The Shape of a Mother

What to include:
Your first name
Your e-mail address (will NOT be posted without your special request)
Any story you want to share.
Your website if you'd like to share.
Any key words you want to use to identify your post (second pregnancy, cesarean, etc).

If there has been a miscommunication and I added your name or didn't add something, please e-mail me and I will fix it right away!

Some Notes:
**There's a backlog of a couple weeks currently. I'm working as fast as I can to catch up, but in the mean time, it will take awhile for your submission to get posted. Please be patient and do not post more than once.

**If, for some reason, you change your mind about the pictures you included or the text you've written, please e-mail me the changes, rather than submitting a new entry. I'm finding I've posted the same woman's entry more than once on a couple of occasions, because I didn't realize it was the same. D'oh!

**And, lastly, please do not submit professional photographs unless YOU are the photographer or can have the photographer e-mail me his or her permission. Due to copyright laws I cannot post photos without the photographer's direct permission.

Want more info? Read the FAQ! Any other questions or comments? E-mail me!

By clicking the link below to submit an entry you agree...

...to allow me to post your photos and/or story here on this website, and you realize that this is the internet and a public forum.

...that if your photos include nudity, you are over 18 years old and were at the time the photos were taken.

...that I may choose to use your photos or your words in other settings (i.e. on items in the cafepress store, or in interviews, etc). If you absolutely do not want them used in another way, please let me know via e-mail and I will respect that.

One day I sat in a restaurant in Anaheim, California eating breakfast, when a woman passed by my table with her infant carrier in tow. As she lifted it up to fit between the tables, her shirt raised and I saw that, although she was at a healthy weight and her body was fit, she had that same extra skin hanging around her belly that I do. It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society's greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen. That makes me want to cry. Sure we all talk about the sagging boobs and other parts, but no one ever sees them. Or if they do, it's in comical form, mocking the beauty that created and nourished our children.

It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I am asking for mothers to send in photos of bellies, bums, boobs or any other body part (even my lower legs and face show changes since my pregnancies!) to be posted on this website. The pictures can be anything you like from a simple snapshot to something professional. They can be as anonymous as you'd like, or you may choose to have your name and contact info posted with them. They must be tasteful, this is not about pornography.

I really hope that many many women will participate and that many more will benefit. Thank you!

Click here to participate!

Q. Does the photo have to be nude?
A. Absolutely not! I mention "nude" somewhere merely because most likely the photos we'll show here are of parts that are generally hidden, but this site is here for you and so you send me whatever you want to show.

Q. Do I have to show my face?
A. Nope! Show whatever you are comfortable with! You may show your face if you choose to, but it won't make a difference it you cut it out.

Q. What if my body did "snap right back"? Can I still send pictures in?
A. Absolutely! This website is for all women, everywhere, and that includes those sans stripes or loose skin. No airbrushing allowed, though! ;)

Q. How are we protected here at SOAM?
A. I have done as much as I can to keep this a safe haven. I moved from Blogger several months after the inception of the site to offer a direct uploading option here. Before that, images had to be uploaded to imageshack.us or the like. This way, they aren't floating around out there - they go directly to my files where only I can see them until they get posted. I also screen every comment individually to make sure it is supportive and relevant (and not spam!). At our Flickr group, I check each and every member to ensure they are legit before allowing them access to the group. It's not perfect - and it IS still the internet - but I do take several steps to make our little spot on the web cozy and secure for all of us here.

Q. Do you post every entry?
A. Generally, yes. I think there has been only one entry I turned down for a reason I can't remember and one photo I omitted because it seemed too inappropriate for the site. I am not a fan of censorship, and for the most part I will post any relevant and legitimate entry sent to me. This is a place for YOUR voice, not my version of it. :)

Q. Do you edit the entries?
A. No. I post them as they are sent to me. Even if I had time to fix grammar, there are many instances in which I may not know exactly what was meant and I would not begin to guess at another's thoughts. Occasionally, I will see a simple and obvious typo and will fix it, but for the most part, entries should be proofread before you hit submit.

