Art by Babies (Bonnianne)

stretchies

This is me. Your SOAM host. This was a big deal for me to share. I wrote a little bit about it on Instagram:

I created SOAM almost ten years ago and I don’t think I’ve ever felt as naked as I do right now in sharing this photo. And I’m pretty sure I’ve actually posted a topless picture before! I took this picture a few years ago with my big camera. I thought that doing an almost-macro shot of my stretch marks would help me to see them in a new light. I thought if I could make them into art, I’d find them more beautiful. But when I loaded the photos onto my computer and looked at them, I was shocked. They were so much scarier up close than I’d expected, so much more violent. So I hid the photos away instead of sharing them. After all these years of work on my body image and I’m still struggling. It’s really hard work to love yourself! And yet, almost five years after I hid away this picture, I’m ready to share it. My stretch marks are some of the most intense I’ve ever seen (and you know I’ve seen a lot over the years!) but that’s okay. My stretch marks aren’t my soul. My stretch marks are part of my story. My biography written into my skin. And this chapter is about how I became a mother to two amazing human beings. And that is kind of beautiful.

I have got a ton of really lovely responses. I shouldn’t be surprised, of course. I mean, I’ve known how wonderful this community is for years now. But it still feels a little extra naked for me to share this because I can’t just be anonymous here. And so I’ve been just uplifted by you guys once again. Here are some of the comments I’ve received:

“Seriously as I scrolled by I didn’t notice the poster and I thought it was an art website I follow. I stopped because it was so beautiful- looks like sculptural trees. Truly beautiful.” – Kristina M. B.

“love this so much. I see in this image the strength and fragility it takes to carry and birth a baby. The human body and mothering spirit is truly an amazing thing!” – Lauren B.

“I see an incredible amount of stretch and give that is needed to become an entity that can bear, birth and mold another spiritual being into existence. NOTHING to be ashamed of. Beautiful.” – Amber D.

“Its beautiful to see how our skin is so strong yet so delicate” – Bernadette L.

And a couple that I found really powerful:

“They *are* violent, and a testament to the incredible strength of a woman’s body to create and house new human life. Pregnancy and birth have degrees of violence to them that we do a disservice to ourselves by denying.” – Leah M.

“Oh, honey. Even if your stretch marks were your soul, they would not be something to be ashamed of. They would still show your beauty.” – Heidi S.-P.

And, honestly, she’s so right. I think I was trying to say that they are not my entire aspect, they are not all of me, in and out. They are but one facet of who I am, and they are absolutely important enough to be my soul, aren’t they? My children are parts of my soul and they’ve written on me in love so that no matter how they grow, they will also still always be within reach of my touch.

52 and Utterly Depressed (Anonymous)

Hi lovely ladies it has been some comfort to me reading your stories tonight, I am 52 and have 3 children, 31, 27, and 15 yrs of age. I was always a lovely C cup until I had my first child, whilst still fitting into a C, the top of the bra was unfilled.

2nd child not too much difference.

I had my 3rd child later in life age 37 with my new man who didnt have children, never seen a pregnant tummy and had never seen the aftermath. Sadly after this birth my boobs just caved in on themselves, they are horrid, I still cant stand looking at them 15yrs on. About 10yrs ago it really got me down, hubby says he loves me the way I am but one day when he was less understanding he said to me ‘why can’t you just accept that you are down there and not like an up there 18 yr old’.

I guess his frustration of me going on about my grievance got the better of him, but that was doomsday for me, so he thinks they are awful too. I have never gotten over this, when we are out I see him looking at other woman, one cannot help it these days, boobs are in your face so to speak. He actually lost conversation the other day when a woman walked passed us in the supermarket, I continued on with our conversation and he said to me ‘I have no idea what your talking about’.

He works in the mines with loads of promiscuous young ladies, I’m really at wits end. Now I have hit menopause and dont even feel like a woman, I feel like shaving my head and cutting my boobs off so I havnt got the burden.

I absolutely hate myself and hate myself for hating myself.

Our marriage is almost in ruins because of this.

I tell him that when men wear their cocks on their chest and some have enhancements that will make him feel embarrassed compared to what he has then he may understand. Life is not reality anymore, men dont see fake, or proportion, they see BOOBS and dont give a hoot where they have come from. I have even contemplated suicide but wouldnt do it to my children.

