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Your First Home (Proudmama)

November 8, 2010

Previous entry here.

I didn’t intend on updating so soon, but something happened that I wanted to share.

First of all I come here regularly because I feel like I’m a part of something when I read your stories. Some of your stories I relate to more than others, some stories make me want to cry because I either want to reach through the computer and hug you or because I can’t believe how beautiful you are, and if you don’t like your body, what would you think of mine…

It’s been a tough couple of months on a lot of different levels and I feel that although I’m still losing weight and inches, it only makes my skin sag and “hang” more. But I do feel healthier so that’s gotta count for something.

But here’s what I wanted to share with you, to reminds all of us of what really matters.

The other day I was sitting on the floor and playing with my daughter (who will already turn 1 year old very soon and is starting to walk) and I found myself wanting to cry at the sight of the roll of belly fat hanging in front of me. I was pinching the skin and moving it around distractingly. My daughter walked over and kneeled down next to me and put her little hand on my belly and she pat it lovingly. I looked up into those big blue eyes and that big gap toothed grin of hers and I did find myself crying, but not of sadness. I couldn’t believe that almost a year ago, this little girl was resting inside of me, kicking her little heels eager to come out. And now there she was, walking and smiling and caressing my belly from the outside.

That night I opened the baby book that I’d been too busy to pay attention to and found the section titled Your First Home. There I pasted three pictures, one of before I got pregnant, one of my big pregnant belly and the third one of my belly in its current state, and underneath I started writing:

“The first picture is of Your First Home before you moved in. It’s like a brand new house with new furniture that still has the paint and new carpet smell. Sure it looks good but you’re afraid to touch anything for fear of breaking something and it doesn’t feel like you home.

The second picture represents all those years you spent in that house, molding it to your liking making changes, building memories. Sometimes it gets cluttered and messy and crowded and it might have lost that brand new house appeal but it smells homely and it’s comforting.

That last picture is like a beloved house after you’ve decided to move out because it doesn’t suit your needs anymore. You say goodbye to it with a heavy heart but you know that you need to move on. Who knows, it might just suit somebody else one day. Before you leave though, you take a good look at it. A brand new house it isn’t anymore. The paint is chipping, the carpets are dirty. To a casual by-stander it might not look that great, but you know better. That house is beautiful to you because it has been lived in. Laughter has echoed in its wall, maybe some tears have been shed too, but mostly it’s Love that you can feel in its foundation.

My dear daughter, when I look at this belly that was you very first home, I smile. Every line, every wrinkle, every mark is there because you decided to choose me to be your mommy. Maybe one day I will give you a brother or a sister and they too will leave their own personal story on my belly. And I hope that one day, if you so desire, you will be blessed with a baby of your own and that you too will have the privilege of becoming someone’s First Home.”

Your bellies might be scared, deformed and wrinkled but they were your precious children’s first home and that’s something to be thankful for. It doesn’t make everything better I know, but it puts things in perspective.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

Peace to you and yours

~Proudmama

Pictures are 11.5 months postpartum.

Updated here and here.

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23 Responses to “Your First Home (Proudmama)”

  1. Kerry Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 9:14 am

    So beautiful! You can be sure I am going to quote this many times. You have a great body and you’re daughter agrees. I know I love when my son blows raspberries on my tummy or just pats. It makes every wrinkle and line disappear. :)

  2. Colleen Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 9:58 am

    I love it :) You are a wise woman, thank you for sharing.

  3. Anna Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 10:12 am

    That brought tears to my eyes, all i could imagine was my baby girl already getting so big and how glad I am I carried her in my belly too. Thanks for this post!

  4. Tiphanie Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 10:20 am

    That was beautiful,, thank you!!!

  5. Shannon Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 10:40 am

    I love what you wrote your daughter! So beautiful, and you are beautiful.

  6. Amy Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 11:04 am

    What a beautiful perspective! Thank you so much for sharing this.

  7. Shannon Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 11:30 am

    I absolutley love this! What a beautiful, well written story for your little daughter to read one day. She is going to grow up to be a very strong, confident woman and a great mother I am sure! I’ve never been upset about my postpartum body because I know that without I wouldn’t have the little miracle who is sleeping in my lap at this very moment. We mothers are amazing at what we endure. Never change that attitude… you are beautiful!

  8. CiCi Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Wow! What an amazing story, and I love your description of her home! She is one lucky little girl, just like you’re one lucky Momma. I used to cry everytime I saw my stretch marks, but my fiance swears that he loves my stomach even more because it carried his child, and says they make me that much more unique. Now, the stretch marks don’t bother me at at all. I do want to lose weight, but I want to do it for my son. I want to be able to run in the park with him, not watch him on the side.