Q. I submitted my pictures a few days ago, why haven't I seen them posted yet?
A. I generally have a backlog of about two weeks to get through, so be patient and I will post it as soon as I get to it in the queue - promise!

If you'd like to link to this website, you can absolutely do so! If you like one of the images below, feel free to swipe it for your own use (directions below), or you can use a simple text link, too. I'd love to see your site, as well, so leave a comment with a link if you like. Thanks!

Directions: Right-click on the image you like and choose "Save picture as". Once it is saved to your computer, you can upload it to your own webspace or use free hosting somewhere like imageshack.us or photobucket.com. To use it as a link you will need to know a very little amount of HTML which you can learn at Lissa Explains.com

I added some stuff to the Participation page you might want to take note of. Bear with me if I need to work out some minor kinks as I get this site into a good routine.

And I want to say THANK YOU to all who have participated by sending in photos and by passing the link along! It's because of you that this has just boomed in the last couple of days. There have been tons of warm and fuzzy comments from women about this site - take a moment to read them. I'm just so thrilled it's touched the people it has, I'm walking on a cloud!

Meredith O'Brien interviewed me the other day via e-mail and posted it here in her Club Mom blog. Read it here and click on over to her blog to say hello!

Q&A with Shape of a Mother Creator
I had the pleasure of corresponding via e-mail with the creator of the new web site, Shape of a Mother, which solicits women to submit their pregnant and postpartum photos. Some are snapshots of women sans clothing, so be forewarned if you're at work. Others are images of women in semi-dressed poses.

What they all have in common is that no one on the site is a perfect, airbrushed celeb. The images are real. And the collection of these images is very powerful.

Bonnie, a married mom of a 4- and a 1-year-old from Southern California, started Shape of a Mother after having been a blogger for five years. She was kind enough to answer questions from the Parenting Pop Culture blogger (that's me). Here's an excerpt from our virtual conversation:

Parenting Pop Culture (PPC): What does your spouse think about the creation of this web site? Your family and friends?

Bonnie, creator of Shape of a Mother (married 5 1/2 years): [My husband] is very supportive of the site, but in all honesty, it's not one of his passions. The web site is still really new -- a week old -- so I actually hadn't gotten around to telling many people yet. Those who do know are incredibly supportive and thrilled about it.

PPC: Was there a specific incident that prompted you to take the plunge and just do it, create the web site?

Bonnie: I originally had the idea back in March I think, but sat on it for awhile until last week. There was a "discussion" on a local moms board where a woman made some comment about overweight people on the beach needing to cover up. It offended me to hear someone speak like that and it lit the fire under my bum to get this site up and running already.

PPC: When you had your children, were you surprised by how your own body changed? How so? What were wome of the biggest changes?

Bonnie: To a degree, yes. I had resigned myself to stretchmarks at an early age since puberty had created many on my thighs and breasts, but I had no idea the degree to which I'd get them. Not only am I a "zebra belly" but my calves and upper arms also grew stripes during my first pregnancy. The worst shock was the extra flap of skin I have now that didn't go away no matter how much weight I lost.

PPC: How did you feel about those changes in your body?

Bonnie: I hated them. I was overweight before getting pregnant and ended up at 225 pounds after my daughter was born, so I thought I did it to myself. I thought it was my fault for that extra skin because I was overweight. I blamed myself. Now I know better. I'm sure being overweight didn't help things, and I wish I hadn't been for many reasons, but I see now that it might not have made any difference at all. I'm not okay with my body by any means, in fact it's a lot easier to see other women's pictures than my own, but I know I'm not alone and I try to remember than I'm more than just skin.

PPC: What messages do you think the American popular culture sends to pregnant and postpartum women regarding their bodies?

Bonnie: That we are all smooth and firm, and anything else is shameful.

PPC: What's the impact of the celeb moms who appear on magazine covers scantily clothed, nary a slip of loose skin or stretchmark in sight, on regular moms?

