Body Image

Happy Mother’s Day!

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, My Own Ramblings, News 3 Comments

To all you who have participated.
To all you who have read the site and passed it on.
To all of you who have been empowered.
To all of you who have been relieved.
To those with stretch marks and those without.
To those who no longer recognize their bodies, and those who bounced back.
You who are uncertain you could ever appreciate your body again.
You who grew, nourished, and loved the tiny person who came from your body.
And to you who have no child to hold this day – you are mothers, too.

There is so much we have to fight for as women and as mothers. Today let’s take just a little bit of our dignity back. Today you should appreciate your body in any small way that you can, and today you will forgive yourself a little of the pain of trying to fit physically into this Barbie world. Today – give yourself a happy Mother’s Day.

I hope your day is lovely and that your family pampers you accordingly! Blessings to mamas everywhere!

Okay during pregnancy, self-conscious now (Karen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Body Image, First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 5 Comments

I was 31 when my son was born. I had spent, easily, 25 years feeling fat, feeling overweight, feeling shy about my shape. As a teenager, I fluctuated between 15-30lbs more than was “recommended” by doctors at the time (5’4″-5’5″ and 130-145lbs). Then I met and married my husband, who is in no way shy about admiring me.

I won’t say this changed my self consciousness. In fact, I gained weight after we married and despite constant reassurance, I felt undesirable and sad about my appearance. I’ve always carried my weight in my stomach, the classic apple-on-toothpicks physique, and it didn’t help that I have a deep, 4-5″ wide appendectomy scar, but if I could shield my tummy with a loose shirt everything else was okay. But now, everything started to look bigger and was definitely not okay.

So this is where I was when we conceived our son. I was so happy to be pregnant! I suffered some morning sickness, the usual aches and pains, and went through a lot of therapy in order to make sure that my personal issues wouldn’t be a psychological hurdle to my long-dreamed of home birth. But really? The best part? I could stop worrying about how fat I was! For years, I’d had the “when are you due? Oh, I’m so sorry, I thought you were pregnant” comments. Well, now I was! I was so happy. I stopped worrying about how much I ate or how much fat I consumed. I had developed a pretty healthy diet over time, so that was not a concern. The excuse to nurture my baby gave me permission to be good to myself and feel good about myself without feeling guilty.

I was disappointed that I felt I didn’t look pregnant for the longest time. My baby belly was hidden under my belly fat. Finally I began to show, and yes, my belly now looks like many pictured here, a round mound of ribbed wobbliness in the middle of a saggy tummy. I weighed 165lbs when I conceived, and (yes, I was deep down glad of this) when I delivered him I weighed 198, and remember being glad I didn’t break 200. Even though I wasn’t watching the scale. Even though all that mattered was my son’s health. Even though I was healthy. Two lousy pounds and I was suddenly a slave to an arbitrary, conventionalized scale system! Sigh. I don’t have too many more stretch marks; most of mine are old, from pre-pregnancy, and present, but silvered by time. I don’t think about them much. I worry more about varicose veins (it’s the curse of the apple-figured, and I’m seeing a few more and more and am more selfconscious in shorts now).

My son is 5. When he turned 2 I began to worry about my weight again. I fight with myself, swinging wildly between anxiety and fear, and self-confidence and calm. One day is good, I feel motherly and earthy and sensuous and full of fun, but a few days later I feel matronly and doughy and dull. I’m afraid the latter is more often the rule, and I hate shopping, though I love clothes. Everything is so tight-fitted and belly-focused!

One thing that has struck me is how arbitrary a lot of this feels. As soon as I’m given permission and a reason that I honor with all my heart (pregnancy) I stop worrying about the “outlines” in which I’m supposed to inhabit and allow myself its organic shape. When my son’s friends’ mothers weaned their children and began to talk about “getting in shape” I became aware again, agitated, and yearned for the peace I felt when the conversations were less about body shape and size and more about what those bodies could do. Suddenly I remembered feeling like the Fat One. It’s hard to shake. But when I cuddle with my husband, or when I hold my son, or nurse him (yes, he’ll be five soon, and it brings him such joy to have that special time with me), I am so glad that whatever I feel, what they see and feel when they are with me brings them happiness. That’s healing, whatever else. But I do wish that I could feel the way I did when I was pregnant, the feeling I imagined that most “normal-sized” women feel all the time (and yes, I realize that even now, at 5”5″ and 165, size 14, I’m overweight but not too far off average)–the feeling of being good right where I was, and not comparing myself to anyone else. It was wonderful.

