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Janice

September 27, 2006

A good friend directed me to this site and I love it! It’s great to see real women accepting and loving their bodies!

Fifteen weeks ago, on June 9th, I gave birth to my third daughter. I had no complications during my pregnancy, labour, or birth but for unknown reasons, our beautiful baby girl wasn’t able to stay with us. Abby Angel lived for 7 hours and 10 minutes, and the pregnancy pictures I’ve posted here are so precious to me. I was almost 38 weeks pregnant when I gave birth and despite my issues with my body image, I know I grow beautiful, healthy babies.

24 weeks, side view
photo

36.5 weeks
photo

my daughter giving her baby sister ‘hugs’, just 5 days before Abby was born
photo

Abby, less than 2 minutes old
photo

I have more pictures and entries about my pregnancy, Abby’s death, and my journey as a student midwife on my blog.


Update to this story here and here.

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33 Responses to “Janice”

  1. HippyFreek Says:
    September 27th, 2006 at 11:50 pm

    I can’t even begin to imagine the loss you feel. All I can offer is my prayers and a virtual hug, which probably means less than nothing to you right now.I read your blog from right before and then after Abby’s time with you. And I cried for you, cried for the loss of a momma. You are such a strong momma, a powerful momma to be able to write how you feel in the midst of the moment, to let your emotion onto the page. Your ability to do that proves that your daughter will live on. And will not be forgotten.Healing vibes to you, momma.HippyFreek

  2. Little Minx Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 1:00 am

    Oh my darling, such sadness. My thoughts and love are with you.I have read your blog and you are an amazing woman, you touched my heart.Thank you for sharing with us.xxxxx

  3. Divamama Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 4:01 am

    Your story and pictures broke my heart. I am so, SO sorry you lost your beautiful little angel. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful pictures, you and your daughters are all gorgeous! I wish you much love, healing and happiness in your lives.

  4. claire Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 5:38 am

    Readling your blog-particularly the parts about your darling doughter- really puts worrying about stretchmarks into perspective.You are an incredibly strong and beautiful woman.I admire you

  5. Anonymous Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 7:19 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so increadibly sorry for your loss…I can’t even imagine. I was just praying for your family while reading your blog. I love what your daughter said about seeing her with Jesus and God.Kristen

  6. Anonymous Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 8:37 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I checked out your blob and I cried for you and your family. It has been a reminder to me to hold my own children that much closer as I tuck them into bed tonight. Peace be with you.

  7. birthingway Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 9:19 am

    Beautiful!

  8. Polly Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 12:45 pm

    I have just spent the last three hours reading through your blog. Abby is so very beautiful…my heart cries for you and your family. May God continue to soothe your soul. (((HUGS)))

  9. Anonymous Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 1:19 pm

    I am so, so, so, so very sorry for your loss. I really am.

  10. Amy Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 1:38 pm

    Oh wow. Your pictures are beautiful and your story is heartbreaking. I read your blog for hours today and cried for you. I am truely sorry for your loss.

  11. beanbaggie Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 2:36 pm

    I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for posting these beautiful pictures.

  12. Kier Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 2:47 pm

    I’ve spent the past hour reading your blog and crying over the pictures of your beautiful Abby, Kim, and Julia. Thank you for sharing your story…your courage amazes me.

  13. Jen Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 4:03 pm

    I read your blog with a heavy heart. I have two girls and am thinking of a third baby. The loss you must feel must be unimaginable. I can only imagine what you go through every second of every minute of every day. You write with such feeling. Hold on tight, you will survive. My prayers are with you and your family.

  14. Rae Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 6:17 pm

    Today has been a strange day for me, discovering your blog, and crying until there was nothing left. Thank you for sharing your journey, mama. You will make a wonderful midwife. Love to you and your family, Rae

  15. Anonymous Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 6:33 pm

    What a beautiful, strong & amazing mother you are! I spent many hours reading your blog today and must say that I was deeply touched. I cried as I read each word. May you continue to find the strength to deal with each new day. {{HUGS}}

  16. Katherine Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 9:56 pm

    I know that this does nothing for you, but still…I am crying for you. So hard. So, so hard. My heart is just collapsing from this grief that I’m not even experiencing. And I feel selfish for it. Like, who am I to be sobbing about this? This isn’t for me. This isn’t about me. But nevertheless, the momma in me just can’t stop herself. I want so badly to bring that beautiful little girl (Truly, she is a gorgeous child. One of the prettiest I’ve ever seen) back to you. Because you don’t deserve this. No one deserves this. I am…so sorry. So incredibly sorry and angry that this happened to you. God bless you, your husband, and all three of your beautiful girls. (((ineffective cyber-hugs)))

  17. Anonymous Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 11:22 pm

    Your story breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and pictures!! Many prayers being sent to you and your family! Alexis

  18. Anonymous Says:
    September 29th, 2006 at 9:46 am

    I’m just so sorry, mama. She’s absolutely gorgeous.

  19. Amber Says:
    September 29th, 2006 at 1:01 pm

    I can’t imagine… I’m sure you absolutely treasure those pictures and wanted to thank you for sharing them with us.