Bonnie: I think we compare ourselves to these women and expect to be like them when we don't know the whole story. We don't know what camera angles or air brushing made them look better. We don't know what kind of rigid training and scant diets they might be on in the pressure to look skinny right away again. I remember reading a quote from Gwyneth Paltrow (I don't follow celeb stuff too much, but this stuck out to me) that she said she was more concerned with nursing her baby than losing weight to have the perfect body again right away. I really admired that. Of course the kicker there is that she LOOKS GREAT and whoever was pressuring her to lose weight is exactly the person who is hurting all these women.

PPC: Do you ever talk with fellow moms about the state of their physiques post-children? What kinds of things do you hear?

Bonnie: It inevitably comes up in conversation, but it's rare to hear anything positive. On top of everything else, there is this idea that if you think you look good, you're conceited, and no one wants to be that girl, so even if a woman has some pride in her body -- perfect or not -- she will not likely speak up about it.

PPC: Why is it important to you to have images of stretchmarked bellies with loose skin on a web site?

Bonnie: Because, in every instance when I've felt alone in my life, once I have been brave enough to speak up, I find I'm not alone at all. We all box ourselves in these little cubicles of shame, afraid to talk about things, but the fact is, we're all afraid of the same things. There is always someone who shares your fears with you. And it's incredibly cathartic to find you are not alone.

PPC: Do you worry that there will be backlash from people who find the images distasteful? What would you say to those people?

Bonnie: Nah. In this world, everybody hates something, so I imagine there will be someone who is uncomfortable with this site. I would say to them, "Look away. Peace."

I updated the "Participation" page again with a request for an image hosting site that allows nudity.

Once again I must say that I am floored by the response to this site. Yesterday there were over 2,000 seperate hits!! I am overwhelmed with emotion every time I read someone's "story" and I get a little teary whenever I read a message by someone who feels relieved to know she isn't alone. It's funny, because the more bodies I see, the more I find them truly beautiful - not beautiful just because they are the marks of motherhood - but beautiful in and of themselves. What diversity! And it makes me wonder, can we change the world? Maybe just a little bit at least.

Keep 'em coming!

Bear with me as Blogger is being a butt and not letting me post photos for some reason. Hopefully later this afternoon, it won't be feeling so glitchy and I can get to work on the many submissions I have waiting to be posted.

For those leaving comments, leave support only please. Anything negative will be removed.

(Still having trouble posting pics. Dangit.)

I'm so excited to finally be back and in our new home.

I want to note that we have a new way to submit entries through a form directly on our website. The photos will be uploaded directly here so you will no longer have to host them elsewhere and e-mail me the link. Nice for privacy and much simpler.

And here's where I give a couple of massive thanks-yous. First to Kate who was kind enough to help me install Movable Type and hold my hand as I figure out this new format. She spent way too much time working onthis out of the kindness of her own heart and I am forever grateful.

Second, I owe a much-belated thanks to Scott at Kwikhosting who is just awesome. He is the one who gave us the submission form and it's been more than a pleasure to work with him while getting this site set up. If anyone is looking for hosting, I wholeheartedly recommend Kwikhosting!

So here we are! Welcome back, thanks for the patience and enjoy.

Blessings,
Bonnie

I recieved a comment, earlier, which I wanted to address. It alerted me to a site which made some rude comments about SOAM to which I say: bite me. I will not post the comment because it contains links and I am not so low as to make a personal attack. It was not the first site I've seen not supporting us here, and it surely will not be the last, but I do not allow that negativity here - we are too good for that!

I strongly encourage anyone who may come acorss this kind of stuff online to just ignore it. Don't post comments, and for goodness' sake, don't forward it to anyone. No amount of talking, debating or pleading will get these people to see our point of view, so I don't even bother to try. Feel free to alert me if you need to share the link with someone, but hate sites feed off of exactly that - hate - and we here at SOAM feed off love and support.

I hope to God that no woman who has participated here gets personally targeted. I feel very protective of each and every one of you and I am filled with fury that someone could try to hurt you. Bless you all for sharing - we are an amazing force, ladies. We intimidate people with our confidance! That's awesome!

