8 Months Postpartum (Emily)

Your Age: (19)
Number of pregnancies and births: (1 pregnancy, 1 birth)
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: (8 months)

I am now 8 months postpartum with my sweet baby boy. It was the summer after I graduated high school that I got pregnant. My parents were not to happy to say the least. My mom was always very cautious with me starting me on birth control at 15. I guess I was very lucky through high school but for some reason it did not work this time. I would not change what happened even if I could. I love my little boy and my parents love their grandson!

What I would like is to lose these last few pounds in my stomach and belly area. I try sit ups and crunches but it just does not seem to work. Does anyone have any advice? I had to have a C-Section and my doctor said my stomach muscles are just weak from that. I have had good luck putting lotion on my scar to reduce the look of that. Has anyone reduced the color of the scar completely or does mine look good? Also anything I can do for the stretch marks?

I have been reading stories on this site for a while now and thought it was time to contribute. It has definitely been helpful reading all of your stories and comments!

Terrible self image, despite healing well. 1st baby. (Anonymous)

1 child, 5 months PP

I am 23 and gave birth to my gorgeous baby girl 5 months ago. I love her more than life itself but have struggled with the effect on my body- softer stomach and saggier boobs :( I was lucky to only get very small stretchmarks underneath my belly button and they are now barely noticeable. My baby girls delivery was natural and the pregnancy was fine although I developed antenatal depression in my 3rd trimester and spent most of the pregnancy worrying excessively about my babies health. I didnt really gain much weight during the pregnancy, I went up a dress size and seemed to retain alot of water, the excess weight seemed to drop off post birth however I feel my posture is utterly horrendous from looking after a baby and carrying one for 9 months and despite recovering well body wise my self image is in tatters, I feel fat and ugly all the time even when done up (this never occured before) and my face has been ravaged by sleep deprivation- I have that ‘mumsy’ look now that tbh I always hated. My boobs seem to have shrunk even though I only breastfed for a few weeks. I feel guilty even feeling bad about myself post birth as many women have it a lot worse than me.. It doesnt help that sometimes my vagina feels ‘numb’ during sex aswell! Nightmare. I enjoy dancing and exercise and am hoping to incorporate it more in order to feel like ‘me’ again and maybe tone up a bit, I am just always so tired and busy these days! I am in a bit of a rush here anyway but just thought I’d post my story. Hugs to everyone going through similar feelings :)

Pics:
1. me when I had the time and energy to put make up on- and a good nights sleep! age 21
2. me age 22 26 weeks pregnant with my baby :)
3. me pre baby age 21
4. 5 months post partum- wouldnt even show my knackered face now!

Young but no longer youthful. (Brianna)

Pregnancies: 1
( 7 months pp)
Height: 5’3 Weight: 134

I had just turned 18 and graduated high school in 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified to give birth because it was one of my biggest fears in life ( yay I did it! Lol) but nothing scared me more than knowing my body was never going to be the same, I was already insecure so as if I needed any more of it. I knew what pregnancy was going to come with. Stretch marks on the parts of your body that you want to show off the most , no more pink hershy kiss nipples that my boyfriend liked so much, and no more smooth skin to rub against while making love. The part that tortured my mind even more was realizing I was young and didn’t even have the chance to appreciate my body while I could. I couldn’t wait to pop out my son and I work off all the weight I gained during my pregnancy. I was so determined to come back 10 times sexier lol (i gained 33 pounds) Well I gave birth on June 5th 2014 to a healthy 6 pound baby boy and the moment I came home I looked at myself naked. Who even knows what I thought at that point. All I remember is that I was like whoa! What happened to you lol
My body was all of a sudden an obvious billboard sign advertising these stretch marks and saggy boobs and dark nipples. I was horrified. I definitely wasn’t buying it. Who could ever love me? Right? Now I could never be naked during sex and feel sexy. Sure I could do it but would i enjoy it? (No. Way!) My pregnancy was normal, no difficulties, same with birth. I was thankful for that. But now I was left feeling gross and unattractive. So I started to workout and lost most of the weight. Thank God for my boyfriend of almost 3 years ( yes, my baby’s daddy ) who is always encouraging me and telling me that Hollywood is just stupid for making girls feel like they need to look perfect. I have really been dealing with my insecurities, especially now. I am only 19 and I sometimes feel brought down when I see other girls my age able to work a belly button ring or a crop top. I hate that this world makes you think postpartum bodies cant be sexy and people just act like they dont know its normal. But this is me letting go because of all you ladies and this website. I am excited to be a part of this. You all are beautiful no matter what! Let the project live on!

