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Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now (Kayla)

May 11, 2011

Number of pregnancies and births: 1
3 weeks pp- 2 weeks pp in photos.

I am 21 years old and had a baby 3 weeks ago today. I have always had issues with my body. I was anorexic in middle school and part of high school. Now looking back…I can’t figure out why! How crazy was I? I thought I was fat??? I weighed 130 lbs and was pretty toned. My skin was tight; I had very little stretch marks. Who cares that my boobs were small and one was bigger than the other? I would do almost anything to have that body back. My daughter is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me…but I still can’t shake this sadness that I feel for losing my youthful look. Now I am all motherly and I don’t like it. The most depressing thing about it is, I am so young…21…Isn’t this when I am supposed to look my best? Now I have stretch marks under my belly button, on my hips, and my breasts are saggy, nipples are bigger and darker and they are covered in stretch marks. I still have that linea negra that I am worried will never go away… My husband says he doesn’t care and that he actually loves me more and finds me more attractive. He loved the experience of watching the birth. I had a VERY hard labor and delivery and the nurses didn’t think I would deliver her vaginally. But I did! I pushed as hard as I could and got her out. Actually saved her life I pushed so hard. The doctor wasn’t there and her heart rate dropped very low because the cord was wrapped around her neck. So, while I have this inner confidence that can’t be broken, my confidence in my body is at an all time low. I’m hoping it doesn’t affect my relationship with my husband because he is so wonderful. This website is amazing and has made me break down and cry so many times. I thought maybe I should contribute…not feeling so great about it…I feel like I have to though…maybe it will be empowering? Uplifting? Possibly make someone else feel better because they are not alone? My body is COMPLETELY different than it used to be. I was going to post a picture of my before/after breasts…but I just can’t do that yet. I don’t even want to look at them much less take a picture.

Photo 1- Me pre-pregnancy
Photo 2&3- 2 weeks pp
Photo 4- one of my favorites of my daughter curled up on my chest. With unmatching socks!

Updated here and here.

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13 Responses to “Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now (Kayla)”

  1. Mina Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 8:29 am

    I understand what you are feeling…but please be gentle with yourself and realize that 3 weeks postpartum is hardly any time at all. Your hormones are all over the place (which is affecting how your body looks and feels as well as how you feel about it). Trust that…and please let your body heal, it did something incredible with you in growing your child, give it a break, let it recover before you push yourself.

  2. amber Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 8:48 am

    GIRL you look amazing at 2 weeks pp… just wait your uterus hasnt even shrunk yet… after than the pounds will be easy to shed and you will have that bangin curvy doy back! congrats on the beauty! and i can hardly see any stretch marks, and they will only continue to fade… GL with the confidence i think you look amazing, i WISH my tummy was as smooth as yours and all i needed was weight loss… you can check my post at blessed and tortured. you do look amazing.

  3. Bree Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 9:15 am

    you make sounding motherly like its a bad thing? 21 isnt THAT young, 15 yes 21 not so much your getting up there, why not embrace it, you will find out having kids make times pass by so much faster, enjoy your baby and maybe not worry so much about vanity :0

  4. Stacy Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 9:37 am

    You look beautiful!

  5. shannon Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Are you kidding? You had your baby 2 weeks ago, and you look AMAZING! I know what it is like to feel like you “lost” your body so young. I had my 1st at 20 and 2nd at 23. You really do look so good!!!!!

  6. Dee Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 11:28 am

    First off, let me say that your daughter is absolutely precious. Enjoy her AS MUCH as you can right now because they grow soo fast. It seems like just yesterday when my daughter was that small and she just turned 6 months.

    And secondly, I am very glad you posted. I found this site not long ago and it has done wonders for me. I’m not sure what’s so compelling about it- whether it’s seeing other women going through the same thing as me (I’m a teen mom, so none of my friends are having kids yet) or the fact that I can see real women showing off their bodies to the world, not some airbrushed model.

    As I was reading your story I was expecting some pretty terrible postpartum pictures, but I should’ve known that we are all our own worst critics. From the pictures I can’t see any stretchmarks, so yours must be white already. Mine were pink at 2 weeks pp, but they’ve faded to white. The linea negra does go away. I did some research and found that out at http://www.easybabylife.com/post-pregnancy-body.html. Mine is barely visible now.

    You look fabulous for 2 weeks pp! Your uterus isn’t even back to it’s normal size yet. Your body will continue to change for another month or so and after that working out will definitely get your body looking close, at least, to your pre-pregnancy body. We really are lucky. I had my navel pierced and now that sags, but other than that I don’t have a bunch of extra skin hanging and it doesn’t look like you do either. Extra fat can be worked off, but sagging skin is a lot harder to get rid of without surgery.

