Rosie just left this comment on an entry from a few days ago. I love it so much I want to marry it. I found myself nodding along with her the entire time, it’s so true to everything I believe that I decided to post it here as an entry of its own. (Paragraph separations and bold are mine.)
The entire first paragraph is vital to understand other women – no matter what we look like, we struggle with it. It’s not a reflection on others, period. I wrote to someone on Facebook the other day that if you put two identical women in a room together they’d declare the other beautiful while picking apart every flaw they could find on themselves. It’s an internal conflict that, at it’s truest heart, has less to do with body image and far more to do with our ability to love ourselves wholly.
The last paragraph has a universal truth that I bolded for emphasis. Read it. Listen to it. I mean REALLY listen. With your deepest heart.
Thank you, Rosie, for writing this.
“Its very complex isn’t it because obviously even if a woman still looks fit and slim and relatively unchanged in appearance her feelings of self loathing are still very real to her. Invalidating those feelings can often lead to an even louder cry of anguish, a feeling that no-one else understands or sees what she sees. But the thing that really pisses me off is that its not her fault. We live in such a crap culture where ideas of what is beautiful or normal are so narrow that even this young gorgeous woman thinks she is undesirable.
We women need to be so courageous, to stand up and not be ashamed of ourselves and not hide our bodies so the idea of beautiful and normal can expand. I’ve had three kids including a set of twins I carried for 39 and a half weeks. I have stretch marks over my hips, twin skin round my belly button that wrinkles when i lean forward and a big bottom and thighs but I wear a bikini when I go swimming. I eat very well and exercise and look after myself. Why should i be ashamed?
But it still takes huge amounts of courage to expose yourself because every other woman who looks like me is covering up in shame! To be honest even women who look like this(with a slightly imperfect belly) would likely be covering up and that is sooo sad (where does that leave the rest of us?).
I don’t think its because of what men expect from us. I know good men see the whole woman. I also separated from the father of my kids and went through these fears. Now I am with a man who is younger than me and everyone says is really gorgeous and he is totally into me. So who are we hiding from, who are we scared of. Shallow crap men that you wouldn’t want to be with anyway? Its not easy but I say we need to have the courage to expect the best for ourselves whatever we look like. To me that means being with a man who sees me as beautiful and desirable as a friend and as a lover. And knowing also that its OK to be alone until that comes along.”
LOVE IT!!! Especially the last three lines. I didn’t get married until 27,, and before him, had gone three years without even going on a date because no one suited me lol,,, but I’m soooo glad I waited. It’s been a long journey for me to accept myself,, and not only that, but to actually appreciate myself. DO IT ladies,,, it’s sooooo freeing!
I like Rosie’s emphasis on what we can do as women, not just viewing ourselves as objects to be looked at
Great comment!
As much as I love this site (and I do, I am on it every single day!), I have noticed that even we (us momma’s that put up entries) are degrading women. Look around the site, the better a mother looks after birth, the more comments she gets (for example, the entry this comment was put on, she got a whopping 40 comments)…what does that say? Even we are saying, “you look so good, so I will make you feel better”, or “you look ok, but not good enough to comment on”…
Just a little something I noticed…
Love!
Rosie said exactly what I was thinking, but she said it so much better than I could have. I love this. I agree with every word.
LOVE!
We women, we’d be much better off if we could learn to stop being traitors to ourselves, and our sisters
I love the last line about how it’s OK to be alone until the right man comes along. I should not have to base my feelings about myself on what I think someone else thinks, someone who is just there to fill space. That is something I have learned and I could not be happier! And really I don’t feel alone or that I’m missing out on anything either, when it’s time it’s time and if God never intended it for me it’s something I can still be truly happy with! It’s something I hope that I can pass on down to my daughter and my son :-)
I love all of Rosies comment! Regarding the last line – “its ok to be alone until that comes along” – what about “it’s ok and can even be GREAT being alone”. We need to take it all a step further and realize that as much as we need to love our bodies as they are – we need to be happy without a man in our lives. The messages of physical inadequacy were delivered right along with the messages of the necessity of emotional and financial dependence on men.