Past Possible Miscarriage (Anonymous)

My last “Normal” period was October 19, 2014 and I took a test around where I would approximately 4 weeks pregnant and it was negative but then my period was extremely late so I took a test and it was clearly positive then a week later I bleed for 2 days then my symptoms started up again.

**SYMPTOMS**
Sore breasts, Darkening areoles, Darkening nipples.
Extremely tiredness
Dizziness
Vomited 3 times since positive test
Growing fingernails (currently)
Nausea here and there
My boyfriend slept a lot too and gained weight (a lot) he vomited yesterday

Am I Still Beautiful? (Anonymous)

I am 39 years old, wanting to accept my changing body, 3 pregnancies (3P/2B), both birth were vaginal, My “normal size”, 160cm, 55 kg (110lbs). Breast 32B,

I was 37 at the time I was pregnant with my second baby, I did gain a lot of weight and when I was 39 weeks I weighted nearly 76kg (150lbs), and I am only 160cm, 5 ft 3 in – I did look like an elephant, but somehow I liked my body, I was adored by my hubby and he was regularly taking pictures of my growing body.

Disaster came after I gave a birth … 5 months postpartum I still looked like I was pregnant, (First 11 pictures), stretch marks on my belly was the worst, my breasts got saggy and my nipples changed shape. My hips and legs look like I was 20 years older that I am, WHAT TO DO !

~Age: 39
~Number of pregnancies and births:3/2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12/2, I am 2 years PP

Fascinated by the Changes (Anonymous)

Age: 39 years old

First child.

I am fascinated by the changes to my body (especially my boobs) that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are making.

I took these photos as a record for myself but also to share with a young friend of mine who told me ” Oh, you can exercise and get your body back.”

My response to her was “Well, if you think there’s an exercise that will change my boobs back, I think you believe in magic. ;)

I’ve left it late in life to have my first child – I’m 39 – and I feel it’s a little easy to accept my body because I had it good while I was young.

Now I am ageing anyway and at least I have something to show for it – and making another human is quite an achievement! :)

I do worry though that women have unrealistic expectations of what they can control and change about their bodies and I think it’s important to learn how to embrace the mamma body.

In some ways, I disagree that women should even have to show their bodies at all. Why are we always under such scrutiny other than to drive an industry?

But if sharing images of ourselves makes someone else feel less alone in their situation, then it’s worth it!

So here are some photos that I am happy to share.

The first one was taken when I was 28 years old (and long before having children) – proof that I too once had perky boobs. ;)

And the next shot was taken at age 39; 5 weeks postpartum, post C-section, currently breastfeeding.

I’m not sure of my weight but I think I’m about 6kg heavier than I was before getting pregnant (now about 74kg, was 68kg) and about 16kg heavier now than I was 10 years ago when the first shot was taken (was 58kg).

The other photos are of different stages. One old photo is from when I was 28 years old. Then 5 weeks postpartum. Also 5 weeks and 31 weeks pregnant.


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Getting There (Anonymous)

I am a 26 y/o mother of one beautiful girl. I have always been small, but have been self confident of my belly as it had a little flab to it. When I got pregnant, I was 105lbs. I delivered my baby at 37 weeks and 147 lbs. I got stretch marks on my breasts, thighs, and stomach. I hate them. It’s hard to feel sexy with them, but there is nothing I can do so I guess they are here to stay.

I am now 10 months PP and starting to accept my body. My breasts used to be small and firm, but have changed. I am worried what will happen when I wean. I love them when they are full of milk, but after feeding they are deflated. My belly is still there, and still bothering me. I’m down to 105lbs again but am saggy and it bothers me.

26 yo
1 vaginal birth, 10 months PP
Breasts, PP, first child

Bottom to top: before pregnancy, 10 months pp, full breasts (when I like them), 8 months PP (my belly)

Feeling Better About My Breasts (Sha)