To the person who alerted me - THANK YOU! I truly appreciate you thinking of us.

I added a new shirt design and bumper sticker. Very simple. Go check it out!

I am adding some Google Ad Sense Text Ads now. If you see an innapropriate site linked, please let me know and I will see what I can do. I'm still fiddling about with this.

If you've submitted something to me since 12/15, there's a problem as the uploader is not showing me the correct pictures. I am going to put a hold on all submissions for the time being until we can get this straightened out (I'm guessing a day or two at most). For those who HAVE submitted in the last few days, please forgive me and if you will kindly e-mail me your pictures, I will put your submissions up now. Thanks!!

The submission uploader is working again. Thanks, Scott!

Also, a note to say that I'm sorry entries haven't been coming as frequently as usual, I've been busy preparing for the holidays and now have been knocked down with a doozy of a cold. I'll try to get back on the daily routine again. :)

Thanks to Barbie, who left me a great suggestion the other day, I'm working on starting a MySpace page for SOAM to further help spread the word. If you are a member, feel free to go to http://myspace.com/theshapeofamother and add to your friends list. Thanks!

If you can't see the pictures here, please leave me a comment and let me know.

ETA - there is no picture in THIS entry. I mean, can you see them in general?

My hosting company will be moving the server this Sunday morning and we'll be offline for about an hour at February 18, 2007 at 7:00 am Eastern Standard Time. Just FYI :)

The sweet baby girl of one mother who participated here not too long ago is very ill right now and needs help. I remember, several months ago, when this mama went into labor and birthed her triplets at home - I don't know Kathryn personally, but her story was all over parenting message boards and we all checked in at mothering.com to see how her labor was going. I was excited and honored when she decided to share her pictures here. And last night, again through the internet grapevine, I heard her little baby girl was very, very sick. Here is a quote from Kathryn's most recent update:

I'm really not in much of a mood to update right now, so it's going to be very short.

The MRI was done today and showed severe brain damage. The neurologist told us that Lily will likely never breathe or eat on her own again. It will be about a week before we know if her brain is going to continue to swell and die or not. Regardless, they know that the extent of the damage is bad enough that she will be severely mentally delayed and possibly never live off life support. She has E. Coli and almost 100% certain she has meningitis. She displays all the symptoms and problems of it, but she's not been stable enough for a spinal to confirm it.

Needless to say, this family needs help. Kathryn is hoping for as many good thoughts and wishes to be sent Lily's way as possible. If you would like to help out financially as well, they have posted more information at their Care Pages website (you will have to register for free and then search for "LilyMathis" typed just like that).

I am going to send them a chunk of the proceeds from this site and as many good thoughts as I possibly can.

Andy Merry of Britain's How To Look Good Naked contacted me and asked if I'd put a notice up on this site looking for UK women who would be willing to participate in this show. He says the basic focus of the show is to help women feel good about their bodies and while I'm in the US and have never seen it, it does sound very realistic so I'm gonna go ahead and link it. Check it out and if anyone does participate, keep me updated, I'd love to follow the story!

Back in July when I first created the button to post on your blog to link back here, I made it crooked (I am SO not a graphic artist!). I fixed it (I think) and so please, anyone who has an old one click here and swipe the new one to replace it. As usual, you can't direct-link here as that steals my bandwidth, but you can right-click and save it and upload it yourself. :) More instructions are at the link above.

(BTW, it's just the square button that's been replaced, not the banner)

Thanks!!

I can't believe it's taken me this long to think to add ICAN's link to the sidebar, but I wanted to make a note of it now that it's done. The International Cesarean Awareness Network is an important resources for all mothers, particularly for those whose children were born through cesareans or who are facing them for future births. They provide support and information and if there is a meeting in your area, I suggest you go. If there is not, I suggest you start one! I have not, personally, had a surgical birth (unless you count being born!), but I have seen many women benefit from this organization.

Pass it on! :)

There's a raffle going on to raise funds for baby Lily. Check it out when you get a chance!