Mention in Brain, Child Magazine

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, In the Media, My Own Ramblings, News 10 Comments

Author Melissa Stanton recently wrote an article on the controversial “Mom Job” plastic surgery package in Brain, Child magazine. She mentions this website in the article. Overall, I think the article is mostly balanced, but I would like to take this opportunity to clear up one thing about this website.

The Shape of a Mother is often misunderstood to be a site dedicated to loving the postpartum image – that IS a big part of my hopes for the site, but it is Step 2 for us as women. Step 1 is simply to put the images out there so we know we aren’t alone. Stanton mentions this in her article – the relief of knowing she wasn’t the only mom to face this. I think once we know we are part of a big, worldwide sisterhood, then we can begin moving down our respective paths of of self-love, whatever that may mean to each of us as individuals.

I know the images here are as scary to some women as they are reassuring to others. I think that’s normal – after all, this has been our deep, dark secret for so long. What I want is to let the secret out. If it’s not secret anymore, it will no longer be shocking or scary.

What did you think of the article?

Doesn’t it Make You Wonder? (Alicia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, My Own Ramblings, No Photos (Story Only) 1 Comment

Reader Alicia commented on a recent post and I found her quote to be so relevant – such a simple and perfect way to sum up why we are all here at this site – that I wanted to share it with you, bolding the part that struck me as especially important.

doesn’t it make you wonder? what are we ashamed OF exactly? why are we embarrassed, what have we done to be embarrassed of? who is our anger directed toward?

i finally realized something. the longer i act ashamed of and embarrassed by my body, the longer i hide it, the more i propagate the belief that i have SOMETHING to be ashamed or embarrassed of! not only that, but what kind of example to we set for our children by feeling ashamed of something that is so natural?

let’s stop hiding our bodies and start showing the world what a REAL woman looks like! it’s not going to happen overnight but who knows? someday maybe our daughters can be proud of those stretchmarks, and our sons will be exposed to reality, not airbrushed and photoshopped bodies!

if i can do it, with my stomach that looks like an elephant knee – then you can definitely do it! one day at a time

We are all, of course, here to work on ourselves as individuals – and that is deeply important work. But, I hope we are all here to change the world a little bit, too. Even one comment at a time can have astounding effects on people. Let’s take this to heart and remember that loving our bodies does more than just make us whole in our womanly selves – it makes the world whole as well.

As an aside, I want to apologize for my recent absence. I fell far behind here due to a combination of general business, holiday and birthday preparations and that evil head cold everyone you know has. I’m back now and hope to be catching up quicker than I was before! And I hope you all avoid the sickies like the plague!

Loving Curvy Women (On Etsy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, Link 3 Comments

Oy with the technical difficulties already. For almost a month now, the planets will just NOT align for me. Either the server that hosts this site is having problems, or else my computer is. If both of those are working, then I can’t access my uploader (and thus any entries I might post). Life is being incredibly frustrating for me at the moment. I am trying to have faith that someday this will all be worked out.

In the mean time, I have a link to share with you. In my attempt to fill my house with images of women of all shapes and sizes (both to save my daughter and also for my own self-esteem), I have been browsing Etsy for anything that fits the description. I hit the goldmine with Mamacita’s Shop. I asked her permission to post a link to her shop from here because I think her creations are some of the most beautiful and uplifting I have seen and they are entirely relevant to this site. She designs beads and pendants, several of which focus on curvy and curvier women figures.

I chose two for myself: the Wise Mama and The Call of the Wild. Because, apparently, I have a thing for women and trees. It was a really, really tough choice, though. So many of her pieces speak to me in one way or another. Like this New Mama piece which suits this website very well, or this gorgeous Big Mama who rocks her curves. And there are more! So go poke around her store and pass on the link to anyone you think may be interested. She was a really sweet seller and I hope you love her stuff as much as I did.

Articles on the Web

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, Link, My Own Ramblings 3 Comments

I was poking through some old (old!) issues of Mothering Magazine today when I found two articles you need to read.

The first I will also link from Save Our Daughters because it fits right in over there and is all about how to teach your children to be tolerant of people of all shapes and sizes. It’s a beautiful and necessary read.

The second mirrors the goal of this website in general, which is, of course, to learn to love your new mama body. It’s a stunning look at the way we are prepared to view ourselves once we birth a child, and then the author’s own feelings about her postpartum body.

I hope you enjoy them, and I hope you pass them both on to every mother you know.

Minnie Driver – “Podgy and fat” and completely awesome.

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, Celebrity Beautiful, Link, My Own Ramblings 3 Comments

A reader sent me this article a few weeks ago now and I’ve only just now gotten to read it. How refreshing! Thank you, Minnie Driver!

