, too, for that matter. Anything else you would like to know? Leave a comment. :)

May 2008:

(Forgive his closed eyes – I’m sure you moms understand trying to get one good photo out of more than one kid – it’s impossible.)

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These photos below were taken on July 5, 2006 – the birth of SOAM.

( I love how pissed off he looks in this picture.)

One day I sat in a restaurant in Anaheim, California eating breakfast, when a woman passed by my table with her infant carrier in tow. As she lifted it up to fit between the tables, her shirt raised and I saw that, although she was at a healthy weight and her body was fit, she had that same extra skin hanging around her belly that I do. It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society’s greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen. That makes me want to cry. Sure we all talk about the sagging boobs and other parts, but no one ever sees them. Or if they do, it’s in comical form, mocking the beauty that created and nourished our children.

It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I am asking for mothers to send in photos of bellies, bums, boobs or any other body part (even my lower legs and face show changes since my pregnancies!) to be posted on this website. The pictures can be anything you like from a simple snapshot to something professional. They can be as anonymous as you’d like, or you may choose to have your name and contact info posted with them. They must be tasteful, this is not about pornography.

I really hope that many many women will participate and that many more will benefit. Thank you!

Click here to participate!

What to include:
Your first name
Your e-mail address (will NOT be posted without your special request)
Any story you want to share.
Your website if you’d like to share.
Any key words you want to use to identify your post (second pregnancy, cesarean, etc).

If there has been a miscommunication and I added your name or didn’t add something, please e-mail me and I will fix it right away!

Some Notes:
**There’s a backlog of a couple weeks currently. I’m working as fast as I can to catch up, but in the mean time, it will take awhile for your submission to get posted. Please be patient and do not post more than once.

**If, for some reason, you change your mind about the pictures you included or the text you’ve written, please e-mail me the changes, rather than submitting a new entry. I’m finding I’ve posted the same woman’s entry more than once on a couple of occasions, because I didn’t realize it was the same. D’oh!

**And, lastly, please do not submit professional photographs unless YOU are the photographer or can have the photographer e-mail me his or her permission. Due to copyright laws I cannot post photos without the photographer’s direct permission.

Want more info? Read the FAQ! Any other questions or comments? E-mail me!

By clicking the link below to submit an entry you agree…

…to allow me to post your photos and/or story here on this website, and you realize that this is the internet and a public forum.

…that if your photos include nudity, you are over 18 years old and were at the time the photos were taken.

…that I may choose to use your photos or your words in other settings (i.e. on items in the cafepress store, or in interviews, etc). If you absolutely do not want them used in another way, please let me know via e-mail and I will respect that.