Hello my name is Sha. I am a 23 year old, 5’6, 132 pound mama with one, perfect, healthy child. I had an “normal” vaginal delivery (helped along with a little Pitocin) with no complications or baby drama. My little girl was a healthy 7.12 lbs, 20 inches long! She was so beautiful (and still is)! Ever since I weaned my daughter from my breast at 14 months (~ 3 years ago), my breasts just do not look the way they used to, and I have finally come to the realization that they never will. I used to be a firm, solid C cup with cute little nips and now they are saggy, stretch-marked D’s with much larger aereola. I feel confident in a bra and sometimes I can’t even see the faint stretch marks that used to be bright purple, but when I am having sex with my husband (which is always naked), I feel like he is staring right at them (well… he DOES). I haaaaaate being “on top” for this reason. I feel like they “flap” around! He tells me that I am sexy and constantly makes dirty little comments about my body (what girl doesn’t like that?!) but I can’t help but feel like he is just doing it to make me feel better. I NEVER turn down his compliments or say, “You are just saying that” because I don’t want him to stop. I usually comeback with a “Thanks baby!”, or “Well it takes one to know one”, or flash him a dirty grin, etc., but I know what I see and I know it is the same thing that he sees. He seems like he is anti-breastfeeding now. I loved breastfeeding my daughter and definitely want to do it again with any future children, but every time we talk about it, he will be like, “Why would you put yourself through that again? Formula is fine. Plus it will help you go back to work”. It is a touchy subject and he knows the benefits of breast milk and the benefits for the mom, etc. I feel like since he knows all of this, he is really saying “What if your boobs get worse the second time around?!” I know he would never directly say that to me because he knows it would hurt my feelings, so I feel like he is trying to make other excuses. My belly went back to normal besides a few faint stretch marks on either side of my belly button, so there isn’t much “belly hate”. I have come to terms with my body and am trying to accept the flaws even though the memories of my “perfect” bod still haunt me.

The Camera Adds 15 Pounds (Colleen)

Previous post here.

My age: 30
I have two children, aged 5 years, and 22 months.

“The camera adds 15 pounds, you know.”

“What a stupid thing to say,” I always thought. “You look exactly the same in a picture as you do in person. So do I. It must just be something insecure people say so they don’t have to be in photos.”

Then I saw a picture of myself at 176 pounds.

176 pounds. That’s how much I weighed the day my first baby was born, according to the hospital scale. One day shy of 37 weeks pregnant, carrying 6.5 pounds of baby, and flooded with fluid from the IV that had been running into my arm and the water I’d been guzzling by mouth for three days straight. Only I wasn’t pregnant in the picture. Nor was I newly postpartum, like the weeks following my second birth. I was holding my 21-month-old and smiling at the camera. And I saw the picture and thought, “holy shit, I look fat.”

Fat. It’s a new concept to me. In my younger days I was tall, thin, and buxom. I was a size 5 without even trying. A 32F. Two dance classes a week were all the exercise I did and I never watched what I ate. My first pregnancy was the first time I ever broke 150. With my second pregnancy, starting with that extra 15 pounds from #1 that I never lost, I passed the 190 mark and was horrified when I looked at the scale.

For the first time in my life, I’m worried about my weight. For the first time in my adult life, I’m GAINING weight outside of pregnancy—rapidly, not just a pound here or there–and I don’t know why. After both births I shed about 20 pounds right away. With #1, that’s as far as I got. With #2, I was pleasantly surprised when another 10 pounds or so melted off in her first year. I’d like to take credit for it but I can’t; I’m pretty sure it was just because she nursed A LOT. Then around a year it stopped coming off and stayed, stubbornly, at 165. I started considering exercise. (Oh, who am I kidding? I’d been considering exercise since my first was born but was always too lazy to do it.)

A lot has happened in the last year. When my youngest was about seven months old my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. A bad one. And in the wake of that earth shattering news, I was finally able to put a label on a habit I’ve always had but never really thought about: I stress eat. I comfort with food. I bake ridiculous cakes and cookies and all kinds of tasty treats when I’m upset or when I think somebody else is upset. I’m bad at expressing my emotions and comforting others so I make them cookies instead. And then eat the cookies with them. Solace by sugar.

Fortunately the bad news quickly turned not-as-bad: it might be beatable. He had the best chance possible in his circumstances. With hope went away the desire to eat all the things. But hope wasn’t enough and seven months later, he was gone. Right before Thanksgiving. The baby was 14 months old—almost exactly the age I was when I lost my first grandfather. Cue the stress eating. Cue the holidays. Cue my mother-in-law passing onto us all of the high-calorie snack foods that she’d gotten to try to get him to eat something, anything, during his treatment. Cue my mother giving us all of the leftover soda from their Christmas party—a treat that I love, but don’t keep in the house to discourage me from consuming so much. And suddenly I wasn’t 165 anymore, I was gaining.