  20. Briana Says:
    September 29th, 2006 at 7:02 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story and giving us a reason to appreciate all we went through, stretch marks, extra pounds and all. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you are still feeling. Your story makes me appreciate my family even more than I already do! I’m sending a huge hug to you. I’m glad you had a blog to voice your feelings and start to heal.

  21. Anonymous Says:
    September 30th, 2006 at 1:47 pm

    janice, i have spent the last couple hours reading your blog about abby… i am reduced to tears and i don’t have the words to express how truly sorry i am for your loss… i also have a 4-year old (son) and we spent time looking at abby’s pictures while i told him about her… we decided its not fair what has happened to her and your family and we look forward to the day jesus comes so she can smile and play with you… thank you for sharing your pics, your story and your life… i have been touched for life by your honesty and pain…marlee

  22. just-jessie Says:
    September 30th, 2006 at 6:10 pm

    Your story is so touching. I’m in tears just reading about sweet Abby. Huge ((((hugs))))

  23. marjorie Says:
    October 1st, 2006 at 10:02 am

    Hi, I linked to you from Shape of a Mother. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of your beautiful baby. I cried as I read your story. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, and I’ll come back here to see how you are doing. God’s blessings to you.

  24. just-jessie Says:
    October 1st, 2006 at 3:07 pm

    I’m crying just reading your blog. Huge ((hugs)) to you and your family.

  25. Chickenbells Says:
    October 1st, 2006 at 7:45 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your loss…your babies are beautiful, and you’re going to make an amazing midwife…we need more people like you in our world right now. Thank you for sharing your story and wonderful pictures.

  26. Anonymous Says:
    October 2nd, 2006 at 1:24 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. You have tremendous courage..I cant imagine. My heart aches for you and your family..I have been here for an hour reading your story w/ tears streaming down my face. What a beautiful family you have..Abby, w/ her sweet face and wispy blond hair is beautiful. You are a amazing strong momma! God Bless you!

  27. Anonymous Says:
    October 2nd, 2006 at 7:28 am

    Janice, I hope you read this…I wanted to post it on your blog, but I don’t have a live journal, so I was unable to do so. I was so touched by your story and plight. You are such a passionate, strong woman. I sat and read your blog for hours on Friday and I cried for so long. Abby is so lucky to have a mom and dad who love her so very much. You are in my daily thoughts and prayers. May the future bring you the peace that you deserve. Diane

  28. OneCuteLdybug@yahoo.com Says:
    October 2nd, 2006 at 10:44 pm

    I can’t remember what time I first went to your blog, but I count 5 tears drops resting on the desk in front of me… They fell too fast to be caught. They are accompanied by six soggy tissues all full with more. I have read for at least a couple of hours with tears pouring down my face for Abby, for you, for your husband, for both of your beautiful girls. I sit here in tears now wishing that this kind of thing had never happened. Abyy is so beautful. *tissue number seven*I have for children… three by chance and one by birth. I feel so blessed and I thank you for reminding me of that. We all take those things for granted too often. Thank you for sharing everything. I’ll blow a goodnight kiss to Abby tonight.

  29. Anonymous Says:
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:35 pm

    I don’t know how to even begin replying to the heartfelt comments above. I appreciate your thoughts, your prayers, and your tears. From the bottom of my heart, *thank you* for reading, for caring, and for remembering Abby. You’ll never know how much your words have meant to me.Janice (& Abby)babycatcher33@livejournal

  30. Anonymous Says:
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:27 pm

    Janice,I have spent a lot of time today reading your blog, especially the post about all that happened after Abby was born. Please know that her story has touched me so much. What an amazing little girl she was. The fact that she worked so hard to open her eyes and look at you, despite all that was going on with her…well, there are just no words. No words. I have been thinking of Abby and of you all day today and it has really helped to reinforce what is important in this crazy world we live in. I’m sorry I’ve decided to make this an anonymous posting, but I’m embarassed to have a link posted here to my blog…it all seems so insignificant after your story.Janice, you are an amazing Mama and I know you’ll keep Abby’s spirit alive. She has touched so many people…what an amazing legacy she left. Even though I only *knew* her through your blog and pictures, her incredible story will stay with me forever.Much love and support to you and your beautiful family.

  31. Anonymous Says:
    October 9th, 2006 at 3:15 pm

    Janice – My heart is breaking with you, your hubby, your daughter & your family & friends. I was just reading some of your posts from your blog. What an incredibly painful journey you are on…I promise to pray for you & your family. Your little Abby is absolutely beautiful…Thinking of you today…and I know your story will stick in my head for many many years to come.-Amber

  32. Anonymous Says:
    October 9th, 2006 at 10:45 pm

    I am SO sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl, Abby Angel. I just spent hours reading through your blog and the tears just won’t stop. What a beautiful and moving account of all that you and your family have been through. Thank you so much for sharing. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. -Kristen

  33. business mom Says:
    October 16th, 2006 at 3:03 pm

    I am also extremely sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I too, cannot stop the tears thinking of what you must have gone through…jen

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