  9. lisa Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    i wish every mother in the world could read this. you came up with the perfect analogy and wrote it beautifully! thank you so much!

  10. sara Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Wow, I’ve never cried so hard from reading a post! What an amazing and beautifully written love story. A love story for our children, for their first homes, and a love story for ourselves. Your post really put things into perspective for me and for that, I thank you! I hope many more mothers can read your love story and be inspired by your wisom. You are beautiful in every sense and you have helped me to begin my own healing, and to start shedding these insecurities I’ve lugged around for so long! We are mothers, and we are beautiful! :)

  11. Michelle Says:
    November 9th, 2010 at 12:49 am

    This is so wonderful and beautifully written; I just wish all new mothers could see it this way. You are simply an amazing person.

  12. Proudmama Says:
    November 9th, 2010 at 5:53 am

    I came here to see if my entry had been posted and I find myself overwhelmed by your comments. To think I wasn’t going to post this because I thought, “who cares?” and who needs to see my wrinkled belly one more time. But I did it because I just knew it had to resonate with some people. We’re now trying to get pregnant again and I can honestly say that I’m excited to think that this womb will(hopefully) be someone’s else home, regardless of what my body might look after.
    If this entry was able to help you in any way or maybe just remind you of what you’ve accomplished in bringing a life into this world, it makes me so happy and blessed to have had the privilege to share with you.
    Peace to you beautiful ladies!:)

  13. Amy Says:
    November 9th, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    That was so beautiful. You warmed my heart and made my cheeks glisten with tears. just beautiful

  14. Mariah Says:
    November 9th, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this. It brought tears to my eyes. It was possibly the best thing I could have heard from another momma right now. So many of my female friends -while they encourage me, and tell me how great I look- they aren’t mothers themselves.

    The only mother I have a close friendship with right now has 3 children, and not a single mark on her body. She just shrugs at me when she knows I’m feeling down about the shape I’ve got. Her body never changed.

    I’ve struggled for a long time with trying to get my belly back under control, and it’s been a very long uphill road -and I haven’t managed to make very much progress. I think about it most of my waking hours, too. I love my son so much, but I am absolutely not comfortable with how my body looks anymore.

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. To you, to everyone here brave enough to post, and to be part of this community, and to all the beautiful mothers out there!!!

  15. renee Says:
    November 14th, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    That was beautiful – it made me cry! You look gorg – you have fantastic breasts, so perky!! Go you for having that refrshing & positive perspective on things that we don’t feel so well… positive about!!

  16. Deb Says:
    November 16th, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    I cried big tears reading your story. Cos I go through exactly the same as you every day. Daily I find myself looking at my roll of sag. and then often my baby boy does the same to me. He loves to pat it and roll it in his tiny fingers. I just never felt good about it, but reading yours maybe I can look at it differently. love your pics. You do have lovely breasts, and good upper arms. fit. Thank you for sharing. x

  17. Mo Says:
    November 26th, 2010 at 11:47 am

    OMGosh! I love this!!! What a beautiful perspective! :)

    Hugs!

  18. Diane Says:
    November 30th, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    This story is amazing.. I cried and I smiled! I love what you did for Your first home! I loved that an made me feel proud for my stretch marks an seeing the true beauty.

  19. Jacy Says:
    December 22nd, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Beautiful! This gave me a new way of looking at it…thank you for sharing!

  20. KJ Says:
    December 30th, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    What a beautiful sentiment! I sometimes feel so fat when my toddler son pinches my belly (usually when I’m kind of slouching just post nursing, so I look/feel even flabbier!). But then I realize that he feels ownership over my stomach, breasts, even my collarbone and face. He came from me, he knows it, and gets comfort from that. He’ll even sometimes run up to me and pat my “private area” if I just got out of the shower and am getting dressed. It’s a little weird, but I tell him that he came out of that part of Mommy’s body. Somehow he always looks up at me with a grin, like, “Yeah, Mommy, I knew that!” It’s cute. It was his first home. What a great reminder.

  21. Jenny W Says:
    January 21st, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Hey thank you for your lovely post, and posting on my submission. You are right though, our bellies are our babies first home. And when you look at it like that, it doesnt sound quite so bad. And every mark and wrinkle are most definately worth our babies.

  22. Robyn Says:
    January 28th, 2011 at 9:09 am

    ill admit, i teared up. I have such similar feelings, thanks for sharing!

  23. L Says:
    February 14th, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Thanks 4 sharing!! It is beautiful to think of our bellies as their first homes. . Even though I know it subconsciously it makes me very proud of what I have accomplished my belly being first home to two beautiful lil ones. Good luck on your next baby!

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