I feel so selfish.

(rachelridleyyoga)

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This photo represents the power of positive social media. Anyone who knows me, knows how insecure I am about my tummy. No bikinis, long tops, loose yoga vests…the list goes on. Two huge babies left me with serious stretch marks and no muscle tone. I’ve been incredibly self-conscious for years since my beautiful children were born…the youngest is now 12! Why do we let unreal images of perfection define how we feel about our bodies. We’re all perfect exactly as we are. The marks, scars, loose skin, tummy rolls, ample hips don’t define us. They show us that we lived. This belly was home for two incredible humans and I would never change a thing. I’m so bored of obsessing over it, hating it, hiding it. Life is far too short. Time to move on. Without doubt this has been the hardest post I have ever shared but also the most personally transformative. Thank you @kathrynbudig and @yogajournal. So here goes to being brave, being real and owning my body.

Mom of 3 (Kimberly)

Hi my name is Kimberly, 29 years old, I have 3 children ages 13, 10, and 5. I had my first daughter at the age of 16…..I was 107 pounds, small breasts, bigger backside. I had never had any issues with my body other than like a lot of girls I wished I had bigger boobs lol. The day I had my first child I weighed 157 so a 50 pound weight gain and on my 5’2 frame that’s a LOT! I got stretch marks everywhere! Boobs, stomach, hips, thighs, back of my legs, arms…..everywhere! I was mortified to say the least! Luckily I was married and my husband at the time made me feel beautiful even though I felt hideous. I had got back down to 125 when I decided to start the depo shot, HUGE mistake! I got back up to 160, and quit the shot, lost down to around 140 and got pregnant with my second daughter, gained 28 pounds with her, didn’t get any new stretch marks but some on my belly and hips extended. I breastfed her for 16 months so the bigger breasts also meant more sagging when I weaned her. I lost all the weight, but was still not back down to pre pregnancy weight. 5 years after that I got a surprise and got pregnant with my son….miserable pregnancy, but only gained 12 pounds….no new stretch marks!!! And oddly enough I can say this is when body image issues started to control my life. I breastfed him for 23 months, I was happy with my breasts at that time, but once he was weaned they seemed to sag more than ever, COMPLETELY deflated! I had 3 c sections so I have the dreaded apron. I had lost all of that weight and more when my marriage of 9 years started falling apart, I ate away my depression and got up to my all time high of 183. I decided I had to do something and started eating better and hitting the gym and got down to 145, I felt great as far as losing weight but the more I lost the more EVERYTHING sagged! My husband and I got divorced and I reconnected with my first love and we have now been married almost 2 years. I wish I could say that all of the sweet and loving things he tells me about my body just clicked and I could believe him, but it’s hard for me to even begin to think that my body is something desirable. It’s an ongoing struggle I still fight with every day. I’ve gotten down to 135 and hope to get down to 120 sometime soon. This site has helped tremendously and all of your ladies are beautiful! Thanks for reading!

Mom of 4 Awesome Kids (Felicia)

Hi. My name is Felicia and Im a 34 year old mom of 4 awesome kids. I’ve been pregnant 5 times but lost one baby at 14 weeks. My kids are 15,13,10 and 7 years old. I got married when I was 18 and had my oldest daughter exactly 1 year later. I made it thru 8 months of pregnancy before the stretch marks showed up. My breasts were a small B before pregnancy with her and after they were HUGE. I dont think my body knew what it was doing because my DD no longer fit after my milk came in. After I had her, I lost all the weight within 6 weeks. But that was too fast, so I was left with severely deflated breasts and sagging skin and stretch marks everywhere. (belly, thighs, breasts, legs etc) With my other pregnancies, nothing got worse, so to say, until I had my first boy. He ended up being an emergency c-section. They did a “bikini cut” but that still goes from hip to hip. It took about a year to tighten the skin that flopped over my scar. My second boy was a planned section but came a month early so he too became an emergency. They cut in basically the same spot. I was 120lbs when I got pregnant for him and by delivery I was 182. He was not a small baby. Even at a full month early, he weighed 8lbs and was 21 1/2 inches long. No wonder I was so big! Anyway, after my section I had a HUGE flop of skin that hung way down low over my scar. I hoped Id be able to tighten it up but 7 years later its still here and not going anywhere. My breasts are totally flat and small, my skin is wrinkled and marked. Im not comfortable in my own skin.
Im not with my kid’s fathers(my girls are from my first marriage and boys are from a horrible 7 year relationship thats not worth mentioning). My current husband and I have no kids together because I had my tubes tied after my last son. My husband always made me feel wanted. Always told me I was beautiful and sexy. I was never comfortable enough with myself to be totally nude in front of him. I dont feel attractive at all. Recently, I found out that he’d been looking at pics of nude women online. The perfect ones that are like 20 with no marks and everything in its place and that made me feel even worse. I literally hate myself at this point. I was online searching self esteem issues and things like “I hate my body” and “stretch marks” and I found this site and I was drawn to it right away. To see there are others who struggle with post baby bodies like I do, gave me some comfort. But it hurts too because I was reading stories and looking at pics and I never once saw anything that was unattractive. You’re all beautiful. I just wish I could get over my own issues and see myself like I see the rest of you. Im including some pics. I cant believe Im doing this. Thank you for reading my story.