Then in February, I turned 30. Two months later, I weaned my youngest. And somewhere in all of this, my metabolism lay down and brazenly gave me the finger as it died. One day I stepped on the scale and it said 176, and I realized that I was going to have to DO something unless I wanted it to keep going up.

My thoughts on my body are divided. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see my fat thighs—oh, my thighs. Where I gain all of my weight, where reside almost all of my stretch marks. When I was pregnant, and up 40 pounds, people said, “well you’re all belly, you haven’t gained any weight at all!” I’d smile and think, “That’s because I’m wearing a skirt and you can’t see my thighs.” I had to buy all new maternity pants at 9 months pregnant, not because of my belly, but because of my thighs. They chafe horribly in the summer, so I catch myself waddling whenever I wear a skirt, to try to relieve the pain. And I see my chin and neck, which gained a roll when I was pregnant that had never been there before. And I see my belly, growing now because I’m pretty sure my thighs are running out of room to hold the fat. I have a roll. In a public restroom the other day I unzipped my pants so I could sit down after my five-year-old was finished, and she said, “mommy, we’re having a baby, next month!” I looked at my belly and wanted to cry. It hasn’t been flat in a while but damnit, my five-year-old thinks I look pregnant.

Other times I look in the mirror and smile. I see my curves, I see my thin waist, I see my rather large breasts (usually, for these smiling sessions, I’m in a bra so they look nice and perky and I can’t see how far they sag after nearly three years of cumulative breastfeeding). I see a woman who doesn’t LOOK like she weighs nearly 180 pounds. I like that lady. I like those days.

One day I was getting ready to run errands, and in the process of doing so dancing around my room in a bra and underwear to the music playing on my iPod speaker. I boogied into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and smiled. Smiled at that sexy lady in her underthings breaking it down to some good music. And in that smile, I noticed my toddler standing behind me, smiling and dancing as well.

Those are the days I want my daughters to remember. I want them to know a mom who thinks she’s beautiful whether she’s 140 or 180 pounds. I want them to remember a mom who didn’t complain about dieting all the time or how she looked or criticized her body in front of them. I want them to love their own bodies and be able to look in the mirror and smile.

It’s hard sometimes. Some days I just don’t feel it. I can’t look at pictures of myself without grimacing, at least on the inside. But I figure the best I can do is try to hide the occasional loathing from them, while trying to eat better and exercise more.

I was going to post last year at one year post-partum, like I did with my first. Then I got vain. I thought, well, I haven’t exercised much so why don’t I wait until 18 months to see if I can “improve”? And then at 18 months I was gaining, so I figured I’d wait until she was two. But you know what? Screw that. Here I am at 22 months post-partum, struggling with weight gain and so far unsuccessful with carrying an exercise plan past day two. But now I know it’s not the camera that adds 15 pounds. It’s LIFE. It’s excuses and exhaustion and chocolate (delicious, delicious chocolate) and laziness. But knowing is half the battle, right? Right?

These pictures are 22 months post partum. I included one to show the improvement I see when wearing a properly fitting bra—this was shortly after my post-weaning fitting, my first underwire bra in nearly two years. It’s a 32FF.

One Year Later (Deanna)

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year

My whole life I have been thin. I’m 5’5 and I was always around 110 pounds. During my pregnancy I did my best to eat healthy, however I ate a lot and ended up gaining 60 pounds. I never thought stretch marks or loose skin would be a problem as my mother has my shape and she bounces right back after my brother and I with not one mark on her. She was in a bikini a month later. Even at 60 her stomach looks great!

I rubbed lotions on all of the time. I couldn’t work out because I had really bad sciatica, and now that I look back I probably didn’t drink enough water. I didn’t have one stretch mark until the day BEFORE my darling daughter was born. They just came out like wildfire. ALL over my stomach. The first few months after she was born, my stomach was just so bad. Dark purple stretch marks, sagging skin, and wrinkles all over my stomach. I have managed to get my stretch marks down a lot, and I am back to 118 pounds, (which I am proud of) but my stomach is ruined. :( I feel like it will never be flat and smooth again. I have this little pooch that always sticks out. If I bend over gets REALLY wrinkly and just hangs. It is so depressing. My boyfriend even said it is bad. I don’t have any breasts really so I always figured my stomach sort of made up for it. I would love a second child, I am just SO terrified my body will get even worse. I feel so bad about myself.

Photos:

Pregnant
3 months postpartum
6 months postpartum (side)
10 months postpartum (laying on side, wrinkles)
12 months (straight view)
12 months (side)
12 months (plank) :(((