    Sorry for the long comment, I felt the need to say everything I did. Keep your spirits up and try to stay positive. Your body accomplished so much in the past year. Be proud of it.<3

  7. angels mom Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 11:45 am

    i think you look great for 3 week pp imagine what you will look like when your baby turns four mnths diet and excercise and you will be okay you look wonderful

  8. Monica Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Hey Kayla,

    I personally think you look great post-partum! You’re only 3 weeks pp, and things will only get better from here! The stretch marks will fade, and you’ll continue to lose weight. Even if nothing changes for you from here on, you still look really good! :)

  9. Vega Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Your daughter is such a little cutie!

    And YOU–oh my gosh, you’re only three weeks post partum! You look beautiful NOW, and your body will only continue to change over the course of your baby’s first year! It’s so hard to believe at first, once you’re missing your big, full, pregnant tummy–things just seem weird at first. But listen to people who tell you “nine months to gain, nine months to lose.”

    I remember I almost gave away my pre-pregnancy jeans when I was about two months post partum–I just couldn’t conceive of ever fitting into them again. I couldn’t even get them up past my thighs! Then slowly, surely… things spring back. And here I sit, in my old jeans, four pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

    The first year will go by so fast–just focus on your daughter, being healthy in mind and body, and trust that your body will settle out.

  10. Betsy Davis Says:
    May 11th, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Huh you look amazing. Way better then I did at 3 weeks pp. Trust me when I say the road to getting your body back the way you want it and to where you can love it isn’t short but you will get there. Hang in there hun. I know what your going through I felt the same way after my daughter and still do especially now that I’m 27 weeks pregnant with number two. I don’t even like looking at my self but I know this is only a temporary feeling and how I see myself is not how my daughter and SO see me. One day I will be confident in my body again and so will you.

  11. Lyndsay Says:
    May 18th, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I know EXACTLY how you feel! I also had a really hot, tight body that I feel robbed of. I also had my daughter young, at 16 years old, and hate looking at my stomach. YOU look great!! I would love to have your post-baby belly! The more weight I lose, the worse my stomach looks.
    Plus, its still so soon! I was traumatized after seeing my stomach only a few weeks after birth. It gets better!

  12. Kara Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Hey! Never fear, it gets better!! I had my son when I was 20 (I’m 23 now!) You look great for 3 week PP!

    Things you know….
    If you are formula feeding, exercise when you can (and have the energy). You’ll get your body back soon enough and, though it won’t be what you were used to pre-preg, you’ll eventually get used to your new body and you will love it and have your confidence back! You don’t seem to have much in the way of stretch marks, so good for you! I wasn’t so lucky, though they aren’t bad and are completely invisible now. My older sis, on the other hand, got through her first pregnancy without a single mark!

    When I was feeling a bit low about not having the same body I did before I had my son (I weighed 120 – 125 pre-preg) I began to diet and exercise. I had six meals a day, with a daily meal plan exactly like the following:
    Breakfast @ 6
    One serving oatmeal (try something with a fruit and cream title on the box!)
    One egg, scrambled.
    Bottle of water (throughout the morning)

    Meals @ 8, 10, 12, 2, 4
    3 oz. grilled, lightly seasoned chicken breast
    1/2 cup rice (try butter spray on it!)
    Bottle of water

    Feel free to add other healthy items to your meals, like roasted unsalted nuts, apple slices, grilled veggies with butter spray, and etc! You can google what is healthy and what isn’t!

    Have a cup of cottage cheese at 6. If you are hungry, try another 1/2 cup of cottage cheese before bed.

    If you workout, wait to do so until 30 minutes after you eat!

    Your workout doesn’t have to be insane. Each time you go in, do at least 30 minutes or more of cardio on a bike, treadmill, elliptical, etc. Target different body parts with each session (such as cardio and calves day, abs and arms, back and bum, etc.)

    After you workout, treat yourself to a serving of chocolate milk! It has the right balance of protein and fat to help your body recover from the workout and build muscle.

    I lost 7 lbs in the first week. Yeah, it gets boring, but I felt healthier and ended up at 115 while being more lax on the diet. :)

    You can do that diet 6 days a week and eat whatever you want on the 7th. It makes eating a big, juicy burger and fries a lot more satisfying. I always got a big milkshake to go with it!!!

    I hope you don’t think I’m telling you you aren’t beautiful… I identify with you totally. When I was pregnant, I never ever considered my body after baby because I was so focused on just having him! You are luckier than many women and you will get back to loving your body soon enough!

  13. Sarah Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 8:09 am

    As much as I wish I could tell you what everyone else says (you’re only so many weeks pp, no worries it’ll all get better)…. i cant. I’ve now watched myself and two other 18 year old moms go through the stages of pp, and i can say for certain that none of us will ever be back to how we were. I personally got rid of all the mirror in my room because i find myself crying everytime i got dressed, and i’m already a month and a half pp…. my dear friend amanda is 5 months pp and is at about the same stage in weight loss as i am, and the same goes for my other friend who is almost a year pp now.

    Our boobs are saggy, our stomachs will never be as tight as they once were, and our hips will look strangely disproportionate to the rest of us…. but as a mom its our duty to suck it up and say our kids are worth it…

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