This is Me (Anonymous)

Age: 25
Number of pregnancies/births: 1
Child’s age: 5

I’ve been debating a submission to SOAM for a long time. What vulnerability! I’m no longer a new mother, but the message of this site is very deeply important to me.

I got pregnant at 19- our heads in the clouds, neither of us having anything to our names but hopeless romanticism. He moved in with my mom and I, and we carried on in our little haven above the garage.

My pregnancy was a dream. Aside from a little sciatica and heartburn, I was generally comfortable and happy, somehow avoiding stretchmarks until at least 8 months, wearing heels to work up to the week of my due date. I felt like I could take on the world- my body was made for carrying this baby. Before getting pregnant, I’d always been bigger than my peers, picked on, and though I never agreed, the doctors termed me “obese” from puberty on; I was built like a woman from the gate (like a “brick shithouse,” if you’d have asked my lover. haha) Pregnant, I ate well, but was sedentary, and so gained above what they recommend- at least enough to warrant a talking-to from my midwife.

Our birth was everything I could have wanted. I went into sudden fast labor at one o’clock the morning after my due date, contractions strong and close. We drove an hour to the birthing center, where I labored in a warm bath, both of us sleepless and exhausted, squeezing hands over the lip of the tub, and falling asleep between every contraction. Our daughter was born 7 hours later, came tumbling limp like a bag of blood and bones, all wide eyed and peaceful. We slept and fed and showered, went home and slept as a family some more.

I was in complete awe of what my body had done, but it was also a very strange thing to me for awhile after. It felt like all my guts just fell into the empty space my baby left, in some heavy bulging jumble, and it was hard to even breathe. It felt foreign. But I breastfed, I healed fast, and everything went back to relative normalcy, just bigger and squishier than before- angry stretchmarks (which have since faded to white,) enormous breasts which fluctuated erratically with breastfeeding.

We bought a house when our daughter was a year old, and she weaned herself around 18 months. I remained inactive, my boyfriend and I ate very badly, and I struggled with some medical problems, including extreme energy deficiency to the point of daily tears, unable to find answers. I was a miserable person, who was literally sleeping her life away. The number on the scale crept slowly up over the next couple of years, 180 being my heaviest.

So I made some major changes. I switched my diet to the extreme, which helped my energy enormously. Then, my boyfriend got involved with martial arts. He eventually convinced me to join him, and a fire was sparked. I had energy. I was learning, and passionate, and had confidence, and was getting strong and leaning out in the process. I’ve been there for almost 3 years now, eventually joining their fitness program too- I am mentally a completely different person, and in the search for a healthy mind, my body was also transformed. I have such fire for health that I can’t wait to share with my daughter as her own little body and brain grow and change. I’ve learned to love myself wholly- the muscles I’ve developed, skin problems, stretch marks, thunderous thighs, strong arms, deflated breasts and all. This is me- a mother, and what my postpartum body has settled into.

