The Shape of a Mother

Lovely article, check it out here!

Original entries here and here.

Children:
#1) Rayden Wolfgang: Dec 12, 2005
#2) Cairo Sofia: June 23, 2009
Age: 22

I guess this submission isn’t really about me. I have posted twice before because I think this website is nothing short of amazing. It has inspired me to love my body, it’s “flaws” and all. Our bodies have performed miracles; they have carried our babies and brought life into this world. Why would anyone find this terrible, ugly, unattractive? You fill in the blank!
It’s so hard for me to read some of these stories. There are so many women out there telling the world about how horrible they look and feel after having their children, not to mention many only 2-8 weeks postpartum… come on ladies! I know it’s said over and over again, but it takes 9 months, give it 9 months to return. But even if your “ideal” is not achieved in a short 9 months, who cares? If your husband, boyfriend, partner, whoever it is that is supposed to be in this with you, can not look at you and tell you that you are beautiful than how good of a person is he? My body took a complete 180 when I got pregnant with my first baby, Rayden. My husband could still look me in the eyes and tell me I was beautiful, stretch marks and loose skin to boot! I gave birth to his child for goodness sakes, and so did you ladies!
Get your faces out of the magazines and news articles! Who cares if all these celeb moms bounced back within weeks of birthing their children. That is not reality. That is a whole lot of money, discipline, and damage to the body. They are not the ideal. Look at the amount of women on this website that have less than “ideal” bodies!
I’m not saying every morning I wake up and thank the Gods that I have stretch marks from head to toe and loose sagging skin at the ripe age of 22, but I can thank the Gods that all I had to offer to have my 2 beautiful children was a little loose skin and some stretch marks. I do repeat to myself daily “I am beautiful” and I have been doing that for nearly 2 years now, and I do believe it now. I thought it was a bunch of garbage… until I saw the effects. Every person in your life can tell you that you are beautiful but it won’t make a difference until you can honestly say to yourself that you are beautiful and believe it.
I am truly sorry to hear how many of you find yourselves not only ugly, but devastatingly ruined. You’re not ruined, you have been remodelled.
This was written with nothing less than love. No one is perfect nor will perfection ever be achieved. Reach for the clouds before the stars; one step at a time.

Pic #1: 37 weeks pregnant w/ my daugher, Cairo.
Pic #2 & #3: Me today, 8 months and 5 days PP. I think I am beautiful, but not “ideal”, Thank God!

Age:23
Pregnancies/Births: 2/1 (girl, 18 mos)

I anguish over my loose skin and stretch marks. I have not gotten to a place of comfort or acceptance of my body, much less a place of pride over the story my ravaged body tells. I don’t understand how my husband can love such damaged goods, or how he could ever want to be intimate with me.
Something important occurred to me today though. My husband happens to have a ravaged body as well. At 22 years old and with a congenital heart defect, he has had 2 open heart surgeries and 2 angioplasties. He has a long, wide “zipper” scar on his chest. Another huge scar on his back. 2 more on his side from chest tubes. Both sides of his groin from the angioplasties. Many stretch marks from periods of weight fluctuation from medications.
And would it surprise any of you if I said I find him sexy? That I desire him? That when I see his scars, I see strength and a survival? Of course it wouldn’t. If anything, his scars make me love him a little more. And even if your partners don’t have scars such as these, everyone has something they don’t like about themselves, something that chips away at their self confidence. But we love our partners just the same, whether they are physically different from what is widely considered to be the ideal, yes?
Anyway, my husband sees the same in me that I see in him. He sees beauty in every mark on my body. Every one of them. Stretch marks are not a sign of weakness or failure. They’re a testament to the resilience of our bodies and the pure love it takes to physically grow and harbor another human being for almost a year. A mother’s body is so amazing, it is almost not even fully comprehensible to me. My husband knows that, and it makes me the most beautiful woman in the world to him.
So why do I still beat myself up do much? Why do I find myself so disgusting? Why do we all have so much trouble accepting and loving ourselves when we readily accept and love our partners, family, friends, even total strangers (like on this website)? I guess it just takes time, or life experience. I don’t know. I’m only 23, I don’t exactly have years of wisdom to shape my ideas and opinions. I just hope that we all find peace with our bodies, sooner rather than later. I think the women on this site are incredible and brave for posting. And I hope my ramblings help somebody out there feel better today
Photo #1 is at 5 mos pregnant, #2 is my Adalia