I'm shutting down the uploader for a time while we sort something out. It appears to overwrite old files (photos) when a new file of the same name is uploaded. Thus the old entries will have the wrong picture. In fact, the entry that was up earlier today has been pulled until I have the right photo. If anyone notices your entry has the wrong picture, please e-mail me the correct picture and I'll fix it right away. In any case, I have TONS of entries already ready in queue to be posted so don't worry, there will still be entries.

A journalist is looking for mothers or expectant mothers in the Philadelphia/Delaware/South Jersey area who have posted their stories and who are willing to be interviewed on television. E-mail me if you are interested at shapeofamother@pacbell.net

I've been MIA for a couple days because my computer crashed... onto the, er, floor. And so we had to replace it. D'oh! Anyway, I'm back so I'll get some entries posted tomorrow.

Also, I will go now and reopen the submissions, so if you've got something to send in, go ahead!

There's a backlog of a couple weeks currently. I'm working as fast as I can to catch up, but in the mean time, it will take awhile for your submission to get posted. Please be patient and do not post more than once.

If, for some reason, you change your mind about the pictures you included or the text you've written, please e-mail me the changes, rather than submitting a new entry. I'm finding I've posted the same woman's entry more than once on a couple of occasions, because I didn't realize it was the same. D'oh!

And, lastly, please do not submit professional photographs unless YOU are the photographer or can have the photographer e-mail me his or her permission. Due to copyright laws I cannot post photos without the photographer's direct permission.

Thanks! Have a great Monday, all!

I've got a very busy few days ahead of me, so I won't be updating the site, and probably won't respond to e-mails, either. Things should settle down around Wednesday and I'll be back then.

Have a great few days!

Thanks to Karrie, this blog has been nominated for a Best Parenting Blog award! Check it out and vote for us! Thanks, Karrie!

First I wanted to say, I'm sorry about the downtime earlier. This website is growing (which ROCKS!) and my bandwidth was exceeded. I had my host up it for me so we're back now.

Anyway, I wanted to add this link which I'd actually discovered awhile back. HollaBack NYC is a site which "empowers New Yorkers to Holla Back at street harassers. Whether you're commuting, lunching, partying, dancing, walking, chilling, drinking, or sunning, you have the right to feel safe, confident, and sexy, without being the object of some turd's fantasy."

Good stuff!

Well, almost. :)

July 5, 2007 will mark one year since this website was up and running and I would like to celebrate with something special, but I'm not sure what. I mentioned this to some friends and they thought we might like to do an art "assignment" of some sort wherein everyone is invited to share their photographs, paintings, sculptures, poetry, etc of what motherhood means to them. And I like this idea a lot, but I'm not sure how to implement it. A new Flickr group? Where would the writing go? In entries here?

So I'm opening this up to all of you for some ideas. And I'm also open to totally different ideas as well. How would YOU celebrate the birthday of SOAM?

I liked a lot of the ideas I got for our birthday coming up, but I decided that I will put them on hold for now. Since there isn't much time left, I don't want to begin a big project (hello, procrastination!). So while I was lying in bed tonight nursing my little one to sleep, I got to thinking about labor, and more specifically: poop. I was newly pregnant with my first when I first heard of such a thing and, well, there was no going back then! (Not that I would have declined motherhood if I had known, but full disclosure would have been nice.)

So what I want from you is to e-mail me (subject line: "MY LIST") your list of what you wish you had known before becoming pregnant and I will compile the lists and post them here on our birthday along with a review of some of the most stunning entries of the year. Your list can include absolutely anything from body shape changes to emotional changes, from humor to seriousness, from negatives to positives. Let's prepare the next generation of moms for motherhood!

NOTE: I will not accept any new submissions for the birthday celebrations regarding your lists after Friday night, June 29,2007 (I still need time to put it all together!).

(For those who need it) is shapeofamother @pacbell .net (just take out the spaces!)

I received this e-mail the other day (clearly the one which turned me onto the aforementioned Kate Winslet movie) and I thought the project is an awesome one so I am posting this here along with her e-mail address for anyone to contact her if you are interested.