Please excuse my disheveled bedroom- this is also me, a messy mother ;)

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Facing Forty (Anonymous)

Age: 39
Children: 2, ages 10 and 5

I have had a love/hate relationship with my body for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a fairly volatile home – my bio dad passed away when I was very young and my mother remarried when I was six. My step dad and I always had a tenuous relationship – we fought a lot and he was quite verbally abusive – physical as well. I grew up hearing about how ugly, stupid, rotten, ungrateful and horrible I was. I believed every word. As I got older, I felt out of control and unloved in my own home. However, I learned early on that I could control one thing – my food and my body. I became obsessed with staying thin. I am a small person (only 5’2″) and have never thought I was thin (or good) enough. When I was in junior high I started dieting (though to be honest I remember watching my weight as early as 4th grade) and by high school I pretty much stopped eating. I would subsist on gum. I realized that I was only hungry if I actually ATE something – so I avoided food and tried to make it on as little as possible. I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder per se – but then again no one really knew the extent that I was avoiding food. On the flip side – when I finally did eat – I would binge. Entire boxes of cookies, or bags of candy – falling into a cycle of fast food and junk. Eventually I would begin to gain weight and I would start the process all over again. When I reached college age and moved out of the unhealthy environment of my parent’s home – I started to eat A LOT and gained quite a bit more then the freshman fifteen. I was traumatized and decided things were going to be different. So I cut back on the junk and began to exercise. Exercising changed my life. Unfortunately, I become obsessed with that too. If I thought I was going to miss an day of exercise I would become depressed. I restricted my food and increased my exercise. I was very thin – but it was never thin enough. I followed this pattern well into my twenties. Then I got pregnant. I gained quite a bit of weight quickly only to miscarry around 9 weeks. I was devastated – the loss of the pregnancy coupled with the weight gain completely set me off. I spent several weeks working out like crazy and eating little to regain control. I then got pregnant for a second time about 3 months later – and this one stuck. I gained almost 50 pounds with my son and it took me many many months to lose it. As soon as I could I started exercising again and making terrible food choices – lots of junk with salt and sugar. I finally lost the weight and got back to my pre-baby size – I felt really good about myself. While I was never able to truly kick my food/exercise cycle I was able to go about my life without constantly worrying about my appearance and what others thought. Five years later I had my second child and went through the same process as the first. I returned to the gym and took my first exercise class when my daughter was exactly 8 weeks old. I only felt in control at the gym – the rest of my life was a disaster with two kiddos, a husband that worked constantly and a touch of postpartum depression. Despite all of this, I quickly lost the 40lbs I gained with my daughter. I was so proud to put on my bikini that summer (i was 35) and show that I still had it. That was until I received an email from a girlfriend that said “women our age shouldn’t wear bikini’s – they look good on NO ONE.” I was immediately chastened and from that moment on never wore a bikini again. It was like someone had taken every insecurity I had and put it on display for the world to see. “I am fat, ugly and have been making a fool out of myself at the pool for the past 5 years.”

I wish I could say I walked away from that email and followed my own path – but I didn’t. I actually lost hope – stopped exercising – and decided she was right. I was old, fat and ugly – why bother. I gained 10lbs (which is a lot when you are short) and just felt discouraged. I spent a summer lounging at the pool in my tankini wishing I hadn’t spent the 10 years prior looking a fool in my bikini. However, this was not me. I went back to the gym, got healthy and lost the extra 10lbs and a few more. I felt better about myself. I felt almost (which is huge) in control of my eating and exercise. I felt like I could be thin, be healthy and NOT be obsessed. I will be 40 in July and feel like I am finally reaching a place where food and exercise do not control me. Don’t get me wrong – I still work out 5 times a week and watch what I eat – but I don’t let those things run my life. If I miss an exercise class or eat too much food I don’t spend days obsessing over it – I move on and realize that tomorrow is another day to make better choices. I recently traveled to Mexico with my family to celebrate some big milestones – my upcoming 40th birthday included. I felt happy and at ease with myself and my body – and purchased a new bikini for the trip. Maybe my girlfriend was right – and a women of my age shouldn’t be showing what two kids and a lifetime of gravity does to a body – but then again – maybe she was wrong. I had my husband take some pics of me just so I could remember what I looked like on this trip – and see the fruits of my labor – the Zumba, the Kickboxing, the Toning – and most importantly to realize that no – I’m not 20 – but I still look pretty darn good. I’m proud of myself – of my body – and the steps I’ve taken along way to minimize my bad choices and not let food or exercise (or really – what anyone else thinks) run my life. So – here I am – in my bikini at almost 40 – ready to share with the world my journey. Thanks for giving me a voice – even if I’m not quite ready to show my face. :-)