I think it must be very hard to be a celebrity mom these days. If we feel watched after our babies are born, I can only imagine how they feel with tabloids stalking them for any chance to bring them down a peg. I hope Minnie’s words are heard by other moms – celebrity and not – and I hope they follow suit, it’s a trend we can use!

And thank you, Melissa, for the heads-up!

Thank you! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 1 Comment

I am so very thankful for your website. I have no pictures right now, just some thoughts to share. I stumbled upon your site today, 5 months after the birth of my beautiful, amazing daughter, Paige. I never thought of myself as a vain person, or as someone overly concerned with my looks. Recently, though, my post pregnancy body has occupied many of my thoughts. I had a happy, healthy pregnancy and delivery. I gained 36 pounds.. went from 125 to 161 pounds. I am currently about 142. I don’t know why I assumed it all would come off, maybe because I read so much stuff online from people who say it fell off in a few weeks. I am now learning to accept my body the way it is, but it’s difficult knowing that I can eat right and exercise, but this is me now. I know over time it will improve. Some people say I am lucky. My weight gain wasn’t excessive, and I never did get a single stretch mark.I do still have the dark line, quite a little pooch, and a red scar from the c section incision. I know I need to look at the positive. I have a husband who loves me just the way I am. I know in my heart that the wonderful child I have makes everything worth it, even if I had a million stretch marks and 100 more pounds. She is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Body Image, Bulimia, and a Beautiful Baby Boy (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Belly, Breast or Body Art, Body Image, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 15 Comments

I struggled with my weight all my life. I struggled with a viscous eating disorder that ruled my every moment, and nearly killed me. I was 106 pounds, and had no menstrual cycle to speak of, fainting spells, seizures, ulcers, and heart problems. Eventually I got more confident, thanks to my (now) husband, and started getting healthy. I got to 120 pounds, started ovulating again, stopped drinking, and got happy. After 3 years together, he asked me to marry him. Shortly after that, we got pregnant. Getting pregnant with my baby boy was the most miraculous thing to me. As a teenager, I had a miscarriage. I was not in a place in my life where I could have handled parenthood. I was irresposible, immature, and unhealthy. Regardless, that was MY baby, and it was gone. I was haunted for years about the baby that might have been. I was devastated. when we got pregnant, I was so afraid that it could happen again. My mother had 6 miscarriages before she got pregnant with me. I threw out any lingering eating habits that threatened my child, and put my baby above all else. I had gotten healthy and my binging/purging had mellowed out, but I was still trapped in the cycle. As soon as i knew I was pregnant, however, I threw a wheel in the gears and stomped on the brakes. Part of letting that go was eating frequently, and being comfortable with food because it was for my son. I snacked almost constantly, and refused to let myself throw up. after that many years, it was a hard thing. It was a shock, I had a few panic attacks, and a few crying fits. But i was adamant. It was all in the name of my baby, and that gave me all the strength I needed. I was five months pregnant when we were married. we had to set the wedding ahead, because my great big beautiful belly was so big doctors first thought i was having twins. I gained over 70 pounds during my pregnancy. I went from 120, to 190 the day I gave birth to my beautiful boy. He was my miracle, and every tiny inch of his perfect little life was worth every pound I gained and more. After he was born, I lost 30 pounds almost right away. between hormones, breast feeding, and lack of appetite, they just melted off. But once I got stronger and more active, the weight just stopped going away. my clothes stopped getting looser. It just slowed to a halt. I was upset at first, and in denial. During pregnancy I had been able to snuff my insecurities with my confidence that my body knew exactly what it was doing. I guess I just expected my body to take care of it, and when It didn’t I didn’t know how to handle it. I held as hard as I could to my new found confidence in my figure, and how it had all been for an amazing cause, and there was absolutely no reason to fret at all about my body image. However, bit by bit, I couldn’t help feeling self conscious with my deflated figure, and became really depressed. I realised later that I became self concious and embarrased with my body when we got television. Every bony hip, flat tummy and twig-like appendage beat down my confidence and love for myself. Then, I found this site. I felt embarrassed then. Not for my body, but for ever having sold my soul to the ideals of a SOCIETY with an eating disorder. This whole country, and the entire nations media, has an eating disorder. I feel ashamed that I ever let that influence creep back into my life. I have an amazing, beautiful son who is so smart and happy and loving. I have a great husband, who is nurturing and strong where I am not. I have an amazing family, I LOVE my life, and I vow to never, ever ever put any pressure on food, body image, or that hunger for approval in my children or my own life. I read that article “save our daughters” and all I have to say is if I can protect my family from every “suck in your gut” i will forever be grateful-and all i can hope is that i can raise my children with more strength of character than I had.









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