A couple of years ago, there was a movie out called Little Children starring Kate Winslet. I was reading a review of the movie and the writer mentioned "how brave" Kate was to show her stretch marks.

That one sentence really knocked me for a loop. It never occurred to me that people, men and women, might feel this way. Why was such a move brave? Ms. Winslet is quite lovely and I cannot imagine her feeling ashamed about anything.

So I started talking to women I knew and they started telling me their stretch mark stories. I learned from them that men of just about every age have no idea that women have them. They think that women look like the cover of the bathing suit issue of Sports Illustrated or the layouts in Playboy.

Well, yes, some women do look like that. But most don't and that creates a problem. The real look of the vast majority of women is swept under the rug. I guess there's nothing inherently wrong with being under a rug....if you're a piece of dust! so, is that what we are? dust?

My vision of the project is to have all black and white photos. The subjects would wear black pants and white shirts. Each photo would have the woman's feelings about her body/marks in text next to the photo.

I feel that presenting such a thing to a gallery would create a buzz and this topic would be out in the mainstream, even if just for a few days, where it belongs. I would present this idea to galleries in Provincetown, Cambridge and Northhamptom Massachusetts for starters. There may be locations in California that would be interested, too.

To participate, contact Jen at goldsmithphoto@comcast.net

I will not accept any new submissions for the birthday celebrations regarding your lists after Friday night, June 29,2007 (I still need time to put it all together!). No clue what I'm talking about? Click here!

I've been busy the last few days preparing and now for the next few days I will be stuck in a dank hotel room with no access to the internet while my home is tented. Should be back Wednesday or Thursday. I might be able to check in at the library to approve comment or check e-mail, but not even sure about that. Just so you know why there's lack of activity here!

Have a great week!

I'm sorry for the prolonged absence, what was supposed to be a routine tenting turned into a routine tenting with two pretty sick kids. Emotionally exhausted, I took the rest of the week off. Everyone is fine, now, of course, but I had to fill three separate prescriptions (after more than a year of none). Geesh!

Anyway, I promise to come here and do some catching up later this afternoon even if today is Harry Potter day.

Have a great day, everyone! And happy Harry Potter to those who celebrate. ;)

Anyone near to Westchester, Rockland or Putnam counties in New York, the suburbs just north of New York City, willing to share your story (or who have already shared your story), please e-mail me. Thanks!

Just a quick note to say that I made a big mistake and have not been remembering to post any submissions that were e-mailed to me for the last few months (!) so I'm working on it now. I'm very sorry it's taken so long, but should be all updated soon.

Anyone interested in participating, please use the submission form (linked from here) rather than e-mailing them. Thanks!

You'll notice I've teamed up with BlogHer to help support this site. I realize many people frown upon ads, and I've always tried to keep the ads we have text-only, but as this photo-heavy site continues to grow, so it continues to become more and more expensive. I think running some tasteful flash ads here is perfectly acceptable if it helps more and more women discover they aren't alone just like you have.

Thanks for understanding! And thanks to BlogHer for being such a great resource for women bloggers!

Karly over at First Ourselves has been very patient with me while I was a complete flake all summer. ;) Nevertheless, she has posted a link to our site with a short interview about my own feelings on my body. Check it out! Thanks again, Karly!

This site is growing faster than we can keep up with and my host has actually raised the bandwidth limit twice this month for me (Thanks!). Anyway, we're back now and I'm pretty sure we won't run out again before the month is over!

If you haven't heard yet, San Diego is raging with wildfires again. I'm not sure if my area of town will be evacuated or not, but if I disappear for awhile in the next few days, bear with me. I will be here as soon as I can.

Please send any good thoughts or prayers in this direction. The firefighters are having to just watch much of it burn because there is nothing to do to stop these terrible winds.

It's about time, right? Those of you on Facebook, go check it out and join. See you there!

I have been SO busy the last few days that I only have time to check comments. I will be back hopefully tomorrow. Sorry! Hope you all are well!